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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28659846">Overhead the Albatross</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderously/pseuds/wonderously'>wonderously</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stardew Valley (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Mental Health Issues, Past Abuse, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 03:55:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>90,436</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28659846</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderously/pseuds/wonderously</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Katerina thought she has lived long enough to know all there is to know about figuring people out. But when the reclusive son of a disgraced  household name storms into her life, she finds that life is much more complicated than she once thought, and that recovery is anything but linear.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Shane/Female Player (Stardew Valley)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fic owes its existence to three things:<br/>1) my dear friend Olivia<br/>2) my own messed up brain<br/>3) the song "Echoes" by Pink Floyd</p><p>The characters are based loosely on the characters from Stardew Valley, but they and everything around them has grown into its own little world (espcially Shane).</p><p>It's going to be a long ride - my several page long outline can attest to that. Any possible triggers will be in the tags and I will update them as more chapters come if needed.</p><p>Thank you for reading:)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Katerina’s eyes squinted as they met the harsh afternoon light thrown off by the sun starting its descent toward the horizon. Blinded, she stepped forward and subsequently found her foot squishing into a patch of mud. She sighed. Ambling through the acres of overgrown land that was suddenly her’s, her feet had become well acquainted with the wet dirt. </p><p> </p><p><em> So much for keeping these new running shoes white </em>, she thought. She’d have to invest in some hefty boots sooner rather than later.</p><p> </p><p>Ahead, the brush appeared to thin out in anticipation of a shoreline, and Katerina quickened her step. “Come on, Caramel,” she called, and lmost as if understanding her words, a small orange cat appeared from behind a fallen log and meowed. Obedient little creature Caramel was, for being a cat.</p><p> </p><p>Katerina smiled at her shadow and reached down to lift the cat up. It came easily, scrambling up onto the woman’s shoulder. “You’re a diva queen, you know that?” she asked. “You’re a city rat through and through. Can’t even handle a bit of mud.” Caramel purred in response.</p><p> </p><p>Smiling fondly at the cat now perched like a bird atop her shoulder, Katerina pushed through the last bit of undergrowth and emerged on the shore of a large pond. A ragged-looking bench sat down amongst the rocks, water lapping only feet away. It looked lonely and old and neglected, but Katerina grinned when she spotted it. That very bench had been the home of countless play-pretend games when she was a child, often serving as the meeting point between she and her brother, who had imagined themselves as rulers of warring kingdoms. Sweet memories, and depressingly oh so distant.</p><p> </p><p>Katerina took a seat on the bench. As she did so, Caramel leapt down from her perch and curled up on the bench beside her. “Lazy little thing,” Katerina laughed. Her right hand brushed over Caramel’s soft fur as her left pulled a crumpled paper from the back of her jean pocket. She smoothed it out atop her thighs and let her eyes drift over the words as if reading, though she knew them all by heart.</p><p> </p><p><em> My dearest Katerina </em> , it started in the beautiful looping cursive of her grandfather. <em> If you’re reading this, you must be in dire need of a change. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> The same thing happened to me, long ago. I’d lost sight of what mattered most in life - real connections with other people and nature. So I dropped everything and moved to the place I truly belong. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’ve enclosed the deed to that place, my pride and joy: Two Rivers Farm. Some of my most cherished memories here are of you and your brother running around this valley as children. I hope those memories are as beloved to you. It’s the perfect place to start your new life. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> This was my most precious gift of all, and now it’s yours. I know that you’ll honor the family name, my dear. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Love, Grandpa </em>
</p><p>
  <em>P.S. I would like to come visit you and your brother in the city this winter. It’s been far too long since you’ve visited Pelican Town and an old man misses his grandchildren.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Katerina’s chest clenched with grief and guilt as she looked away from the letter. Her grandfather had never gotten the chance to visit Katerina and her twin brother as he had suggested, passing away in his sleep not two weeks ago. Before the letter had even found its way into their mailbox. The death had been sudden for everyone in the family, but Katerina supposed her grandfather had felt the pull of eternal slumber coming for him.</p><p> </p><p>Blinking her eyes and clearing her throat to ward off approaching tears, Katerina stuffed the letter back into her pocket and sighed. He had been right - Katerina loved this farm, this valley, and all its little quirks. But that had been when she was a girl, when her only duty had been caring for the window garden of herbs that flourished with a meager weekly watering. The Two Rivers Farm she had known had been one of leisure and play, not of the hard work her grandfather had put into its upkeep. Did she have the skill, the drive, to run a farm half a well as he had been able to?</p><p> </p><p>Her grandfather seemed to think so, but Katerina was doubtful. Since graduating from university, she had grown accustomed to her cushy office job. Sure, she was active, loved to run, but running was much different than slaving away in a field for hours, day on end. There would be no weekends, really, nor the excuse to neglect a day due to poor weather. Running could afford a day off, farming could not.</p><p> </p><p>And yet, in her heart, Katerina also recalled the way that she would bound her way into the kitchen on those lazy summer mornings to inspect her herbs. To pluck dying leaves from the stems and whisper encouraging words when she thought no one could hear her. She knew, by watching her grandfather’s proud eyes when local store owners came to pick up boxes of his produce, the satisfaction of seeing hours of hard labor come to fruition. And she knew that she would do what he asked of her. She loved this land as dearly as he had suggested, and she loved him even more. It had been her grandfather’s dying wish that Katerina would take over his farm, and she intended to fulfill that wish.</p><p> </p><p>And so with a deep sigh and another tap on her cat to wake her up, Katerina stood and began making her way back toward the farmhouse. That, at least, had been well cared for even as the land around it was left to retreat back into nature’s grasp. She opened the door to let Caramel inside to explore her new home and grabbed the keys to her grandfather’s pickup truck. They hung by the door, as they had for as long as she could remember.</p><p> </p><p>Ten minutes later found her rumbling down a dirt road in the beat up truck, turning onto pavement that surely must lead to town. Her hunch had been right, and soon enough quaint little buildings began to appear around her, forming - in conjunction with carefully kept front lawns - a picturesque shoreside town. Tendrils of wind danced around quivering leaves, and the sun filtered down like a hazy glow, and Katerina thought this was a scene that painters could easily romanticize. She didn’t know what her destination was, but when a sign announcing a general store came up on her left, she pulled into its lot. Seemed good enough a place to start.</p><p> </p><p>It was nestled between what appeared to be a medical clinic and a row of residential buildings. Down the road, a woman with silver hair bent over a wicker basket, pulling out laundry to hang on the line. Katerina smiled at the charming scene before entering the store. She was greeted by a bell jingling and the scent of citrus, wafting from where a purple-haired woman was carefully piling oranges onto a display rack.</p><p> </p><p>“Well hello there,” the woman said. “You’re new.”</p><p> </p><p>Katerina raised her eyebrows. Of course a small town would be nothing like the city, but the speed with which Katerina was labelled an outsider surprised her. Back in the city it was more unusual to visit a place enough that the workers knew your name and your face, not to enter a store and immediately be flagged as new.</p><p> </p><p>“I am,” she responded after recovering from her moment of surprise. “My grandfather owned the farm up the road - uh, Two Rivers?”</p><p> </p><p>The purple-haired woman’s eyes light with recognition. “Oh! Yes, I’m so sorry for your loss. Mr. Hann was a wonderful man.” Katerina nodded, but before she could reply the woman spoke again. “I’m Abigail, by the way. My dad owns this place.” She gestured out the window toward the sign that had caught Katerina’s eye in the first place, the one reading in bright red letters <em> Pierre’s General Store </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m Katerina. It’s nice to meet you - I’m sure we’ll get to know each other.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, yeah? So you’re here to stay?”</p><p> </p><p>“I suppose so. My grandfather left me his farm after his passing and I’ve decided to take it up.” Plain and simple. No mention of the envelope that held Grandpa’s letter which had read <em> When you need a sign </em>. No mention of the fact that Katerina had resigned the day she received it. She shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>Abigail grinned as she set the final orange atop the precarious pyramid she’d created. “I’m glad to hear that. I really am. If you have half as much charm as your grandfather had, folks will love you, and it seems like you do.”</p><p> </p><p>Katerina ducked her head, feeling a blush creeping up over her cheeks. “I sure hope so.”</p><p> </p><p>She looked around the store, taking it all in for the first time. Several other varieties of fruit laid stacked identical to the oranges on different display shelves, as well as what looked to be some type of summer squash. Medicine bottles lined the far wall of the store, organized as immaculately as the produce. Katerina supposed that Abigail must have had years to perfect it if she had grown up working here. Along the other walls were displayed everything from candy to plant fertilizer to windshield fluid. Truly a general store. A renaissance store, if you will.</p><p> </p><p>Katerina approached one of the pyramids of fruit and plucked the apple from the top. “Homegrown?” she asked.</p><p> </p><p>“You got it,” Abigail said with a smile. “Your grandfather’s produce was the best, of course, but Miss Anderson runs a lovely orchard alongside her ranch.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah.” Katerina tossed the apple in the air and caught it. “So I see I’ve got competition.”</p><p> </p><p>When the woman laughed at that Katerina found it was quite endearing, her nose scrunching up and hand coming to cover her mouth. Katerina wanted to laugh herself watching it. “Or an ally. I suppose it depends how you play your cards.”</p><p> </p><p>Katerina nodded her head in acknowledgement, then raised the apple in her hand. “How much do I owe you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Take it, call it my family’s welcoming gift to you. Plus I’m too lazy to go open up the register.”</p><p> </p><p>Katerina smiled. “Fair enough. And thank you, really.” She crunched into the apple and was happy to find it tasted just as sweet as the apples her grandfather used to give her as a treat after a hard day of play-pretend. Wiping the juice that had dripped down onto her chin, Katerina spoke again. “Have any suggestions of what to check out? Any people to get to know for my business ventures? Hot spots for people our age to do around here?”</p><p> </p><p>Abigail raised her eyebrows as she retreated a few steps further into the store to grab a broom leaning against the wall. “Fun? People our age? Can’t say I know what you’re talking about.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, it can’t be that bad.” Could it? The valley had been nothing but magical wonder not a decade ago.</p><p> </p><p>“I guess it’s not as bad as I make it seem,” Abigail shrugged. “It can be boring, but we like to make our own fun. My friends and I usually grab some drinks at the saloon just across the street on Friday nights. You should come, they’d love to meet a new face.” The woman’s eyes twinkled as they looked up to meet Katerina’s. “A pretty one, at that.”</p><p> </p><p>Another blush crept up over Katerina’s face as she let out a self-conscious laugh. Curse her pale skin and its betrayal of her embarrassment. Hopefully a year of laboring out in the sun would cure her of this wretched disease. “I’d love to. What time?”</p><p> </p><p>“Eight or so.”</p><p> </p><p>“Looking forward to it. Thank you for the invite.” Katerina turned to leave, pausing only when she heard Abigail call her name.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Katerina? Welcome to Pelican Town.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Back when Katerina moved away for college, she had picked up a thirst for adventure and a tight schedule that left her with all too little time to explore. It just so happened that running had been the fastest method to get to see all there was to see around her, and so it became a habit that when Katerina found herself wanting to explore, she laced up her running shoes.</p><p> </p><p>That’s exactly how, a few mornings later, Katerina found herself running down the same dirt road that led into town. She had left her earbuds back at the farmhouse, opting instead to listen to the sounds of the valley awakening. Birds calling shrill tunes to one another, distant water gurling, insects making their way lazily to breakfast at the wildflowers, their wings sending audible vibrations through the air. Not a sound of another human to be found, and Katerina couldn’t say she missed it.</p><p> </p><p>That was, until she made her way further into town. An engine turned somewhere nearby and as she ran by a well kept-looking rowhouse, a kitchen pot clanged from inside.</p><p> </p><p>Katerina breathed deeply and smiled. Maybe it was the adrenaline entering her bloodstream, but while running she had always found herself falling in love with places that had seemed only ordinary at a walking pace. Falling in love with people, sometimes, if only strangers.</p><p> </p><p>As she ran past the general store, she swung her head to look for Abigail, but the store was dim. It was early, after all, but Katerina still found herself a bit sad to have no one to talk to. Further down the road, she spotted the same silver-haired woman that had been putting out laundry yesterday. Aha. Her next victim.</p><p> </p><p>As Katerina slowed to a halt where the woman was knelt digging in a flowerbed, she raised her head to meet Katerina’s eyes and smiled. “Good morning. You’re a new face.”</p><p> </p><p>“Indeed.” Katerina extended her hand for a shake when the woman rose to stand. “Katerina Hann. My grandfather owned the Two Rivers Farm up the road.”</p><p> </p><p>The woman’s face fell, clearly reminded of what must have been grief. But it stayed for only a moment before she smiled again and gently shook Katerina’s hand. “It’s so wonderful to meet you, dear. My name is Evelyn. Your grandfather was a dear, dear friend to my husband and I.”</p><p> </p><p>“He was a great man,” Katerina agreed. “I just wanted to stop and say hello. Your flowers look lovely.”</p><p> </p><p>Evelyn bashfully waved her hands at the garden. “Oh, they grow like weeds. I like to pretend they need me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, your secret’s safe with me.” Katerina pressed her hand to her chest and nodded with earnest, earning a laugh from the old woman. It was cut short when something behind her caught the woman’s eye and she waved to what must have been another person approaching. Katerina turned, eager to introduce herself to a new name, but whatever words had been brewing died before they left her lips. A man, dead still in the middle of the road, staring at her. Staring at her <em> distastefully </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Katerina snorted inwardly, instantly offended. <em> He looks like he’s smelled roadkill! </em></p><p> </p><p>She suddenly found herself intensely aware of the spandex running shorts hugging her thighs, oversized shirt be damned. On the defensive, she clutched the ends of the shirt as the man looked her once up and down, his eyes moving painfully slow.</p><p> </p><p>Katerina opened her mouth to say something, to <em> object </em> to how he just looked at her like a piece of meat, but before she could form any words his gaze had slid past her.</p><p> </p><p>“Looking youthful as ever, my darling,” he cooed. His voice grated on her ears. “How is George doing this morning? Good? Oh, how wonderful. Yes, I did think to myself when I woke that it is too beautiful a day to be doing poorly.” Unnamed Creep moved forward to enter Evelyn’s front yard, and while he took every care so as to not let he or any part of his emerald green suit brush against Katerina, he avoided even the smallest glance in her direction. As if she was invisible. Her jaw actually <em> dropped </em> looking after him.</p><p> </p><p>He petted Evelyn’s back as if she were an animal he was particularly fond of and leaned down to press a kiss to her cheek. The old woman positively beamed at that, though Katerina could not understand for the life of her. Letting herself be led into the house by Creepo, Evelyn turned almost as if an afterthought, and called to Katerina, “Do come by for lunch sometime, my dear!”</p><p> </p><p>And with that, the pair disappeared through the front door, leaving Katerina gaping on the sidewalk. She could almost feel his eyes still crawling over her body. It hadn’t been lustful, not sexual in nature, but full of judgement all the same. Like he was weighing the worth of her existence by a single glance and had subsequently decided a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of his spotlessly shined shoe deserved more attention than she.</p><p> </p><p>“Who the fuck was <em> that </em>?” she muttered to herself, finally breaking free from her shock. Sure, small towns had their fair share of freaks just as the city, but that had to take the cake as one of her strangest interactions to date. She took off down the road at nearly a sprint, wishing she had brought her earbuds along after all. What she would give to blast some angry screaming music right now.</p><p> </p><p>And if she was exhausted by the time she made it back to the farmhouse, her fast pace fueled by anger and racing thoughts and what she <em> refused </em> to acknowledge as curiosity, well - no one had to know.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>By evening, Katerina was completely and utterly sunburnt. No take backsies. The skin on her shoulders and cheeks was bright pink, tight and hot to the touch. She winced as she eyed her naked body in the mirror outside the bathroom, silently cursing herself for being so foolish.</p><p> </p><p>She really, <em> really </em> did not want to shower. Subjecting herself to the seventh circle of hell seemed more appealing than letting those tiny little bullets of water pelt her burnt skin. But, well, she had things to do. Places to be, people to charm. And charming was, as it happened to be, much easier when you didn’t smell like dirt and body odor.</p><p> </p><p>Katerina nearly howled with pain the whole time she was showering. But, standing in front of the mirror eyeing her refreshed appearance, she decided it had been well worth it. Her dark hair was drying in its neat curls down to where it cut off at her chin and the sundress she had found stuffed at the bottom of a still-not-unpacked suitcase hugged the curve of her waist snugly. And most importantly, her armpits did <em> not </em> smell like sweat. She had to admit that she felt particularly good about herself.</p><p> </p><p>Giving her reflection one last satisfied glance, Katerina turned away and began searching for Caramel. She found the cat huddled beneath the kitchen island, dozing peacefully. Katerina poked her.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, lazy bones.” Caramel mewled, irritated at being disturbed. “Hey! Mommy’s leaving. If I’m not back by midnight...I don’t know, call the cat police or something.” Caramel swatted at her and turned away. Katerina decided that was good enough and headed out the front door. She paused momentarily, considering grabbing the keys which hung on their rightful hook, then decided against it. She was heading to a saloon, after all. And besides, the night was clear and she didn’t mind walking.</p><p> </p><p>What she hadn’t accounted for, however, was that walking was, y’know, exercise, and by the time she strolled through the front door of the saloon, she was desperately wiping sweat from her temples before it had a chance to do any damage.</p><p> </p><p>Not finding a single strand of purple hair in sight, Katerina made her way to the bar. A woman around her age with bright hair as blue as Abigail’s was purple eyed her curiously as she filled a pint from a keg dispenser, but it was a plump middle-aged man who approached her.</p><p> </p><p>“Well hello there to ya.” His voice was warm and cheerful. “Welcome to the Stardrop Saloon. You won’t find a better beer in town.”</p><p> </p><p>Blue Hair snorted. “You <em> can’t </em>find another beer in town.” She shrugged nonchalantly and grinned when the man shot her a glare.</p><p> </p><p>He turned back to Katerina as she was lowering herself painfully onto a barstool (turned out the sunburn had managed to find its way to the back of her thighs, as well). “So what can I get ya? Name’s Gus, by the way, and she’s Emily. You’re new here?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. I’m the new owner of the Two Rivers Farm - my grandfather left it to me when he passed. And I’ll have a pint of your strongest.” Her sunburn <em> was </em> still aching, aloe cream be damned.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah.” Gus nodded while he pulled her a pint, an expression on his face that Katerina might have described as wistful. “This one’s on the house. Good man.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good man,” Katerina agreed before taking a large gulp of the foamy beer - the walk from the farm had been thirsty work. She wasn’t quite halfway done when a hand suddenly clasping her shoulder made her gasp and sputter beer all over the counter, burnt skin screeching. When she turned in her seat, Abigail was wincing apologetically.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m so sorry!”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, it’s alright.” She grimaced, though hoped it came across as a reassuring smile.</p><p> </p><p>Abigail nodded. “Well anyway, these are my friends. Katerina, meet Sam and Sebastian. Boys, this is the new farmer in town.”</p><p> </p><p>The blonde man (Sam?) extended a hand, which Katerina shook. She thought privately that his spiked-up hair looked very crunchy. “Hey, it’s good to meet you. We don’t see a lot of new faces around here.”</p><p> </p><p>“So I’ve heard. I’m happy to be the exhibition of the month.”</p><p> </p><p>All three laughed, although Abigail pushed on Sam’s shoulder like he’d said something wrong.</p><p> </p><p>“We usually play a bit of pool. Would you-?”</p><p> </p><p>Katerina cut her off with a laugh, and all three of them stared at her questioningly. “Oh, sorry. It’s just that I’m a bit shit at pool.”</p><p> </p><p>The man garbed in all black waved his hand. “Don’t worry about it, so are they. Come on, it’ll be fun.”</p><p> </p><p>And so Katerina picked up the remainder of her drink and followed the trio to a side room off of the main bar. Within it sat two brown sofas, a pool table, a vending machine stocked with Joja Cola, some plants, and a jukebox pumping out oldies tunes.</p><p> </p><p>“Team?” Sebastian offered, and Katerina accepted by taking the cue stick from his hand. As Sam made the first move, sending balls flying across the table in every which direction, Katerina’s head stayed on a swivel, drinking in every detail of her surroundings.</p><p> </p><p>“So this is it?” she asked. The saloon looked pitifully devoid of something she couldn’t quite place her finger on. A middle-aged couple danced enthusiastically together in the space between two tables, the mayor (who had been there to greet her upon her arrival) leaned in to converse with the kind-faced woman who sat opposite from him, and a grizzly old man waved a pint glass in the air, beer sloshing around, while he chattered to a suave-looking fella with cascading locks that put Katerina’s to shame. A decent sized crowd for the intimate size of the saloon, sure, but still. She felt like there was something missing.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Katerina. You have much to learn.”</p><p> </p><p>Glancing over at Abigail, she shrugged. “I didn’t mean to insult or anything. I guess it’s just not what I’m used to.”</p><p> </p><p>“No insult taken,” Sam said. “You’re up.”</p><p> </p><p>Katerina shimmied up to the table and cracked her knuckles dramatically. “Y’all ready for this?” She took her time lining her move up, then sent a ball flying into one of the pockets. She, Abigail, and Sam all whooped with glee. Sebastian moaned miserably.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re stripes, not solid!”</p><p> </p><p>The grin slid off Katerina’s face as she let the cue stick fall dramatically to the floor, smacking her forehead with her now freed hand.</p><p> </p><p>With Katerina a proud member, Team Sebastian took a spectacular loss, but he seemed to take it in stride even while Abigail and Sam cheered and jeered at the pair playfully. Katerina laughed and defended herself with a “I warned you I was shit!”</p><p> </p><p>She handed her cue stick off to Sebastian. “Hey guys, I’ll be back in a jiff. I just wanna introduce myself.”</p><p> </p><p>And with that she began to make her rounds around the saloon, shaking every hand that was offered to her and forcing a smile so wide that her cheeks began to ache. The middle-aged couple, she discovered, were in fact Sebastian’s parents and lived north of Katerina’s farm. Robin ran a carpentry shop from their property and Demetrius, who taught at a university in Zuzu City, was studying the local flora and fauna of the valley. The weathered old mariner and long-haired man both lived down by the beach, one running a bait-and-tackle shop and the other working on his debut novel; they were both friendly and welcomed Katerina effortlessly into their odd little friendship. She even chatted long enough for Willy (the fisherman) to order her a pint. Eventually she moved on and let the mayor introduce her to Marnie, who owned the ranch south of the farm.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve heard about you! You better watch out, I’m coming for you.” Katerina winked conspiratorially at her, which Marnie responded to with a good-natured chuckle.</p><p> </p><p>“Dear, if whatever talent your grandfather had runs in the family, I don’t stand a chance.”</p><p> </p><p>Katerina was just about to move on to the scowling woman at the far end of the bar whose hairsprayed hair, she swore, could have withstood a sonic boom, when Marnie and Lewis both looked past her and raised their hands to wave in unison. The bell above the door jingled as the door slammed shut, and Katerina turned.</p><p> </p><p>There, sticking out like a sore thumb, was the man from that morning. He had changed into a salmon suit and his dark hair sat artfully disheveled atop his head - but there was no mistaking that pretentious expression or those creepily empty eyes. For several moments, every pair of eyes in the saloon trained on him, he stood motionless.</p><p> </p><p>And then it passed, a wide grin appearing on his face, and he swept forward to the very table Katerina was stood at. Leaning down, he planted a kiss on a cheek that tilted up to accept it. “Aunt Marnie,” he cooed. Another kiss. “Mayor Lewis.”</p><p> </p><p>Katerina’s eyes narrowed as he straightened, eyes flicking up to meet her’s. She was once again struck by how devoid of emotion they seemed.</p><p> </p><p>He extended a hand. “I do believe we have yet to meet.”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, o-okay-” The manners Katerina’s mother had drilled into her won in the war over her desire to shake him by the shoulders and demand why he acted this way - why was he so weird? - and she clasped her hand in his. A single firm shake, then separation.</p><p> </p><p>Marnie smiled between them, clearly not noticing the confusion and awkwardness rolling off of Katerina in waves. “Katerina, this is my nephew, Shane. Shane, this is the farmer that just moved in north of us.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah.” He eyed her for a few seconds longer - and she could have <em> sworn </em> she saw his eyes flicker to look at her tiny gold hoop earrings - before departing in the direction of the bar without another word. Katerina heard him cry out the names of the bartenders and pictured him pressing kisses to their cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t mind him,” Marnie said around a mouthful of housemade fries. “He can be a bit eccentric.”</p><p> </p><p><em> Eccentric? </em> Katerina wanted to shout. <em> You think? </em> But she only smiled, nodded, and made her way back to Abigail and Co.</p><p> </p><p>The rest of the night was spent moving between the pool table, smacking balls around in a manner that Sebastian described as “willy nilly”, and the bar to get more drinks. On what must have been the fourth or fifth round, she noticed Marnie’s nephew - she refused to acknowledge his name if he refused to acknowledge her’s - hunched over the bar. She watched as Gus deposited a row of five shots in front of him and as he threw each one back in succession. In about three seconds flat.</p><p> </p><p>She was almost impressed with it, but the ease with which he downed them, clearly not noticing the burn of hard liquor, suggested he was well-practiced.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Gus! One more round before the night ends?” Gus gestured Emily over to Katerina with his head, and the blue-haired woman came over to pull her another pint.</p><p> </p><p>“Having fun?” she asked.</p><p> </p><p>Katerina glanced over towards the side room, where the trio was chatting around the pool table awaiting her return. “Yeah. Having fun.” She took the beer glass that Emily had slid over to her in her hands, then hesitated. “Hey, what’s with him?” She dipped her head in the direction of Marnie’s nephew, who was now nursing a frothing beer not unlike her own and staring impassively at a spot on the wall. Sans that manic-looking grin plastered on, his face matched the blankness of his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Shane?” Emily asked. Katerina wanted to tell her to keep her voice down. “Oh, he’s a regular. He can be brash but Gus and I like him. I can sense a kind heart under that facade he puts up. It’s just...”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Katerina encouraged, leaning in.</p><p> </p><p>“I sense that his aura is troubled.”</p><p> </p><p>Katerina’s eyebrows shot up her forehead. <em> Huh </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Some time later, after pool had grown boring and Katerina joined Abigail and Co. on the sofas for a nice chat, Emily entered the room and smiled apologetically at them. The trio seemed to know what this meant as they all stood and began gathering their belongings. Inferring, and remembering how Gus had made last call nearly half an hour ago, Katerina rose and began smoothing out her dress in lieu of gathering possessions that she hadn’t brought.</p><p> </p><p>After the group had filtered out the front door, Abigail caught her wrist. “Hey, it was fun having you around tonight. We’d love to see you around again.” Sebastian and Sam nodded their assent.</p><p> </p><p>After agreeing to join the group again next Friday (same time, same place), Katerina made off in the opposite direction back towards the farm. The night had grown cold in the hours since the sun had set, and Katerina had to rub her hands up and down her arms to stave off the chill. As she walked, however, her body warmed up and she made a pitstop about halfway back to the farm to take in the scenery. Moonlight shimmered down through the trees to cast leaf-shaped jigsaw puzzles down onto the hard-packed earth. Surely asleep in their nests, the woods was free from the sounds of birds calling to one another, and Katerina noted with an air of disbelief that she had never experienced this level of silence before. In the city, things were always <em> go go go </em>. People running after busses, hurrying up and down the sidewalks, chattering if not to one another than to whoever was on the other end of their phone. There had been anonymity in the ever-changing crowds, and Katerina had loved it. But after only a few days in Pelican Town she was beginning to wonder if she could also fall for the intimacy of small town life.</p><p> </p><p>She was just turning to leave, yawning, when a low voice spoke only inches from her ear.</p><p> </p><p>“Isn’t it beautiful?”</p><p> </p><p>She jumped, city girl instincts gearing up to either defend herself or take off running. But when she turned, it was Marnie’s nephew standing there. His hands were clasped behind his back, salmon jacket thrown over one shoulder to reveal a white button-up shirt, and he stared down at her with blank features. Katerina cursed her dwarven height and his gargantuan one.</p><p> </p><p>“You scared the <em> shit </em> out of me.”</p><p> </p><p>The man sniffed. “Your lips are far too beautiful to stain with cussing.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, whatever. <em> Fuck off </em> .” What had gotten into her? Her strategy for rude people had always been smile and ignore, but...He was a different breed of rude. Not throwing her a cuss and a middle finger for cutting them off in traffic, or a glare for taking the last loaf of bread in the supermarket. He had a way of carrying himself that said <em> I’m better than you and there’s nothing you can do about it </em>, and that’s what bothered her.</p><p> </p><p>Silent and pointedly ignoring the insult, the man continued to stare down at her.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re sunburnt.”</p><p> </p><p>“No shit.”</p><p> </p><p>“Unprotected sun exposure is cancer-causing.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well aware, thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly too strong to ignore, the promise of privacy within the farmhouse and under her covers beckoned Katerina home, and she began to walk back towards the main path. She groaned inwardly when the man followed and whipped around to face him again.</p><p> </p><p>“Look, what do you want from me? You gonna walk me home or something?”</p><p> </p><p>The man blinked at her with those dead eyes of his. “Of course not,” he said, and with that he turned and was gone, heeled shoes clicking on the cobblestone road.</p><p> </p><p>Well, then. That’s that.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Katerina awoke on the third Saturday of her new life with a raging hangover. She hadn't had that much to drink last night, relatively, but she also hadn’t drank that heavily in months and her tolerance was near the floor. She should’ve known better.</p><p> </p><p>After gulping down glass after glass of water and nibbling on a piece of plain toast in attempt to settle her lurching stomach, Katerina dressed herself and headed outside to begin her workday. Two days ago she had made a withdrawal from the business account Grandpa had signed over in her name and purchased a hefty amount of seeds from Pierre’s.</p><p> </p><p>The majority of her morning was spent hammering trellises into an empty plot of land near the pond that she had been working on clearing. The bundles of strawberry seeds that she planned on growing there sat a few feet away, flattened to the ground thanks to Caramel having found them and made them into a temporary bed.</p><p> </p><p>Around two in the afternoon, Katerina decided to take a break and headed inside for lunch. She was halfway through her sandwich when she spotted Mayor Lewis approaching from the dirt road that led into town. She shoved the rest of the food in her mouth and went outside to meet him.</p><p> </p><p>“Katerina!” he greeted. “Hard at work, I see.”</p><p> </p><p>Katerina smiled. “I’m working on getting my first round of spring crops in. It won’t be a big harvest this year - I’m just experimenting, and the underbrush has grown in a lot since my grandfather last cut it back.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s great to hear. You’re doing your grandfather proud.” His eyes swept out over the acres of visible land. As for now, it was ragged and overgrown, but Katerina had visions of rolling fields and shady fruit orchards. “The reason I came is to invite you to the festival tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>“Festival?” Katerina asked, eyebrow quirking.</p><p> </p><p>“Indeed. We hold it every year to welcome the warmer weather and to celebrate the prosperity of the land. I’m sure next year your produce will be a major contributor to the festivities.” He gave her a smile. “There’s an egg hunt for the children at ten, and Gus is preparing a meal to be served at three. I hope to see you there.”</p><p> </p><p>Later that night, after a day full of digging and planting and hacking and sawing, Katerina lay in bed and heaved a deep sigh. Every muscle on her body seemed taut with soreness, unacquainted with ten straight hours of manual labor. She dropped off to sleep within minutes of crawling under the sheets, mind blissfully devoid of its usual racing thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>The morning of the Egg Festival rolled in on a gentle wind bearing clear skies and warm weather. A single lonesome cloud drifted across the sky while Katerina bent over in the field, pulling weeds that had seemed to sprout overnight and dousing her beloved strawberry plants in a generous splash of water. Still traumatized by the sunburn fiasco a few weeks prior, and with sweat dripping off her face and soaking her clothes, Katerina cursed the beautiful weather.</p><p> </p><p>Luckily, the crops didn’t need much attention that day. They had germinated as perfectly as she could have hoped for a few weeks prior, and now they were shooting out of the earth and unfurling new leaves at the speed of light. Some had even started to put out small beginnings of fruit. Within a few weeks, she would have her first harvest, if only a small one. She swelled with pride.</p><p> </p><p>After finishing up in the fields, Katerina made her way inside to shovel down a breakfast and get herself ready for the festival. She absolutely, positively did <em> not </em> have anyone to impress, but still. She wanted to look presentable.</p><p> </p><p>It took nearly twenty minutes of tearing through her closet to finally settle on an outfit: a baby blue sundress with tiny yellow tulips embroidered around the cinched waist. Her brother had given her this dress for her (their) birthday a few years back, and it still looked just as beautiful as the day she first got it. The puffy sleeves, which came halfway down her arms, drew attention to the curve of her waist and the neckline dipped just low enough to still be considered perfectly modest by the more conservative members of town.</p><p> </p><p>Katerina hesitated, eyeing her reflection with uncertainty. Why did she care so much? The festival was nothing more than an excuse to gather together and tuck into an indulgent meal - and for children to have their seasonal fun. No attention would be on her to look any nicer than usual, and anyway, there were no promises who would or wouldn’t show up. What did she care about who showed up anyway?</p><p> </p><p>Deep inside her (or maybe not so deep), Katerina knew why. That stupid man, that stupid infuriating <em> fascinating </em> man would not ruin her fun today. He could take his faux confidence and shove it. And she would not lend a single thought to unraveling the web of mystery that was his entire existence.</p><p> </p><p>Sighing, Katerina made peace with her appearance and begrudgingly began to lather sun lotion over every inch of exposed skin on her body, a feeling like dread slowly beginning to build in her stomach.</p><p> </p><p>Every single weekend since her arrival Katerina had joined her new friends to socialize at the Stardrop Saloon. And every single weekend, without fail, the night went the same. Shane, his breath tinged with the burning scent of vodka, would attempt to ensnare her in his cloud of backhanded compliments and sensual allure. It may have succeeded on what seemed to her, every other individual in town, but Katerina knew better. It astounded her how no one else could see how <em> fake </em> he was. Perhaps that’s why Shane came back weekend after weekend to try again when they both knew it would end the same way it always did: snarky insults, one-ups, death glares, and an even more aggressive manifestation of that persona he put on after she inevitably broke it. If only for a second. She was a challenge for him, a toy a little tougher than the other’s to chew apart, and she knew it. It made her resist him even harder.</p><p> </p><p>So, yeah. The Stardrop Saloon was one thing. Their interactions there were familiar, if not pleasant, and Katerina always had the satisfying buzz of alcohol to help her cope. But the festival? Yeah, this was new territory. Surely there’d be no alcohol there - and even if there was, it wouldn’t be acceptable for her to approach anywhere near the level of drunk she achieved on the weekends.</p><p> </p><p><em> Really, this is embarrassing </em>, she thought to herself. One single person - a person she couldn’t give a damn about, at that - should not have this much of an effect on her. She always had more control over her temper when sober, and perhaps the cheerfulness of the event would infect her cold little heart enough to give her the strength to bite her tongue.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s been decided,” Katerina said aloud to the empty farmhouse. “I’m going to be nice to him.”</p><p> </p><p><em> That’ll do the trick. The self-absorbed prick </em> thrives <em> off the attention. Well get a dose of your own medicine, asshole. </em></p><p> </p><p>She huffed assertively and nodded at her reflection.</p><p> </p><p>This time, she did decide to take the truck into town. She fretted for a few moments over the prospect of finding parking, as the entire square would be decked out with festivities, but then decided she could always leave the truck a few minutes away and walk.</p><p> </p><p>That’s exactly what she did, and as the sky climbed higher in the sky, approaching noon, Katerina finally strolled into the town square. People bustled this way and that, arms crammed full of candies and eggs and giant stuffed animals. Katerina didn’t recognize a number of them - presumably, people had come from neighboring towns to celebrate the day. Absorbed in admiration of the strands of colorful paper chickens tied between two lamp posts, Katerina walked straight past a familiar face. It was only when Emily tapped her on that back that Katerina spun to face her, grinning.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello!”</p><p> </p><p>Looking a bit startled, Emily laughed. “You enjoying yourself?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I’ve only just got here.” Katerina shrugged, but she was. She was absolutely entranced by this little springtime festival.</p><p> </p><p>“This is my sister, Haley,” Emily said, nodding to the attractive blonde woman standing across from her. “Or have you two met-?”</p><p> </p><p>Katerina shook her head. “I’m afraid not.” She exchanged introductions with Haley and tried to keep up with the babble of conversation flowing from the woman’s mouth, but got lost somewhere around where Katerina had the perfect look for this photoshoot she’s been wanting to do, and oh, couldn’t you find an afternoon to take off the farm and spend it with me - <em> I’ll even pay you! </em> Oh god, had she just agreed to be a <em> model </em>?</p><p> </p><p>And that’s when she saw him. Sat on a bench on the edge of the square, head ducking so as to avoid a flock of colorful two-dimensional hens. Bouncing a toddler on his knee.</p><p> </p><p>It took every bit of power within her not to gape at the scene.</p><p> </p><p>Excusing herself as fast as what could be accepted as polite, Katerina hurried across the square to where a familiar purple-headed woman was tossing darts at a row of pinned-up balloons.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey!” she greeted, just as Abigail sunk a dart straight into a yellow balloon.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! I thought I sensed something beautiful sneaking up behind me,” Abigail said, winking.</p><p> </p><p>Although she knew by now that Abigail’s playful flirtation made its rounds to all her friends, Katerina couldn’t help the blush that crept up over her face. “I see you’ve bested scam game number one.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, this? I mean, I’ve been sneaking out every night for the past three years to practice knife throwing with Seb, so this was easy-peasy.”</p><p> </p><p>Katerina eyed her warily. “Really?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nah, I’m fucking with you. C’mon, let’s have some fun.”</p><p> </p><p>Abigail dragged her around to the remaining stands, Katerina dishing out more money than she had intended to spend when she woke up that morning. Caught in a flurry of festive joy, she even purchased a bouquet of sunflowers from Pierre’s stand, imagining how lovely they would look as a centerpiece on her recently repolished dinner table. An hour later they settled onto a bench, Katerina clutching her sunflowers and Abigail three stuffed bears of varying sizes.</p><p> </p><p>“So.” Katerina took a sip of a garishly-colored orange punch. “How’s that girl you’ve been talking to? The one doing her masters at Ferngill U?”</p><p> </p><p>Abigail colored. “Good. She wants me to come visit her sometime soon.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh yeah? Look at you go, prince charming.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up,” Abigail mumbled, hiding her face in her cup of punch. For all her offhanded flirtation, Abigail could be remarkably shy when it came to her love life. “What about you? No secret lover mourning your separation back in the city?”</p><p> </p><p>“Unfortunately, most men in the city managed to repulse me as much as the stench of Marnie’s horse stable.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fair enough. How about here, then? Any charming Pelican Town bachelors manage to sweep you off your feet yet?”</p><p> </p><p>“I wouldn’t say that, no.”</p><p> </p><p>Eyes gleaming, Abigail looked over at her. “You know, I’ve always thought Seb is pretty cute. Even if I don’t swing that way.”</p><p> </p><p>Katerina laughed, and then the pair fell silent, watching as parents ran after their excited children and couples ambled around flirting. How to breach the next topic without seeming suspicious?</p><p> </p><p><em> Ah, fuck it </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you see Shane with that baby?”</p><p> </p><p>Abigail nodded. “His goddaughter.”</p><p> </p><p>“No shit? I thought he just charmed some naive mother into handing over her kid for a photo opp.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nah, her name’s Jas. She plays with Sam’s little brother so we’ve watched her a couple times. Sweet little girl.”</p><p> </p><p>Katerina bit her lip, thoughtful. “So what’s their...story? How’d he land himself a kid?”</p><p> </p><p>Abigail looked over at her and shook her head. “Honestly, I don’t really know. All I know they moved here from the city a couple months back and his aunt took them in to help on her ranch. Rumor has it he inherited a fat lump of money from some dead relative, but rumors spread like wildfire around here, so I don’t know how much I believe it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, I can’t say it would surprise me. Small town life doesn’t seem to suit him.”</p><p> </p><p>Abigail laughed, but when she spoke there was no amusement in her voice. “He’s different, that’s for sure. But he’s kind and respectful, so people have accepted him as ‘the quirky one.’”</p><p> </p><p>Katerina holds in a snort. “Really? I don’t think I’ve ever met a faker person. You’re telling me people can’t see through that?”</p><p> </p><p>“No - I mean, yeah, I can tell he puts up a front. But the three of us mostly just feel bad for the guy. Someone who tries that hard to hide whatever it is he is clearly doesn’t want people to pry, so we don’t.”</p><p> </p><p>As if discussion of him had acted as some sort of seance, Katerina looked up in thought to find the devil himself approaching. Powder blue suit stretched over his long limbs, dark hair styled in that I-didn’t-do-my-hair look, baby in tow. “Well don’t you look ravishing,” he drawled, voice nauseatingly sweet. “But I’m afraid one of us is going to have to change.” He stooped to plant a signature kiss on Abigail’s cheek. “Abigail, my love, the springtime air suits you.”</p><p> </p><p>Reaching out to take hold of the toddler who was making grabby hands at her, Abigail laughed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”</p><p> </p><p>“Secrets are only fun when they’re not shared, aren’t they?” Hands suddenly free of their child-shaped burden, Shane crossed his arms. Katerina watched as he gazed fondly down at his goddaughter, who was babbling some story about ‘chickens’ and ‘falling’ to Abigail. Desperately, Katerina tried to blow out the spark of curiosity that had reignited with a ferocious stubbornness within her.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s Miss Katerina! Can you say Katerina?” Abigail repositioned Jas in her arms so she could face her. The girl’s eyes were wide with the wonder of meeting a new person, and Katerina smiled as she offered her finger for the child to grab. In her periphery, Shane stood motionless.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t say I’ve ever had any luck teaching babies my name.”</p><p> </p><p>“She’s a smart girl,” Shane’s voice said from above her.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I’m sure. Takes after you I’d presume.” The words had been sarcastic, but her tone was joking. Katerina’s head twisted to look up at him. The sun had begun to set and she had to squint to make out his features, but she could see his jaw clenching.</p><p> </p><p>“Right.”</p><p> </p><p>Abigail fawned over the baby for another couple of minutes before Jas began to fuss and demanded to be back in the arms of her godfather. Katerina watched the way the tension melted off the girl’s body nearly the second his hands wrapped around her small figure. Suddenly, something Emily had said to her that first night at the saloon rang a little doorbell in her memory, demanding to be let in.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> A kind heart under it all, huh? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She swallowed her distaste for him and tried her best at a welcoming smile. “Why don’t you hang around for a bit? Abigail and I don’t bite.” Beside her, Abigail nodded.</p><p> </p><p>Almost imperceptibly, his eyes narrowed. For several beats her invitation was met with only silence. Their eyes locked and clung - vaguely Katerina was aware of Abigail’s eyes also on her but, fuck, if she couldn’t look away - and she watched in real time as smoothed his features into their usual blankness. Manually, like a pilot flicking switches in preparation for takeoff.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, but I’ve already accepted the presence of far more interesting company.” Leaving Katerina stunned, he turned and departed as abruptly as he had come. When the insult had finally settled in, Shane already lost in the crowd, Katerina let out a loud groan. She wanted to jump off the bench to run and find him. She wanted to yell in his face and slap him and demand to know why he had decided weeks ago to treat her with as much respect as a stray piece of trash drifting in the wind.</p><p> </p><p>But all she did was clench her hands into fist and pound them on her thighs once. “God!” she exclaimed angrily. “That man makes me fucking <em> irate </em>. How can you take that?” she demanded, turning to Abigail.</p><p> </p><p>The woman shrugged. “Honestly, I got the vibe that was all directed at you, sister.” She smirked. “What <em> did </em> you do to him?”</p><p> </p><p>And fuck if that wasn’t a good question.</p><p> </p><p>It took several minutes for Katerina to calm herself, ranting to a nonplussed Abigail that tried to convince her more than once that Shane may be prickly but he would warm up to her eventually. Only after being sated with the development of a theoretical plan to egg his place of residence did Katerina let Abigail drag her over to the snack table.</p><p> </p><p>“Food,” she said, stuffing a pastry into Katerina’s mouth, “solves all woes.”</p><p> </p><p>Manning his station proudly, Gus nodded his agreement. “Wise words, young lady.”</p><p> </p><p>Katerina resisted at first, her tendency to wallow in bad moods making itself known, but after a time she had to admit that Abigail had been right. Gus offered them a sample of each dish he had prepared, listing off the names of the local farms where each ingredient had been sourced from. That piqued Katerina’s interest more than anything and she made a mental note to take a day to drive around and introduce herself to all the farmers in the valley. Keep your friends close and enemies closer, or so the saying went.</p><p> </p><p>As much as she loathed to admit it, a short time later Katerina found herself with a full stomach and a lighter mood. The sun had reunited once again with the horizon, bathing the town in its dusky red glow. Katerina’s sunflowers had begun to wither ever so slightly and she picked at a dry petal.</p><p> </p><p>“Shit,” Abigail sighed. “I told my dad I’d help him clean up the stall. I guess I’ll see you later - Friday?”</p><p> </p><p>“I can help. It’s not like I’ve got anything to do but twiddle my thumbs anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>Abigail protested but was convinced quite easily, and after saying their goodbyes to Gus the pair made its way over towards Pierre’s stall. Katerina regretted her insistence to help the second she drew close enough to see a familiar dark-haired figure standing near the flowers. Gritting her teeth, she shoved everything she wanted to say to him down into a manhole of unspoken thoughts, then threw a cinder block on top for good measure. If her senses seemed to heighten as she helped Abigail pack up unsold bundles of flowers, then it was only because Shane commanded such confidence that it was impossible not to notice him - even if she did everything in her power not to. The thought of <em> my poor blood pressure </em> drifted across her mind more than once.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve no more sunflowers?” she heard Shane ask. In the corner of her eye, Pierre shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m afraid not. If I make another order you’ll be the first to know, though.”</p><p> </p><p>Kneeling over a wooden palette, Katerina bit her lip, considering.</p><p> </p><p>“A shame. Sunflowers are Jas’ favorite.”</p><p> </p><p>And then she decided to do something stupid.</p><p> </p><p>Moving with a speed that made both Pierre and Abigail jump, Katerina snatched up her bouquet from where she had tossed it on the ground. She plucked a single flower from the bundle and, stomping over to the man, offered it to him with a fully extended arm. “A flower for the little girl,” she said through clenched teeth.</p><p> </p><p>If they had been at the saloon, Katerina would have been proud of the stunned expression that appeared on his face. Sober Katerina just wanted to get it over with.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t accept tha-”</p><p> </p><p>“You just said it’s her favorite. Just take it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Look, I really don’t think-”</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Just take the damn thing </em> ,” Katerina snapped. Adrenaline spiking from her outburst and with a sense of satisfaction that <em> she </em> was the one leaving <em> him </em> in the dust this time, she stalked away in the direction of the farm.</p><p> </p><p>Operation kindness: failed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spring bounded into the valley in full force, dredging away the last remnants of winter with days on end of warm temperatures, blue skies, and the constant smell of distant rain. Wildflowers had sprung up in whatever patches of earth they could dig their roots into, and Katerina’s strawberry plants grew nearly as fast. She spent the majority of each day out in the fields - tending to the plants, clearing away more patches of brush bit by bit, and installing an irrigation system running from the nearby pond. She had enlisted the help of Robin’s daughter for the last bit, a friendly woman named Maru who had inherited her father’s brains. With Maru’s smarts and Katerina’s manual labor the pair managed to construct an irrigation system worthy of pride; spared now of spending hours each day watering her plants, Katerina suddenly found herself with a hefty lump of free time on her hands.</p>
<p>She decided one evening to check out the library on the edge of town, figuring if there was any place to learn more about the growing seasons and farming tips, it would be there. The next morning after stopping by Pierre’s to ensure that he would give her the floor space to sell her first harvest of strawberries, Katerina made her way to the library. Windows rolled down to let the gentle spring breezes blow her hair around, she caught the acrid smell of burning coal, presumably from the nearby blacksmith’s, as she drew close.</p>
<p>A man greeted her from behind the front desk when she entered, pausing as he wiped down his glasses. When he spoke, his words were slurred with a foreign accent. “Hello there, miss. You must be the new farmer in town.”</p>
<p>Ah, the speed with which news spread in a small town. “That I am. I actually came here on farmer business today - I was wondering if you could help me?”</p>
<p>“Of course. With what may I assist you?”</p>
<p>Katerina explained her idea, and after rattling off several titles that fit the description the librarian led her around the building, finding the books with impressive ease. By the time they swung back around to the front counter, she had a hefty stack teetering precariously in her arms including an almanac, a university textbook, and several volumes of a book titled Agriculture for Beginners. </p>
<p>Katerina stood patiently while the man - Gunther, he had said - neatly penned the titles and authors of each book in a thick ledger. She was almost surprised that he didn’t have an electronic system to do it for him but knowing this town, she really shouldn’t have been. Her fingernails, short and a bit ragged from wear and tear in the fields, tapped against the hard wooden surface of the counter; then, suddenly, the laughter of a small child drew her attention.</p>
<p>Twisting her head, Katerina’s heart rate spiked almost imperceptibly. There, slouched in a chair with his legs splayed out wide, hands gripping the ends of the chair’s arms, sat Shane. His eyes had already been on her by the time she looked, and her stomach clenched slightly as she wondered how long he had been watching her. A petite red-haired woman kneeled off to his side, holding the attention of Jas and a young boy around the same age, but Katerina barely spared the trio a glance. Her eyes had been locked in the fire of his blank gaze and she couldn’t look away. Suddenly self-conscious of the loose-fitting jeans and dirt-caked shirt that hung off her body, she resisted the urge to tidy herself.</p>
<p>“Miss?”</p>
<p>Katerina’s head whipped back around to the librarian. “I’m sorry, what?”</p>
<p>“I was just saying that your books are due back in three weeks. If nobody else has them on hold, and I doubt they will, you can take another three weeks. You’ll just need to let me know.”</p>
<p>“Great, I - Thank you. Have a nice day, sir.” She scooped the stack back up from the counter and tried not to look disconcerted as she hurried back outside. Her body felt ready to burst into flames from the eyes she felt on her until the moment the door finally slammed shut behind her.</p>
<p>She hated herself for it, cursed herself for again letting Shane get under her skin like that with just a look, but after she dumped the books in the passenger seat and started up the engine, she felt that she couldn’t get out of there fast enough.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>By Friday evening, Katerina’s body was screeching from every ache and pain she had collected during the sixty hour work week. A hot shower had loosened the knots in her muscles slightly and she was sprawled in bed, fighting heavy eyelids.</p>
<p>“Oh Caramel,” she sighed, “I don’t think I can go.” Shifting her arm off her eyes to peek at the cat sprawled on the bed next to her, Katerina smiled. A loyal companion, Caramel was, to not question why her owner was lying dripping and naked in bed with the window wide open.</p>
<p>Despite her initial aversion, Caramel had adjusted to farm life as much as Katerina had; she was glad she hadn’t had Robin install the cat door, after all, as Caramel had taken to depositing dead animals on the front porch as a sort of offering. Katerina was caught between being flattered and disgusted, though she still gagged every time she had to scoop up the animals and deposit them somewhere in the trees for a scavenger to find. It was a ridiculous thought, but Caramel seemed happier with acres of land to run around on. She, in a sense, held her tail a bit higher.</p>
<p>Katerina somehow found the strength in herself to rise and dress even through her exhaustion. Her hair had dried awkwardly from the position she had been lying in - flat and wavy in the back, curly on the sides - so she tied it back at the bottom of her head. It had grown long during the past month and a half and reached nearly to her shoulders. She usually preferred it short, but had to admit that being able to pull it out of her face was a blessing as the days grew longer and hotter and the work grew harder.</p>
<p>The only pair of jeans she found were a loose pair that she reserved for working in, but they were clean and she didn’t have the energy to spare enough to care what she looked like. She could afford to be a slob for one night.</p>
<p>Her feet carried her into town in a daze, though the walk did wake her up enough that she called a bright hello to Emily and Gus upon entering the saloon. Their cheerful replies were all she needed to remind herself that she was glad she had come - weekends were her only opportunities for real socialization during the week and though she was an introvert, the isolation of farm life did make cause for loneliness.</p>
<p>As it was already well into the evening, her group of friends had long since arrived and settled into their usual room. Sam and Abigail leaned over the pool table, studying the position of the balls, while Sebastian stood off to the side, arms crossed and face smug. He raised a hand to wave at her when she entered, though the other two were too engrossed in the game to notice her arrival. Katerina’s stomach clenched in a way that was growing all too familiar when her eyes slid over the figure occupying one of the sofas.</p>
<p>Shane was draped over the sofa, long legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles where they rested on one of the arms of the couch, dressed in a mint green suit that reminded Katerina of the chewing gum her brother was addicted to. His eyes were closed and one hand was raised in the air as if conducting the music he was singing along to, the other clutching a bottle. Three empty bottles sat on the ground near his head. He didn’t see her, her arrival being a fairly silent one, but when Abigail finally noticed her and enthusiastically cried her name, she saw an eye open.</p>
<p>“Hey, Abigail.” She moved forward to hug her friend and laughed, surprised, when the purple-haired woman kissed her cheek. Katerina didn’t want to think about where she’d picked that up from.</p>
<p>“Here’s the situation,” Sam said, beckoning Katerina over. He explained at great length the crossroads the game had come to and the various strategies he could take that would lead him - or Sebastian - to victory. Katerina listened intently but merely shrugged when he was done.</p>
<p>“You, my friend, value my opinion too highly.”</p>
<p>Abigail snorted; Sam only grinned up at her from where he was still leaning on his arms. “God forbid I put a little trust in my friends.”</p>
<p>She had known they all were friends, had used the same word to describe them in her head, but hearing Sam say it out loud made her heart squeeze in her chest and she had to bite down a wide grin. It’d been a long time since she had anyone worthy of being called a friend. “I’m afraid you’ve misplaced that trust. You know how shit I am at this god awful game.”</p>
<p>After departing momentarily to grab a drink at the bar, Katerina returned to find Sam ranting angrily and assumed that his chosen strategy had failed and Sebastian had taken the crown. Abigail offered her the next game, but Katerina waved her off. “You play. Bring the reigning victor to his knees.”</p>
<p>Smirking, Sebastian looked at her. “Big words for someone too chicken to play.”</p>
<p>Katerina laughed but insisted on only watching, taking a spot next to Sam. He was far more into it than she was, and nearly spilled both their drinks more than once in excitement. From what she could tell Abigail was holding her own fairly well, and was heckling Sebastian with quite creative taunts every time she sunk a ball. Everyone, including herself, was absorbed in the game, and Katerina started when a voice spoke from close behind her.</p>
<p>“No dress tonight?”</p>
<p>She didn’t need to turn to know who had spoken. He was close enough that she could detect the heavy scent of hard liquor on his breath, and besides, she recognized the voice. Shane had never been a light drinker, that she had noticed anyway, but tonight Katerina’s nose scrunched up at the particularly strong stench. He had obviously had more than the four beers.</p>
<p>He was standing far too close to her, so close that if Katerina rocked back on her heels the back of her head would hit his nose. She burned in the warmth of his body heat for one second - two, three - and then stepped away, closer to Sam. The position had put her at a slight angle and from the corner of her eye she saw Shane frown. She expected him to retreat back onto his seat on the couch, or even into the main room, but he took one step and spoke again.</p>
<p>“Enjoy your evening.”</p>
<p>And, that. That got her to turn her head, whether the slight strain in his voice or the way his eyes were narrowed out of the normal blank expression he smoothed his face into. Their eyes met long enough for Katerina to blink, and then she looked away. It was only then that he finally swept out of the room, out of her sight.</p>
<p>Sam had noticed the exchange, and when he spoke his eyebrows were furrowed with confusion. “What was that about?”</p>
<p>Katerina could only shrug.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The night crawled on slowly. Katerina refused all but a single game of pool and cited her drooping eyelids and incessant yawns when her friends tried to stop her from calling it a night much earlier than usual. They eventually let her go after finding it in their hearts to pity the poor hard-worked farm girl, and Katerina gave them all a one-armed hug before she walked back towards the bar to pay her tab.</p>
<p>To her surprise (or not), Shane was still in the saloon - sitting at the bar in fact, with one hand in a white-knuckled grip on the empty chair beside him and the other throwing back a shot. Face lined with concern, Marnie sat beside him speaking soft but hurried words that got no response. His demeanor seemed anxious and his body was taut, like it had been pulled to the point of snapping. That was what surprised her, the dissolution of his eccentric rich boy persona that begged for attention and hid everything but superficial charm and meaningless words behind a smooth exterior.</p>
<p>Katerina moved forward cautiously as if approaching a wounded animal, though she was headed for Emily and not Shane. The bartender tutted in disappointment when Katerina relayed that she was heading out for the night, but walked over to the register to print her receipt. Katerina’s eyes were hyperfocused on her own hands folded neatly in front of her while she waited. So absorbed in her attempt to look nonchalant, she jumped when Shane’s voice exclaimed angrily.</p>
<p>“Just leave me alone!”</p>
<p>Her head whipped up to find the source of the noise. Shane had jumped up from his seat, away from his aunt who still sat in the barstool beside him, her head now lowered. His eyes were aflame with something like rage as they darted around the room, rapidly taking in the sight of every patron’s head turned to gape at him. She told herself she was imagining it when they paused on her own face for a beat too long before finally returning to his aunt. Katerina could have sworn that the heat she had felt emanating from his body an hour before had now begun to manifest itself as panic, because the longer he stood like that the more she felt her own heart jump into her throat, racing with anxiety. But as she watched, eyes wide, Shane visibly shifted. He stuffed his anger deep down inside him, and as he swallowed deeply she imagined him forcing all his emotions down into his stomach to be churned around and spit out. It seemed only an instant later that his shoulders had dropped from where they were drawn up towards his ears in a defensive posture and his face was once again smooth.</p>
<p>With slow, calculated motions, Shane plunged a hand into the pocket of his jacket and withdrew a wallet. Two slips of cash were placed gently onto the bar where he had been sitting, and then he turned and calmly walked away. Katerina wished she could rip her eyes away, but her gaze was glued to him like a particularly bad car crash.</p>
<p>He paused near the exit, hand clutching the door open, head tilted towards the floor. And then the door swung shut behind him, and Katerina swallowed. Hard.</p>
<p>The other patrons shook off the sudden outburst easily with the departure of its source and slowly the low rumble of many voices talking at once again filled the room. Even Emily had moved on from the moment and reappeared in front of Katerina with her bill. Katerina signed it in a daze.</p>
<p>“Hey, Em?”</p>
<p>The woman took a step closer and raised her eyebrows.</p>
<p>“You’re into all that psychic stuff, right?” A nod, her face confused. “What do - What do the spirits say about me today?”</p>
<p>Emily’s face was still twisted with confusion, but she leaned closer and considered Katerina thoughtfully. It seemed forever that Emily stared at her before she finally spoke. “I think - Are you feeling worried about something? Unsure, maybe?”</p>
<p>“I guess I am, Em. You could say that.”</p>
<p>“Well they’re saying go for it,” Emily said with a decisive nod.</p>
<p>Katerina sighed heavily. Maybe there was some weight to all that psychic stuff after all. “Give the spirits my thanks,” she murmured, sliding her signed receipt back over the counter. She was about to do something stupid. That seemed to be becoming a habit.</p>
<p>Her steps were nonchalant and evenly paced as she exited the saloon, but once outside the brisk night wind hit her just as hard as a sudden frenzy to do whatever it was she wanted to do. She picked a direction at random - south - and began hurrying along the cobblestone road, not running but not exactly walking, either.</p>
<p>A surge of conflicting emotions like relief and anxiety hit her when she made out a dark shape on the path a good distance up ahead. Her footsteps quickened, and as she drew closer she called out his name.</p>
<p>He stopped, motionless. Katerina hurried up behind him and only stopped when their feet were in a direct horizontal line. He had still not moved, but when she stilled beside him he hissed quietly, “What do you want?”</p>
<p>Katerina swallowed. She hadn’t really thought this far ahead, had been caught up in a hurricane of her own deep-rooted impulsives and had acted on them with barely a second thought. Only minutes ago she had been seated at the bar, watching as Shane’s carefully crafted persona cracked and a little piece of whatever it was that he tried so desperately to hide leaked through. She could turn, head back in the direction she’d come from and not speak another word to him. She knew he wouldn’t question it. But her impulses had led her this far, and she was too stubborn to back down now.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?”</p>
<p>The emotions that raged across his face passed too quickly for Katerina to identify them, but she found herself breathing an inward sigh of relief when his expression settled finally on not a cold blankness, but into shock. Confusion. Strange that she would care, but she did. She’d seen a part of what he shoved deep inside of him, if only a sliver, and now that she had a peek she couldn’t stop until she’d pried him open like a mussel and gotten to what was inside.</p>
<p>Shane began to take careful, measured steps forward. They were remarkably solid ones for the amount of alcohol Katerina had watched him consume, let alone what he had when her eyes were elsewhere. They walked together in silence for several minutes, Katerina’s thoughts racing the whole way. And yet she still didn’t regret her decision to run after him. The man beside her was solid, breathing, whole. But he was fake, like a collective hallucination the town had dreamt up to inject a little mystery into their lives, and Katerina understood finally why this man so easily bothered her.</p>
<p>She felt exposed by him, as if stripped down fully naked in the town square. When he looked at her his eyes dug straight through the guarded exterior she had built over the years, every brick another failed relationship or argument with her mother or day where her depression weighed so heavily on her shoulders that it left her too fatigued to even leave her bed. As the minutes dragged on, marked by silence except for the sound of their footsteps, Katerina began to wonder if he felt the same way.</p>
<p>Finally, Shane stopped. They had wandered onto a long stretch of dirt road, the town left thoroughly in the distance, and the only sign of human existence up ahead being the distant, unnatural glow of a lighted window. Although Katerina had never been down this way, she had visited Marnie’s ranch for business purposes, and could only assume that was where they were headed.</p>
<p>Shane’s breath suddenly sounded ragged, uneven, and when he spoke his voice was the same. “What are you afraid of, Katerina Hann?”</p>
<p>She missed a step. “What?”</p>
<p>“I asked what you’re afraid of.”</p>
<p>Silence once again fell into the cracks between them as her mind raced, confused. She was scared that whatever she answered would be wrong.</p>
<p>“Heights. Doctors. Tight spaces, big crowds, airplanes. My brother dying.” She felt breathless by the time she was done.</p>
<p>Shane had once again halted, the front door to Marnie’s house standing only meters away. Nodding, he turned to face her, and when their eyes met Katerina was floored by the way his face looked tight with pain. Faintly she once again smelled the alcohol on his breath.</p>
<p>“I’m afraid of people like you.”</p>
<p>His words hit her like a sudden slap, and she almost stumbled back from the force of them. Her mind was reeling to understand, sure she had misunderstood him. “I-What?”</p>
<p>The feeling of being exposed reared its head with a new vengeance, Katerina feeling the need to wrap herself in her own arms and cower. Half of Shane’s face was lit by the dim lantern beside the front door, the other cast in darkness by the shadow of his prominent nose; he looked small, almost, like the effort of the day had burnt him out and he was too tired to fully occupy his body. Katerina wondered what he was seeing as he stared down at her. She certainly felt all too like an animal caught in the blinding beams of a headlight, muscles frozen with fear.</p>
<p>“Surely you’re not going to make me repeat myself.”</p>
<p>Blood rushed through the veins in her ears. Deafening. Some part of her scrambled for something to say. “My name’s not Shirley.”</p>
<p>Shane laughed.</p>
<p>He laughed - a small, almost strangled chuckle, but Katerina had heard it despite his best efforts to clamp his jaw shut before she could notice. When he began to back away towards the front door Katerina stayed rooted in place, as if her shoes had suddenly become filled with concrete.</p>
<p>“Good, Katerina Hann,” he said, then retreated through the door. Even as it was still closing behind him Katerina began to hurry off in the northward direction of her farmhouse. There was no direct path from this way, still not having been cleared of the overgrowth; she stumbled multiple times even at a walk, and with each stumble her pace quickened. She was being chased. There was something after her, a little piece of Katerina’s brain that must have been knocked loose when she tripped. It was growing, limbs morphing into grotesque shapes in the shadows, and it shouted after her. It was shaped like Shane.</p>
<p>By the time she tumbled through her front door twenty minutes later, adrenaline sparking down every last nerve of her body, heart crashing against her chest, she had to lean down on her knees to suck in oxygen. It took her several minutes to stave off the panic that was vying for domination over her body, and when the effort was through she was left exhausted. Her feet found their way into the bedroom, and after letting her jeans fall to the floor she stumbled into bed, not really sure how she managed to squirm underneath the covers. And she sobbed.</p>
<p>Heavy, wracking sobs that shook her entire body and disrupted the peacefulness of the silent air. It wasn’t because of Shane - nothing he could say to her could break her like this; she was strong and had put too many guards in place to ensure it would never be a possibility.</p>
<p>But that was it, wasn’t it? Shane hadn’t broken through her guards. He had simply begun disassembling them, piece by piece, and once Katerina realized her fortress had been disturbed it was too late to defend. Wind whipped into her besieged safety, bringing a heavy deluge of rain and thunder. Shane stared in through the hole he had made.</p>
<p>She felt foolish. For all the time she had spent drawing herself away from people - living, really, in a different plane of reality, he had broken in with remarkable ease. She had taken such care to ensure that no one on the outside could get in that she had forgotten to check under the floor for an attack from within. From someone who had sought refuge in the same fortress she had.</p>
<p>She cried and cried until her body was too exhausted to push out another tear, her lungs aching with the effort of hyperventilating. This was what it felt like to be a child and realize your parents were not gods but adults who made mistakes.</p>
<p>Her pillow was still wet when she finally drifted away to sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next morning greeted Katerina in a warm embrace of a pounding headache and aching eyes. They were dry and puffy from the crying the night before, and when she finally dared to look at herself in the bathroom mirror, she grimaced at her rough appearance. Lucky enough that she worked full days without seeing another soul, sometimes. Lucky enough that she could spend hours stewing in her thoughts.</p>
<p>Like she was used to doing when avoiding something, Katerina threw herself into the work. After the strawberries had been aggressively cared for and the irrigation pipe checked thrice over for any leaks, she ventured over to the far end of the property where a ragged tool shed stood, lonely and decaying. The door flopped miserably out of its frame when Katerina opened it, the wood around the bottom two hinges having rotted completely, and the inside smelled of mildew and decomposition. The tools inside, at least, seemed to have escaped the fate of their lodging. Katerina hummed, pleased, when her eyes found what she had been looking for. An axe, well worn and used, but free of rust and an axe all the same. It would do.</p>
<p>Katerina lugged it across the property to a small copse of felled trees and began to swing at them. Grunting and cursing, it was slow going work, but she reveled into the mindlessness of it. In a way it was one of the aspects she loved most about running that had made her seek out this work; when your body became so focused on endurance that no energy could be spared but for the most sneaky of thoughts. It was like blacking out and wondering why your chest was heaving and your hands were shaking, realizing you had just run eight miles and couldn’t remember a single thought from that time.</p>
<p>She hacked away at the trees until her hands were screaming at her to stop. Letting the axe rest against the side of a log, Katerina flopped to the ground with a groan, her cheek landing in a pile of dirt. Her hands were bloody from where the skin had torn away on the wooden handle and her shoulders throbbed from overuse. For the first time that day, she smiled.</p>
<p>The sun was still well above the horizon, but these days it lingered longer and longer as summer drew closer than winter had been; by Katerina’s estimate, it was well before the time she usually called it a day and retreated back into the farmhouse for a shower, dinner, and sleep. She longed to push herself further, even tried lugging a log to the lean-to shed at the side of the house, but when that effort proved to be too much she decided to go on a walk. It would be peaceful, she hoped. She’d been here for nearly two months now and hadn’t yet rediscovered the forest to the south that she and her brother had grown up in; now would be a good enough time as ever to finally take the plunge.</p>
<p>As Katerina pushed deep into their depths, the trees were alive with the sounds of wildlife lazily going about their day. She tramped through the underbrush, cautiously trying to avoid any patches of mud. The further she got away from the farm and the deeper she ventured into the woods, the more she felt intoxicated on the pure isolation.</p>
<p>She’d watched a movie once about a man who decided to quit his job and leave everything he had behind - no bills to pay, no commitments to live up to, no worldly possessions to lug around on his back. He’d hitchhiked his way from the very southern tip of the country to the sparsely inhabited northern coast and set off into the wilderness with nothing but the clothes on his back. A hiker had asked him how he couldn’t feel guilty knowing that his family would never hear from him again, but the man had only replied that it didn’t matter if they knew where he was, because he did. And that’s all that mattered. There was something to be said for that.</p>
<p>Katerina’s legs were scratched and bleeding in places where thorns had torn at her skin but she barely felt it; instead, she pushed through the tangle of leaves and bushes with a newfound force, not caring what caught on her or what she stepped in. Up ahead the trees started to thin out before eventually disappearing altogether, and Katerina’s heart raced with childlike excitement. She took a few steps running in anticipation, but froze again when she drew close enough to see the outline of another person sitting on the dock, legs dangling off the side so their feet skimmed the surface of the water. For more than a few moments she considered leaving and returning another day, when she could pretend the place was hers and hers alone, but curiosity got the best of her and she continued on down the path.</p>
<p>The person at the dock was Shane - she had realized it only when it was too late, after he had noticed her. Suddenly she felt very aware of the blood rushing through her veins. Memories of the words exchanged last night jumped out at her from every angle, taunting her, but with a hard swallow she pushed them down and walked towards him. It would be a coward’s move to leave now.</p>
<p>“Katerina,” he said, voice flat.</p>
<p>She sat beside him, ignoring the way his body visibly tensed. Her legs dangled off the side in imitation of his, but she was too short for her feet to reach the water. “Shane.”</p>
<p>“What are you doing here?”</p>
<p>“I was walking. This pond doesn’t belong to you, does it? Cause I can’t say I’m fiending to get caught trespassing.”</p>
<p>Her joke fell on deaf ears, it seemed, and was met only with silence.</p>
<p>“Look, I know you’re not the biggest fan of me for whatever reason, and I’m sorry if I’m bothering you. I’ll leave if you want me to, but I have a feeling we’re both here to be alone, and I don’t mind doing that together if you don’t.” The statement was contradictory, confusing, but Katerina didn’t move to correct herself. Yet when his response was again only silence, she drew her knees back up towards her body and started to rise.</p>
<p>“You can stay.”</p>
<p>Katerina’s head turned to look at him, though his eyes were trained on some stagnant speck in the distance. Slowly, she stretched her legs back out and laid down against the rough wood of the dock, one hand under her head to cushion it. By now the sun had ducked low behind the trees, and while the daylight had not yet receded, when Katerina’s eyelids fluttered shut she was enveloped by complete darkness. Around them birds chattered, invisibile, and the water lapped in tiny waves beneath them. Katerina prayed the sounds of the forest were loud enough to cover the thump thump thump of her heart.</p>
<p>Wood creaked as Shane shifted beside her, and when she peeked an eye open to look she saw him lowering down onto his back as well. His head lay flat against the hard planks but his hands made no move to cushion himself like she had, instead staying by his sides and picking idly at divots in the wood.</p>
<p>“What are you doing here, Katerina?”</p>
<p>Her eyes opened fully this time, though they stared straight up towards the sky. I already told you, she could say, because it was true. Or It’s none of your business, because that would be true as well.</p>
<p>“Sometimes I just need to run,” is what she settled on. “Sometimes I feel like I’m being chased and I need to get away or I’ll explode in a little ball of anxiety.”</p>
<p>She heard him make a small noise under his breath. “Is that why you came to Pelican Town, then? To run away from something?”</p>
<p>Katerina’s veins were bulging with the speed at which her heart was pulsing. She thought the weight of it would drive her straight through the dock into the water below. “I guess you could say something like that.” A moment to consider. “What are you doing here, Shane?” Her head twisted by only millimeters, just far enough that his face was clear in her periphery.</p>
<p>“I suppose you could say the same for me.”</p>
<p>“One in the same,” Katerina murmured. It may have been her imagination, but Shane’s head seemed to turn slightly in her direction. She watched as his jaw clenched and unclenched several times over, and while the thought was fleeting and sprang away as quickly as it had come, she almost considered reaching over and taking his face in her hands. If only to feel the way it was twisting with emotions that chased each other way barely faster than the next one could chase them away, instead of only feeling it.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry you had to see the way I acted last night. I lost control of myself, it-It never should have happened.”</p>
<p>Katerina’s head dropped fully onto its side so his face was direct in her sight. She set her jaw. “Listen, if you wanna grovel at my feet for being an asshole, you have plenty to apologize for. And so do I. But last night wasn't one of them - We’re all allowed our bad days. I’m not gonna sit here and pretend that I know what it’s like to be you, but I know what it’s like to feel that way.”</p>
<p>Softly, Shane snorted. “You? You’re fucking perfect all the god damn time. People flock to you the second you walk in a door. You’re a homeowner and entrepreneur at, what, twenty three? You have your whole life ahead of you. You don’t know anything about me and you certainly don’t know what I feel.”</p>
<p>Temper suddenly flaring in a way that had grown characteristic when Shane was in a ten foot radius, Katerina pushed herself to a sitting position. “You think that doesn’t go both ways, Shane? You don’t know shit about me. Everything I have was left to me - you think I’ve learned to run that farm after two months? My grandfather spent his whole life building that place and if you don’t think I lie awake at night terrified that I’ll throw it all to shit, you’re wrong.” She exhaled heavily through her nose, hands clenched in fists at her side. “And besides, I don’t know where you get off thinking you can play Olympics with people, competing who has it worse. You’re a fucking ass for that.”</p>
<p>A soft whistle rang out from between Shane’s lips. “No one talks to me like that.” It wasn’t a chastisement; he wasn’t scolding her or telling her to watch her mouth. Instead he seemed more in shock, like he was surprised that after years of going through life like a cyborg he’d finally found a conversation that meant more than merely words being thrown around.</p>
<p>“You’re not exactly conducive to it,” she snorted.</p>
<p>“People like me better like that. It depresses them if I don’t act like that, and for all you seem to think otherwise, I’m not a bad person, Katerina.” He exhaled sharply through his nose. “I do it to protect the people around me.” </p>
<p>“I understand, Shane. I was trapped in a dead end industry at a job I hated not three months ago. It took one of the people I loved most on this earth fucking dying before I realized my life is too precious a gift to throw it away wallowing in misery every day. Trust me - I understand.”</p>
<p>Time seemed to dredge on through a bowl of molasses. There was no echo where they sat, being surrounded on all four sides by forest, but Katerina heard their argument ring in her ears all the same.</p>
<p>After a long bout of silence, Shane’s voice rang through the air like a siren, though it was soft and strained. “I came out here to convince myself not to drink,” he whispered.</p>
<p>Katerina’s head twitched with the desire to look at him. Beside her, Shane pulled himself into an upright position, and she became painfully aware of the mere centimeters of empty space that separated their shoulders.</p>
<p>“I’m - I don’t know what to say, Shane. Shit. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Eyes bored into her profile and Katerina felt the need to meet them. When she did, she was met with an expression that reminded her of a child who had just shaken his mother awake to relay he had had a nightmare, eyes wide with fear.</p>
<p>“I don’t want your pity, Katerina Hann. But I’d like very much if we could start over and be strangers again.”</p>
<p>Stunned, she nodded. A hand rose to push a stray lock of hair out of her face and faintly she realized it was hers, and that it was shaking slightly. “I told you, Shane Anderson, I don’t hold grudges.”</p>
<p>His hand was firm and warm when it reached out to shake hers. She almost laughed at the absurdity of it all.</p>
<p>“Then, strangers,” he said. She missed the warmth of him the second they withdrew, but when she opened her mouth to agree her lips quirked up in a small smile.</p>
<p>“Strangers.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Smoke?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Alcohol?”</p><p>“Nothing in excess.”</p><p>“Drugs?”</p><p>“With all due respect, Doc, I think you’ve got the wrong idea of what kinda fun I get up to.”</p><p>The doctor looked up at Katerina over his clear-rimmed glasses. His response was stern, but she could see the amusement dancing in his eyes.</p><p>“All standard questions, Miss Hann. I’m afraid I have to ask them.”</p><p>“No, Doc,” she sighed, “I do not do drugs.”</p><p>“Any recent sexual encounters we need to run some tests for?” He paused. “And that’s not me hitting on you.”</p><p>Katerina snorted at the quip, amused. “That’s a solid no.”</p><p>Harvey nodded and again looked up at her from his clipboard. He’d already run her through a full physical assessment - poking weird tools into every orifice on her face to look inside, checking her eyesight, pressing on random parts of her body to feel organs she didn’t even know she had. The whole nine yards.</p><p>“Well, you’re all good to go then. I’ll make the call for your inhaler as soon as you leave and it should be in in a few days. Maru or I will let you know.”</p><p>“I bet I’m the only farmer you know that has asthma, huh?”</p><p>“Considering your grandfather was a patient of mine, I am well aware that it runs in your family.” He smiled at her. “So no, you’re not.”</p><p>She huffed dramatically. “You doctors have seen everything.”</p><p>Harvey did his best to make his face look harrowed. “You have no idea.”</p><p>Laughing, Katerina ducked out of the exam room and headed back down the hallway towards the entryway. She waved goodbye to Maru, who she realized only today worked part time at the clinic to save up money. She went to school free of charge thanks to her father’s job, but as Katerina had learned during their time installing the irrigation system, Maru had plans to head on to medical school.</p><p>Once outside, Katerina paused for a minute just to close her eyes and feel the sun on her skin. Its warmth instantly chased away the lingering chill from the metal examination table and quickly became hot. Spring was passing by at a rapid pace - her strawberries had put out two harvests already, and soon enough it would be time for her to invest in another round of warmer weather plants.</p><p>Although the weather was hot enough that sweat was already beginning to prickle at her skin, she decided to take the long way home. She stuffed her hands into the front pockets of her jeans and made off down the cobblestone road. She passed no less than three women on the way, smiling and waving at each of them, not stopping to talk because Caroline and Jodi didn’t look all too keen to have their gossip session broken up. In the back on her mind some part of her sighed with release. She had been accepted into this community faster than she ever could have hoped for, and with each passing day it felt more and more like this was where she was meant to be.</p><p>She was just approaching the southern river that bordered the town when she caught sight of Sebastian smoking a cigarette a few meters away from the house she knew Emily and her sister lived in. When he saw her, he snuffed his cigarette out on a tree and shoved it in his front pocket, then jogged over to her.</p><p>“Didn’t know you smoked,” she said.</p><p>He looked sheepish, ducking his head and rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ve been trying to quit. I only started cause I had the dumb idea it’d make me look cooler, and lo and behold, found out addiction is a real thing.”</p><p>Katerina grimaced sympathetically. “You need to pick up some nicotine gum. My dad quit years back and it worked wonders for him.”</p><p>“I’ll give it a shot,” Sebastian said. “But anyway, that wasn’t what I wanted to tell you. Abby and I realized we forgot to invite you on Friday to the Flower Dance.”</p><p>Katerina’s eyebrows shot up towards her hairline. “The what now?”</p><p>“Flower Festival.” He held his hands up defensively, grinning. “I know it sounds dumb, but our parents have been dragging us to it since we were kids and now it seems we’ve fallen into the tradition of it. It’s fun, trust me. Especially when you bring along a little something to spike the punch.” His eyes glimmered conspiratorially.</p><p>She sighed. “I suppose I have to check this thing out, since you speak so fondly of it. I guess I can spare a day.”</p><p>“Friday at one o’clock. Wear your Sunday finest.”</p><p>Katerina pursed her lips, gesturing down to her stained tank top and ratty jeans. “What, you mean this won’t do?”</p><p>Snorting, Sebastian raised a hand to hold his hair out of his face as a particularly strong gust of wind barrelled into them. “I’m all for it, but you’ll be the one facing Mayor Lewis’ wrath, not me.”</p><p>“I’ll dig something up,” Katerina said. The two separated with a somewhat awkward fistbump and Katerina continued down along the river towards the Anderson ranch. As she walked past, head down, her eyes stayed trained on the ground in front of her. They absolutely did not peer up into the windows like a fucking creep, searching hungrily for something she would never admit to.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>After lugging her third - count ‘em, third - truckload of strawberries down to Pierre’s, Katerina had looked out over her ragged farm with pride. She had never felt closer to her grandfather. She finally understood now, after all these years, the satisfaction of handing over weeks worth of hard work and knowing that it would find its way onto the dinner table of hungry mouths. Pushing the check Pierre had given her over the counter to the bank teller, Katerina’s chest swelled with pride. These measly few hundred dollars meant more to her than all the money she’d ever made wasting her life away behind a computer screen.</p><p>Bolstered by the success and begging to be spent, the money screamed in her pocket, and when Katerina passed an expensive-looking clothing boutique as she strolled down the street back towards her truck, she entered. The first thing that strawberry money was going to buy her was a beautiful new dress for the Flower Dance later that day. Twenty minutes later she walked back out of the store after letting the saleswoman talk her into an exorbitantly-priced baby pink sundress. Katerina had fallen absolutely in love with it the moment she put it on - despite the pricetag - twirling around in front of the mirror to see the frills at the top bounce and letting the worker tie the thin straps that passed off as sleeves into bows atop her shoulders.</p><p>The drive back to Pelican Town flew by in a blur of warm air whipping in through open windows and unremarkable tunes playing on the radio. Katerina laughed to herself. It was one of those moments in life that kept you from ending it all when things got bad, just so you could get to another moment like that one.</p><p>Her mood was so infectious that when she strolled onto the fairgrounds some time later that day, Abigail ran forward to wrap her in a crushing embrace. Katerina squealed as the other woman twirled her around, feet dangling above the earth.</p><p>“I’m so happy you made it,” Abigail said after she’d planted her firmly back on the ground.</p><p>“I wouldn’t miss it for a thing,” Katerina replied.</p><p>The field was interspersed with barrels teeming with bright flowers and colorful streamers tied between trees and draped over bushes. The townspeople milled about in their best attire, gathering in small groups to chat with one another. Katerina even saw the frail old man she knew was married to Evelyn garbed in a bowtie and watching his grandson not-so-subtly flirt with Emily’s sister. She drank in the scene with a sense of peacefulness that had begun to settle deep into her body, and with a dramatic flourish she sighed, “I think I’m in love.”</p><p>“With me? I knew it.”</p><p>Katerina shoved her friend’s shoulder. “With this. It all feels so magical. It’s like being a kid again.”</p><p>Abigail shrugged. “You think you might be romanticizing it a bit?”</p><p>“Oh, I absolutely am, Abigail. Don’t ruin my fun.”</p><p>In response, Abigail took Katerina by the hand and led her over to a small area between some trees that was set off from the main clearing. Sam and Sebastian stood there talking to another, faces brightening when the two women made their appearances.</p><p>“Katerina’s in love,” Abigail announced. She bowed and presented Katerina like a court attendant would to a monarch.</p><p>Though he laughed, Sebastian’s face looked all too serious. “Please tell me you haven’t fallen victim to this creepy mating ritual they make us do.”</p><p>“You’re the one that said it was fun!” Katerina protested. “And no, I haven’t. I just...I love it here, is all. I just feel really happy.”</p><p>His face softened as he smiled at her, and Katerina got the sudden urge to take her friends all by their faces and kiss them on the lips.</p><p>“I hope you don’t have two left feet,” Abigail said. “I don’t need you tripping all over me.”</p><p>“And who said I’m dancing with you? Maybe I’ve got a hot date.” Three pairs of eyebrows raised in her direction. “I’m kidding.”</p><p>“It pisses Mayor Lewis off. He can harp on about tradition and shit all he wants, but nothing beats the look on his face when we all pair up girls with girls, boys with boys.”</p><p>“Shit’s classic,” Sam agreed.</p><p>Katerina was a businesswoman. She owned a (once, in recovery) successful farm and depended almost solely on local commerce to make her living. Pissing off the townspeople, the mayor not least of all, should not be on her to-do list. But in that moment she felt like a teenager again, and she laughed heartily.</p><p>“Twirl me away, then, darling,” she sighed dramatically, grabbing Abigail’s hand and spinning beneath it.</p><p>Almost perfectly timed, the mayor’s voice sounded from back towards the larger crowd of people, and the group made their way over to join everybody else. He stood atop a wooden footstool and looked disgruntled that it had taken so long for everyone to congregate. Just like Abigail said, he waffled on about the history of Pelican Town and the importance of tradition and integrating young people into the community at such great length that Katerina had to stifle a yawn. Mayor Lewis finally seemed to notice the boredom-induced stirring of the crowd and called for the dance to commence.</p><p>Katerina let Abigail grab her by the hands and pull them towards the middle of the clearing, while the older townspeople drifted away onto the sidelines. Somewhere beside them, Katerina saw Sam doing the same to Sebastian. She couldn’t help the giggle that bubbled up from her chest.</p><p>“This feels so stupid.”</p><p>Abigail suddenly pulled Katerina closer and led her into a deep dip. “You mean romantic?”</p><p>Only after Katerina found the ground again with her own two feet did she laugh. “Who said you get to be the leader?”</p><p>“Cause I’m taller. Duh.”</p><p>Katerina nodded reluctantly, assenting, and grew silent as her head twisted to scan the rest of the crowd. She didn’t put any weight onto who had coupled up together - she and Abigail were dancing together, after all - but she did note with a small glint of curiosity that the resident schoolteacher, Penny’s, face looked as bright red as the hair on her head as she whirled around with Maru. By now the older, already established couples had joined in - Robin and Demetrius, Abigail’s parents, and even Evelyn stood in front of her husband’s wheelchair, hands clasped in his, swaying side to side as he stubbornly repressed a smile. Katerina thought her heart melted a bit at the sight. Her eyes seemed to keep going on their own accord, like they were looking for something, though Katerina’s mind couldn’t imagine what.</p><p>There. Still on the opposite side of the field, standing next to his goddaughter who sat on the ground playing with Sam’s baby brother. A bolt of lightning crackled down Katerina’s spine when her eyes found his face and discovered he had already been looking straight at her. Their gazes locked onto one another, and Katerina thought she would have actually shivered had Abigail not chosen that moment to turn them in a half-circle. Katerina blinked up at Abigail and watched as the woman’s eyes darted over to where Katerina had been staring, but it only lasted a moment before she looked back. Katerina had half a mind to think she had imagined it.</p><p>Slowly the couples began to break apart as the townspeople made their way back for another round at the dessert table. Abigail and Katerina broke apart as well, outlasted only by Penny and Maru, and made to rejoin Sam and Sebastian. The two men had drifted off to the sidelines when their fun was through, and Katerina noted with a poorly concealed wince that they had gone to play with Sam’s brother, Vincent.</p><p>The tension that Katerina felt settle into her shoulders seemed to roll straight off Abigail, and the woman punched Shane’s arm goodnaturedly, though he barely seemed to notice it. He was relatively on the taller side, sure, but he was also broad. Katerina wondered how much it would take to make him stumble.</p><p>“Dancing not your thing?” Abigail asked.</p><p>He gave her a tight-lipped smile. His hands were clasped behind his back, making the fabric of his midnight blue jacket stretch at the shoulders. “I have no objections to dancing with a reliable partner.”</p><p>Katerina snorted, and his eyes floated from Abigail’s face to hers. She expected to see the smile - as fake as it was - slide from his face, braced herself for a petty insult to be hurled at her. She didn’t prepare for his smile to grow even wider, and it barrelled into her like an eighteen wheeler.</p><p>“You think my standards are humorous?”</p><p>She frowned. “No.”</p><p>He nodded, that disturbing smile not twitching an itch, and shifted his gaze once again onto Jas.</p><p>What had she expected? He was a cold-hearted man and she a woman with a ravenous desire to fix others the way she couldn’t fix herself. They didn’t jive. You couldn’t reconcile a friendship that had never existed. Did Shane think he had conquered her, like he had all these other people? The way he just acted seemed to suggest so, and the very thought of it made Katerina want to run forward and tear at his skin because surely, surely, there was someone hiding inside that costume of a man he put on every morning like trousers.</p><p>It bothered her. It bothered her immensely, and yet it shouldn’t. She had agreed just as readily as he to scratch out whatever words had ever been exchanged between them, and that included Shane’s quiet admission. She had heard the terror in his voice that night at the dock, whether from opening up even a sliver or from the fear of falling into a bottle, she didn’t know. But she had heard it. And now, effectively, it never happened.</p><p>Katerina drifted forward with only half her mind in the present when Abigail called her to come play with the children. Unenthusiastically she took globs of mud and rocks from Vincent and Jas, pretended they were a steaming apple pie the two had prepared for her, and rubbed her stomach in satisfaction. The children seemed to sense her absentmindedness and turned from her with disinterest. In the corner of her eye, Katerina caught Abigail frowning at her. She frowned back.</p><p>Not long after Vincent began to fuss and Sam squatted down to lift the boy into his arms. While he visibly relaxed in his brother’s arms, Vincent stared around at the group with teary eyes. Katerina’s heart melted, and she felt the urge to make a silly face in attempt to make the boy smile.</p><p>“You tired, little guy?” Sam asked. “Come on, let’s go find Mom. I’ll meet you guys at the stage,” he tacked on over his shoulder, walking away.</p><p>Katerina raised her eyebrows. “The stage?” She saw Abigail and Sebastian’s eyes meet, mischief creeping up over their faces.</p><p>“We’ll show you.” Sebastian smirked at her. The two of them departed in the opposite direction Sam had gone, and Katerina took only a couple steps after them before pausing.</p><p>“Can you - I’ll be right there, okay?” Abigail gave her a questioning look, but nodded. Katerina turned on her heels and walked right back to her spot facing Shane, who had knelt down beside Jas and was letting the girl pile pebbles into his outstretched palms. When he noticed Katerina’s feet appear beside him, he looked up.</p><p>“Katerina Hann.” His voice was smooth and strong, laden with nothing but cold nonchalance. It made her want to tear at her hair with frustration. “Back again?”</p><p>Resisting the urge to grit her teeth against the grating smoothness of his tone, Katerina shook her head. “I just wanted to say goodbye.”</p><p>Shane let the pebbles and dirt in his hands fall back to the ground, earning a sharp cry of protest from Jas. She fell silent when he scooped her up into his arms and stood. Katerina immediately felt dwarfed by his size, felt like a stupid little girl in her pink bowtie dress.</p><p>“Goodbye, then.”</p><p>Katerina should have left it at that. She should’ve said it back to him and been gone before her brain had time to make any stupid decisions. But instead she quirked an eyebrow at him and shifted her gaze to Jas. “Did you have fun today, Miss Jas?”</p><p>The little girl looked exhausted and was rubbing one eye blearily, but when she heard her name and realized the question had been addressed to her, she lowered her hand to stare at Katerina. After a few seconds, she nodded.</p><p>“I had fun too. You look very pretty in your dress.”</p><p>Jas was a shy girl, staring at Katerina with tired but wide eyes. But the corners of her lips turned up slightly, revealing the deep crater of a dimple on her left cheek, and she held a chubby hand out towards Katerina. “Pretty.”</p><p>Katerina’s eyes flickered over to Shane. His face was all hard lines - eyes narrowed, jaw clenched - but he met her eyes and translated, “She thinks you look pretty, too.”</p><p>Katerina’s heart turned to mush at that, and she half thought to press her hands to her ears lest it start leaking out. She was glad she had never really been around babies her whole life - if they were all this precious she would have long passed away from the cuteness of it all. “Thank you. Goodnight, sweetie.”</p><p>Upon being released from the conversation, Jas promptly turned her face and buried it in Shane’s neck. Katerina smiled. She was a smart little girl.</p><p>Katerina suddenly felt trapped in Shane’s gaze, breathless from the way it constricted her. Now that Jas had removed herself there was no crutch to lean on, no way out to avoid talking to him a second longer. She had made her bed and now she had to lie in it. “Goodnight, Shane,” she said.</p><p>She didn’t know what she expected, but when Shane simply nodded at her and turned away, she felt a stab of disappointment pierce her stomach. She fought it down and hurried back over to where her friends were waiting for her. The pair was caught in an awkward silence as she approached them, eyes averted, obviously trying and miserably failing at pretending they hadn’t been watching. Gloriously, Sam chose that moment to rejoin them, clapping his hands together.</p><p>“What’s the holdup?”</p><p>Abigail and Sebastian both opened their mouths, but Katerina spoke before either of them could respond. “Nothing.” She swallowed and shook off any lingering discomfort from her awkward goodbye to Shane. She was already kicking herself for having said anything to him. They’d agreed mutually to start over, hadn’t they? There was no reason to expect - and every reason opposite to expect, in fact - that Shane would have opened up towards her after their conversation at the dock. He was just as reclusive and closed off as he pretended to be, and Katerina had not the tools nor the energy to crack him open like she had so wanted to. Shane hid himself from the people around him, and what Abigail had said to her all those weeks ago was right: there was no need to pry.</p><p>Katerina cleared her throat and crossed her arms, suddenly self-conscious from the three pairs of eyes trained on her. “Well, then. What’s this thing you wanted to show me?”</p><p>Hoisting the backup that had been at his feet up around his shoulders, Sebastian took off without another word. Sam followed, also silently, but Abigail shot a grin in her direction before walking after them. Curiosity building, Katerina too followed. The walk was short, less than five minutes, and ended at another tiny clearing notable only for a large tree stump protruding from the earth at its center. Sebastian approached the stump and with a flourish, turned and bowed in the direction of the other three.</p><p>“The stage,” he announced.</p><p>Katerina suddenly found herself consumed in a fit of uncontrollable laughter, solo at first then later fueled by the laughter of her three friends. When she finally calmed down minutes later, she stood shaking her head and wiping tears off of her cheeks.</p><p>“This is fucking stupid,” she said, voice filled with amusement and disbelief. “I feel like a teenager.” She certainly had gotten up to hijinks similar to this in high school, though her and her friends’ preferred after-hours meeting place had been a rundown park near the neighborhood’s elementary school. Vaguely she remembered drinking to near blackout and trying to do handstands on the tire swing. Her brother had been there that night, and together they took a hefty dent out of a bottle they’d stolen from their parents’ liquor cabinet. A stereotypical, boring memory, and yet distinctly hers.</p><p>“If it makes you feel any better,” Sebastian said as he pulled a bottle out of his backpack and waved it in her direction, “I bought these all with my own two hands. Proud to say I haven’t stolen a drop of alcohol since high school.”</p><p>“It’s tradition,” Abigail added, stepping forward and snatching a bottle from Sebastian.</p><p>“Says the woman who claims to hate anything to do with the word ‘traditional’,” Katerina said, laughing. She accepted the bottle Abigail had offered in her direction and promptly took a large swallow. She relegated herself to silence as she drank, willing the alcohol to warm her up. The heat of the day had departed alongside the sun, and the thin fabric of her dress did nothing to retain body heat. Surprising though it was, her friends also remained silent as they nursed their own bottles. Sam leaned against a tree, looking uncharacteristically deep in thought, and Abigail and Sebastian stood together staring up through the canopy of leaves towards the stars. Her back was to Sebastian and his arm wrapped around her shoulders - had Katerina not known better, she would have thought they were a couple or perhaps a pair of particularly siblings. Katerina and her twin had acted similarly, as weird as it seemed to outsiders.</p><p>The stillness of the moment was magical in its own right, the sounds of crickets chirping and leaves rustling filling the gaps where conversation would have gone. But after Katerina knocked out a respectable amount of her bottle and was firmly content that a buzz would soon be settling in hazily over her head, she stepped up onto the large stump and broke the silence. “Please enlighten me,” she said, “why this has been dubbed the stage.”</p><p>“We play a game,” Sam started, shooting sly grins in the direction of Abigail and Sebastian. “And before you say it, yes we are all in our early twenties and the game is very juvenile.” Katerina raised her hands in defeat. “Basically, someone stands on the stage and everyone else asks them questions that they have to answer truthfully, and whoever answers the most questions without backing down wins.”</p><p>“And what’s the prize for winning?”</p><p>“The satisfaction of knowing you won.” Abigail crossed her arms, smiling. “You go first!”</p><p>Katerina hopped down from the stump. “Hell no. Someone else go and let me figure out what I’m getting myself into first.”</p><p>Shrugging, Sam replaced her on the stump and took a long swig from his bottle before stretching his arms out wide. “Lay ‘em on me, my friends.”</p><p>Sebastian started with an easy one. “Have you stolen from JojaMart?”</p><p>“Hell yeah, man.”</p><p>“What’d you masturbate to the last time?” Abigail asked. She frowned, looking slightly disappointed when Sam merely answered, “Porn.” Katerina, on the other hand, buried her face in her hands and giggled. The pair threw question after question at him, ranging from “What was your most embarrassing hook up” to “Which one of us would you want to make out with?” (The answer had been Sebastian, which made them all dissolve into unrelenting laughter once again). He answered each question easily, raunchy and immature as they were; Katerina was surprised and slightly impressed at the ease with which he let his secrets out. The man was an open book, and the questions seemed to embarrass Katerina more than they embarrassed him. She stayed silent, listening with amusement until Abigail and Sebastian ganged up and pressured her into asking a question of her own.</p><p>“What’s your body count?” she said after a long stretch of consideration.</p><p>“Four.”</p><p>“Sam!” Abigail exclaimed, hands clapping over her mouth with shocked excitement. “That’s one more than last year!”</p><p>Sebastian was laughing harder than Katerina had ever seen him. “Tell us who, man.”</p><p>With a prideful grin and another swig of alcohol, Sam hopped down off the stump, admitting defeat.</p><p>“No!” Abigail cried through her fit of laughter. Sam only shrugged at her, smirking. “I will get this out of you eventually, mark my words.”</p><p>Once again the group teamed up on Katerina and begrudgingly, fallen victim to peer pressure, she climbed up to take Sam’s place. Her heart raced with the anticipation of laying her most embarrassing moments out like a picture book for her friends to see.</p><p>“What’s your body count?” Sam asked.</p><p>Katerina laughed and felt her face color despite the chill of the evening air. “Two.”</p><p>“Male or female?”</p><p>“One of each,” she admitted, face growing hotter. That made Abigail whoop with pride, raising a hand in a gesture of respect. Katerina laughed, face in her hands, and shook her head. Sebastian spoke next.</p><p>“Did you ever have a fantasy about a professor?” The pair had realized a while ago that they had attended the same relatively small university, and Katerina knew Sebastian was hoping he would recognize the name. By the way he laughed and shook his head in disbelief when she answered “Dr. Hart,” he did.</p><p>“He’s old, Katerina!”</p><p>“Rugged,” she corrected. “I painfully have a very specific type, and I think it was triggered by him.”</p><p>The questions that followed were similar to those asked of Sam, and while they were nearly all dirty and all extremely immature, Katerina found herself less and less embarrassed with each answer. Her friends didn’t know any of the people she spoke of, after all (besides Sebastian knowing the professor), and as humiliating as it might be in its own right, Katerina’s sex life wasn’t very interesting. It was fun, that is, until Abigail spoke with a mischievous glint in her eyes that Katerina could see even in the darkness.</p><p>“Did you see Shane staring at us earlier?”</p><p>A pit suddenly materialized deep in her body, and her stomach plummeted into it. “Yes.”</p><p>“Have you slept with him?”</p><p>Katerina’s jaw actually dropped open at that one, and she cried, “No! Oh god, no. Absolutely not.” She noted a look exchanged between Abigail and Sebastian and apprehensively suspected that they had discussed the possibility before. Sebastian broke the shared gaze to once again look at Katerina.</p><p>“Do you want to?”</p><p>Groaning, her face again fell into her hands. She stepped off the stump with an air of defeat. “I give up. And, for the record, the answer is no.”</p><p>Abigail pressed her for what felt like several minutes more, but eventually Katerina pressured her well enough to take the stump for herself, and Abigail became the center of attention. She, and later Sebastian, were not nearly as open as Sam, but it still took a lot for them to rise to their breaking points of embarrassment. Katerina supposed that if they had been playing this game for years, as they’d claimed, then they all probably already knew each other like the back of their hands. Katerina had been the interesting newcomer to squeeze dirty secrets out of.</p><p>Sam was declared the winner after all, but while he grinned and rose his hands in the air in a gesture of victory, he also began gathering up the trash they had left, making to leave. “I’m calling it a night, guys. I have to babysit the bro tomorrow morning.”</p><p>Katerina checked the time on her wristwatch and was pleased to see it hadn’t yet hit midnight. “I should go, too. Duty calls, and all that.” Abigail pouted in her direction, clearly not yet ready to hit the sack, but Sebastian nodded beside her.</p><p>“I can walk you home,” he offered. “It’s on my way.”</p><p>She shrugged and nodded her assent, rolling her eyes in response to Abigail’s wink. The four said their goodbyes at the far end of the fairground, where Abigail and Sam then continued east towards town while Sebastian and Katerina turned north.</p><p>“So,” Sebastian started, shoving his hands in his front pockets. “It wasn’t that bad, was it?”</p><p>“The dance or the game?”</p><p>He snorted. “The dance.”</p><p>“It was fun. I enjoyed myself.”</p><p>“Good.” He nodded and didn’t question her any further, plunging them into quietude. She realized that as her brain scrambled for something to say, the silence felt awkward. Thankfully, before she could take off running just to avoid the uncomfortable energy buzzing between them, Sebastian spoke again. “You ever checked that out?” He jerked his head in the direction of the now-visible pond and dock.</p><p>Katerina smiled. “I used to swim there when I was a kid.”</p><p>“No shit? I never knew you’d been to Pelican Town before, but I guess it makes sense you visited your granddad.”</p><p>“Yeah. My brother and I used to stay with him for a few weeks in the summer until we were about thirteen or so.”</p><p>He grinned. “That’s sick. We probably ran into each other as kids and don’t even remember.”</p><p>“Probably. Well, maybe. My brother and I were something of recluses.” She turned to look at him and smiled, arms crossed against the breeze.</p><p>“You that close?” he asked.</p><p>“We’re twins,” was all she said, and he nodded in understanding.</p><p>The quiet that followed wasn’t awkward this time around, and Katerina let it sit until they approached the farmhouse. “I’ll see you around, I guess. Get home safe.”</p><p>Sebastian opened his mouth, then shut it again and cleared his throat. “I just wanted to say - I hope nothing made you too uncomfortable. It’s just a dumb game we made up years ago to embarrass each other.”</p><p>Katerina’s face immediately began to burn with embarrassment, remembering the questions that he and Abigail had thrown at her. Was that what her friends thought of her? Of Shane? She didn’t know where she stood with him or what would become of their twisted relationship that fell somewhere on the spectrum between friendship and hatred - she didn’t even know why she cared, for that matter. But what she did know was that her friends had gotten it all wrong. Sure, there existed some sort of sick fascination between the two of them, whether they chose to acknowledge it or not, but it ended there. Katerina, for all she longed to crack open his skull and see what was inside, had no intent of crawling into his bed.</p><p>“It’s okay, I get it.”</p><p>He swallowed, like he wanted to say more, but didn’t. “Alright, then. Goodnight, Katerina.”</p><p>She smiled as he turned to leave, but as she watched his dark shape slowly grow more and more distant, a feeling of heavy dissatisfaction scrambled up the inside of her body from a pit deep within. The words had been wrong, spoken by the wrong pair of lips, said in a tone far too friendly.</p><p>Goodnight, Katerina Hann.</p><p>She groaned, catching herself in the thought, and hurried in through the front door.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If anyone cares, this is how I imagined Katerina's dress: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/191051209182284937/</p><p>Thanks for reading:)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Sometime during her second month in the valley, Katerina stumbled across the community center. The building was huge - larger than any in town except maybe the combined general store and clinic - but it was also a fair distance north of where she had any business being on a daily basis. It wasn’t until her feet carried her up that way one day on a walk that its existence made itself known. It was a rundown excuse of a shack, let alone a building, and upon inquiry Katerina learned that Robin had recently been commissioned by the Stardew Valley Heritage Fund to restore the derelict pile of logs to its former glory. The restoration was slow-going, especially since Robin worked alone and had a business to run and other projects on the side, and Katerina had felt a calling to volunteer her labor every Tuesday afternoon, if only to be an extra pair of hands to hold tools for Robin as she worked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That’s how she found herself four Tuesdays on puffing as she summited the steep stairs that led up from the town. Her hands were stained with dirt from the morning chores and loose pieces of hair stuck to her temples, slicked down with moisture. It didn’t help that she had decided to head over during the heat of the day, the sun blazing down on her, the air enveloping her in a dry heat like she’d been stuffed and stuck in an oven to roast.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As she drew closer, rounding a large willow tree that blocked sight of the community center, she noticed a figure sitting on a bench in the building’s small garden. She raised a hand to shield her eyes from the sun, curious as to who else would venture out this way. Even with her hand acting as a blockade, she still had to squint to make out any features, but there was no mistaking the sharp lines of that prominent nose or the dark shadows of nearly-black hair.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She set her jaw and shifted her course slightly to head towards the bench he sat at. The past few weeks had been strenuous for her between continuing harvests of the strawberry plants and caring for new crops, which left her with little time left to spend socializing. Even on the nights she managed to drag herself down to the saloon for a drink or two, she was hardly in any shape to keep up with the antics of her friends, and usually left well before the clock struck nine. Her life had been a revolving cycle of bed, fields, kitchen, repeat. What it came to mean was that she’d barely seen Shane since the Flower Dance weeks ago, and had spoken to him even less. Not that she was counting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Katerina Hann.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She released tension from her shoulders that had crept in on its own accord. “Shane Anderson.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes flicked up at her from where they had been trained on a spot in the distance. She nearly took a step back when she got a full look at his face, taken aback by how </span>
  <em>
    <span>haggard</span>
  </em>
  <span> he looked. Dark shadows rimmed his already lifeless eyes, and deep lines cut across his face where they hadn’t before. He looked like he’d aged ten years in the span of a month, and that he hadn’t slept in nearly as long.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She took a seat on the bench, not on the far opposite side but not in the middle, either. “It’s fucking hot.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” was all he said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina frowned. No chastising her for cursing, no look of distaste shot in her direction. Some small part of her realized in that moment that perhaps she had been avoiding him for this very reason. She hated the way he had decided to treat her, like she was...</span>
  <em>
    <span>normal</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you come here often?” She wanted to kick herself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Stupid</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she thought.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Me neither. Well, I’ve been coming here to help Robin clean this shithole up, but only once a week. But before that I’d never been.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I help you with something, Katerina Hann?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And...ouch. Perhaps she’d grown unaccustomed to his bluntness, or perhaps she was feeling particularly sensitive under the strain of running a farm single-handedly. Either way the comment stung, and she responded in the only way she knew how: stupidly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was wondering if you like tea.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hesitated, and Katerina thought she saw his fingers twitch where they were neatly folded in his lap. “Tea?” he asked after an excruciatingly long moment of silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y’know, mint, darjeeling.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the corner of her eye, Shane frowned. “I like tea,” he said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She nodded decisively. That settled it. “Perfect. Then you’d like to join me this Friday for tea at the pond?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His head snapped to her in shock, though he quickly masked his surprised expression with one of suspicion. Turning to meet his eyes, she merely smiled at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t make me repeat myself, Shane.” She cleared her throat and turned back to look out towards town. Suddenly she felt ridiculous in her baggy denim shorts, her hair wet with sweat. “Tea is a perfectly acceptable medium over which two people can get to know each other.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And what makes you think I want to get to know you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina was better prepared for the remark this time, and it didn’t cut nearly as deep. In fact, it practically glanced right off of her. “Because I’m a person worth getting to know.” She stood, almost too quickly, and futilely tried to dust off her shorts. “I’ll be there Friday at ten.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Without waiting for his response, she made her departure from the garden. Robin would be waiting for her inside, and Katerina wasn’t one to be late.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The following three days dragged on at a pace that Katerina never before thought possible. She threw herself into work harder than ever, managing to clear a large swathe of land from growth and debris on top of the usual chores, and had even purchased a large stack of planks from Robin with the intention of building a new tool shed. And yet she found it impossible to escape the thundering cloud of anxiety that followed her around like it had a god damn tracking device on her. She went to bed Thursday night after firmly resolving not to go to the dock the next morning, telling herself she was stupid for even entertaining the idea, only to wake up on Friday wondering what kind of tea to bring. She was stupid nonetheless, though, that was for sure.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane didn’t have red flags. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> a red flag, flapping proud in the wind for the world to see.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina knew that, logically. She had learned her lesson before not to involve herself with people who would just </span>
  <em>
    <span>take take take</span>
  </em>
  <span> and never give, and had long since memorized the warning bells that rang when she met someone like that. But Shane didn’t trigger those. He was an enigma, for sure, a mystery wrapped up in the shape of a human. He had put up impregnable defenses that put the fucking Great Wall to shame, but Katerina couldn’t help but sense that deep under all that was a timid child cowering in fear.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mint.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After dragging herself through the motions of morning chores, Katerina decided on mint tea. She stared helplessly into her cupboard and pulled out a few teabags, then put a pot on the stove. As she waited for the water to boil, she attempted to salvage what she could of her appearance. Her hair looked scraggly and was in desperate need of a shampoo, but she swapped the stained running shorts for a pair of jeans that had at least been through the wash. The shirt had escaped the majority of whatever had assaulted the shorts. It would do.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The kettle began to whistle, rousing Caramel from a peaceful dose on Katerina’s pillow, and she hurried away from the mirror and out to the kitchen. She paced anxiously around the room as the tea steeped, then chilled in a pitcher filled to the brim with ice. She avoided reality for as long as possible, but eventually had to swallow down her regrets and fears and headed out the front door, iced tea in tow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The walk down to the pond was strangely calming, all things considered. She convinced herself around halfway that pigs would sooner fly than Shane would meet her, and she was looking forward to enjoying the drink by herself, pissing away time with a much-deserved rest day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fully convinced of this reality, she stopped dead in her tracks when she neared the pond and saw Shane’s familiar form sitting cross-legged at the end of the dock. His head twitched when he heard her footsteps, back straightening slightly, but he didn’t turn to greet her. She sat beside him and carefully placed the pitcher between them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Resting on his lap, held in place by two large but gentle hands, sat the most hideous thing Katerina had ever seen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t help herself. “What is </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His hands stretched wide around it as if to act as a shield from her gaze. “It’s a teapot.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In the shape of a chicken?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He frowned. “I like it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That might be the worst thing ever created by human hands.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Frown deepening, Shane finally turned to look at her. “Look, if you’ve just come here to insult me-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” she injected. She shook her head and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a moment or two where Katerina thought he would still stand and storm away, dashing any chance that she would ever get a real conversation out of him, but then his expression relaxed and he set the ugly thing next to her nondescript white pitcher.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stretching her legs out and dangling them out over the water, Katerina cleared her throat. “I can’t believe I forgot cups.” Her face burned with the embarrassment of being so forgetful, even worse so when Shane again looked at her, but it all evaporated the second he presented two glasses in the shapes of broken eggshells from his other side. She could have sworn he looked sheepish.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her eyes practically bugged at the sight of them, but God help her, she didn’t say anything. Didn’t even </span>
  <em>
    <span>think</span>
  </em>
  <span> it. Pinky promise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I made green,” he mumbled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mint,” she said in response. “Let’s have yours first, since it’s hot.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nodded, then poured the steaming liquid into each cup with delicate precision. She ignored the flash of disappointment that appeared when he only pushed her cup towards her instead of handing it to her. Together they sipped in silence, peering out over the water, and Katerina nearly downed the whole cup before her brain settled on something to say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t think you would come.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He lowered the cup from his lips, and Katerina noted that they had turned up slightly at the corners. Was it the remnants of a concealed smile, or the beginnings of one of his carefully crafted masks? “It would be rude.” He took another sip. “But I do wonder why you asked me here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And wasn’t that a good question. Katerina tipped her head back to drain the last bits of tea from her cup, buying herself precious seconds to think of what to say. The thing was, she wasn’t even sure what the truth was. Why </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> she asked him here? She certainly hadn’t planned on it, but when she saw him sitting on the bench that day some skewed logic presented by a force deep in her brain had led her to believe it was the only rational thing to do. And, well, here they were now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What, you’ve never been asked to tea by a pretty girl before?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course I have.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It hadn’t been said in jest, but Katerina laughed anyway. “Then why question it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane turned and gave her a look that she could only describe as skeptical. It seemed to say, </span>
  <em>
    <span>You know why.</span>
  </em>
  <span> It seemed to say, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why is a person like you so fascinated by a person like me?</span>
  </em>
  <span> And she felt the need to defend herself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look - the honest truth is that I don’t know why I asked you to come here. I guess I’m tired of playing my energetic extrovert persona and I needed to talk to someone without them expecting me to be that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you asked...me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina frowned, and shoved her empty cup towards him. “Yes. Now fill ‘er up, pouty.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As if to prove her point, Shane frowned at her, but took her cup and poured it full. The tea had cooled enough that only the weakest tendrils of steam rose from the cup, and when she brought it to her lips it was the perfect temperature to drink. It went down faster than the first cup, and this time when it was gone she reached for her own pitcher to refill it. A few minutes later Shane glanced at her and held his cup out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes found her face, but avoided looking into her own eyes. “You asked me here to talk, and yet you’re silent.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina huffed. Observant one, he was. “I don’t know what to talk about.” She expected that to shut down the conversation, but uncharacteristically Shane prompted her further.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Talk about your farm.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She watched him suspiciously as she pushed the iced tea back over to him. “You care?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not soulless, whatever you think of me, Katerina Hann.” His voice sounded strained.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t-” She snapped her jaw shut. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t think that</span>
  </em>
  <span>. But was it true?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The farm is fucking exhausting. I wake up at five thirty everyday to get in a solid few hours of work before the sun can boil me alive, and even when I take breaks I’m reading or going over the bank statements or calling everyone and their mother to get quotes on shit that needs fixed. I love cooking, but lately I’ve barely the energy to heat myself up some soup before I go to bed just to wake up the next morning and do it all over again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That sounds miserable.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane snorted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span> it, Shane. I’m so busy that all I can think about is the work at hand, and in bed at night I’m too exhausted to think about much of anything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And that’s good?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina took a moment to consider him. He’d brought one knee up in front of him and was leaning back on his hands, head tilted slightly to one side as he stared down at his lap. He looked the picture of tranquility, despite the tempest that Katerina knew raged inside of him. Yeah. He understood.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s good,” she said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Two more glasses went down after that with not a word more exchanged between the pair. Katerina didn’t mind; it was nice to just sit in the presence of another person without worrying about what to say, what to do, how to act. She just sat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A time later, she reached her breaking point of tea. Thirst thoroughly vanquished for the long foreseeable future - and bladder verging on uncomfortably full - Katerina laid back against the dock. “It’s fucking hot,” she groaned. It was indeed, the sun peeking out over the trees to beat the pair senseless with its heat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane’s head was angled - not looking back at her, but not staring straight forwards, either. She saw well enough his left eyebrow lift toward his forehead. “Summer is coming,” he agreed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go swimming.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In a flash a smile appeared on his face - she even saw the glint of a tooth - but it was quickly flattened out, and he turned his head away from her. It was shock that would defeat him, she realized in that moment. He wanted spontaneous? She could do spontaneous.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t bring my swim clothes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina pushed herself back up into a sitting position. As if the water had heard her proposition, its depths began to call to her, giving promises of respite from the heat. “Hell, go in your underwear. You think I’d judge?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane had his face well under control by now, but he did look thoughtful. “No, Katerina Hann, you are not judgemental.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then let’s do it.” She had already drawn her legs back in and was pulling off her shoes and socks. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>would</span>
  </em>
  <span> go swimming, damn him, even if he only wanted to sit and watch. Even if he up and left.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” he agreed. And just like that he took her by surprise for the second time that morning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina’s eyes flicked up at him, studying his cool expression, but she reigned in her shock for fear it would send him running. One had to act around Shane like they would around a wounded pet. She continued pulling off her right sock and stuffing it into its respective sneaker, and kept her eyes firmly averted when Shane stood and began shedding layers. She hadn’t noticed until they were around his ankles that he wasn’t wearing his typical monochrome suit but an unremarkable pair of light wash jeans. His plain grey tee soon joined its lower counterpart on the wooden planks. Katerina swallowed, trying hard to compose herself, and failing harder as a blush settled in. It’d be the same no matter who it was beside her. What kind of person stripped down to their underclothes in the presence of what was, in effect, a stranger?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well?” his voice said from far above her, like this was the most natural situation in the world.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Slowly she rose to stand on her now bare feet. “What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you swimming in your clothes?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cursing herself with increasing intensity, Katerina lifted her gaze to meet his. “I don’t…” She blinked. “I’m not gonna lie, I don’t wear underwear.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And there it was again - a slight widening of his eyes, a separation of his lips far enough that Katerina could just make out both rows of teeth. “Oh,” he said flatly, though Katerina faintly made out a slight tilt of surprise to the tone. “That presents a problem for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Indeed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their eyes locked, and Katerina watched in frustration as the shock faded from his face. Damn him and his impenetrable walls. Suddenly her hands began to move of their own accord, acting in complete defiance of her mind screeching </span>
  <em>
    <span>You fucking idiot!</span>
  </em>
  <span> Fumbling fingers undid the button of her jeans, and heavy denim fell to wood with a dull thump. Her shirt was oversized enough that hung well past the tops of her thighs, but Katerina balled her hands into the fabric and tugged it lower anyway. She set her jaw and stared him down, daring him to look away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t. His eyes remained firmly on her face, widening slightly, and while his skin was darker than Katerina’s and less prone to blush, one appeared on his cheeks anyway. Just barely there, but there all the same. Had it not been for the dark circles under his eyes, he would have looked like a bumbling teenager for the first time in the presence of a woman. Katerina certainly felt like one herself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her heart pounded loud against her ribcage, the bass drum to the sound of blood rushing in her ears. She felt frozen to the spot, all the confidence that she had been swimming in a moment ago suddenly zapped away. But she had to say </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She’d dug herself into this situation, and Shane surely wouldn’t dig them out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll jump if you jump,” is what she settled on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“On three,” he replied.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina grinned. She thought she had uncovered the clue to cracking Shane open, and perhaps she had, but it appeared he was just as adept at surprising her as she was him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He finally, </span>
  <em>
    <span>finally</span>
  </em>
  <span>, broke their stare to turn and walk to the edge of the dock. Katerina followed him after a moment, trying not to let her eyes wander down his body. He hadn’t looked at her. And it wasn’t like that between them, anyway. Any admiration done on her part would be purely objective, like aggressively straight Sam being able to admit that he found Sebastian hot.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Three,” he began as Katerina leaned forward over the water, gazing into its depths. She joined him on “two,” and on one the pair leaped.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was amazed by how deep the water was. It felt like ages she sunk deeper and deeper until her body finally began to drift back up towards the air. She kicked the final few inches until she resurfaced, laughing as soon as her lungs were once again filled. Shane had made it up before she had, and when her eyes found him he was pushing his soaked hair back off his forehead and smiling. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Smiling</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her laugh fell flat when her brain processed what her eyes were seeing, though she cursed herself when Shane reacted to the sudden change and his smile dropped.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” he asked, eyebrows furrowing. He would have looked defensive had they not been floating in the middle of a pond, soaking wet and half naked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina pushed her own hair back with one hand and dipped back under the water until only her eyes remained unsubmerged. Shane watched her the whole way, and despite the murkiness of the water that concealed her body below the shoulders, she felt completely exposed. She stayed low until her lungs were screaming for oxygen, and then a few moments longer. When she had drawn in enough air to speak again, she quirked her head at him and attempted a smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have a dimple.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His frown deepened. “I do not.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I saw it! Don’t even try lying to me.” She pushed water forward at him, and he recoiled from the splash. As hard as he tried Katerina saw the corners of his lips twitch. She splashed again. That time the water hit him square in the face, and he spluttered to spit it back out. Katerina took the moment to duck low in the water again and creep closer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, her head was completely submerged by a wave that had been formed by Shane’s hands. She coughed when it passed, having sucked down probably half of it unintentionally, and rubbed her eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You fucking-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another wave overtook her, and this time when she recovered from it she was laughing too hard to retaliate. Instead she swam back over to the dock to take refuge behind one of the wide wooden posts, watching Shane warily. He was letting himself drift backwards away from her, biting down on his cheeks in a poor attempt to conceal his smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina was amazed. There had to be two people inside that body of his, because there was no way that the man with her right now was the Shane she knew. This man wasn’t the same one who charmed his way through life as a defense mechanism, or the one who lashed out when his version of reality was challenged any way in the slightest. It wasn’t the one who admitted at this very spot in a tired voice that he was frightened of the things his own mind made him do.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wasn’t underwater, but she felt breathless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane chose that moment to begin making his slow way back towards her, and Katerina nearly fucking squealed as she ducked further behind the post. She saw him approach from the other side and reach a hand up to steady himself on the dock. Slowly his head appeared where she could see his face, and though she had braced herself for an offensive maneuver, her hand fell back down once they made eye contact.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I request a parley,” he said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She laughed. “Granted, captain.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sunk down into the water and joined her under the dock, hair sticking out in wild directions. Katerina laughed at him, and he raised his eyebrows at her in response. Suddenly the pond seemed more like a puddle for how narrow the distance between their two bodies felt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hope you’re not laughing at me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She felt the urge to stick her tongue out at him, though she didn’t. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nodded like that settled it. “Never thought I’d be on this side of the dock.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think I’ve been in this pond more than out of it, to be honest.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He once again raised his eyebrows at her, this time in a questioning manner.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My brother and I used to swim here all the time,” she explained.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know you were from here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not,” she said. “We visited my grandfather a lot when school wasn’t in session.” Had he really not known Katerina was related to the previous owner of the farm, or was this some elaborate ruse to seem disconnected? She knew he wasn’t a local, but he wasn’t stupid, either.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I should bring Jas here to swim.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina smiled gently at him. Images flashed in her mind of Shane holding the girl in his arms, softness exuding from him in a way that no other person could draw out. “You’re related to her, aren’t you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane frowned. It was so easy to make him frown, and she hated it. “She’s my goddaughter.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s just that you both have dimples,” Katerina said. She already regretted voicing her assumption. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sinking lower in the water, the wooden boards cast shadows on his face that were broken only by a sliver or two of sunshine peeking in through gaps in the wood. He looked as if to be withdrawing into himself just as steadily as he was into the water. “She’s my cousin’s daughter.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina nodded. “She’s a lovely girl, Shane. She’s lucky to have you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He snorted in response and appeared to be about to say something before he bit his tongue and latched onto another train of thought. “It’s getting cold in here.” He pushed back out from under the dock as he spoke, reaching up with both hands to latch on. Katerina followed him fast enough that she saw the way the muscles in his shoulders strained as he lifted himself from the water. He began to dress, and was fully clothed except for his left shoe before he realized Katerina was still in the water. He looked down at her questioningly, eyebrows drawn in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane had been right - the water was cold. But for as cold as it was, Katerina couldn’t help the embarrassment that she burned in. “Can you…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looked confused.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can you turn?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Understanding spread across his face and he turned from her quickly. Had he been a second slower, Katerina might have caught his own look of embarrassment. She pulled herself from the water as fast as she could and jumped back into her jeans even faster, paranoid that the entire town would choose that moment to materialize in the middle of the forest and see her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Paranoid though she was, Katerina was bolstered by the events of the morning. She spent several moments staring at the back of Shane’s head even after she had buttoned her jeans, and finally decided to reach out and touch the back of his shoulder. She expected him to jump, to pull away at the very least, but when her fingers made contact with him over the fabric of his shirt, his body tensed but stayed still.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can turn,” she said softly, and he did. Their eyes locked for what felt like the millionth time that day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe thist,” Shane said. His voice sounded strained, like he was straddling the edge between the person Katerina had just seen and the one he presented to the world. Somehow Katerina knew what he meant by this - the tea, the swimming, the conversation. She knew he felt that he had acted in error by coming to meet with her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She forced a grin in attempt to lighten the mood. “Never say never, buttercup.” She reached up to wring out her dripping hair. Shane’s eyes followed the droplets to where they bounced off the wood at her feet. “Will I see you at the saloon tonight?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When his eyes rose again, they looked haunted. Katerina got the feeling that she had pushed something too far, though she couldn’t imagine what she had said wrong.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The disappointment that bubbled up in her stomach was uninvited. Katerina shrugged as she bent down to collect her half-empty pitcher of tea. Something was telling her to leave, to exit while she still had the picture of Shane smiling in her head, and not his empty eyes. “Well, you’ll know where to find me.” She stepped around him, feet still bare, shoes in her other hand. She made it all the way back to land before the sound of his voice gave her pause.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye, Katerina Hann.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She turned, sickened by the way he appeared to be wilting. What had </span>
  <em>
    <span>happened</span>
  </em>
  <span> that she couldn’t recognize? She smiled anyway. “See you around, Shane Anderson.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Katerina went about the rest of her day feeling...lighter. She couldn’t say why, exactly, but she felt refreshed. Like she’d dunked her sweaty head into a bucket of cold water after a long day of work. It was probably all the tea.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whatever the reason, she was looking forward to seeing her friends at the saloon. She’d spent the rest of the afternoon off from farmwork, and it had been exactly what she needed. She had even picked up her guitar to pluck at, which had been sitting neglected in the corner of her bedroom for months now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When she stepped out of the shower and went over to her wardrobe, a jolt of anxiety flashed through her body. The t-shirt she had been wearing earlier was still lying where she had discarded it haphazardly on the floor, soaking wet and reeking of pond water.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What was I thinking?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Katerina sat down hard on the end of her bed, the wooden frame digging uncomfortably into the backs of her thighs. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>hadn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> been thinking, was the problem. She had let that primal part of her take over and lead on instinct, and it had been bold and brash and had acted with a level of confidence that Katerina surely didn’t command on her own. What kind of person essentially went skinny dipping with a near stranger in broad daylight? Where anyone could have walked by and seen? When she would have to face him again not twelve hours later? Katerina wasn’t that person, that was for sure.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And yet she’d done it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And he let you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, a voice said in the back of her head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina groaned and dropped back onto the mattress. She debated back and forth with herself for minutes, deciding whether it would be more humiliating to show up and have to be in his presence, or skip out and let him know that she was agonizing over it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The latter. The latter was definitely worse.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina dressed herself and made it to town fairly uneventfully, though it was quite a bit later than she usually arrived when she finally walked through the front door. She was a familiar enough face by now that her arrival turned only a few heads, and those that did look did so only to see who it was, then looked away quickly after brief smiles of acknowledgement. Maru caught her eye from the far end of a secluded booth across from a person that Katerina could only assume was Penny. Katerina raised her eyebrows conspiratorially, earning a laugh from Maru and prompting Penny to spin in her seat to look at who she was laughing at. Katerina shoved her hands in her front pockets and hurried over to the game room in a way she hoped looked nonchalant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Inside the room Abigail and Sam stood huddled together, looking at something on his phone, and an exasperated-looking Sebastian leaned against the wall. It was an odd scene, but Katerina had learned not to question them. Instead she walked over to Sebastian and leaned on the wall with one shoulder, facing him. He brushed hair out of his face that had fallen out of place when his head tilted down to look at her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How’s it hangin’, pretty boy?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sebastian snorted. “It’s hanging.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are Abby and Sam doing?” Katerina asked, just as a particularly loud, unidentifiable noise blasted from Sam’s phone. Sebastian rolled his eyes at them, though Katerina could see he was amused beneath his annoyance.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let me know if you find out, cause I have no idea,” he said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina took that as her cue to make herself known to the other two. When she walked over to them she tried to peek at the screen, but it was blocked. Sam put his phone away when he saw her, anyway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” he exclaimed, clapping her on the shoulder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Katerina,” Abigail said in a gentler tone beside him. Katerina smiled as she looked into the eyes of her friend, entranced by the welcoming look in them. Had she ever told Abigail she had beautiful eyes? Because she did - the green even more striking when set against her purple hair.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam finally took in the full sight of Katerina, and with his hand still on her shoulder, he frowned. “You look exhausted.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She laughed, though he had said nothing funny. “God, I am.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam released her and shook his head sympathetically. “Someone get this woman a drink,” he sing-songed. Abigail rolled her eyes at him but seemed to agree with the sentiment, a look of concern creeping into her expression. Katerina almost groaned out loud - she hadn’t come to the saloon for a pity party, or to get a lecture like one from her parents. She’d come to...well, that didn’t matter. She’d come to escape farm life for a few hours.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on,” Abigail said after a few seconds, “I’ll walk with you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina nodded, and together they headed back into the common room, beelining straight to Emily, who stood wiping down glasses behind the bar. The blue-haired woman looked pleased to see them, though the three didn’t exchange much more than pleasantries and their orders. It was strange to Katerina - Emily and Abigail seemed cut from the same cloth, both fascinated by the mystic and macabre, but perhaps it was precisely their similarities that prevented a closer friendship. Or maybe it was the fact that they were separated by more than a few years, Abigail freshly able to legally drink and Emily well into her adulthood.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Emily placed two dusty pink cocktails in front of them - which Abigail had ordered and Katerina had begrudgingly agreed to try - with a cheerful smile, then went off to help other customers. Abigail was fumbling with her earring, which was set with a heavy purple stone and kept falling out, and Katerina glanced around as she waited.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was as if the Friday of last week had been zapped forward in time and placed on top of the Friday of this week, for how little the saloon seemed to have changed. Marnie and Lewis sat in their usual spot, each nursing a frothing pint of beer, while Elliot and Willy chatted in increasingly uproarious tones. The only difference was that today they were joined by a fiery-haired woman that Katerina was pretty sure was named Leah. The woman was something of a loner, spending most of her days in or around her cabin in the forest south of the Anderson ranch, but she seemed friendly enough.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina heard the scraping of glass against wood as Abigail picked her drink up, and Katerina made to grab her own drink, though as she did her eyes drifted across something that made her freeze. Across the bar, in a dim corner usually uninhabited, sat Shane. He was slumped back into the barstool and his head rolled forward towards his chest, though one hand remained firmly clenched around a glass on the countertop. He had changed back into his usual attire, this time a deep maroon, though the clothes looked disheveled, and the undershirt appeared to have been buttoned lopsided. Katerina barely recognized him as the same person she had seen earlier that day. Her stomach clenched.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hand frozen in place halfway to her drink, Katerina had failed to conceal her shock, and Abigail had followed her gaze over to Shane. The woman shook her head slightly and met Katerina’s eyes when Katerina looked back at her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>, her face said. They had come to understand each other so well these past couple of months.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have to say something,” Katerina said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t,” Abigail responded, sounding defeated, but she turned and headed back to the game room alone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina swallowed and, leaving her drink sitting on the bar, walked towards the splintered man sitting at the bar that called himself Shane. He didn’t give any reaction when she leaned against the counter next to him, didn’t even seem to notice her presence, and the sinking feeling in Katerina’s stomach sunk deeper.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shane,” she said softly, and his head jerked up to her. His eyes looked simultaneously feral and withdrawn. </span>
  <em>
    <span>A tempest</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she thought for the second time that day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He growled angrily and drained the remnants of whatever amber-colored liquid was in his glass. It smelled strong, whatever it was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shane,” she said again, firmer this time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you want?” he snapped.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span>. This wasn’t who he was. Why was he acting this way, as if they hadn’t spent real time together only that morning? Was he a fucking amnesiac - was that it? Did he forget who she was, and lash out in defense of his foggy brain?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina flinched at his biting tone. Nothing in his face softened to suggest a hint of regret, and he continued to stare her down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” she said. “Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane barked a bitter laugh, drawing the attention of Emily, who stood nearby. The woman’s eyebrows furrowed and she sucked a part of her bottom lip in between her teeth anxiously. “That’s none of your fucking business, sweetheart. Leave me alone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The words felt like a slap to the face. Katerina recoiled from them, face twisting in anger, and clenched her fists at her sides. “What the fuck is your problem?” she demanded in a low tone. “You’re a fucking prick, Shane. What did I ever do to you?” She waited a moment to see something, </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>, on his face other than resentment and irritation, but when nothing came she spun and stalked back towards the game room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Neither Sebastian nor Sam questioned why it had taken her so long at the bar, but Abigail gave her a knowing look that bordered too close to pity for Katerina’s comfort. She didn’t need pity - she wasn’t upset. She was just angry at being treated like a plaything, a toy to use until it had outgrown its fun and became more of an annoyance.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Change of plans,” she said, not even trying to mask the anger in her voice. Sam blinked, surprised, when Katerina slammed her fruity drink down on the pool table a few inches from where he had been leaning over some balls. “I’m going home.” Abigail opened her mouth to speak, but Katerina raised her hand to stop her. “I don’t feel well and I want to be alone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Some part of her wanted to find a back exit to slink out of, unseen, but the other part of her knew Shane was too much of a fucking drunk to notice her storming through the front door even if she had flashing lights and a mariachi band lamenting her departure. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fucking asshole</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she screeched in her mind, barely finding it in herself not to slam the door behind her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her instincts had been wrong, after all. Emily had been wrong. There was no soft core to Shane, no golden heart lying in wait, ready to peek through when it was safe. He was rotten to the core. He was angry and bitter and hateful, and he punished the people around him for the things the world had done to him to make him this way. Katerina no longer ached to discover what those things were.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Livid at Shane, livid at herself for ever possibly seeing a companionable soul in him, she stomped back to the farmhouse in record time, burning in the treacherous feeling of hurt that writhed in her chest.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is very short, but very needed. The next one will make up for it :)</p>
<p>Don't worry, Shane will return soon &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>A loud knock at the front door roused Katerina from her fitful sleep. She awoke with a start, glancing around frantically until she placed herself on the couch in her own living room. With a small sigh she fumbled around until she found her phone, then unlocked it to look at the time. Only nine o’clock. She had taken to sleeping with the windows open as the nights grew to be only stifled manifestations of the daytime heat, and the sounds of cicadas and other nightlife buzzed with a fervor.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The knock rang through the house again, and Katerina peeled herself off the couch with a small twinge of irritation. Who would be knocking this late, and what could they possibly want? She swung open the front door and, blearily, looked out onto the front porch.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Abigail stood before her, looking as if she had just started to turn away. She held a small wicker basket in her hands, the contents covered by a white bread cloth. “Katerina!” she said brightly, turning back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey.” Katerina’s voice was raspy from sleep, and she cleared it. How long had she been asleep? Not long, she thought, though the movie she had put on was two hours long and the screen had been black when she woke.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Abigail’s face twisted into an apologetic expression. “Were you sleeping?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina rubbed her eye as she stepped out onto the porch and shut the door behind her. “Just dozing to a boring movie. It’s nothing.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Abigail bit her lip, still looking apologetic. She lifted the basket and held it out towards Katerina like an offering. “Well, I brought cookies.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina raised her eyebrows and took the basket. When she moved the cloth aside, a generous pile of chocolate chip cookies sat inside, still looking to be warm. “I - Wow, thanks.” She never had been good at receiving gifts. Instead she reached inside and grabbed a large cookie to take a bite of to make up for her lackluster thanks.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry to have woken you,” Abigail said. “My mom and I made way too many and I thought you could use some cheering up.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina nearly winced. She’d seen her friend only in passing when doing business at her father’s shop since the night Katerina had snapped at them all. That’d been nearly two weeks ago, and really Katerina should have expected that they would sense something was up. It wasn’t that she was </span>
  <em>
    <span>avoiding</span>
  </em>
  <span> them, per say. It was just that she was feeling particularly fed up with humanity, and had started to much prefer Caramel’s company as a nonverbal creature.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you. I mean it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There was a moment where neither woman knew what to say, or do. Abigail turned to leave, but before she could go Katerina set the cookies on the wooden bench to the side of the front door, and stopped her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey - do you wanna go for a walk?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The smile that formed on Abigail’s lips felt like a breath of fresh air, full cliche intended. “I’m down.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Briefly Katerina considered running back inside to grab herself a sweatshirt, but the slight chill that nipped at her skin was a welcome respite from the summer heat. She was braless, in a tank top and sweatpants, and had grabbed the first pair of shoes she could find, which happened to be a pair of hiking sandals. She felt absolutely ridiculous and probably looked even worse, but she also knew Abigail wouldn’t judge.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Where do you want to go?” Abigail asked as Katerina straightened from pulling on her shoes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Take me somewhere I’ve never been before.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Abigail’s eyes narrowed as she thought. “I think I know just the place.” She took off with a purpose towards the northern edge of the farm. They fell into step together, and though Abigail was a few inches taller than Katerina, her pace was comfortable.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How have you been?” Katerina asked. She hadn’t expected the heavy sigh that fell from Abigail’s lips.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Honestly, Kat?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina frowned. “Honestly.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Work’s a drag, the girl I’ve been talking to ghosted me about a week ago, and my parents have been fighting again.” She shrugged. “So not so great, I suppose.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina physically felt her chest ache - with sympathy, with guilt for not being there for Abigail. She had never mentioned her parents arguing before. “That’s a rough lot,” she said.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Abigail exhaled heavily through her nose in imitation of a laugh. “Nothing I’m not used to.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You deserve better. What was that broad’s name?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Lucy.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Lucy’s a bitch.” Katerina stooped to pick up a rock and lobbed it at a tree. It bounced off with perfect accuracy. “That tree is Lucy.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Abigail laughed, and internally Katerina breathed a sigh of relief. “She’s a bitch,” Abigail agreed, “but it still hurts.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina tried something. She reached down and grabbed Abigail’s hand in her own - not interlocking their fingers, just holding hands in a gesture of comfort that words can’t provide on their own. For a moment Abigail seemed surprised, but then Katerina felt Abigail squeeze her hand back gently.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“This is gonna sound cliche,” Katerina started, “but it’s her loss. Really. If she can’t see how cool of a person you are, then I just feel bad for her.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Abigail squeezed again. “Thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina punched Abigail’s shoulder gently with her free hand. “You know I’m not just trying to make you feel better? I’m really glad to know you, Abigail.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She watched as the tension of Abigail’s heavy mood slowly melted away from her shoulders. Slowly. “I know, Katerina. I’m glad to know you, too.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Their shoulders knocked together as Abigail stepped closer, and Katerina welcomed the touch. It had been so long since she’d trusted a person to touch her, even if Abigail was only her friend and they were only holding hands. It was nice to be able to let your guard down around someone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Minutes passed in silence as the pair meandered down the dirt path. The cicadas seemed to have only grown in intensity, and somewhere much farther in the distance a lone coyote called to its pack. The sound set Katerina on edge, though logically she knew the animals were fairly harmless if left undisturbed. Abigail didn’t even seem to notice.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually the path took them up past the carpentry shop, closed for the night, only a few windows in the home shining with light. A dark shadow moved towards the front of the house, and when it crouched next to a parked motorcycle, Katerina recognized it as Sebastian. She looked from the distant figure to Abigail, questioning, but Abigail shook her head and they continued on down the road. Katerina didn’t ask why she didn’t want to see him, but Abigail presented one anyway.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sebastian…” She shook her head again with a sigh. “Sometimes I feel like he knows too much about me. It’s hard to grow into the person I want to be when my best friend expects me to always be the person he’s known.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina nodded. “How long have you been friends?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Birth,” Abigail said with a small laugh. “We were both born and raised here, and our parents are friends. We grew up together.” She paused to allow for a fond smile. “We call each other our unbiological siblings.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s the cutest shit I’ve ever heard.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Abigail bumped their shoulders together particularly hard and rolled her eyes. “Shut up.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I have a brother,” Katerina said after a brief laugh. “We’re as close as you two are.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah? You never mentioned him.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina paused for a moment to gather her thoughts. “It’s weird, I guess. He’s my favorite person on Earth, he knows me better than anyone, but we don’t feel the need to always talk. It’s just that when we do, it’s like...I don’t even know how to describe it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Like you were never apart,” Abigail offered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina smiled. “Exactly.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He still live in the city?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded. “He got some big-shot business job fresh out of college and hasn’t looked back since. I swear he’s a multimillionaire now, he works so god damn much.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Abigail laughed. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my time on Earth, it’s that more work does not equal more rich.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And that’s the truth,” Katerina said.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They had walked a good distance from Sebastian’s home by now, and while they had crossed a dinky little wooden bridge over the mouth of the river a bit back, the bridge that now loomed before them gave Katerina plenty reason to balk at its sight.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Abigail dropped her hands and spread her arms out. “Behold my favorite place in all of Pelican Town.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina tried not to gape as she looked between the bridge and Abigail. They weren’t near enough to see the bottom, but the chasm it spanned looked to be bottomless. “This is some Bridge to Terabithia shit,” she said finally.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Abigail barked a surprised laugh. “It’s perfectly safe, are you kidding me? I’ve crossed this thing a million times.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’ll believe that when I see it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With a snort, Abigail reached for her hand again and gave her a gentle tug forward. “Come on, Katerina. I didn’t drag you all this way just for you to chicken out now.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Reluctantly Katerina let Abigail drag her across the chasm. Admittedly the bridge was stable - as stable as a bridge could be - but she still held her breath until their feet again found solid ground on the other side. Abigail dropped her hand.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fear of heights?” she asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina let out an unamused laugh. “How’d you figure?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Lucky guess.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Now that her view was unobstructed, Katerina glanced around the area where Abigail had brought them. It was an odd place - lumps of uneven, disturbed earth strewn about, and scraggly bushes hanging on for dear life where they had managed to push up through the rocky soil. At the far end of the clearing, opposite of where they stood, loomed a large cliff face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What even is this place?” Katerina asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“An old quarry, I think,” Abigail said. “But it’s abandoned now, whatever it was.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It made sense. Now that she knew to look for it, Katerina saw order in the way the ground had been dug up, and a prominent line of demarcation where a large hole must have been filled in when the place was abandoned.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I can definitely say I’ve never been here.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mission accomplished,” Abigail said. She had stepped forward a few feet and turned to beckon Katerina to follow her. “Come on, let’s find somewhere to sit.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Carefully the pair picked their way over the uneven ground. Katerina was especially wary, wearing only sandals, and straining to see in the weak moonlight that filtered through the cloudy sky. Abigail picked a particularly large boulder that she must have deemed a satisfactory seat, and as they settled down she pulled a pack of cigarettes from her back pocket.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina eyed them with surprise. “I didn’t know you smoke.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t.” Abigail cupped one hand around the end of the cigarette while the other held the flame from a lighter to it. “Not really, anyway. Only when I’m stressed.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina nodded. “They’re still shit.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You think I don’t know?” Abigail smirked and the offered the box to Katerina. “You want one?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina waved her off. “I don’t trust myself around those things. I’ve got a painfully addictive personality.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There was a pause before Abigail’s response as she sucked in a drag of smoke, exhaling only after several seconds of holding her breath. “I can tell.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Something in her matter-of-fact tone made Katerina laugh.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m glad I’m so readable.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Abigail gave her a withering glance. “I see right through you, bitch.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina laughed again. “I guess I have to be thankful for the way I am. I don’t think I could keep all this up if I wasn’t.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“This?” Abigail asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Y’know,” Katerina said, gesturing vaguely, “this.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That clears things up.” The two had stretched their legs out in front of them, and playfully Abigail knocked her left foot against Katerina’s right. “Can I ask you something?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina shrugged. “I guess.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That night a couple weeks ago - what happened with Shane?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina’s insides turned to ice. She struggled to regain composure of herself before Abigail noticed her panic, but every surface she grappled for was slick, and she slid right off. It left her feeling simultaneously breathless and like she needed to gasp for air. Dramatic, sure, but she hadn’t been expecting the question.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What? Nothing happened.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The look that Abigail gave her was one a mother would give her crayon-wielding child who claimed to not know who had drawn on the walls.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s just - I really don’t know, Abby. If I could tell you, I would.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Another drag of the cigarette. The wind chose the exact moment she exhaled to whip into Katerina’s face, and she struggled not to cough.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Did he say some shit to you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess you could say that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He hurt you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina’s head whipped around to look at her. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” She drew in a deep breath. “I don’t really care what he thinks about me. So.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Abigail let out a deep, resigned sigh. When she spoke, Katerina was surprised to hear in her voice what seemed like her own share of hurt. “You can trust me, Kat, you know? You don’t have to keep everything inside all the time.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her words made Katerina wilt a bit - from the call out, from the guilt of hurting a friend’s feelings. It didn’t make her discomfort disappear - in fact, it amplified it - but it did make Katerina resign herself to the conversation Abigail had steered them into.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shane’s just Shane,” she said. “He’s always treated me weird, like he was threatened by me, or something. I don’t even know.” To that, Abigail nodded like she agreed. “I thought I was getting somewhere, I thought he finally was starting to not hate me, and then he gets blasted at the saloon and tells me to fuck off.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Abigail frowned. “Why do you even try?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The way she posed the question - so simple, as if there weren’t interweaving layers of complexity to it - made Katerina want to cackle in her face. “You know what? I haven’t figured that part out.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Look,” Abigail said, flicking the ash from the end of her cigarette. “I’m not judging the guy. I don’t pretend to know I have an idea what’s going in that brain of his. But I think you should stay away from him.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina carved a line in the earth in front of her with the toe of her shoe. “Yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s got something wrong with him, Katerina, and it’s not something small. You can’t fix him.” Abigail paused. “I care about you, and please don’t take this the wrong way, but you need to take that savior fantasy of yours and stomp on it. You’re only going to hurt yourself.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina grunted in acknowledgement. Abigail was the second person in this small town to make her feel spread out and exposed, like a helpless patient on an operating table. She thought she had disguised herself well, but who else had split her barriers wide open? It wasn’t a great feeling, and it made her want to run for the hills. Like she’d run from so many other things in her life.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Coward</span>
  </em>
  <span>, a voice said in the back of her head.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Abigail’s voice interrupted it. “I just don’t want to see you torn up over someone that doesn’t even deserve it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina’s frown deepened. “I’m not </span>
  <em>
    <span>interested</span>
  </em>
  <span> interested in him. I guess I’m just intrigued.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Abigail’s cigarette had burned down to the filter, and after she stubbed it out she pocketed it, then lit another. A bad habit, though Katerina couldn’t judge.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I can see that. I have to say I’d kill to be able to know what makes him tick.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina huffed. She drew her knees up toward her chest, then rested her chin on them. “You don’t have to worry about me, okay? I can take care of myself.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Abigail nodded a few times. “I know you can.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They sat together as Abigail continued to puff away on her cigarette. Katerina wanted to rip the damn thing out of her mouth and tell her she was killing herself with each drag, but how could she when Abigail could throw that right back in her face? Everyone has their own vices.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s not the same</span>
  </em>
  <span>, the voice said again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina physically shook her head to drown it out, earning a curious look from Abigail. To disguise the motion Katerina tipped her head back to stare at the night sky, though the stars were covered by a thick blanket of clouds. It was like the sky had known she was going to come out here this night and had covered itself for her protection - so she wouldn’t tip the world on its end and fall down into the endless abyss of black nothingness.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Hey -</span>
  </em>
  <span> did you hear me?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina snapped back to attention. “Sorry, what?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Abigail rolled her eyes, though Katerina could tell she wasn’t actually angry. “I asked if you ever saw the Dance of the Moonlight Jellies when you were a kid.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She furrowed her eyebrows, racking her brain. “I can’t remember.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You would remember if you saw it.” Abigail once again bumped their feet together, this time staring down at them. “You should come with us.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m gonna be honest, I don’t really think I’m up for another dance.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Abigail laughed heartily at that. “It’s not a human dance. You’d have to ask Seb’s dad to get the exact details, but from what I understand our little stretch of beach is along the migratory path of some rare type of jellyfish. They pass through here every summer. And every year I think ‘I’ve never seen anything like this.’”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll come,” Katerina said easily. “As long as you promise me there will be absolutely no dancing.” She held her hand up towards Abigail, extending her pinkie. Smiling, Abigail wrapped their two fingers together.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Promise.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Then it’s a date. When is it?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not for a week or so. The date changes by a few days every year, but scientists much smarter than us will let us know on TV.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina nodded. “I’ll keep my eyes peeled.” She raised a fist to her mouth in attempt to stifle a yawn, but exhaustion had settled deep into her body, and all efforts were futile. Triggered by Katerina’s, Abigail also yawned. As tired as they suddenly found themselves, neither moved to stand.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I could stay out here all night,” Katerina said quietly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Abigail nodded. “I told you it’s peaceful here.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I stand corrected,” Katerina responded, amused. “I’m in one of those moods where I want to ignore my reality and pretend like I’ll wake up tomorrow free of all responsibilities.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She watched as Abigail fished the cigarette pack out of her packet, consider it for several moments, then shove it back in. “Tell me about it.” She yawned again. “I thought you liked your life on the farm, though.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I do. I like the farm.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But you’re not happy?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina remained silent. She felt the exact moment when Abigail’s eyes locked onto her face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I should get going,” she said finally.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Abigail frowned, like she wanted to call Katerina out for dodging the question. But she only pushed herself up to a standing position and pulled the hood of her sweatshirt up to cover her head.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina began to walk towards the bridge, and though they would be heading in the same direction, Abigail grabbed her hand to stop her. She turned, confused, but before she could speak a word in question Abigail wrapped her in a crushing hug. “Take care,” Abigail said, but her touch said something else. It said </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’re not alone</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It said </span>
  <em>
    <span>if you run off someone here will miss you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Katerina hugged her back, and almost didn’t let her go when she pulled away.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Your breath stinks,” she said. Abigail laughed, and Katerina smiled. The earth felt study under her feet. Perhaps she wouldn’t go plummeting, after all.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“You’re a miserable little fuck, you know that?” Abigail asked, hand held out in front of her face as she picked at her nails.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sun was at its zenith in the sky, scorching every living thing that dared venture out into its rays - including Katerina. Abigail sat beneath a large, shady oak tree. Her father’s store, by her account, was flooded with tourists who had flocked to the valley for the day to see the jellyfish later that evening, and Pierre was running about like a frazzled chicken who’d just had its head lopped off. Abigail had chosen to take her lunch break away from the hectic scene to venture on over to Katerina’s farm and harass her. Probably some deep-seated attempt to assert power wherever she could in a life she felt powerless in, or however that goes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina forced her shovel deep into the soil and leaned against it, wiping sweat from her brow and squinting down at her friend. She would have been deeply offended had Abigail’s words come from anyone else, but from her Katerina knew they were said completely in jest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Katerina said, holding up her bloodied palms for Abigail to see. “Are you implying you could do this better than me?” She left the shovel standing on its own and snatched up the water bottle at Abigail’s feet, taking several large gulps that she immediately felt slosh around in her empty stomach. It had been hours since she’d eaten breakfast.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s exactly what I’m implying.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re a big fat liar.” Katerina gave her an aggressive eyeroll and flicked a small rock in her direction.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail had the decency to feign a dodge, though the pebble had come nowhere close to hitting its mark. “Truth hurts, sister.” She leaned back against the tree she sat beneath, groaning as she checked the time on her phone. “I don’t wanna go back,” she complained, rising to her feet with an impressive slowness.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“By all means, let’s trade,” Katerina said. She extended the shovel towards Abigail with a satisfied grin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail laughed and held her hands up, admitting defeat. “I’ll be back in four hours, farmer girl. Don’t keep me waiting.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“God, can you just leave already?” Katerina managed to bite back a smile as she teased, but when Abigail threw her two middle fingers behind her back as she walked away, Katerina couldn’t help but laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>As promised, Abigail returned four hours later nearly on the dot. In her absence Katerina had gotten a respectable amount of work completed, and her muscles sighed in relief under the warm water of the shower. Her hair was nearly dried completely, and after an undisclosed large amount of time she had dressed in a nondescript pair of jeans and a black shirt. She was waiting on the front porch, feet on the top step and body laid down against the floor, eyes closed, when she heard footsteps approach.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, sleepyhead,” Abigail’s voice said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina cracked an eye open. “Who says I’m sleepy?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wild guess.” Abigail extended a hand, and after Katerina took it Abigail hoisted her up to her feet. “Change of plans, by the way. We’re gonna meet Sam at the ranch to pick Jas up before we go.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina’s lips pressed together as she tried to mask her disapproval of the change. “Oh.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be five minutes. You’ll survive.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina swallowed down her objections and desire to act like a petulant child. She was a grown fucking woman, for god’s sake. “Shall we get going, then?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail nodded, and after Katerina quickly double-checked her pockets to make sure she had a key to let herself back in later, they started off in the direction of the ranch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The land immediately surrounding the farmhouse had transformed into something nearly unrecognizable from the overgrown plot Katerina had inherited months ago, and as they walked Katerina felt her chest swell with pride. She did this all herself - the clearing of weeds and debris, the rows of trellises that supported slowly creeping grapevines, even the beginnings of a stone pathway between the different crops that was constructed entirely of rocks she had lugged from different parts of the property. Every last detail of the land, down to the beetle scurrying across the broad leaf of a pumpkin, existed in the way it did because of Katerina’s own two hands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This farm was exactly what she needed. The days were long and unrelenting, beginning anew without fail each time the sun rose, without even weekends to break them up. Her body was physically changing beneath the strain of overwork - shoulders broadening with new muscle, legs firming, her left knee developing a new ache from the hours bent over each day. She had perhaps two hours of free time each day, including the time she spent feeding and bathing herself, and she hadn’t been able to watch a move straight through without falling asleep for months.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And yet, when she compared it to the tedious monotony of her life before, she would choose this every time. Some people were made for life in the office, for clocking in every morning at nine, clocking out at five, and having all the hours between to do with as they pleased. Her brother was certainly one of those people, and he thrived at it. But Katerina was not. Dragging herself to work every day had seemed a task more daunting than running a cross-country marathon, and come evening the same thoughts would always begin creeping back into her head. Who chose this for themselves? Did people really enjoy it? Do people really prefer this to just dying?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The unadorned plain white walls had seemed more like the inside of a hospital to her than a workplace, and for the way the fluorescent lights washed people’s skin completely pallid, making them appear sickly, it was certainly believable. Here on the farm there were no white walls pressing down around her. There weren’t ragged houseplants reaching desperately for the light of the sparsely-placed windows, but full fields of thriving crops stretching as wide as they pleased and drinking in the sunlight for every moment that it was in the sky.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This farm couldn’t fix her, but it had certainly saved her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina, despite being able to count on one hand the amount of times she had attended a religious service, felt the need to send a silent prayer of thanks up to her grandfather. On the off chance that he was up there listening, she wanted him to hear what she had to say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even Abigail, despite her limited knowledge of agriculture, could see the difference in the land from the beginning of spring to now. As they walked she commented on the different plants, on the countless projects Katerina had picked up but not yet completed. Katerina answered each question enthusiastically, happy to be able to speak to someone other than her cat about the work she had done. She was proud, god damn it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually the pair made it to the decaying fence that separated Katerina’s property from Marnie’s, and they ducked under the rotting planks with ease. It was only a short five minute walk to the house from there. It seemed instantaneous and endless at the same time, and when they reached the front porch Katerina had to force her feet to stop instead of continuing to walk on by.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The door flung open only seconds after Abigail knocked, revealing a cheery-faced Marnie who was drying her hands off on a kitchen towel. “Come in!” she said, and stepped aside to allow room for Katerina and Abigail to enter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam and Vincent had already arrived and were sitting at the kitchen table. Sam sipped on a mug of steaming coffee as he absent-mindedly watched Vincent and Jas, who were engrossed in an I-spy book. He looked up at Katerina and Abigail’s arrival, smiling. “Took you long enough,” he said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail rolled her eyes. “Sorry we both have jobs that require our time and commitment.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam gave her a look that would have said “don’t give me that shit” if it spoke out loud. “You say that as if I don’t slave away at JojaMart forty hours a week.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail shrugged and took a seat in the chair beside him, sliding his cup over and taking a solid drink of the coffee. For a moment Sam looked as if he was going to protest, but figuring resistance was futile, he let her have it. Katerina moved over to the table much more slowly, standing beside it as all the chairs were full, fiddling with her hair in discomfort.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Marnie said from where she was chopping vegetables at the counter. “I forgot to grab Jas’ backpack. Would one of you mind grabbing it before you head off?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Happy to have something to do, Katerina leapt to volunteer. “Where is it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Should be in the hallway, next to the bookshelf. It’s purple and blue.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“On it,” Katerina said, already heading for the hallway. It was relatively long for how compact the house looked from the outside, and windowless. By the time Katerina made it to the bookshelf, the light from the kitchen was dim, and she had to squint as she looked around for the backpack. Not seeing it anywhere, Katerina knelt down to look for it on the unoccupied bottom shelf.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” said a voice behind her. Said Shane’s voice, flat and wholly unamused to find her what appeared to be snooping in his home.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She straightened back to a standing position quickly, face flushing. “I-” She crossed her arms and glanced back in the direction of the kitchen. “Marnie asked me to get Jas’ backpack.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane’s eyes narrowed like he didn’t believe her. “It’s in my room.” He eyed her for a second longer before pushing past her in the narrow confines of the hallway to a door that she assumed was his bedroom. She followed after him, and while she had no intention - nor interest, thank you very much - of invading his privacy, she looked in after he had opened the door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The room could only be described as exactly what she had expected and more. The bed itself was only a modest full size and the duvet was an unassuming grey, but the rest of the room was stuffed full of items that he had collected that put the chicken teapot to shame. It looked like he had a bad habit of raiding the knick knack sections of thrift stores, but knowing Shane he probably thought himself above that. The walls were covered in papers crammed in drawings and notations that looked to her something like architectural plans. Books nonfiction and novels alike filled every available space on his large bookshelf. The only other piece of furniture was a wide, squat wardrobe, upon which sat only two items: a small blue teddy bear, and a flower.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina’s eyes ripped away from it like a morbidly fascinating but too brutal car crash.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A </span>
  <em>
    <span>sunflower</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her body recognized it before her mind did, and by the time she managed to connect the dots her mouth already felt dry. There was no way, </span>
  <em>
    <span>no conceivable way</span>
  </em>
  <span>, that Katerina was seeing what she thought she was. Shane had said that Jas’ favorite flower was a sunflower, no? That explained it, surely - he had brought her home a flower from one of Pierre’s restocks after the festival and simply had forgotten to give it to her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina relaxed as she accepted this as reality, eyes turning back to it. The center of the flower had grown crisp, and what petals remained were shrivelled and dull, retaining barely a hint of the vibrant yellow that they had once been. It looked like alien spawn. And there it was, sitting atop his wardrobe, and now that she looked closer she could see a ragged strip of paper folded around the stem. Even from across the room, she could easily make out the letters scrawled neatly across the paper.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Katerina Hann</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The door slammed shut.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane stood beside her in the narrow hallway, hand still clutching the doorknob with a white-knuckled grip. His eyes, trained unblinking straight in front of him, looked wide with an emotion Katerina couldn’t identify. His shoulders rose with rapid breaths.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I remembered it’s not in there,” Shane said. His voice sounded like that of a person who had just cried in the other room and was trying not to let their friends figure it out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Katerina breathed. Her voice sounded the same.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At that moment Jas came barrelling around the corner as fast as her chubby little legs could take her. She was wearing her backpack, in the shape of a butterfly with wings that extended out to either side of her small body, and had been shoved into a striped sweater that looked to have been hand-knit by Marnie.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jas skidded to a halt in front of Katerina, extending one leg out, then dropping it again when she found it too hard to balance.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina knelt to the girl’s level. “Your shoes!” she said with feigned excitement. “Are they new?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jas nodded vigorously and pointed at Shane. Katerina looked, though her gaze didn’t rise any higher than his shins. The mere thought of it seemed impossible.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did your - did he buy them for you?” She stammered in the middle of the sentence, realizing she wasn’t sure how Jas referred to him. She knew so little of their relationship, knew nothing of the circumstances that led them both to a small town that neither seemed to fit very well into. When had she come under Shane’s care? What was he to her - cousin, uncle, father? What happened to the little girl’s parents, Shane’s cousin?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The questions swirled in Katerina’s head, colliding with the shock of what she had seen in Shane’s bedroom, and created class five fucking hurricane.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Shane said. His voice still hadn’t recovered fully, though he was clearly trying. He bent over to pick Jas up as she moved over to him and tugged on the fabric of his pants. “She grows so fast.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So they say,” Katerina murmured.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jas began to run her little fingers through the stubble on Shane’s jaw, and his attention moved to her with a visible shift in his body. He still looked unbelievably tense, but the panicked look on his face had subsided. For now, at least. Perhaps it had simply been put on the backburner.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I guess-” Katerina cleared her throat and glanced back down the hall towards where she heard the voices of her friends conversing with Marnie. “I guess we should go now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane’s eyes shifted from the face of his smiling goddaughter to meet Katerina’s. And yes, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> simply fought down whatever was trying to claw its way out of him - Katerina could see it brewing just beneath the surface.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” he said again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Without another word Katerina turned and headed back the way they had come. After a moment she heard his footsteps following her, and the animal part of her jumped with the adrenaline that came with the feeling of being chased. Katerina had to willfully maintain her walking pace, though increasingly with every second she felt the need to run until this house and all its contents were far behind her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail was holding Vincent when Katerina finally rounded the corner back into the kitchen. He looked to be trying to force his thumb up towards his mouth, though Abigail easily held his hand back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There you are,” Sam said. His voice seemed much too loud in Katerina’s head for the atmosphere in the room. The atmosphere that no one but her seemed to sense, except maybe the man standing behind her. Katerina moved quickly across the room to stand next to Sam.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready?” she asked hurriedly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nodded and set the mug he was holding down on the kitchen table, replacing it with a two year old-sized sweatshirt. “Ready. Thanks for the coffee, Ms. Anderson,” he addressed to Marnie, who stood next to the stove over a large pot of bubbling soup.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anytime,” she said warmly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Slowly the group funneled out the little entryway and through the front door, Shane included. Katerina couldn’t help but feel slightly blindsided by his tagging along. When Abigail had said they needed to pick Jas up, Katerina had assumed that meant that the girl’s usual guardians wouldn’t be accompanying them, but apparently she had assumed wrong. The heat of the day had long since faded, but its lingering grasp caused sweat to almost immediately begin forming on Katerina’s temples. Or maybe it was the sudden flash of anger that clawed at the back of her throat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her heavy footsteps drew Abigail’s attention, the woman looking at her with drawn-in eyebrows. Inwardly Katerina begged her not to say anything. Try as she might, Abigail couldn’t drag it out of her why she abruptly felt the need to kick something, because she truly couldn’t say. She felt betrayed, though she had no right to, and deceived. She felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>foolish</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She’d seen his writing as clear as she’d seen anything before in her life. It was there on his wardrobe, tangible and real, and yet since the moment they’d met he continued to subject her to some juvenile pretend game, as if she was too stupid to figure it out. Figure whatever this was out. He was a liar, that much was clear. But what else was he? Who </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> Shane Anderson? And what was she to him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Katerina.” Abigail had spoken after all, though her voice was low enough that it didn’t travel to anyone but her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing,” she whispered back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Katerina</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Abigail said pointedly. Her tone made Katerina look, nearly wincing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She drew in a deep breath. They had </span>
  <em>
    <span>talked</span>
  </em>
  <span> about this. Katerina could trust her. She could.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll tell you later.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail frowned, looking as if she wanted to press her further, but eventually nodded reluctantly and folded her arms. “Later,” she relented.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When their ragtag group of adults and toddlers arrived at the beach, it was already teeming with bodies. As with the festival earlier in the year, residents of other towns in the valley had traveled to Pelican Town for the day to experience the event. People grouped together as family units, as bunches of teenagers acting too cool to be seen with their parents, as little children running around under watchful eyes. Vincent’s attention was immediately drawn to a few kids his age playing with sand toys near the edge of the water. Smiling, Sam gave into his little brother’s wishes. Shane took a step forward, Jas not wanting to leave the company of her friend, but Sam held out a hand to take her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, man, I got her.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane looked unsure. “She’s my responsibility.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam rolled his eyes. “It’s your first time seeing this, man. Enjoy it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Reluctantly, Shane handed Jas over, and the two children immediately began babbling to each other in their broken toddler speech that only they seemed to understand. Child in each arm, Sam headed off to join the other kids. Katerina watched them go, stubbornly ignoring the now empty-handed Shane that stood painfully close to her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail - bless her heart - for as intuitive as she was, seemed not to sense the awkwardness. Or perhaps she did, and was charging full steam ahead to break it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t accompanied two newbies to the dance in years,” she said, grinning. She began to walk towards the pier, and Shane and Katerina followed. Katerina crossed her arms in front of herself, trying to take up even less space than she already did, while Shane laced his hands together behind his back, looking almost regal when combined with the disinterested look on his face. Two sides of the same mother fucking coin, they were.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail led them out to the farthest point of the pier. The boards swayed under their feet, looking old and worn, and Katerina had half a mind to ask if these rare jellyfish were poisonous. She didn’t necessarily trust the wood to hold up under the weight of the entire town plus some.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think jellyfish may be my new obsession,” Shane said matter-of-factly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina looked at him with judgemental eyes. His new </span>
  <em>
    <span>obsession</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Was he fucking serious? But, no, it made sense. Shane couldn’t just enjoy things like normal people. He had to latch onto them compulsively, letting them make up for everything his personality lacked. Like his stupid fucking chicken teapot.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail nodded like it made perfect sense to her. “I’ve been saying for years that Mayor Lewis should capitalize off this as much as possible, but I think Sebastian’s dad convinced him not to cause it would destroy the local ecolife. Which is a good thing after all, I guess.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sebastian,” Katerina said, jumping on the change of subject. “Where is he?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail waved her hand over her shoulder. “Somewhere with Maru and their parents.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina nodded. That explained why Penny was standing not far from them next to her stern-faced mother, who was looking particularly rough this night. Katerina tried to catch Penny’s eye to wave, but she was staring into the water beneath her with such an intensity that Katerina thought she might dive into it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wanna sit?” Abigail asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina shrugged, assenting, but before they could take a seat Shane huffed loudly, making both women turn their heads. Katerina’s eyes narrowed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Something wrong?” she nearly snapped.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I refuse to rip my pants on splinters. They’re expensive.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail’s eyes sought out Katerina’s, and blessedly they looked just as confounded as Katerina felt. “We can stand,” she said slowly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s no matter to me, of course,” Shane said. “I wouldn’t want you to inconvenience yourself for my sake.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course not,” Abigail replied. Katerina couldn’t help but snort. Shane’s head immediately snapped over to her, glaring. Katerina took it as a challenge and glared back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you even hear yourself?” she asked, voice dripping with disdain. “You can’t help but act pretentious, can you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Though the flames of anger burned behind Shane’s eyes, he clenched his jaw and the disinterested look on his face intensified. “Perhaps I’m not pretentious, just over your head.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina’s mouth opened to spit out a response, but before she could get it out Abigail had pushed her way into the argument. Or, well, she tried. Katerina barely even heard what she said, clearly trying to deescalate the situation, her efforts futile as Shane and Katerina continued to glare at each other over her head. But then again, neither spoke again to prod each other on, so maybe she had succeeded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina’s nails dug into the skin on her upper arms where they were still crossed. He was trying to ruin her night. He was trying, and god damn it, she wasn’t going to let him. Not if every last word that came out of her mouth was forced and she secretly seethed with anger inside. Tonight, Shane would not get the satisfaction of knowing he bothered her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail pulled Shane into some conversation that Katerina only half listened to, and while she heard Abigail say her name a few times she kept her mouth shut and eyes glued on the ocean waters. The sun had been starting its final descent when they first arrived at the beach, and while it had seemed slow-going in the process, when its last rays finally dipped below the horizon it seemed that the world was suddenly plunged into a cavern completely devoid of light. For all that the name of the festival suggested, the moon had recently begun a new cycle and appeared to be no more than a tiny sliver in the sky. Not nearly enough to produce any light to see by. With the darkness came a chill that settled into Katerina’s bones quickly, and she silently regretted not bringing along warmer layers. She still had much to become accustomed to in this valley.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As dark as it was, the first flash of light beneath the waves was even more stark. Even more stunning. Katerina couldn’t help but gasp out loud when the first jellyfish was joined by another, then another, then another. In only minutes the entire ocean beneath them was alive with their luminescent glow. Every color of the rainbow seemed to be present, deep reds to cool mint greens to neon oranges. For every jellyfish in the water there was a separate color, each vastly different from its neighbors. They floated around and blended together with no real structure to their ranks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina couldn’t believe her eyes. Her temples pulsed from the strain of looking at such vibrancy all at once, but she couldn’t tear her vision away. In the back of her mind she was faintly aware of Abigail glancing at her every so often, but she couldn’t find it in herself to look back. What she was seeing was </span>
  <em>
    <span>magic</span>
  </em>
  <span> - it had to be; there was no way something so breathtaking existed right beneath her nose for so many years and Katerina had been completely unaware of it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was unlike anything she had ever seen before. Life in the city could have its own moments of colorful beauty - murals painted on the sides of buildings using the bricks as their canvas, the pulsing energy of a Friday night downtown, the twirling of bodies around the ice rink in the central park during the winter months. Those things were beautiful in their own right, but nothing compared to this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t say for how long the show lasted. Each new wave gently washed in another group of jellyfish, until they simply didn’t. The colors disappeared as fast as they had come, sucked into the great big abyss of the ocean, happily on their way. Katerina followed them hungrily with her eyes until nothing was visible but the unrelenting darkness of the ocean at night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wow,” she breathed. Finally she looked up to meet Abigail’s gaze. Her friend was smiling gently at her, eyebrows raised like </span>
  <em>
    <span>I told you, huh?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’d you think?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina shook her head. “Abby. God damn.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail laughed. “Beautiful, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Stunning</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Katerina said emphatically. “I don’t know how that was real.” Again she glanced back out at the water, hoping to see a distant flash of color.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What about you, Shane? Worthy of an obsession?” The last bit would have seemed mocking coming from anyone else, but from Abigail it seemed only a gentle embrace of his own words. She frequently impressed Katerina with how effortlessly she dodged easy judgements that other people fell into.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane’s arms, which had been clasped at the hands behind his back for so long, had fallen to his sides. He stood motionless on the other side of Abigail, face impassive as he continued to stare in front of them. His mouth had been slightly agape, almost unnoticeable, but when he heard his name he snapped it shut. It took nearly a minute for him to look up, along with an uncharacteristic clearing of the throat. His eyes settled on Abigail, but as they stood so close together, Katerina could look easily into them. They looked glossy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She blinked hard a few times, sure that her vision had gone blurry. Shane had no emotions. Shane wasn’t the type to get misty-eyed at the showing of a spectacular feat of nature.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s obsession-worthy,” he said. His voice was as clear as his eyes were not, and the throat clearing suddenly made sense.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail smiled like she didn’t notice the wavering expression on his face that he was so desperately trying to hide. And maybe she didn’t, but Katerina did, and it made her want to jump up and point in his face and trap him into acknowledgement of the fact that he was a fucking human just like the rest of them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wish I could see it for the first time again,” Abigail said. Her voice sounded wistful. Katerina wondered what it would be like for this to become a normal part of life. It was so easy to believe in magic, living in this valley.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Shane replied. “It was like being high for the first time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A startled laugh came from Abigail. “I guess you could say that, but I don’t know if I’m doing the right kind of drugs to see something like that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” Shane said. “I hope you’re not.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Awkward silence finally managed to dig its nasty little claws into Abigail, and the woman shifted on her feet. Katerina glanced over at her, but this time it was Abigail avoiding her gaze.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They come back every year?” Shane asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail snapped out of it. “Without fail.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Incredible.” He shook his head, clearly just as in awe as Katerina felt. Suddenly, though, he snapped back into the present and turned his head behind them, towards the shoreline. “I should find Jas. She’s probably exhausted by now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can go,” Abigail said. “Sometimes there’s a second wave, but it’s mostly just the stragglers that manage to bunch up together. Not really as impressive as the first one.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane nodded and began walking back to the beach, Abigail quickly falling into step beside him. Neither noticed when Katerina lingered for a few moments in place. The ocean was beckoning to her, tantalizingly easy to fall forwards into and sink endlessly. There were sirens just beneath the surface singing to her, begging her to join them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually Abigail noticed her absence and, turning back, called her name. Katerina started hard like she had been jerked awake. She walked quickly away from the edge of the pier, hurrying to join her friend.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You good?” Abigail asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina nodded, perhaps a bit too vigorously.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They rejoined Shane - Katerina going reluctantly - where he had found Sam holding a sleepy Jas in his left arm, Vincent in the right. The girl began whining when she saw her godfather, thumb promptly going to her mouth. As Shane took her from Sam he gently tugged her thumb away and held her closely to his chest. Jas wrapped her arms around his neck and tucked her head beneath his chin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So,” Sam said, drawing Katerina’s attention away from the scene, “What’d you think?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She laughed. “Is everyone going to ask me that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He threw up his hands defensively. “It’s a fair question.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Indeed,” she said. “It was incredible, really. I don’t know what else to say.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At that moment Sebastian approached from wherever he had been with his family. He immediately went to stand beside Abigail and wrapped an arm around her. She reciprocated, even laid her head on his shoulder, and Katerina smiled fondly at the sight. Like she had told Abigail that night about a week ago, they reminded Katerina of her and her brother. Her chest suddenly ached with the weight of missing him, of wanting to hear his voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sebastian’s voice cut her thoughts short. “Are you gonna stick around, Katerina?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She furrowed her eyebrows and tilted her head slightly in an inquisitive manner.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just to hang out,” he said. “Nothing special.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina bit her lip, considering it for the briefest of moments. But the great wide expanse of her mattress was calling to her, and the knowledge that she was already far past her bedtime and would be running on fumes tomorrow morning chased her away. “I wish I could, but duty calls.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sebastian nodded, looking apologetic. He wasn’t the type of person to enjoy doing manual labor outside all day, and he didn’t seem to think that anyone else could possibly enjoy it either.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll walk with you,” Sam said. He repositioned Vincent in his arms, who was groggily asserting that he didn’t want to go to bed yet. “Gotta drop the little dude off.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina smiled, happy enough to not have to make the entire journey home alone, but her smile twitched when Sam turned to Shane and said, “You’re going the same way, too, man.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane nodded slowly like he didn’t want to admit to the fact.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina turned back to Abigail and Sebastian, half intending to change her mind and stay after all, but Abigail moved forward to hug her goodbye before she could say anything. “Have a good night, Katerina,” she said, and pressed a friendly kiss to Katerina’s cheek. Subconsciously - or consciously, and just refusing to acknowledge it - the act made Katerina think of Shane. Of his tireless escapades to charm the entire town around his finger, of his false charisma hiding a dark tangle of secrets just beneath the surface.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her eyes sought him out, and when they finally found him, he was already staring straight at her. His face was unreadable, but Katerina tried anyway, searching hungrily for any twitch of muscle, any tightening of the lips, </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span> that would hint at what was happening inside that head of his. There was nothing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go,” he said gruffly. Their eye contact broke as he turned and began trudging through the mounds of sand back towards the bridge that led to town. Sam walked after him after a quick goodbye to the two remaining, and Katerina had no choice but to follow. She stumbled more than once, feet sliding around on the sand and out of the pathetic flip flops she had worn, and she had to grab onto Sam’s arm to steady herself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“First day of walking school?” he asked, amused.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina rolled her eyes and bit down on a laugh. “This is what happens when you throw a city girl into country life with no warning nor prior training.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane looked back from where he was walking several paces ahead of them. “It’s not hard to figure out how to wear better shoes,” he said dryly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina clenched her jaw as she glared at him, refusing to take the bait. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe you’re a fucking prick</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she said in her head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam ignored Shane’s comment and moved onto lighter conversation. Katerina was glad he was so talkative, because she could get away with one or two word answers that would launch him into a whole new topic that he would then go on about for another two minutes. By the time they made it back to the modest ranch-style house that he lived in with his brother and mother, Katerina could have counted the amount of words she had spoken on two hands. Shane had said nothing more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The trio paused on the cobblestone road as Sam fished around in his pockets for the keys. Inwardly Katerina was begging Shane to keep walking, to ignore her and gain enough distance that she wouldn’t have to suffer the walk to the ranch in his presence, but for all her pleading his feet remained firmly planted on the ground. He stared at some undisclosed point in the distance, one hand absent-mindedly teasing the knots out of Jas’ thick wavy hair.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aha,” Sam said finally, keys clanking in his fingers as he held them up triumphantly. Katerina forced a smile at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll see you,” she said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Friday,” Sam said pointedly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina blushed, averting her gaze. It was embarrassing to know how obvious her absences had been, how many people had noticed, even if they were warranted and she really was buckling under the strain of farm work. “Friday,” she said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At her agreement Sam nodded and turned to let himself in through the front door, and Shane promptly began to continue down the path. Katerina followed him with an icy feeling in her stomach that she couldn’t quite identify that arose when she noticed Sam hadn’t said goodbye to him. Hadn’t even acknowledged him, like he was nothing more than a mannequin Katerina was tugging around, or a figment of her imagination.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So,” she said as they walked, their feet thumping rhythmically against the cobblestone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane waited for her to elaborate, but when nothing came he glanced quickly in her direction before looking back ahead. “So?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That was something, huh?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” He frowned. “Yes, Katerina Hann, it was something.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her name fell so </span>
  <em>
    <span>easily</span>
  </em>
  <span> from his lips. She wanted to hear him say it again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why did you keep it?” she asked with a sudden frenzy, like she was in a rush to get it out before she could second guess herself. They weren’t touching, nothing close to it, but Katerina could feel Shane stiffen beside her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” Something in the way the question was phrased seemed accusative. Like he wasn’t asking her to clarify what she had meant, but to demand why she had asked it in the first place.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The flower,” Katerina said anyway. “I saw it. On your wardrobe.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane’s footsteps faltered slightly. When he spoke his voice was hard, refined. Like it had been manufactured specifically to pierce right into her skin. “You don’t know what you saw. You assumed wrong.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina’s hands clenched at her sides. “I’m not blind, Shane! I know what I saw.” Her head snapped over to look at him, and she wasn’t surprised at all to see his face was strained, agitated. He looked like a rubber band pulled to the point just before it snapped.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Where it had faltered before, Shane’s pace now quickened. “You’re wrong,” he said again. This time more emphatically, like he really thought he could make her believe it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” Katerina said under her breath, but she didn’t say it out loud. They were quickly approaching the Anderson home, and there was too much she wanted to say with not enough time to say it. She preferred to bite her tongue and force it out of him later, when his sleeping goddaughter wasn’t curled up in his arms, when there was more light with which to study his face. When she could catch him off guard with his defenses weakened, like that day at the pond.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight,” is all she said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When she looked at him, Shane was cool and collected, but he hadn’t hidden the rapid rising and falling of his chest. The thump of their shoes on the stone was replaced with the imaginary thump of his heart that Katerina swore she could hear against his ribcage.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight,” Shane said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He retreated hurriedly in through the front door, and then Katerina was alone, feeling wholly unsatisfied and itching to burst in after him. She wanted to run down that hallway and in through his door and touch the flower with her own two hands just to prove to him that she knew she hadn’t imagined it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead, her feet carried her back home. Before she even reached the front door her fingers were fumbling to pull up her brother’s contact and press call. She had let herself in and slumped into a kitchen chair, anxiously listening to the phone dial, by the time he picked up. Instantly the anxiety receded, and her chest clenched with the sharp pain of homesickness when he spoke.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Katerina?” His voice was gravelly and muted. Katerina glanced at the electronic clock on the microwave to discover the time was approaching midnight. Not particularly late, but Luka got up early to exercise before work, and he always had been far more sensitive to sleep deprivation than she was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” she replied, sinking further back into the chair. Her finger picked at a knot on the wooden table.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you drunk?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina wished she could see him in person just to glare. “No, what the hell? I’m not a god damn alcoholic.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A long silence stretched its limbs before Luka finally laughed. “I’m just fucking with you. Is everything okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina frowned. She toyed with the idea of dodging the question, but she knew he would catch the evasion and press her again. He was far too acquainted with this side of her, and while he was never truly able to understand her, he did try.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just feeling overwhelmed, and I wanted to talk to someone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina heard bedsheets rustle as Luka presumably sat up in bed. Despite being born only minutes apart, when he spoke again it was with the air of a protective older brother ready to fend off her demons with his own bare hands. He had acted this way for as long as she had battled them, and Katerina had never had the heart to tell him that his blows were futile. He could stand beside her and not allow her to suffer alone, but he could never chase them away. That was something she had to do on her own.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is it the work? Is it too much?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” Katerina said immediately. She took a deep breath to allow herself time to collect her thoughts. “I think the work is good for me, Luka. Sometimes it feels unbearable and like I pushed my body to the point of failure, but being able to look out the window and see the fruits of my labor...It’s good for me.” She paused. “No pun intended.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luka snorted. “I don’t know how you do it. I’m thoroughly impressed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His words were kind, but they dug up a long ago buried feeling of jealousy that Katerina had harbored against him. Perfect grades all through school, star athlete, respectable career, steady girlfriend. Their parents would never admit to it, of course, but Katerina knew that they wished she had turned out more like him. For her sake just as much as theirs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want you to come see it,” Katerina said. “You’d barely be able to recognize it. And I could show you all the spots we hung out at as kids, and the places we never ventured out to, and…” She trailed off, being able to sense his discomfort even through different ends of a telephone conversation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Katerina,” he started, and she clenched her jaw. “You know I want to, but my job-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know,” she said, cutting him off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My manager is retiring in a couple months and my name is on the list of possible replacements.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know,” she said again. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Not everything is about you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, is what she wanted to say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll try, Kat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She raised a hand to her face and pressed her fingers against her eyes, holding in a sigh. “I guess I’ll let you sleep, then. Sorry for waking you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure you’re okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Katerina</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he pressed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She did sigh then, and let her head lean forward against the hard wood of the table. “Well, I’m not bad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He paused before replying, and she knew he was weighing his options of whether to ask more or to let it go. He decided on the latter. “Well, I’m only a call away. I’m here if you need me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Katerina said. For as much as they irritated one another sometimes, she did know his words to be true. If she truly needed him, or the reverse, the other would drop everything, no matter how important. “Goodnight, Luka.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sleep tight,” he responded easily. Katerina smiled as the line disconnected, and slid her phone away from her across the table. She didn’t know why exactly she had called him, but it was good to hear his voice, despite the brevity of their conversation. They could talk again later, when neither had work obligations demanding their attention, though finding a time like that would be difficult between their two busy schedules.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Talking to her brother had been a momentary distraction, but as Katerina readied herself for bed and eventually slipped beneath the covers, the fabric cool against her bare skin, her thoughts drifted to another man. One much closer, less than two miles away, in a bedroom that occupied her thoughts just as much as he did. She tossed and turned for what seemed like hours, the image of the flower burned into the backs of her eyelids. And when she finally did drift off, her sleep was fitful and rife with nonsensical dreams that betrayed just how much her mind was unable to make sense of everything she felt.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There is a very brief implication of self harm in this chapter, fair warning. It's really only a sentence or two but it is there so proceed with caution if need be.</p><p>Thanks for reading:)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The day after the Dance of the Moonlight Jellies was not an exceedingly good one. Katerina, though she was in bed by midnight, tossed and turned for what seemed like hours. By the time her alarm rang at six, she had amassed maybe two hours of actual restful sleep and her head had immediately begun pounding. She surprisingly hadn’t felt tired, but by noon the exhaustion hit her like a train. She attempted to make it through the rest of the work day, but after chipping her shovel on a buried rock in a fit of frustrated rage after cracking a sprinkler, she called it quits for the day and decided to sleep in the next morning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So, naturally, come morning Katerina was torn from her sleep by vigorous knocking at the front door. Groggily she reached for her phone and saw with deep displeasure that it was only six fifteen. She pulled a pillow over her face and debated whether she should smother herself with it, scream, or get out of bed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another round of knocking made her decision for her, and after hastily pulling on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt she opened the door to find someone she would have bet all her life savings against him ever interacting with her, let alone knocking at her door before dawn.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alex?” she asked, confusion thick in her voice. She thought that was his name, anyway. All she knew of him was that he was dating Emily’s sister and that every time she had seen him, she was either giving him and his ferocious-looking dog a wide berth, or else avoiding getting hit by a stray gridball he was tossing around. He had to have been at least twenty, but his face looked so young to Katerina. Too young. Good lord, she must be getting old.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex cracked a lopsided grin and raised a hand to rub at the back of his neck. “Hey, Katerina. Did I wake you? I assumed you’d be up and at ‘em by now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina blinked hard several times to make sure she was truly awake. “I’m sorry, why are you here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-” Alex stammered, looking sheepish. “I thought he was gonna tell you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who was going to tell me what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shane sent me to help you out for the day.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina pinched the skin on her thigh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>sure</span>
  </em>
  <span> she was still asleep. No dream her brain could’ve conjured up could be more bizarre than this. “Shane?” she repeated. “Shane Anderson?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As in Marnie Anderson’s nephew?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded again, looking increasingly more confused.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He hired you to come do farm work for me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex looked flat out perplexed by now. “Yes,” he said slowly, head tilting. “Should I come back later…?” He trailed off as Katerina let out a loud groan.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to skin that man alive,” she muttered, glaring down the dusty trail to the ranch as if Shane would be able to telepathically sense it. “Just - Wait here, okay? Did you eat breakfast?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex shook his head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll make you toast. Is toast okay? Give me fifteen minutes.” Katerina slammed the door in his face, only realizing retroactively that it was rude, and bustled into the kitchen. She shoved two slices of bread into the toaster and switched it on, then hurried back into her bedroom to change into more work-appropriate clothing. Alex was sitting on the top step when she walked back out, absentmindedly scrolling through social media with his chin resting on his free hand. He accepted the slice of buttered toast that she offered and took a large bite from it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So he really didn’t tell you to expect me?” he asked around his mouthful, crumbs flying.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” Katerina said as she forced down a bite of her own toast. “Not a word.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex shrugged, following as she moved off the porch and towards the empty swathe of land near the pumpkin patch. He had a habit of talking as he chewed, and if Katerina wasn’t irritated already she surely was now. “I didn’t know you two were friends. Well, Haley’s said she’s seen you two together, but we didn’t figure there was anything to it. He’s a bit of a whacko. Or so Haley says.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So she says, huh?” Katerina asked flatly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. She thinks he might have a little drinking problem. She always asks Emily if he was at the saloon when she works and more often than not he’s there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alex?” she said, and he quieted to look at her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shut up</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she wanted to say. “I’m just gonna have you hoe this land so I can plant another round of pumpkins.” She picked the hoe up off the ground from where she had negligently left it lying the day before, and gave the ground a few decisive whacks to demonstrate.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded as he took the tool from her hands. “Easy enough.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you finish before I get back...I don’t know, clear some twigs or something.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re leaving?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina crossed her arms. “I probably won’t be long.” Not if Shane had anything to say about it, anyway. Most likely he would either cut the conversation short of his own accord or enrage her enough to send her storming away. What a lovely start to her morning this was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After shoving down the last few bites of his toast Alex began to work, and Katerina left him to it. She ended up throwing half her already pitiful breakfast into the pond for the fish to eat, too focused on her task at hand to feel hunger.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marnie had already opened up for the day by the time Katerina arrived half an hour later, and was sitting behind the front counter looking over a stack of documents. She looked up when Katerina entered, eyes crinkling with a warm smile. “Miss Hann!” she exclaimed. “I wasn’t expecting a visit. How can I help you this morning?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina forced a smile in return. “I was wondering if Shane was home?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The smile slid from Marnie’s lips, and her face adopted a defensive expression that Katerina had never before seen her wear. “He’s not...well, at the moment.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If it’s not contagious, I don’t care. It’s important.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marnie chewed on one corner of her lip, eyebrows drawn in towards the center, as she hesitated for several seconds. “He’s in the coop, love. But, really, he’s not doing well. I can send for you later?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina waved her hand dismissively. “It’ll be quick. Thanks, Ms. Anderson.” She was back out the door before Marnie could get in another word, and hopped the fence to the grazing pasture out front like it was her own property. She strode up to the chicken coop with fiery purpose driving her steps. The door creaked as she opened it, announcing her presence to Shane, who was squatting in the middle of a circle of hens, hand full of feed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Katerina Hann,” he said, genuine surprise coloring his voice. He rose to his feet, much to the displeasure of the hens.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re a fucking prick.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He snorted. “Good morning to you too, beautiful.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina’s heart rate spiked as a wave of anger rolled in over her, drowning out every rational part of her mind and replacing it with pure adrenaline. She could have sworn her vision turned red, and she pointed an accusing finger at him, stepping closer. “Don’t fucking call me that. I’m here to get an explanation and then I’m leaving.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He raised his eyebrows and threw the remainder of the feed he was holding onto the floorboards. “Explanation for what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know what,” she snapped. “Why you paid some random kid to show up at my farm and bother me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah,” he said. “That’s where you’re wrong. I paid him to work, not to bother you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina’s hand fell to her side, though her eyes narrowed in an equally accusing gesture. “And you think I need help why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No offense, but you perpetually look exhausted. Why so defensive about getting help?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina flushed - with anger or embarrassment, she couldn’t say. She was suddenly painfully aware of the halo of frizzy bed hair that framed her face, looking like the texture of hay and begging for a nice long condition, and of the deep bags she knew lined her under eyes. But then Shane looked at her, and whatever shame she felt in her appearance evaporated at the sight of his own disheveled look. The bags under his eyes were nearly purple for how dark they appeared, and his eyelids drooped wearily. His hair stuck up in odd directions like he had spent much time pulling at it, and had she looked down she would have seen scratch marks criss-crossing the skin of his forearms, red and angry. His mouth opened, like he was aware of exactly what she was seeing and was prepared to defend himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-” She stepped closer again, though several feet still separated them. Whatever words she had prepared on the walk down became lost in the sea of her thoughts as a typhoon washed in. Even with such distance between them, as Katerina had drawn closer the sharp stench of liquor pricked at her nose. “You’re drunk,” she said, posing it as a statement rather than a question.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So she’s beautiful </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> observant,” Shane said, turning away. Katerina saw his hand shake as it reached into the wooden palette that held the feed and withdrew another handful.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s barely seven in the morning, Shane. This early?” She didn’t know why she was asking. She didn’t know why she cared. It was rude, pointing it out, and even ruder to cast judgement on him for it, though if Shane noticed the impoliteness he didn’t seem to care. It had crossed Katerina’s mind before, that Shane might turn to the drink a little too often to be healthy, but she hadn’t expected </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She hadn’t expected to walk into this coop and find him dead wasted before most of the town had even risen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This late,” he corrected.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You haven’t slept?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane shrugged. “Not for a few days.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina reeled, scrambling to process what he was saying in order to form a response, but before she could he spoke again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why did you come here, Katerina?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She swallowed hard. “I told you that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A deep sigh fell from his lips, and he again turned back towards her. This time he didn’t meet her gaze, instead keeping it trained on the chickens that danced happily around his feet as he sprinkled the feed from above. “I promised myself before I moved here that I was done with lying, but I lied to you. So consider this me making up for it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina shook her head, confused and overwhelmed. She felt as small as one of those kernels of corn. “You lied to me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes flickered towards her, for only a moment. “Yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I suppose that’s for me to know and you to figure out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina’s mouth fell open slightly. He was a fucking enigma. Try all she wanted to prepare for an interaction with him, and Shane steered it in the exact opposite direction than she had anticipated. Except not opposite, because she anticipated that too. Shane wrestled them into an entirely different plane of existence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you’re not going to tell me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I suppose not,” Shane said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He frowned, and finally looked up into her eyes. “Then what?” he repeated inquisitively.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you’re just going to leave me wondering like that?” She crossed her arms and gave him the most stubborn look she could muster. “I know there’s more to the story than that, Shane. I’m not stupid. If what you’re alluding to is what I think it is, you must know that I know that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane’s frown deepened, his eyes moving past her to look through the open door. Katerina turned her head to see Marnie leading the livestock out of the barn for the day. She wasn’t close enough to hear, but she was close enough for him to worry that she might.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Will you walk with me?” Shane asked. Katerina wanted to be shocked by the proposition, but she had quickly become adjusted to him, and only nodded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We will walk to the pier,” he said as soon as they cleared the far edge of the house, heading in the direction of where they had spent that strange, strange morning together weeks ago. “And you can ask me questions, and I will answer them truthfully or I won’t answer at all. But no lies.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina glanced at him. He was wearing simple clothes - a black t-shirt that was slightly too small to fit properly, and a pair of jeans. It was hard to believe that a man with such a simple appearance could be hiding something so large. “We can’t just talk?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m offering you a talk.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span> talk, Shane,” Katerina said, exasperated. “Not this twenty questions bullshit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane’s jaw clenched as he folded his arms in front of him. Katerina noted the gesture curiously - she had never seen him do so. He was always so grandiose, poised like a movie star on the red carpet. He looked small, now, despite standing half a foot taller than her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry if you think it’s stupid, but I insist.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina stopped dead in her tracks and waited until he too paused. “No,” she asserted as he turned back to look at her quizzically, reaching forward to take his forearm between her hands. He jerked reflexively, but didn’t try to pry his arm away. He stood in place, looking between her face and where she had him locked in place. “Listen to me for once, god damn it. You’re going to talk me, because you’re the one who has a fucking flower that I gave you three months ago in your bedroom with my name written on it. And we’re not playing some stupid fucking game.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her chest was rising rapidly by the time she finished, and despite not being able to see herself she knew her face was red.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane laughed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina’s hands sprung open around his arm and instead balled into fists at her side. With an overpowering sense of disbelief, she stared at him through wide eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” he said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mouth opened and closed several times. “Okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” He turned away from her and again began to walk. Katerina had no choice but to follow. His head twisted slightly so he could watch as she hurried up to walk beside him. “You have your way, Katerina Hann. What is it you wish to speak to me of?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“First of all, stop speaking like you’re from the fucking eighteenth century. Second of all, explain to me why you have it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever met a woman who loves cursing more than you do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Answer me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bullshit,” Katerina snapped. “What do you mean you don’t know?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Katerina, please,” he sighed. The exasperated tone in his voice infuriated her. He didn’t get to be tired of her, not when she had been whirled through jungle gyms of her own emotions because of him. “Would I have hired a farmhand and sent him to you to atone for a lie if I intended to lie to you again?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That gave her pause.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Truthfully, I don’t know. You will continue to find that to be my answer to most questions that concern you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why do you do that? Why do you treat me like I’m so different?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane was the one who paused this time, at the base of a monstrously large oak tree. Each of its limbs was wider than Katerina’s body, and the trunk towered up into the sky like a geyser bursting furiously from the earth with the might of years worth of pressure. He gazed up into the maze of its body.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you know that oak trees can live for hundreds of years?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Shane</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looked back down to consider her, then sighed. “I treat you differently because you are different.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How?” she asked softly, already anticipating his answer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She closed the distance between them by a single step before her mind overruled her bodily instinct to again grab him. Touch him. He was too excruciatingly close, and yet oceans away. “Because I see through you,” she said for him. “Because I know you’re a goddamn faker and you need help and you’re too proud to ask for it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A small smile, quickly smothered, twitched at the corners of his lips. “I suppose some of that is true.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then what is it, Shane? Depression? I know people, doctors, that can help you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bipolar,” he corrected, averting his eyes. “I’ve tried doctors. None help. It’s hard to trust them when you’re in the midst of it and think every pill they give you is to suppress your superpowers because they don’t want the world to know about you yet.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His words barrelled into her and left her speechless. He let out another laugh, though it was markedly more bitter this time around. “So you see?” he asked. “I’ve molded myself into what I am today to protect the people around me just as much as to help me. And so it seems to you that I’m cold and emotionless, but in my logic it’s easier to fight off the bad when you can’t feel the good, either.” He took a deep breath and shook his head a few times before going on. “I suppose I treat you differently because you saw my plan right away, and I knew you did, and I feared you for it because you had the power to expose me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane’s eyes flicked back to meet hers, and the intensity in them was like staring directly into the sun. His face, somehow, looked even more haggard now than it had twenty minutes ago, and Katerina fought the sudden urge to reach her hands up and smooth the lines away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her hands stayed firmly at her side for a moment, and then they flung upwards as her arms wrapped around the tops of his shoulders to draw him into an embrace. He was motionless against her, and his breath huffed unevenly not far from her ear. She could still smell the alcohol on it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After waiting a minute for a reciprocation that never came Katerina released him, though the step she took back away from him was miniscule. As she looked up at his face she felt almost ashamed, embarrassed of what her remedy for lack of words had been.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then their bodies were once again pressed together as one, only now it was Shane’s arms around her. She staggered under the sudden weight of a whole man crashing into her, but just as he had put her off balance he righted her, and she sunk back into his embrace.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stood in each other’s arms for endless minutes, Katerina willing her heart the entire time to stop thumping so heavily. Surely he felt it against his own chest. She didn’t think he cried - that she could hear, anyway - but his hands clutched the fabric at the back of her shirt like he had just fallen overboard and she was the measly rope tossed over to serve as his rescue. They stood still for so long that Katerina’s calves began to ache from standing on her tiptoes, and only after a minute of that did she finally move to pull away from him. Shane let her go, and when they were finally separated his stance looked awkward.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t know what to say. Her mind flashed quickly to her brother, with a newfound respect that he had always known what to do when he found her in the throngs of an episode.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why do you do this?” Shane asked, voice wavering.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina shook her head slightly as she stared up at his hesitant face. “Do what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Treat me like you do. You’ve been nothing but hellbent on being kind to me, when God knows I don’t deserve it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For the same reason,” Katerina said. “Because I knew you were hiding something, and I knew you needed it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His face took on a thoughtful expression, and Katerina studied his features as he paused, his dark eyebrows drawing inwards slightly, bottom lip pulled between his teeth slightly. Some people might think his nose too big, but Katerina thought it suited him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re a strange woman, Katerina Hann.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She gave him her best grin. It was hard to force it, but the tiny smile that he gave back made it worth it. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that. What did it for you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Most people would run screaming from an alcoholic manic depressive.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A black hole appeared in Katerina’s stomach, triggered by his words. The one word that she’d suspected on multiple occasions but never truly believed. She almost felt guilty hearing him say it, like her thinking it had made it true.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not like most people.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I scream red flag.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Huh. Funny, how Katerina had had that exact same thought before. She couldn’t think it further from the truth now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, what? People don’t deserve - don’t deserve friendship just because they have some shit going on?” She stammered in the middle of the sentence, floundering around the words she had almost said. </span>
  <em>
    <span>People don’t deserve someone to care about them</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I guess I’ve never thought about it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The pair reached the pond and turned down onto the pier, the wood swaying beneath them in time with the gentle waves. The quiet murmuring of the water lapping against the shore seemed an affront to Katerina’s racing mind. Without agreeing on it, both Shane and Katerina sat down upon reaching the end of the pier, perfectly mimicking how they had sat weeks before. It was strange how much had changed since then, and how little. Katerina was wearing sneakers, and she scooted forward so she could dip the toe into the water and draw imaginary shapes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would you tell me that I don’t deserve friendship because I have my own problems?” It was a genuine question as much as a challenge to his previous statement, and Katerina was curious.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t imagine that. You have your life together.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina snorted and turned her head to look at him, only to find that his eyes were already locked onto her. It knocked every last drop of air from her lungs. He looked like a man. He looked like a </span>
  <em>
    <span>person</span>
  </em>
  <span>, his guards demolished, face open. Surely he was still hiding some parts of himself - what human didn’t? - but the point was that the person sitting next to her was the closest to the real Shane that she had ever seen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Closer even than when they had stripped nearly nude in front of each other and leapt into the water together. Embarrassment pressing down on her, Katerina strangled that memory and forced it back down. She couldn’t say she regretted it, per se, but thinking about it carried a particular kind of shame that she wasn’t prepared to deal with at the moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She stared at Shane with the same earnestness that he stared at her. It was impossible to look away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can see how it appears that way,” she said, “but I assure you I’m not as put together as you think I am.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A piece of hair that Katerina had tucked behind her ear fell forward into her face, and Shane broke the stare to look at it. For a split second Katerina thought he would reach up and brush it back to where it had been.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t be foolish</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s hard to imagine that someone who owns an entire farm before her twenty fifth birthday struggles with anything of magnitude.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is it?” Katerina asked. “Is it so hard to imagine that I shelter myself from the outside world? You should know better than anyone that it’s possible.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane grunted, looking thoughtful, and looked out over the water. “I suppose you’re right.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve treated what I can, and learned to cope with the rest. I take medication. I’ve been to therapy. I went to the hospital once, when it was particularly bad, and I don’t feel any shame about it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Although Shane had looked away from her Katerina was still studying his face, and she saw when his eyebrows scrunched up like he was ready to defend himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not preaching to you,” she said hurriedly. “I just want you to know that we’re more alike than you think.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane cleared his throat. Though Katerina wasn’t touching him, she could sense the tautness in his body, muscles pulled uncomfortably tight as he fought the urge to flee from this conversation. His foot dipped into the water beside hers, flinging droplets of water out over the smooth surface of the pond.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why did you come here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina watched as the concentric ripples collided with one another. “I already told you that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, not that. I mean </span>
  <em>
    <span>here</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Why did you come to Pelican Town?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I could ask you the same thing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane huffed in poor mimicry of laughter. “You first.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She paused, tilting her head to one side. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Loaded question</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she thought to herself. “My grandfather passed and he left the farm in my name.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s the only reason? Simple as that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” Katerina said. “No, it’s not.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, hell, are you gonna make me get down on my knees and beg for it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina smiled wide as she looked over at him. “Shane Anderson, was that a joke?” He smirked but offered no response, and Katerina continued. “It’s not much more complicated than that. I hated my job, this opportunity came along, and I took it. And if I may humble brag, I think I’ve adjusted as well as a city girl in the country can.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pine Mesa?” Shane asked, to which Katerina nodded her confirmation. “I’m from there, too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah? What part of town?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lakeview,” he said hesitantly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re from Lakeview?” Katerina asked, eyebrows shooting up. “Goddamn, Shane, did you brush your teeth with a bar of gold too?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He shifted uncomfortably, hands running up and down the length of his thighs. “It wasn’t all that great.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Says you to a girl who grew up in Oak Hills.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane quieted at that, and Katerina laughed. “I’d pay good money to know what you and all your private school friends said about kids from Oak Hills.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think like that anymore.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She reached over to shove his shoulder gently in a teasing gesture. “Of course not. Everyone was an asshole when they were a kid.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane nodded slowly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your turn, now. What about Pelican Town’s mystic allure drew you in?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hate that city,” Shane said bluntly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina waited for more, but when none came she laughed and glanced at him. “That much?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s no place to raise a kid.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I turned out just fine,” Katerina said, but she shrugged. “Jas seems to like it here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She does.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She didn’t like Pine Mesa?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane heaved in a deep sigh, and his fingers began tapping nervously against his thighs. She wanted to grab his hands with her own and tell him not to fidget, that he could be open with her - or not, if he wanted - and she would listen. “There’s a lot of bad memories in that city,” Shane said carefully, like he’d taken great lengths to consider exactly how to phrase his words to only give away as much as he wanted to. “Probably for me more than her, but when we left it felt like we were both escaping from something.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When did you move?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not long before you came here. Mid-winter, I’d say.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina smiled. “We must’ve caused quite a stir. So many newcomers so close together. And weird ones, at that,” she added, hoping Shane would take it as a joke and not in offense.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He snorted. “Don’t give me that. Everyone loves you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Everyone being my three friends?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane stared at her incredulously, and Katerina gazed back into his deep brown eyes with ease. “Three? The entire town is practically falling at your feet, Katerina. You single-handedly breathed life back into the local economy - how could they not love you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And what about you?” she asked. “You’re Mr. Charisma over here, getting little old ladies to fantasize about being twenty again and taking you for a spin.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane’s face hardened, jaw clenching, and Katerina instantly regretted her words. She feared she’d gone too far, that he would snap at her, start yelling and demand she never speak to him again. “You’re the one with three friends, and me with zero,” is what he said. His voice sounded defeated, not even a trace of the snarkiness that she had expected. Somehow it made the guilt worse.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes darted between her face and a random spot in the distance, looking anxious. Imploring. Katerina made the decision to reach her hand out and lay it gently atop one of his. His skin was warm and smooth against hers, and she felt him resist the instinct to jerk away, surprised that he was letting her touch him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not as alone as you think you are, Shane,” she said softly. “What about Marnie? Jas?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Family,” Shane muttered. His eyes had come to rest on the sight of their hands together. “They have no choice but to deal with me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then what about me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His face twisted with genuine confusion, and Katerina’s stomach again clenched with the worry that she had said the wrong thing. It was too easy to startle Shane; he was skittish, like a peaceful doe, and her words a distant gunshot.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A random girl.” he said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina withdrew her hand. Shane’s eyes remain locked on the place where it had been.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A random girl that you’ve decided to trust enough to tell all this to?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who said I trust you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t. I said you trust me </span>
  <em>
    <span>enough</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And what’s that supposed to mean?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina smiled. “I guess that’s for me to know andr you to figure out.” When she looked over he looked confused still, even more so, and frustrated. “You don’t have to resist everything that’s thrown at you, Shane. Maybe you really never have had a friend, but who’s to say one can’t come along now?” Her hand moved, and though she had only been repositioning herself Shane had seen the movement, and this time he did jerk away. Katerina smiled wider at the sight, feeling crazed. Somehow his hesitance made her want to push harder, pry harder. She was stubborn, and he a particularly hard nut to crack. “I am going to befriend you, or so God help me,” Katerina said. She hoped that it had come across as teasing and not as manic as she suddenly felt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A sickeningly long silence followed, regret jumping in to fill the lull. But then Shane smirked, and drew his knees up to wrap his arms around his legs. “Famous last words.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina laughed. A real laugh, drawn out of her by shock as much as genuine amusement. “Tell my family I loved them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane glanced over at her and gave her a smile. The smallest of smiles that existed only so briefly that she could have imagined it, but that smile said more than an entire memoir about his life could. “Okay,” Shane said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina’s gaze turned to the waves lapping beneath him, and her face felt hot where she could feel him watching her. It felt like being under a microscope, every movement hyper-analyzed, and she was painfully reminded of how un-put-together she looked. She looked back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“At least let me try.” She hoped those five words managed to convey the shift to sincerity she was grasping for, away from the jokes and the sarcasm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane breathed in deeply beside her. “I can’t stop you from trying.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Damn right,” Katerina said. She paused. “But still, fuck you for hiring someone for me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She saw a small smirk appear on Shane’s face but he said nothing, and silence fell between them. It could have been only minutes or an hour that they sat on the edge of the pier, feet dangling into the water below. The world moved on around them, people and animals alike going about their days, but Katerina felt frozen in time. She couldn’t say how long she would have stayed there had Shane not stood to leave.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I -” He cleared his throat, looking uncharacteristically awkward. “I should go.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina dusted herself off as she climbed to her feet after him. Part of her wanted to disagree and tell him that the world could manage without them for the day, but the bigger part of her squashed that thought as soon as it rose to the forefront of her mind. Feeling the uncomfortable energy racing around Shane like a storm, Katerina offered a smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He extended a stiff hand for a shake, looking like a man who had done this a million times and knew what to expect. Katerina considered him for a brief second before deciding she liked him better when he wasn’t like that, when he didn’t know what to expect. Pushing his hand aside, she rose onto her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around the tops of his shoulder, pulling tight enough for it to be a real hug but not tight enough to pull him completely into her. His arms remained limp at his sides, never returning the embrace, but when she pulled away she felt satisfied all the same upon seeing the stunned look on his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye, Shane Anderson,” she said, rocking back down onto her heels.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He blinked. “Goodbye, Katerin Hann.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She waited a moment, then nodded decisively and began striding back up the pier towards shore, leaving him standing behind her. She didn’t look back as she walked, and she tried not to wonder if Shane had turned and watched her leave.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Every step she took back towards her farm was compounded with a growing sense of satisfaction, one that confused her. That morning she stormed down to the ranch in a fit of unexplainable rage with the intention to curse him out for daring to imply that she couldn’t handle her work on her own, and now she was walking away after having made a promise to, essentially, insert herself into his life whether he liked it or not.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Katerina had told Abigail that being around Shane was like walking on eggshells, it had been a vast understatement. An interaction with Shane was more like being thrown into a cage with a starving tiger, not knowing if it would maul you for your meat or just lay down and die. And, honestly, she couldn’t say which side of the situation this morning with him had been. Perhaps that was from where the feeling of satisfaction arose - that she had set out expecting either to be torn to pieces or be trapped with no way out, and had instead tamed the damn thing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Although she told Alex she’d be only a short time and had in reality been much longer, he had found ways to occupy himself. His gridball muscles apparently translated fairly well to farm work, the lines of freshly-tilled earth looking neat and ready to be sown. Katerina hummed with approval as she examined his work, and tucked it into the back of her mind that Alex was an option if she ever truly did need help in the future.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He reappeared from somewhere deep in the piles of debris and overgrown weeds that still constituted a good three-quarters of the property with an armful of twigs and larger sticks that couldn’t quite be called logs. He dropped his load in a decent-sized pile that he had amassed, then raised a hand to wipe the sweat from his brow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you do this every day, huh?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina patted her bicep with the opposite hand. “How do you think I got these guns?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex laughed, face consumed by an endearing grin, and Katerina was once again struck by how young he looked. He was conventionally attractive by all standards - a good match for cookie cutter pretty girl Haley, for sure - but Katerina couldn’t shake the thought that she must be getting old if she found someone his age so youthful. Or perhaps it was that she had come to prefer older, more rugged men after enduring years of immature college boys, and she was only now realizing it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So what’s next, boss?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Folding her arms, Katerina looked out over her crops and the work Alex had done. Briefly she considered telling him to take her checkbook and run down to Pierre’s to buy more pumpkin seeds to plant - she had big plans for the upcoming holiday - but she quickly threw that idea to the curb. Now that the excitement of the morning had worn off, the fatigue from two nights of poor sleep was creeping back in. She had promised herself last night to take the day off - because she deserved it, god damn it - and Katerina wasn’t one to break promises, even those made only to herself. She couldn’t find humility enough to sit inside and watch as another person did her daily chores for her, and so after thanking Alex graciously and making him promise to never accept bribe money from Shane again, she stowed all the tools away in their proper places and looked around for a nice sunny place to sit. She flopped down onto her back in a patch of grass off to the side of the front porch and laid with her face tilted up into the sun. A bubbling feeling of </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span> had risen up through her body and settled into her chest, and as Katerina laid and slowly drifted off to a light sleep, her tired brain created the sensation of floating up into the sky. The feeling was something like giddy happiness, maybe, or excitement. Katerina never had been good at identifying her feelings.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whatever it was carried her all the way into unconsciousness, and even when she rose and dragged herself inside to resume the nap on the couch, it never quite fled. She’d get to the bottom of it sometime, but not now. Now was the time for sleep.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Katerina squatted, giving the pumpkin at her feet a few hard taps. Her eyes squinted against the bright morning sun as she looked upwards, putting on her most confident smile. “I have to say, I’m proud of them.” She stood and moved away to allow for Pierre to take her place, then watched nervously as he gave the produce his own form of inspection.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a minute or so, Pierre stood and brushed his hands together to dust off the dirt that had stuck. “They look healthy. I’d be happy to buy the lot. We can weigh them back at the shop and figure out what I owe you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina smiled, trying not to let her relief show on her face. Pierre had reliably purchased her produce to resell since the first tiny harvest back in early summer, but it always wracked her nerves when she brought her crops to him and let him inspect them for quality. “Sounds like a deal.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Great. Abigail - you mind helping us load these up?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail snapped to attention from where she had been absent-mindedly kicking a rock back and forth between her feet and nodded. Pierre started to head back to his truck to pull it closer, but Katerina took a step after him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s no need,” she said. Pierre’s eyebrows furrowed as he turned back around to face her, confused. “I can bring them over later today.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail had walked up to stand beside her father and mirrored his confused expression. “Why not now when there’s three of us to help?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just want to make sure they’re all ready for display at the shop.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can take care of that,” Pierre said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina shrugged. “I know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He waited for her to go on, but when she didn’t he too shrugged. “Well, we’re open until five as usual. If you need to come by later, let Abigail know and she’ll pass it on.” Pierre glanced over at his daughter. “Come on, let’s head back. You know how your mother hates to be left alone working the counter.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can go start the truck, I’ll be right behind you.” As Pierre turned and walked away, Abigail looked at Katerina and crossed her arms. “You’re a bullshitter, Katerina. Any particular reason why you’re bringing them later and not know?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina laughed. “I was not bullshitting.” She glanced out over the rows of pumpkins Pierre would be buying, admiring her work. Nearly every pumpkin was the same deep shade of autumnal orange, though they were of varying degrees of plumpness. Beyond the ripe ones laid the smaller grouping of younger plants that Katerina had planted a few weeks prior. They probably wouldn’t have enough time to grow as large as the first round of pumpkins, but the vines had quickly spread their tendrils across the earth and the budding flowers had already begun drooping to give way to baby fruits.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was thinking about selling those ones on my own,” Katerina said, nodding her head in their direction. “Take some to neighboring towns, maybe set up a stand somewhere for a couple of days.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I feel like as a daughter I should tell you to just sell them to my dad, but as a friend I think that’s a good idea.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina smiled. “It’s more for the experience than the money. I never thought I’d be one of those people posted up on the side of the highway peddling pumpkins, but here I am.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail snorted. “I wish you luck, sister.” Teasing, she saluted at Katerina, then turned and headed towards where her father sat in the driver’s seat of his truck, impatiently tapping his fingers against the steering wheel. Katerina laughed after her and waited until they were rolling down the dirt road that led to town, kicking up clouds of dust beneath the tires, before she turned her attention back to her work for the day. She’d gotten a bit done before the pair had arrived, but she had had a slow start to the morning and was further behind schedule than she would have liked. Not that she had a schedule - that was the beauty about farm life, that she could design her days as she pleased - but she still had a checklist of daily chores, and she wanted to finish with enough time to lug the pumpkins down to Pierre’s before closing. Hands on her hips, Katerina nodded firmly to herself and set about her tasks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sometime during her chores Katerina stopped fighting the thought that she should forgo the use of her truck and haul the pumpkins to Pierre’s the good old-fashioned way: with some elbow grease and anything with four wheels that rolled. That’s why she had refused their offer to take the pumpkins that morning, anyway, wasn’t it? Maybe the idea had been buried so deep in her mind that she hadn’t recognized its existence, but it had been there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next leap, therefore, that she should take the scenic route into town, seemed only logical. The scenic route being south through her land and past the ranch, of course. And </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> idea certainly didn’t need explaining. Since Katerina had had her whirlwind conversation with Shane that one chaotic morning and declared that she was going to make friends with him, she hadn’t seen him once.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That’s how she ended up, once the crops had been watered and tended to, loading a precarious stack of pumpkins into the rusty metal wagons she’d found while rummaging through the dusty old toolshed. She pulled them back and forth a few feet to make sure the produce was stable enough to survive the trip, and when she was satisfied, began the painstakingly slow journey across her property. The terrain, although slowly being tidied, was still rugged, littered with boulders and fallen branches. Several times she had to park one wagon while she maneuvered the other through a particularly rough patch of land, then go back for the one she had left and do the same thing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a stupid idea, okay. But Katerina was too stubborn to admit to it, and the struggle made it all the more satisfying when she finally wheeled the wagons onto the relatively even ground of the dirt road that ran through the Anderson property. Especially satisfying when she drew close enough to see the figure she had been hoping to see distant in the grazing field, facing her direction, luring a majestic-looking horse around with something in his hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Shane saw Katerina approach, and subsequently realized that she wasn’t leaving, he made his way over to her, albeit reluctantly. He extended his hand towards her as he neared, in which he held a sugar cube between two fingers. “Interested?” he asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina snorted. “Does that usually work for you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It works on her.” Shane jerked his head back in the direction of the mare, hand dropping down to his side. Arms now crossed, he squared his body up to face Katerina’s. She helped the handles of the wagons fall gently to the ground, then leaned against the fence that separated them, looking over his shoulder at the livestock that wandered around the small field.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s her name?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sugar.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina smiled. “Fitting.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane nodded, the look on his face slowly growing from surprise at seeing her to suspicion of her intentions. Katerina anticipated the accusatory questions thrown her way - which she probably deserved, truthfully - and was surprised when he uncrossed his arms and stepped to the side, leaning back against the fence beside her in the exact opposite way that she leaned forward onto it. He raised a hand to point in the direction of a mottled brown cow that was grazing not far from them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s Buttercup,” he said. “And Rose and Poppy are over there. I’m not sure where Daisy is - she’s been under the weather for a few days.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are they all named after flowers?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane tilted his head to the side, like he’d never considered it before. “I guess they are.” He looked sideways at her. “Do you need something from me, or are you just here to admire my aunt’s cattle?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina didn’t meet his gaze, instead letting his eyes bore into the side of her face. It wasn’t that he was staring particularly intensely, just that any look from Shane unsettled her like not a single other person could do. “No particular reason I’m here. Aren’t I allowed to say hi?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still not looking, Katerina imagined that the suspicion on his face had deepened, though even if she wanted to look Shane had turned away from her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, hi.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina bit down on a laugh. He could be funny without realizing it, sometimes, unaware that his bluntness could be taken as dry humor.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey there, stranger,” she responded. “You’ve got to introduce me to them, sometime.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane gave her a scornful look. “What’s with the pumpkins?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah,” Katerina said, leaning over to give the closest pumpkin a few hard taps with her knuckles. “These? I’m bringing these to Pierre’s to sell.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you have a truck?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina almost frowned. Why did everyone feel the need to question her decisions? Couldn’t a girl haul two wagonloads of pumpkins several miles over rugged terrain if she felt like it?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is something wrong with it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right.” The suspicious look had returned; if pressed, Katerina would readily admit that she deserved it this time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They’re quite heavy, actually.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As pumpkins tend to be, yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you think Marnie would miss you for an hour?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane laughed, though it didn’t sound so much amused as it did unbelieving, like he couldn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth. “I’m not helping you carry those all the way to town.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Please?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You couldn’t pay me enough.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll pay you in sugar cubes for your horse.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane snorted, and although Katerina could only see his profile, she did see when he rolled his eyes. “No.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina sighed heavily, letting her body fall dramatically against the fence. Shane leaned away from where she had almost touched him, looking down with furrowed brows and lips slightly parted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I regret my decision to not use the truck, okay? Maybe you could hire me another farmhand if you don’t wanna do the dirty work.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Shane laughed, this time it did sound of genuine amusement. “You’re guilt-tripping me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe.” Katerina turned her head towards him, one cheek lying on her hand that rested on the top of the fence. Again he rolled his eyes at her, but he didn’t look away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not going to leave me alone unless I help you, are you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina tried her best to feign innocence. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Heaving in a deep sigh, Shane leaned against the fence for a few moments longer. He was probably weighing his options, debating whether or not he should just walk away from her, but eventually he must have settled on complying, because he straightened up and climbed over the fence with a surprising amount of agility. Katerina tried hard not to be too impressed, though she was surprised that he had the upper body strength to lift himself up like that with such ease. Picking one handle up from off the ground, Shane stared at her expectantly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get this over with.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina nodded and took the handle of the unmanned wagon, turning around to get more momentum as she pulled it. Shane started out trying to pull it one-handed, but Katerina noted with satisfaction that before they had even made it off the property he too had admitted defeat and enlisted the help of his other arm. But as hard as it was, it was considerably easier than doing it alone, and they made it into town with relative speed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This might be the stupidest decision I’ve ever made,” Katerina said as she paused for a breather. They were on the road in front of Sam’s house, Katerina hoping desperately that her friend was either still asleep or out at the moment, and not watching her self-imposed fiasco unfold from the comfort of his bedroom window.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane looked over as he wiped sweat from his forehead, looking wholly unimpressed. “I can name quite a few stupid decisions you’ve made.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina laughed. “Hey now, where’s the fun in life if you don’t let yourself be stupid every now and then?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane tipped his head in agreeance. “Wise words, Katerina Hann.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Damn right.” Though she still hadn’t caught her breath, Katerina was eager to get out of the line of sight of Sam’s house, and when she started pulling the wagon again she did so with newfound determination. Shane kept up with the change of pace without a comment despite struggling just as much as she was. Within another ten minutes they had made it to the shop, and Katerina hurried up the steps to the front door, all too eager to be done with it and go back home. She flung the door open perhaps a bit too aggressively, causing every pair of eyes within to jump to her, startled. Pierre sat at his usual roost behind the counter, polishing his glasses, Robin stood in an aisle comparing two pasta sauces, and Abigail was kneeling on the floor pushing a pile of dirt into a dustpan. Katerina directed her words at the latter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Take these damn pumpkins off me before I punt them to the moon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail swept up the dirt and emptied it into the trash before following Katerina outside. Shane was still there, though he had moved off to the side by several paces and looked to be attempting to avoid drawing attention to himself. It was odd, seeing him like that, and Katerina wondered where the charm he usually put on had retreated to. Maybe he relied on the energy of the saloon to play it up, but Katerina had seen him in settings other than that, acting just the same. Although, of course, there was nothing to say he hadn’t been drinking those times, too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Despite his best attempts to shrink into the shadows Abigail did notice him, but Katerina breathed an inward sigh of relief when Abigail kept her thoughts to herself. She glanced between Katerina and Shane several times, however, looking like she was trying to puzzle something out. Whatever it was, Katerina didn’t want to hear it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is the lot?” Abigail asked. “I thought there was more this morning.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There is,” Katerina said, almost shyly. “I can bring the rest tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Abigail said flatly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll use the truck this time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Abigail repeated, snorting. Her amused glance at Katerina caused Katerina’s face to heat with a blush. They could read each other too well, and she knew that Abigail had easily deduced the reason that Katerina had taken it upon herself to not only haul the pumpkins by hand but also take the long way into town. The reason stood not ten feet away from them, after all, sweating through his grey sweatshirt. He jumped when Abigail said his name, like he truly believed his attempts to remain unassuming had worked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Shane, wanna give us a hand?” Abigail waved him over, then moved away to prop the door open.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina tried to offer him a small smile, but his eyes stayed firmly planted on the task at hand. With all three of them at it the wagons were empty in no time, and Katerina had to wait while Pierre painstakingly weighed each one and marked it down to calculate how much he owed her. Shane had disappeared back outside the second he’d placed the last pumpkin on the counter, and while Katerina was bitter that he had gone without a goodbye or even a nod of acknowledgement, she tried not to make it so obvious to be noticeable.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So,” Abigail said, raising an eyebrow. “Officially hired your first employee?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina snorted. “As if. He can still barely stand my presence.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And I’m still wondering why you even care.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina pressed her lips together and gave her friend an irritated look. Abigail had already made her thoughts about Katerina’s mission to pursue a friendship with Shane perfectly clear. Katerina was well aware that she didn’t approve, but she didn’t have to take every opportunity to imply it again, either.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Katerina?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Attention turning to Pierre, Katerina turned away from Abigail, who had set her face stubbornly into a retaliatory glare. She gave the invoice he had written up a cursory glance, more or less satisfied enough to not really look it over. Once she signed her name at the bottom of the page, Pierre slid a check over the counter to her. She snatched it up and mumbled a half-hearted thanks, knowing on a deeper level that she should really be more polite to the man who had become her most reliable business partner. Katerina raised a hand to wave at Abigail as she left, leaving no opportunity for a longer conversation to take hold.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“See you this weekend,” Katerina threw over her shoulder, closing the front door behind her. She squeezed her eyes shut for a few moments and drew in several deep breaths. She couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d made a fool of herself in front of multiple people that day, and she wanted nothing more than to teleport back to her home, take a nice long shower, then hide in bed the rest of the day. But Katerina had made her decisions, for better or for worse, and so she stepped down to grab her stupid wagons and get the hell out of Dodge. She didn’t notice the figure approaching her from the side until it was nearly close enough to touch her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shane!” she gasped, pressing a hand to her chest. “You scared the shit out of me. I thought you left?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought you might…” Shane trailed off the end of his sentence and gestured vaguely at the wagons, the handle one which Katerina had dropped in her surprise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She opened her mouth, ready to form the words that it was okay, that she could handle getting them back to her farm empty, but then snapped it back shut. Nodding, Katerina smiled at him and tried not to acknowledge how easily the smile had come to her lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s just that she still hadn’t been able to see her friends very much, and was missing being able to have a conversation with someone about something other than farming or business. The fact that the person on the receiving end of the conversation was Shane had very little to do with her pleasure.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I promise I’ll deliver on those sugar cubes,” she said as they began their walk out of town.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t owe me anything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you think I am, a slave owner? I won’t take no for an answer.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane huffed loudly but said nothing. Despite her previous inward complaint that all she ever talked about anymore was farming, Katerina turned the conversation exactly to that. Shane seemed to be in one of those moods where he didn’t have much offer to the exchange, and farming was something that Katerina could talk about easily for long periods of time without needing to bounce off another person. She had so many ideas to lay out, visions in her head that she struggled to transform into words, and plans for years down the line. Her latest inspiration had struck in the form of poring through book after book about the art of beekeeping, and she planned on dedicating a portion of her land to setting up her own little apiary. Shane actually seemed interested and even offered a few suggestions to parts of the idea that she was unsure about, spurring Katerina to ramble on even further.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The walk back flew by in a blur. When Katerina began having to navigate the wagon through rows of greenery it finally clicked that they’d made it back, and she suddenly had that feeling of pulling into the driveway and having no memory of the drive home.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can just put them under the front porch,” Katerina said, leading Shane to the far end of the farmhouse where a small gap in the latticework allowed for one to duck under the deck. She shoved her wagon in haphazardly, then stepped aside for Shane to do the same. With hands suddenly empty and no task to work towards completing, Katerina found herself floundering for anything to say. She was relieved when Shane nodded his head towards something behind her, and Katerina turned to see what he was gesturing at.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The sticks?” he asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So graciously collected by the charming young man you hired on my behalf.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Charming, huh?” Shane’s tone was flat, but Katerina saw the smirk tugging at his lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Indeed,” she said. “Though I’ve seen better. I was thinking about having a campfire tonight.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sounds dangerous.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hush, now, I know what I’m doing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, city girl.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina laughed. “You should join me.” She didn’t know what had possessed her to say it, but she had said it nonetheless, and now she couldn’t take it back. Shane didn’t look as taken aback and she had suspected he would, though Katerina supposed that he was probably getting used to her saying things without thinking about them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m afraid I have a child to look after.” He didn’t sound sorry, despite his words that tried to suggest the opposite.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bring her,” Katerina said. “I’ve already bought chocolate and marshmallows. Don’t make me eat them all alone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane gave her a sideways glance, looking suspicious, like he could tell that Katerina was bluffing and in fact hadn’t purchased the sweets already.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s a school night.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s one night, Shane. She’ll love it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kicking a foot against the dirt absentmindedly, Shane crossed his arms in front of him. “I’m not sure.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kids go crazy for s’mores. She’ll talk your ear off about it for a month.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I suppose that’s true.” A small smile, barely detectable, appeared on Shane’s face. “But we can’t stay for long. It’s a school night, like I said.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Katerina’s smile at Shane made up for his own pitiful one. “You can come back around sunset.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Or earlier</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she wanted to say. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Or you can just stay and not leave</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She cleared her throat, and held out a hand. She wanted to smack herself the moment it happened, but that would only make matters more awkward. Shane hesitantly took her hand in his and gave it a single firm shake, then pulled back away. He looked confused; Katerina wanted nothing more than to crack his brain open and see for herself what he was thinking about.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll see you later,” Shane said slowly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina blinked, grounding herself back in reality, and nodded. “Until later, Shane Anderson.” She didn’t let herself watch as he turned and walked away, instead heading to the toolshed to finish the chores she had neglected earlier.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane, however much his exterior seemed to suggest otherwise, had never given any reason for Katerina to think him a liar or a flake. Even in their most ridiculous encounters, if Shane had agreed to something, he always followed through. Despite this, Katerina was still surprised when she looked up from where she had been squatting beside her makeshift firepit trying to light the kindling to find Shane making his way onto her farm for the second time that day. He had Jas with him, obviously, though the girl was not being carried in his arms but in Marnie’s. Katerina stamped down a stab of disappointment, angry at herself for allowing it to take hold for even a second. Marnie was just as much a guardian of Jas as Shane was, and her invitation had been implicit alongside their invitations. Katerina would </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> be disappointed that Shane wasn’t alone with just he and his goddaughter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey there,” Katerina said, rising. She hadn’t had any luck with the fire, yet, though the packages of marshmallows and chocolate lay on a flat stone nearby. After taking in Katerina’s presence for quite a long while with a curious expression, Jas’ eyes went straight to the treats.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was kind of you to invite us,” Marnie said with a warm smile. “I’ve never even thought to have a fire with the kids.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina noted that Marnie had lumped Shane in with Jas when referring to “the kids.” It was natural, given that she was his aunt and had known him since birth, but it still made Katerina smile. “My grandpa used to make fires for my brother and I all the time and scare us half to death with ghost stories.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No ghost stories around Jas,” Shane said gruffly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina met his gaze, taken aback by his coolness. He hadn’t been particularly outgoing earlier that day, but now he seemed to have withdrawn into himself and placed this version of himself out to guard. Katerina had a sinking feeling that if she stepped close enough to him, she would smell alcohol on his breath.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And she didn’t know </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It was a stupid thing to wonder - addiction was a disease of the brain as much as depression or psychosis was, and there didn’t have to be a reason for why it would rear its ugly head. Mental illness had a funny way of lying in wait until the precise moment when you were at your weakest, then beating you an inch within your life; alcoholism, Katerina suspected, was no different. Still, she couldn’t help the sinking feeling of guilt that Shane had run to the bottle after spending time with her. There could be a connection, or it could be completely unrelated. It wasn’t like Shane didn’t have an entire life that didn’t involve her, after all. Katerina had no right to make this about herself, and yet, in her mind, she did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course not.” Katerina tried to mask her emotions as well as she could, which resulted in her voice coming out uncharacteristically soft.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marnie looked between the pair with a smile, either not noticing or choosing to ignore the tension. She probably had lots of practice doing that, what with living with Shane and all. “Do you need some help getting the fire started?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina tore her eyes away from Shane. “Do you know how?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“More or less. Here, take Jas for me and I’ll give it a shot.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina was surprised how easily the girl accepted being taken into her arms, though she had shown Katerina before that she wasn’t shy around strangers. Although Katerina wasn’t necessarily a stranger anymore, kids did have short memories.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She watched, only half-interested, as Marnie took the lighter from her hands and knelt down beside the pile of branches Katerina had dumped haphazardly into a pile. The first thing Marnie did was pull them apart and begin to position them strategically in a circle, making Katerina laugh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You were right earlier, Shane. City girls really shouldn’t be trusted with fire.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane clenched his jaw, the only sign that he had even heard what she said, but Marnie glanced up with an amused glint in her eyes. “I used to be a city girl once, too, you know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t, actually. I’m assuming you grew up in Pine Mesa with one of Shane’s parents?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Though not part of the conversation, Shane shifted his weight between his feet a few times before turning away altogether, arms crossing in front of him. Katerina glanced at him with a small frown before Marnie spoke and drew her attention back again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“His mother,” she said. Marnie had never bothered to, or wanted to, learn how to hide her emotions as well as Shane could, and Katerina heard a melancholy tone to her voice. “There were three of us girls.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When did you move here?”</span>
  <span></span>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not long before Shane was born, actually. So going on thirty years ago.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina whistled. “That’s incredible.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your grandfather was a great mentor to me back in the day. I was around your age when I came here, with no family or ties to help me. He took me under his wing when I needed it. The ranch wouldn’t be what it is today without his help.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina smiled, always happy at hearing stories about what a great person her beloved grandfather had been, then exclaimed with joy when a small flame began licking at the bottom-most twigs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina stepped toward Shane, and though he wasn’t facing her he turned back around when he heard her footsteps. She handed Jas off, then moved over to where she had stashed the marshmallows. After tearing them open she picked out three narrow branches that hadn’t been set in the pile to burn, and skewered a marshmallow on the end of each. She handed them out to Marnie and Shane, who both stepped closer to the fire so their branches could reach. Jas, suddenly very alert and squirming in Shane’s arms, couldn’t decide if she wanted to stare at the crackling orange flames or the now-open pack of marshmallows.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever had a s’more before, Jas?” Katerina asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The girl looked at her just long enough to shake her head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She does love marshmallows in her hot cocoa,” Marnie said, looking fondly at her niece. “Doesn’t she, Shane?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane started a bit, seeming to snap out of a deep train of thought, and nodded. “She’s got a sweet tooth.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As all little girls should,” Katerina said. “What’s a life worth living without sweets?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That made Marnie laugh, and Katerina let free her own wide grin. Jas fed off the energy and giggled, bouncing in Shane’s arms. He managed to keep a hold of her, despite all her squirming and only holding her with one hand, but Katerina still watched anxiously, whatever crumbs of maternal instinct she possessed set on edge by an intrusive vision of Jas toppling out of his grasp and straight into the fire.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina learned that night that Marnie was one of those people who lit their marshmallow on fire and didn’t mind a charred exterior, while Shane was particular about getting a perfectly golden crust around the entire thing. Katerina was also one of the latter, and so when she knelt beside the spread of crackers and chocolate to construct her s’more, the timing worked out that Shane knelt beside her. He placed Jas on the open part of the stone and waited patiently for Katerina to hand him the crackers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before that night, Katerina may have thought sugar rushes to be an old housewife’s myth. After seeing the way Jas lit up after having her first s’more, though, chocolate and marshmallow smeared across her face despite Shane’s best efforts, Katerina would have been hard-pressed to refute their existence. Jas tumbled around in the dirt, chasing after insects both in the air and on the ground, and several times running so close to the fire that Shane had to snatch her up with stern warnings that fell on deaf ears. Katerina watched the scene unfold with amusement, but as it went on for longer and longer she noticed Shane begin to tire. It was exhausting caring for a child - let alone a hyper child, let alone the effort Shane already had to expend just existing. Not that he voiced his complaints, but Katerina could tell. She swore she could, anyway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually Marnie left Katerina’s side, where they had been having a light-hearted but insignificant conversation about her plans for next spring, and went to Shane’s side, who was standing with an anxious air over his goddaughter, poised to swoop in again should she decide to go tumbling headfirst into something that could kill her, again. Marnie placed a gentle hand on his forearm and murmured something too soft for Katerina to hear. Shane heard, however, and after a few seconds of hesitation, nodded and retreated back closer to the fire. He took a seat on the bare earth, knees coming up for his chin to rest on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina left Marnie to fret over Jas, who was now trying to enlist her aunt’s help to catch fireflies, and took a seat off to his side, crossing her legs in front of her and leaning back on her arms. She tipped her head back to look into the night sky, just as in awe of it now as she had been on her first night here. When she first moved to the valley, it had been hard for her to grasp that the same sky she saw lying on her back in the dirt here was the same sky as the one she’d seen through her dirty windows back in the city. It wasn’t that you couldn’t see stars in the city - you could - but only the brightest of the bright had managed to shine, however meagerly, through the light pollution. Katerina had never realized just how intricate the world outside of what she knew - outside of the planet, even - really was. It was overwhelming staring up into the haphazard brushstrokes of meandering galaxies, into the thousands of tiny specks of light that each represented a ball of flaming gas larger than she could ever wrap her head around. She felt small when she looked up into that sky. Existential. What did her life mean among the trillions of other living creatures that had existed before her and would exist long after her bones had crumbled into the ground?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She almost reached over and touched Shane just to ground herself back into her little corner of the earth, and to remind herself that even if in the grand scheme of the universe her life was meaningless, she was a real, tangible person to the other insignificant beings existing in the same blip of time as her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina didn’t touch him. Instead she tore her gaze away from the night sky and trained it on him, finding that the man in front of her made her thoughts melt just as much as the stars. Shane’s stubble had darkened in only the handful of hours that she had seen him before, a shadow outlining the sharp edges of his face. The color matched nearly perfectly with the deep bags under his eyes, so dark that they could be mistaken as bruises. He looked haggard. He looked like a man that the world had beaten, then thrown from an overpass into high-speed traffic. It was almost painful for Katerina to look at him, now that she could sense even more keenly the tightly wound ball of every negative emotion conceivable that he was, and knowing that she could do nothing about it. She didn’t know how to help him, as much as she desperately wanted to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Surprisingly, Shane spoke first.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jas is having fun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina breathed out softly as she considered a response. Her eyes wandered his profile, tracing the lines - the jutting, slightly curved one of his nose, and the more angular line of his jaw. Shane was a specimen to look at as much as she imagined a tour of his brain would be.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for inviting her.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina realized only after he spoke again that she had forgotten to say anything, and she pulled herself from her thoughts. “Of course. I knew she would.” Katerina’s gaze went to her lap, unable to bear looking at him for a second longer. Or perhaps unable to bear whatever his reaction would be to her words that followed. “I invited you both because I wanted to spend time with you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A breath of wind whooshed from Katerina’s lungs, making her feel deflated, though it was mostly inaudible. He knew. Shane </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> that the campfire had been a ploy, and had come anyway. In hindsight Katerina should have realized that it had been obvious, but everything was so hard to tell with Shane. She couldn’t tell even now how he felt now about coming here - was he angry, did he feel manipulated? Would he make sure it never happened again? Katerina’s mind again went to the alcohol she knew he had drank sometime between leaving her in the afternoon and coming back later that evening.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shane?” she asked. He grunted. “I’m going to ask you a question, and if it’s too invasive you can tell me to fuck off, but I just want to say before I ask it that I’m asking because I genuinely care.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane grunted again in response, though Katerina saw him tense in anticipation. He knew as well as she did that her question would not be a pleasant one.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you drunk right now?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” he said quickly. “Tipsy, maybe, but not drunk. It takes a lot for me to get drunk anymore.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Were you drunk before you came here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That gave him pause. A nice long one, enough for Katerina’s thoughts to begin racing with anxiety.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Was it - Did I do something wrong?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Selfish</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Katerina immediately said inwardly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Self-centered bitch</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And yet she dreaded the response, some part of her still wondering if she had caused it. In some way she almost hoped he would say yes, because that would mean that his running to the drink had a tangible reason to occur and wasn’t caused by deep-seated psychological issues. By a series of physiological malfunctions of his brain that failed to allow him to operate as a normal person.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane huffed loudly, like an unamused laugh, and shook his head. “I drink because I’m a goddamn alcoholic, Katerina. Not because something caused it, and definitely not because of you.” He laughed again. “I’m a piece of shit mentally ill addict just like my mother, and now I’m raising Jas in the exact same way I swore I would never subject a child to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His words reverberated throughout her body like the striking of a gong. She felt like she was vibrating, cracks webbing all across her skin, ready to shatter at a single gust of the wind. Shane had never said anything about his mother before, though it wasn’t exactly shocking. What made her stomach turn was the way he talked about himself, like he was a stain on the world, and how he resented himself for having a child thrust upon himself and somehow not being able to handle it seamlessly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever thought about quitting?” Katerina asked. Even spoken as softly as they were, her words felt too loud for the moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Every day,” Shane said. “At least, I used to. And then it got too depressing to relapse several times a month, if not a week, so I stopped lying to myself. It’s not within my realm of possibility.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why? I know it must seem impossible, but there’s always a way. There’s programs to help you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You think I haven’t been through them? I’m telling you, Katerina, for me it’s not possible. Not when I need it to escape other things, and I have since I was a teenager.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She sunk into herself, feeling utterly helpless. As a last ditch effort she looked over at him, pleased for once to find him already looking at her. It would make her words feel more sincere to be looking him straight in the eye. “Well, if you ever decide to give it another try and need help resisting the temptation, you can come here. Rain or shine. I’ve got plenty of work to do. And I promise I’ll pay next time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane tried to offer a smile on her behalf, though he failed miserably. It came off as more of a grimace, like he’d just stuck his hand directly into the flames and was trying not to let the pain show.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if that will ever happen.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As long as you know the offer’s there,” Katerina said. “I’m always here.” She left it for him to decide if she meant she was always here, meaning the farm, or always here, meaning for him. She didn’t quite know herself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The pleasant crackling of the fire filled the silence that trailed after their short conversation. It carried memories of warm summer evenings, stomach bursting with fruits and sweets, chest aching from laughing at the stories her grandfather would tell her and her brother. The fire hadn’t a clue that a person sat in front of it who was dangling off a cliff by his fingernails, the person beside desperately trying to offer her help only to find it completely unwanted. The fire burned anyway, and the fire would continue to burn even should everyone in the world suddenly drop dead.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It didn’t have much time to burn itself down before Marnie walked back into its vicinity, bouncing a fussing Jas in her arms. She looked almost as exhausted as the toddler did, and Katerina could understand why. Marnie started her days as early as Katerina did, which during this time of year meant before the sun had risen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think it’s someone’s bedtime,” Marnie said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane took a deep breath, then nodded. “Well past.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As he stood to leave Katerina glanced between them with a morbid sense of curiosity. How much did Marnie know about her nephew? Did she know just how much he suffered? Most likely she did, even more intimately than Katerina, who was hardly more than a stranger still. Shane was adept at shielding the world from seeing the darkness that he lived in, but one would have to be blind of willfully ignorant to not see the signs. And given that the mother whose name Shane had spat out was the sister that Marnie had referenced earlier that night, Marnie must have years of experience dealing with people like Shane.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina didn’t register that Shane had stood until she looked over and was met with the sight of his shins. She scrambled to her feet, trying to maintain at least some level of composure. After brushing the dirt from her hands and the backs of her legs, Katerina directed a forceful smile in Marnie’s direction.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for coming. I hope you’ll come by again - I can make dinner next time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The smile that Marnie returned to her was completely genuine. People like her were unique; Katerina had always found the concept of someone having a kind soul to be cliche, but it was true of Marnie. She existed in the world to care for those more fragile than she.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It has been nice to visit the farm again. It’s been too long.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My grandfather would be happy to know you still visit even after his passing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He would,” Marnie murmured, a wistful tone to her voice. “Shall I let you two say goodbye?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No need,” Katerina said at the exact moment that Shane grumbled, “No.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their heads whipped around to look at one another, accusatory and - at least on Katerina’s behalf - a little offended.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Katerina said, while still stubbornly staring him down. “I think I will make dinner. Next Wednesday, seven o’clock?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Marnie said, sounding taken aback but pleased. “That sounds wonderful. You track Shane down after you’ve decided what to make, and let him know what we should bring, alright?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina struggled to force her gaze over to Marnie. The woman looked frazzled, unable to ignore the look being exchanged between Shane and Katerina.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That won’t be necessary. I’ve plenty of fresh produce - I can’t sell all of it without tasting some myself, can I?” She shrugged. “Unless you want to bring dessert. I have got a raging sweet tooth.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marnie chuckled. “Dessert, then.” She tipped her head at Shane then in the direction of the ranch, clearly ready to depart. Katerina understood - she felt ready to crawl into bed and sleep for days. “Have a lovely evening, Katerina. And don’t make me say that we’re only a five minute drive away should you need anything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” Katerina said, raising a hand to wave as the ragtag family made their departure.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t crawl straight into bed like she so desired, having to put out the fire and subsequently scrub the stench of smoke from her body in the shower, but the second she did she felt the full weight of her exhaustion drop onto her like a fully-grown person. It wasn’t the physical weariness - Katerina was used to that - but emotional fatigue that had been so distant to her for so long. It felt like an old but unwelcome friend, crawling into the space between her shoulder blades and digging deep into her body from there, creating a sense of physical unease that had nothing to do with the work she had done that day. It was the reminder of the pain and turmoil she had travailed by herself, alone, for so many years. It was the almost sickening worry for a man who had found his begrudging way into her psyche, setting up camp and refusing to leave.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina kicked at her blankets, freeing her feet from the tangles and confines. Sleep felt far out of grasp despite how tired she felt. She had so many things to think about, so many things to say to so many people who wouldn’t listen. During some point in the night - what felt like hours but what was probably less than one - her mind clawed its way back to Shane. What was he doing at that very moment? Was he sleeping, finding what small amount of peace in the world that he could? Somehow Katerina doubted it. Instead an image pushed its way to the forefront of her brain, that of Shane bent over a bar, empty glasses piled around him, legs barely able to hold him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina swallowed hard and pushed the image away, reaching over for her phone to find something to listen to until she fell asleep. She would think no more of Shane tonight, not when he had all but flat-out refused her help. Her </span>
  <em>
    <span>friendship</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Not when Katerina had her own problems to worry about besides a man who desperately needed medical treatment and who even more desperately avoided it. No more.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There are discussions of alcoholism, drug use, and suicidal ideation in this chapter. If you are sensitive to those topics please be prepared as you read!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The Andersons did end up coming over for dinner on Wednesday night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In fact, they came over for dinner for three consecutive weeks in a row. The four of them sitting around Katerina’s dining table for a homemade meal once a week sort of became a thing. Shane, of course, never seemed much pleased by it, but Marnie was always happy to make her contribution of a decadent dessert to the meal and to get to know Katerina, given how close Marnie was to her grandfather. Jas had even begun to wave on the rare occasion that Katerina saw her out with one of her guardians or Penny. A few days after their third week dining together Katerina swung by the ranch to borrow something from Marnie and saw the three pumpkins she had given the family sitting on their front stoop with faces carved into them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina thought things were going good. She thought things were going </span>
  <em>
    <span>great</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She’d made friends quickly when she moved to Pelican Town, but it wasn’t until she began sitting down with the odd little family that the Andersons made up that Katerina really felt like she belonged. Maybe it was simply that her unnecessarily-large farmhouse finally didn’t feel so empty when other people piled into it; whatever it was, Katerina didn’t question it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And that made it all the worse when Friday night she strolled into the saloon, saw Shane sitting at the bar surrounded by a slew of empty glasses, went to say hi, and was promptly told to fuck off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Despite whatever progress in the relationship Katerina had thought they made over the last few weeks, she didn’t have the right to feel betrayed. She didn’t have the right to feel angry, other than how he had snapped at her when she’d tried to talk to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And yet for how much she’d tried to wrestle control of them over the years, Katerina failed to reign in her emotions. She was disappointed and powerless, and she turned to the exact same thing she was angry at Shane for. She drowned herself in a too-easily accessible supply of booze, knowing full well that she should have stopped two drinks ago and yet trudging on regardless. Her friends didn’t mind; in fact, they seemed to enjoy this strung out version of her, thoughts tumbling from her mouth without a filter to stop them, hands lingering longer on arms where they wouldn’t have before, no regard for the fact that usually she would have to get up early the next morning; Katerina had no intent to do so that night. In fact, that night nothing mattered much to her except for doing what it took to forget the man who raced through her thoughts in a way that would be impossible for him to actually do given his current condition.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Despite his emphatic unwillingness to speak to Katerina, Shane wandered throughout the bar striking up conversation with whoever so much as said hello back to him. It was impossible sometimes to know which Shane would show up on any given day, but today the one that had strolled in through the front door was the one who oozed charm like it was his second nature and basked in attention like a child begging for their parent’s approval. There was no mistaking that he was intoxicated, but Katerina doubted that anyone else besides her, Gus, and Emily realized just how much Shane had put away. Katerina wouldn’t believe it herself if she hadn’t been keeping tally of the empty glasses he dropped back off at the bar every so often; and even then, given she was trying to ignore him, she had to have missed at least a handful of times.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Months ago, when Katerina had first arrived in the valley, this act Shane put on had bothered her because of how fake it was. Now it bothered her because she saw what that masquerade was hiding, and she felt as powerless to stop it as she would have fighting for her life in a riptide. Katerina had half a mind to storm right up to Marnie and demand she tell Katerina how she did it, caring for someone whose only intentions seemed to be to sabotage themselves.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not that Katerina cared for Shane. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but in a base level, perhaps almost superficial way, that you pity an acquaintance whose loved one just died, or a friend who had just lost their job. Katerina refused to allow herself to care for him on a deeper level. She’d been forced to learn self-preservation as a means to survival many years ago, and every part of that instinct was begging to drop everything and never speak to him again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But another part of her - perhaps the self-destructive part, or maybe the part that was too empathetic for her own good - told her to ignore that instinct. You couldn’t go through life running from everyone who had more than the usual on their plate of shit to deal with. Katerina was one of those people herself, after all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She felt completely justified, therefore, when she took it upon herself to get drunker than she’d ever been before. It felt ironic, getting wasted when she was angry at Shane for doing the exact same thing, but it also felt like her only option. And it wasn’t all bad, like Shane was when he drank; Katerina’s friends met her pace for pace as she threw back drinks, and they grew a bit too rowdy than was warranted. Sometime during the evening Katerina made all three of them pinky-promise that they would let her take them to a real club in the city someday and show them a proper good time. Sebastian, of course, claimed to know what it was like from his college days, but Katerina assured him that he didn’t know what he was in for when Katerina and her brother showed them around. For as hard as Luca worked his ass off throughout the week, he knew how to have fun on the weekends.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She exaggerated, of course, spurred on and lacking a filter from the alcohol, but she also couldn’t deny that it felt fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span> to get absolutely fucked for one night, as inappropriate as that felt in the cozy little saloon tucked away in a sleepy coastal town. It felt good to let herself run loose without restraint - until it didn’t.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina stiffened as Shane approached her from the side, his figure a looming shadow in her periphery. She could see even from this unfocused view the way he swayed on his feet, barely able to conceal his heavy intoxication. She almost turned from him and stormed off, came so very close to it, but something more powerful than that urge gave her pause. Some tiny part of her brain recognized the microexpressions Shane was sending in her direction and told her to stay and hear what he had to say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he spoke, his tone was an impossible mixture of unwaveringly confident and unsure of himself, and his words were the last thing Katerina had expected to come out of his mouth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you still have work for me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina’s head snapped around to face him, her eyes narrowing with confusion. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Work?</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she thought bitterly. She opened her mouth to spit out a scathing reply, then snapped it back shut again. Slowly her eyes crawled from his face to over his shoulder and at the bar stool he had been sitting at, somehow already anticipating what they would find there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And, yes. There at the bar sat a full pint of frothy beer, sweat beading down the side of the glass. Instantly her eyes snapped back to him, now seeing the strain in his expression that she had been invisible to before. Her mouth went dry as her mind scrambled for something, anything, to say. She blinked at him for several seconds, then looked over at her friends, who had fallen silent at the exchange, then back to Shane again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” she said, quietly at first, then louder and more firm when she repeated herself. “Yes. I do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane’s shoulders visibly sagged with relief, though perhaps others not looking as closely as Katerina was wouldn’t notice. He shifted his weight between his feet, looking increasingly uncomfortable, and it was the fear that he was second-guessing himself and would turn and leave that finally set Katerina into motion. Turning to face her friends once again, Katerina swallowed hard and put on her best attempt at deceit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I forgot-” She fell silent at Sebastian’s disbelieving stare, willing futilely for the flush rising to her face to keep its distance. “I forgot I have something to do tonight, actually. Sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Although Katerina refused to look her in the eye, she heard Abigail snort loudly, and also noted the mischievous glint in Sam’s eyes. She couldn’t find it in herself to care that they were reading the situation all wrong, that they thought they had even the faintest of ideas of what was going on. What she cared more about was getting Shane out of the saloon and far away before he could sink back into the tantalizing amber depths of the alcohol and drown in it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina turned to him quickly and caught herself only a split second before she could reach out and take him by the hand to physically drag him away. “Let’s go,” she said, almost in a mumble, and beelined for the front door. She was relieved when Shane followed her, and even more relieved when nobody noticed them enough to try and stop them for a chat, or even to say goodbye. Just the smallest of things could extinguish whatever tiny flame of resolve Shane had found within himself, and while Katerina would fight tooth and nail to keep them away if she had to, she would prefer if the need wouldn’t arise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She breathed out a heavy sigh only when the chill of the outside air collided with her skin, enveloping her in an icy hug, and the door of the saloon slammed shut behind her. Behind Shane, more importantly. Katerina did, then, take his hand in hers and half-dragged, half-led him down the cobblestone street that led back to her farm. She paused when they had passed the general store and dropped his hand, only to step in front of him like a roadblock, mustering all the confidence she could find inside herself. She could do this. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>could</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She would help him this night if she died trying.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane’s eyes, for as hazy and unfocused as they looked, had locked onto her face with a steadfast stare. Katerina found herself wanting to shy away from him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shane,” she said. What came after that? What should she say? What </span>
  <em>
    <span>could</span>
  </em>
  <span> she say?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A million things raged in those stormy eyes of his. Apprehension. Determination. Panic. They made Katerina’s head swim like she was caught in the midst of them, at the total mercy of where the tides threw her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Katerina.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-” She clamped her jaw shut, not to hold something back but because she was at a loss for words. What did you say to a person who was dangling over a cliff, held only to solid ground by the very backs of their heels? Despite having before been that person herself, Katerina hadn’t the faintest of ideas. She was scrambling to find a rope,  branch, </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>, to toss to him and pull him backwards. She was scared to speak and her words becoming the catalyst to push him forwards.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Shane breathed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A surge of an unidentifiable emotion seized hold of Katerina’s chest, and she again took his hands - this time both - in hers, still facing him. Suddenly it clicked that sometimes, when a person needed saving, you wouldn’t have a rope to throw to them. Sometimes if you wanted to save someone, you had to leap in after them and do it yourself with bare hands, and pray that that was enough.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have nothing to be sorry for,” she said firmly. She wished she knew how to make him believe it. “Thank you for coming to me. Come on, let’s go.” Katerina walked backwards a few steps with their hands still linked to get them into motion, then dropped his hands and righted herself to walk beside him. Thankfully, Shane continued to follow her guidance.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The walk back to the farm seemed to simultaneously last an hour and a split second. She hadn’t settled on a plan, despite racking her brain desperately for one, but when they arrived at the farm Katerina led them to a shed, set a good distance back into the property, and disappeared inside. When she reemerged, Shane gave her an incredulous stare.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Bikes</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina tried for a smile. “Yes. Bikes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Katerina, no offence, but you’re wasted. And we both know that I’m not any better.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Exactly,” Katerina said. She patted the seat of the larger bike. “Hop on, partner.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Partner? What are we now, cowboys?” Shane’s tone was flat, unamused, but the fact that he had said anything even approaching a joke made Katerina relax a little.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Space cowboys.” Knocking the kickstand up with her foot, Katerina threw her leg over the bikeseat and started to peddle away slowly. Force him into it and he would follow. Or, at least, she hoped.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A glance backwards told her her instinct had been correct, and Katerina smiled as she watched Shane awkwardly try to maneuver the bicycle over the rocky ground. It would have been hard enough when sober, and in their states of mind just not crashing was a feat enough. It would have been endearing had the situation not been so...grim.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She led them north off the farm - the only way she could go, logically. East would take them back into town, back into the lap of temptation, and south towards Shane’s home was a no-go as well. So up to the wooded rocky landscape of northern Pelican Town it was, where one could see that they truly were in a valley, after all. Abigail had taken her this way that night when they’d both needed to escape together, and it felt only fitting that Katerina could pass that on to someone else, now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For as much as she’d wanted to laugh at Shane for his unsteadiness on two wheels, Katerina was struggling herself. Her vision swam before her, depth perception impaired worst of all, and several times she wobbled so hard that she had to stop and catch herself with one of her feet. During one of those times, Shane pedalled up beside her and came to a halt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are we seriously doing this?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Slowly, his face stopped spinning enough in her vision for Katerina to get a good look at him. She smiled, cocking her head to one side. “We’re really doing this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done while drunk.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And I assume that list is pretty long.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane snorted; Katerina was relieved that he sounded genuinely amused. “Longer than you could imagine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead of answering she pushed back off the ground and continued to pedal. For all she’d bet on the biking help sober the pair up, even as they circled and circled the area of land north of town - near Sebastian’s family’s home - her level of impairment didn’t seem to dull at all that she could tell. They ended up near the quarry at one point, but both agreed with only a glance at each other that the steep drop-offs and rickety bridge weren’t the safest in their state, and they turned and headed back exactly the way they’d come.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane didn’t complain, or try to stop, or simply take off and leave her in the dust, tired of her company, and Katerina didn’t say anything to him that might trigger those actions. They simply biked with each other in silence, for God only knows how long. It was like a scene out of a movie, or a fucking fever dream. It was incredible.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After their third lap around the bathhouse that Katerina had never ventured into, she hopped off her bike, letting it fall off to the side unceremoniously, and laid stomach-down in the grass, heaving in a deep sigh. The force of her breath drew bits of dirt into her lungs, and as she flipped herself to lie on her back she coughed, eyes watering with involuntary tears. Shane deposited his own bike and took a seat beside her much more gracefully than she had. He gave her an uncertain look as she hacked up the dirt, not sure if he should give her the Heimlich or let her sort herself out, probably.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I got tired of the bikes,” Katerina said once the coughing had stopped. Despite the cold, the exertion of the ride had caused a thin layer of sweat to form across her body, and her heart was still racing. It had done its intended duty after all, though, and she no longer felt like she was watching the world through a bubble of water. She wasn’t sober, not by any means, but she also wasn’t in danger of emptying the entire contents of her stomach, either. It was progress.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As they sat for longer, however, and her body began to recover from the bike ride, Katerina started to shiver. The chill of the autumnal night air brushed up against the sweat and caused goosebumps to break out across her skin. She made a noise to communicate her displeasure, then slid her knees up towards her chest, in a sitting position, and rubbed her hands against the opposite arms.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane watched her in quiet amusement. “Cold?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fucking freezing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He started to shrug the blazer off of his shoulders - a maroon one that Katerina had seen him wear before - and she blinked hard a few times, sure her eyes were lying to her. Shane held it out towards her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Here, take it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina’s heart leaped back into action like she’d hopped back on the bike. Immediately she was exasperated with herself - irritated that she, a twenty-four year-old woman, was acting like a teenager. Why did she have to read into Shane handing his jacket over? She was cold, and he wasn’t, apparently. There was nothing more to it than that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Just take the damn thing</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she thought.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shane, stop. I don’t want it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Katerina, take it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” she said, giving him a stubborn look.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane met the stubbornness blow for blow, and shoved the jacket even closer to her, waving it in her face until Katerina finally snatched it away from him. “You’re much more sober than I am,” he said. “I can barely feel the cold. And you look like you’re about to turn into an ice cube right in front of me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina snorted. “Dramatic.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Says you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Touché.” She yawned as she begrudgingly pulled the jacket on, bitterness increased tenfold when she realized how large it was on her - sleeves falling down past her wrists, the seam for the shoulder more at upper-bicep level. Shane wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> much larger than her, was he?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane’s eyes had tracked her movements, and when she glanced up at him she suddenly felt frozen, like she’d just seen an unfamiliar shadow in her dark bedroom and was considering her next move. He’d sat close enough to her on the ground that when they breathed, facing each other, the mist of their warm breaths colliding with the cold air joined and wisped away as one unit. Their shoulders brushed against one another, and neither moved to pull away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In fact, Katerina revelled in it. She pretended like the contact was helping to warm her, but really it was the electricity pulsing through her body that caused the fiery feeling, its epicenter the two square inches of arm that was pressed against Shane’s. Not even bare skin, but separated by several layers of fabric. She would have felt like a fool if she’d let herself acknowledge those thoughts, but she pushed them away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Slowly, inch by inch, Katerina lowered her head sideways to lay against the top of Shane’s shoulder. Just to see how he’d react. At first she didn’t let the whole weight down onto him, but when he didn’t protest or pull away she fully leaned into him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silence. Maddening, deafening silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Katerina said for the second time that night, spoken so softly that she was almost surprised when Shane heard her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For asking for help.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane drew in a series of ragged breaths that Katerina, being so close, was achingly aware of.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The first time I drank was with my mother,” he said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina pulled her knees up even closer to her chest, wrapping her arms and those stupid oversized sleeves around them, though her head remained firmly on Shane’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tell me about her.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane laughed bitterly, the motion jarring Katerina.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s there to say? If you know me, you know my mother.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve become exactly like her. Exactly the thing I promised myself I would never become.” Shane shook his head, sighing bitterly. “I don’t know how to describe my childhood to someone who wasn’t there. Drugs. Alcohol. Sex. I had about five different dads from the time I was born till I finally had enough of it all and left at sixteen. I used to walk in on her fucking whatever guy she was married to at the time. Imagine that, you know? Being ten and going to brush your teeth and seeing that in the bathroom instead. And then you turn on the tv the next night and see them together at some stupid movie premiere, pretending like their eyes were dilated from all the cameras flashing at them and not the line of coke they just snorted in the limosine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina furrowed her eyebrows, stomach churning from the wretched mixture of alcohol and disgust at Shane’s words. “On the tv?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure, most of them. It’d be funny if it wasn’t so fucking pathetic how many of those A-listers are complete strung-out junkies.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your mom is famous?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane huffed, somehow making even an exhale of air sound miserable. “Sure is. Lucky me. Rich kid from Lakeview, huh?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Guilt twisted at Katerina’s stomach as memories of her teasing him about his upbringing in the upper-class neighborhood of town rushed back to her. “I didn’t-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Shane said, cutting her off. “That wasn’t fair of me. You didn’t know.” He fidgeted, rearranging his seat on the earth, and Katerina was forced to raise her head. She missed his touch the second it was gone, but didn’t lay her head back down when Shane had settled into a new position. Instead she tugged the sleeves further down her hands to cover her fingers, and crossed the two sides of his jacket in the front of her abdomen for as much coverage as possible.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you want it after all, eh?” Shane asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina flashed a hesitant smile. “I don’t like admitting I was wrong.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, but I’m the one who needs to learn to ask for help?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina reached over and shoved his shoulder. “Don’t make me take this off and freeze to death on your watch.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane snorted, then stretched his legs out in front of him and leaned back on his hands. How </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> wasn’t freezing, Katerina couldn’t imagine. The night seemed to only grow colder and colder the longer they sat there, and soon she was afraid that even Shane’s jacket wouldn’t be able to save her from an agonizing death.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tell me about yourself, Katerina Hann.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you want to know?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anything,” Shane said. “Everything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Everything, huh</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Katerina frowned. “I don’t know, I’m not that interesting. I’ve got two parents and a brother. I ran cross-country in high school, got a scholarship to an average university, graduated, hated my job, and now here I am.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And that’s all there is to it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s all there is to it,” she confirmed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bullshit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Startled, Katerina twisted to look over at Shane. His head was tilting back to face the night sky, though his eyes were closed. In a different context, he might have looked peaceful.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s bullshit. That’s a boring life.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina laughed nervously, face furrowing in a confused expression. “Who says I’m not boring?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You did,” Shane said matter-of-factly. “You told me you were like me, remember? As much as I didn’t want to believe it then, if only because then I would be forced to pity you, I believe it now. And I can tell you my life is anything but boring, as fucked up as it is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want your pity.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane’s eyes opened, head tilting sideways to meet her gaze. “I know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The air seemed to waver in the space between their two faces, like the rippling above hot asphalt on a summer day. It shoved its way down into Katerina’s throat, into her lungs. She had to fight not to gasp for more air, but she was afraid that should she look for a moment longer it would stop her heart. Shane had a look that could turn you to stone, and he was giving it to Katerina now. It did its job, if Shane’s intention had been to force Katerina to fumble before she spoke. She reeled back in the words that she’d been about to say, the ones that had flung themselves to her lips automatically, like second nature, and paused.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course he didn’t pity her. Shane had already lived through enough turmoil in his less than three decades on earth to last the rest of this lifetime and another. He didn’t, nor should he, have the energy to waste dwelling on the things Katerina had faced in her past. She was here next to him, now, and this was the version of her that he knew. Just like the Shane that sat beside her was only the person that he was now. He wasn’t a product of what had happened to him in the past, or a learning example for future generations of university students studying brains that didn’t quite work correctly, or how a tumultuous childhood could affect a person.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And yet, Shane had opened up that part of himself to her, however slightly. He’d unlatched the deadbolt, so to speak, even if the chain lock was still hooked in and all Katerina could do was peek through the crack. The full enormity of that small act that might seem so insignificant to others wasn’t lost on Katerina. Shane had given a piece of himself to her and entrusted her with its safekeeping; the least she could do was give him a piece of herself back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When I was seventeen, I almost killed myself,” Katerina said slowly. She nearly had to choke the words out, but they did come. “At least, that’s what the doctors said. I’d taken a whole bottle of pills, so I can see why they thought that, but when I did it...I don’t know. I didn’t really want to die, I just wanted to stop existing. They kept me in-patient for a week while the psychiatrists forced me onto meds and I saw a therapist three times a day, and after I was discharged I had to keep seeing a weekly counselor for months.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My brother didn’t visit me the whole time I was in the hospital because he was so mad at me. My parents could barely stand to look me in the eye, either, like they were afraid of seeing something in me that they didn’t want to, or something. Our home felt so different because everyone was too afraid or awkward or angry to show emotion, and I felt so fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>guilty</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Because all I wanted to do was stop fucking existing, but then I survived it, and so instead of relieving myself from anything I just added the guilt of knowing I did that to my family on top of everything else. And that time around I knew I couldn’t try it again because I was living first-hand in the world where I almost succeeded, and it was so terrible. So I kept crawling my way through survival, and I took my meds, and eventually they made me numb enough to be able to bear waking up every morning. So here I am.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The night felt jarringly silent after Katerina finished talking, like all the night creatures out had hushed themselves just to mock her. Her heart thumped aggressively in her chest and her throat felt tight, like she was having an allergic reaction.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Shane said, so quietly that had a breeze come by and whipped the sound away, Katerina would never have heard it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s my line,” she said just as weakly. She choked out a watery laugh, and reached up to wipe away a tear that had escaped, though she hadn’t been aware she’d started to cry in the first place. “For what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For telling me,” Shane said. “It’s not easy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s hard to even think about it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Shane said softly. Without looking at her he reached over and placed his hand atop her leg in a reassuring gesture. After a brief second of being taken aback, Katerina put her own hand on his, and Shane didn’t pull away. His skin was warm and slightly dry as happens when the weather gets colder. She had a feeling that if she were to flip his hand and feel the skin of the underside, it would be hard and calloused from his work on the ranch. Katerina wondered, and so she did it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane glanced over at her with a curious smile as she traced each of his individual fingers, feeling the rough, calloused skin on each of his knuckles and fingertips. The action grounded her - the repetitive motion of it, the touch of another person, the way that she could feel Shane’s eyes watching the side of her face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“People like us…” Shane said. “It’s lonely, isn’t it? I’ve never had anyone understand what it’s like to live inside my head.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I understand,” Katerina whispered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane nodded. “Yes.” Katerina looked at him and saw eyes wide with vulnerability, face so soft that looking at him almost shattered her, as ironic as it was. “Yes, Katerina Hann, you understand.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The moment felt fragile. It felt like jumping into a pool and realizing as you sank to the bottom that it had been filled not with water, but with honey, and the world around you moved in a muted haze as you fought your way back to the surface. It felt like the dull thump of your heart in your throat when someone said they needed to talk to you, and you didn’t know if the news was good or bad.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then, like a dandelion whipped away on the breeze, it was gone. A panicked look suddenly appeared on Shane’s face and all at once he looked away from her and tore his hand back. Katerina took longer to recover, though confusion at his sudden change of pace quickened her descent back to reality. With her now-freed hand, she drew circles in the dirt around her, then dug up a small, pointy rock.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, what time is it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane lifted his wrist to his face to glance at the watch strapped on. “Almost three.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina nodded and shuffled her way over on her knees to the dumpster nearby. After a glance back to make sure Shane was watching her - he was - Katerina raised the rock to the dumpster and began to etch small words into its paint.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Biked ourselves sober at 3am</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina sat back with a satisfied brush of her hands together to let Shane see. He took a second to read it, then laughed quietly. It wasn’t the laugh Katerina had been hoping for, but it was also better than nothing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you’re into vandalism now, huh?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who says it’s a recent development?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane laughed again, louder this time. “Fair enough. Who says I’m sober?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s more a metaphor. I’m not really sober, either.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As long as you don’t make a habit out of it, Curly.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina shuffled back over to Shane and sat back on her knees facing him, grinning. “What did you just call me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Curly,” Shane said. A smirk tugging at the corners of his lips, Shane met her eyes. The panicked look hadn’t fully subsided, but he had managed to reign it back in and beat it beneath the surface. He reached up with the same hand that had so entranced Katerina before and pulled a strand of her hair between two of his fingers. He tugged at it, then watched as it bounced back into place when he released it. “See? Curly.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina was silent for a moment, then burst into laughter. “That’s the stupidest fucking nickname I’ve ever heard.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, now, you better watch it. I’m fragile.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Katerina said. “And I’m a fucking supermodel.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane raised an eyebrow and shrugged a shoulder. “It could happen.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Grin widening, Katerina placed the back of her hand against her forehead in a dramaticized gesture of feigned flattery. “Why, Shane Anderson, are you saying I’m pretty?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing of the sort.” Despite his flat tone, Katerina saw the smirk he was fighting to keep from his face. He remained silent for a short while longer, then sighed deeply and began to stand. “We should both get home. It’s late.” He held out a hand to help Katerina to her feet, and she took it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane had immediately drawn his hand back, but he didn’t step away from her once she was standing, and Katerina didn’t move away either. Peering up at his face, the twilight concealing the shadows that would betray his state of mind, Katerina smiled. It was a small smile - not of amusement, but of timid reassurance.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You sure?” she asked. She didn’t need to explain further. Shane understood what she meant, and he shook his head without breaking their eye contact.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina stayed planted in place for a second longer to read his face, and when she couldn’t detect a lie she nodded and turned towards where they had deposited the bikes. Suddenly, faced with the task of biking all the way back home, the whole plan seemed stupid to her. But it had worked, at least temporarily, and if helping Shane even a little meant bearing the cold air whipping around her as they rode back to the farm, Katerina would do it a million times over.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her teeth were chattering by the time the farmhouse was back in view, despite the exercise warming her, and even Shane had begun to shiver. Katerina dumped the bike she was riding unceremoniously beside the front porch and directed Shane to do the same, then shifted uncertainly on her feet as she racked her brain for how to say goodbye.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t like the idea of you walking back alone,” is what she said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be fine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can crash on my couch and walk home in the morning.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane immediately frowned at that idea. “No need for that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“At least let me call Marnie to come get you. It’s a five minute drive - I’d take you myself, but I’m-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Katerina</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Shane said, cutting her off. “I promise I’m not going to go off myself between here and the ranch.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not what I-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m a grown man, Katerina. I can look after myself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Biting her lip, Katerina held in the urge to protest further and insist that he stay and sleep on her couch. They both knew, after all, that being a grown adult had nothing to do with the ability to look after yourself. No one, mental illness and addiction aside, could do it completely alone. Shane had needed her help that night, and he had to know as well as Katerina did that her worries weren’t completely unfounded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” she said eventually, still unhappy to let him go. But before she could say anything else, Shane had pulled her into a tight embrace, and she stumbled and had to use his body to right herself. She heard the words </span>
  <em>
    <span>thank you</span>
  </em>
  <span> whispered into her ear, and then Shane had pulled back as quickly as he’d pulled her in, and was retreating in the direction of the ranch before Katerina had the time to process what had happened. It wasn’t until she had stumbled through her front door and was peeling off her clothes to crawl into bed that she realized that Shane hadn’t taken his jacket back. Its presence in her bedroom, somehow, felt like an intrusion, and Katerina frowned as she looked down at where it had fallen into a pile with her shirt and jeans. She considered it for a moment longer, then kicked it under her bed, out of sight, and finally crawled under her duvet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For once she didn’t toss and turn for hours, and was asleep not five minutes after her head hit the pillow.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please be warned that this chapter contains discussion of drug use &amp; overdose.</p><p>Thanks for reading and enjoy. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“So there’s nothing you can do? Not even try?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Katerina, but I only do woodworking.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina sighed, leaning back from the counter that Robin was sitting behind, and rubbed her face with her hand. It was still fairly early into autumn, but the first frost had come early this year, and on top of worrying about keeping her crops alive long enough to harvest them, the heating in the farmhouse had chosen this exact moment to sputter out and die.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In hindsight, it really was Katerina’s fault for not turning it on and double-checking nothing needed fixing before she actually needed it. But she hadn’t checked, and now she was left facing sub-freezing temperatures with only a fireplace for heat that she didn’t particularly trust herself to use.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have a colleague from the Valley who’s an HVAC technician. I’ll give him a call for you and see if he can swing by and take a look, alright?” Robin gave Katerina a comforting smile, like she sensed the frazzled, overwhelmed energy that Katerina was stewing in. It wasn’t hard to see, after all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina nodded and paced around the small entryway that served both as the front door to the family home and as Robin’s storefront. She’d never been further into the building than that room, but through an open archway door she could see a room that had been transformed into an impressive bio lab for Demetrius to work from home in. He was in there now, so engrossed in something on his microscope that he hadn’t even heard when Katerina had first walked in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Katerina?” Robin asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She stopped pacing and gave Robin a hopeful look.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He said he can drive over tomorrow morning. I gave him your address - I hope that’s okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina tried not to deflate too much at hearing that she would have to go another night without heat, and instead tried to give Robin a grateful smile. “That’s great. Thanks, Robin.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure thing. Don’t take this as me trying to profit off your misfortune, but I do have plenty of extra firewood laying around if you’re in need.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think I’ve got enough to last the night,” Katerina said, neglecting to mention the fact that she had absolutely no intentions of lighting a fire in her home, stone fireplace or no. With another smile she turned to leave, and paused just before she stepped back outside through the door. “Say hi to Sebastian for me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Robin smiled. “Of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With that, Katerina pulled the front door shut behind her and resisted the urge to slump against it. She couldn’t help but feel that everything was turning against her, and that this was just the beginning of a slew of inconveniences that were about to pile on top of her. Things had been going so well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>too</span>
  </em>
  <span> well, that she should have expected it. It was just the way life went for her - for everyone, really, but god damn it, Katerina wanted to bathe in her self-pity for the moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She walked back to the farm, the whole way trying to fight the sting of tears from her eyes and the scratchy feeling that scraped the inside of her throat just before she started to cry. It wasn’t that she was anticipating running into someone and didn’t want them to see her crying - no, Katerina was embarrassed of the tears herself, ashamed that something so trivial as a household utility needing maintenance could send her into a spiral. She had bigger things to worry about today. The crying would have to wait till later, when all the chores were done and she could curl up in bed with Caramel and let it all out. But then again, maybe she shouldn’t, given that she would be in freezing cold temperatures and the tears might fucking freeze to her face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina pulled herself together enough to make the trip into town to buy the endless yards of tarp that would be needed to cover the pumpkins and protect them from the possible frost. As she swung her truck into the small lot to the side of the general store, she noticed another familiar truck parked there, and her stomach lurched with a much larger load of curiosity and nerves than was warranted. She tried to ignore it, but the way everything suddenly dissipated when she walked in through the front door and saw that it was Marnie who had made the trip made it impossible to escape from her attention.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pierre, who was examining an invoice Marnie must have given him, appeared a bit startled to see Katerina. It wasn’t unusual for her to show up at the shop without anything to sell, per se, but since she’d stocked the farmhouse and sheds with most of the essentials that she needed to work and survive, it was much rarer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Katerina,” he said, friendly but politely. Pierre was so emphatically professional that it was almost painful, sometimes. “What can I help you with?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was wondering if you have any tarps in storage? I’m worried about my plants in this weather.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Understanding spread across Pierre’s face as he nodded. “I sure do. I’ll have to run down to the basement to grab them - Marnie, would you give me a second?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marnie dismissed him with a wave of her hand and a warm smile. “This poor girl needs those tarps more than I need my check. I need to pick up some groceries, anyway.” As Pierre walked away Marnie turned her smile, now a sympathetic one, towards Katerina. “It’s unusual for the frost to come this early in the year. Is there anything we can do to help?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina smiled herself, not so much at Marnie’s kindness but because she imagined that Shane wouldn’t have been too happy for his labor to be offered up alongside Marnie’s without his consent - the fact that he had more or less taken up Katerina’s offer to put him to work forgone, or perhaps because of it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think I’ve got it all under control. Like you said, I just wasn’t prepared for anything this early so I feel a bit flustered trying to figure it all out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marnie nodded and again offered her and Shane’s assistance should Katerina want it, then turned towards the aisles of canned goods. Before she could take more than three steps, however, Katerina stepped after her and held up a hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Actually, I hate to ask something like this, but I was wondering if there was something you could help me with?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The expression on Marnie’s face said that she was foolish for even asking. “Of course. What is it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina moved the hand that she had awkwardly held up to get Marnie’s attention to the back of her neck. Grimacing, she shifted her weight and cocked her head to one side - a picture of discomfort. She truly did hate to ask, hated feeling like she was imposing herself on anyone or burdening anyone in even the slightest. But if anyone could convince her to ask for help when she needed it, it was Marnie. And Katerina, despite her fierce independence that frequently straddled the line between a strength and a flaw, had to admit that she did need the help.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, the thing is my central heating isn’t exactly working, and the repairman won’t be able to make it out until tomorrow morning-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marnie gasped like Katerina had just told her she’d come down with a terminal illness, and reached out to touch Katerina’s shoulder in a reassuring gesture. “Oh, tell me you didn’t sleep in the cold last night!” She sounded affronted at the very possibility, and Katerina didn’t have the heart to nod and confirm it. “Our couch is a fold-out. Sleep with us tonight, I insist. And I can make a nice dinner for all the times you’ve cooked for us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina held in a sigh of relief, though the emotion flooded through her like the rush of a dam suddenly bursting. “I - Thank you, Marnie. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hush. I won’t have you freezing to death on my watch. Your grandfather would kill me.” Marnie laughed. “As would Shane, I imagine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A blush immediately rushed to Katerina’s face and she again felt immense awkwardness, worse this time around. She hadn’t given much thought to what people’s assumptions had been that night that she and Shane had left the saloon together, but now that she was confronted with it head-on the embarrassment of it all crashed into her with tenfold the power. Marnie knew better than anyone else in town Shane’s struggle with the bottle, but Katerina also knew that Shane wasn’t a talker of anything beyond superficial small talk unless it was dragged bit by bit out of him. She estimated a close-to-one hundred percent chance that Shane hadn’t explained to his aunt what they had done that night, and while Marnie might have guessed, she also very possibly may have assumed something much further from reality.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina stuttered to get out a response, face burning, but Marnie cut her off again with a hearty laugh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t listen to me, Katerina. I’ve lived in this town for far too long to not enjoy a bit of gossip here and there, but I don’t give any credence to it. That’s not to say my nephew isn’t fond of you, though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina swallowed hard, blush still fierce. “I - Yes, I suppose we’re friends.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marnie gave her a sharp look, like she knew something Katerina didn’t, but thankfully Pierre saved Katerina from further embarrassment as he reentered the room wielding a massive pile of carefully folded black plastic tarps. He deposited them on the countertop, where the stack towered far above Katerina’s head, and pushed his glasses back up his nose from where they had slipped.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I forgot to ask how much you needed, but this is our entire storage. You can take it all or just as much as you need and I’ll put the rest back in the basement.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Indescribably thankful for an excuse out of the conversation with Marnie, Katerina gave a cursory glance over the tarps and shrugged. “I suppose I’ll take them all. Better to have extra than need more.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pierre looked pleased that he would be able to avoid another trip to his basement. The transaction between them was quick, for which Katerina, who could feel Marnie’s amused eyes on the back of her head, was grateful for. After pocketing her change, Katerina wrapped her arms around the thick stack and reluctantly turned back towards Marnie.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be over around seven, then?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marnie nodded and opened her mouth to say something, but before she could, Katerina was hurrying past her, pretending not to notice, and was out the front door in what must have been record speed. She flung the tarps into the passenger side carelessly and began the short drive back to her farm. Suddenly, she was very thankful for having some methodical chore to do to let her mind completely drift away from the realities of her life.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tarping up the pumpkins and pinning them into place was a painstaking process. It took even more time than Katerina had initially estimated, and the thought that tomorrow she would have to take them all off again just to put them back on if the forecast was for frost frustrated her to near tears. On the bright side, the sky was spotless of clouds and by early evening the sun had warmed the house to bearable levels, which meant that Katerina could walk around indoors without her thick coat on. It also meant that when she stepped out of the shower into the brisk air, the cold wasn’t agonizing, just uncomfortable.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had succeeded in pushing her anxiety about the night far from the forefront of her mind, but that only meant that as she was packing her bag and was forced to acknowledge its existence, it crashed into her with ten times the force. Katerina couldn’t say why she was so apprehensive about staying the night at the Andersons’s, but she could take a stab at it. One of the guesses involved the fact that she and Shane hadn’t spoken since that night they rode to the bathhouse together, and she wasn’t sure how he would take her presence sober. If he </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> sober.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Despite her feelings about the situation, the world moved on around her, time crawled by, and before Katerina knew it she was standing on the front porch of the Anderson home with her overnight bag slung over her shoulder. She raised her hand to the door, fighting the urge to second-guess herself and face the freezing farmhouse for another night, and knocked. It swung open only a few seconds later to reveal a beaming Marnie carrying an equally happy Jas in her arms. The sound of children’s music playing carried through the open door, and the scents of several different things cooking at once drifted out alongside it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Katerina!” Marnie exclaimed, stepping aside to let her in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The anxiety Katerina had felt about imposing herself on the family faded quickly as Marnie shut the door behind her; Marnie had a way of making a person feel welcome no matter the circumstances. Katerina imagined she could make even a mud hut feel homely.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They walked the few steps that separated the front door from the kitchen, and Katerina took in the scene. Despite having an enviable amount of counterspace, every surface in the room was filled with something or the other that resembled various dishes in equally varying stages of completion. On the counters near the stove it was chopped vegetables doused in oil and crammed onto trays, ready for roasting, and on the opposite side of the room the counters were occupied with a beautiful rainbow-colored fruit tray, the stems and leaves gathered in a pile on the cutting board to be discarded. And on the center dining table, where Jas was straining to get to, was a spread of flour, dough, and baked apples that must have been the beginnings of a pie. It reminded Katerina of visiting her grandparents for the holidays and finding that her grandmother had once again prepared a meal large enough for an army despite the family being only her grandparents, parents, and brother.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Smiling, Katerina shook her head in disbelief. “You didn’t have to do all this just for me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hush,” Marnie said, pointing the rolling pin that she had just picked up at Katerina. “You’ve fed us far more than this in the past few weeks. And besides, Jas is going through a growth spurt and has been putting away food faster than I can cook it for her.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The little girl giggled - whether because she understood the teasing words or because Marnie made a silly face in her direction, Katerina didn’t know. She didn’t know much about children at all, to be frank, and wasn’t sure how much Jas processed about the world around her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She knew enough to wonder where her godfather was. At least, Katerina assumed that was who she was looking for as the girl glanced around the room with wide, wondering eyes, but perhaps Katerina was just projecting on her. She resisted the overwhelming curiosity to ask about him for as long as she could manage, still flustered by Marnie’s teasing earlier that day, but that still only happened to be a few long seconds.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is Shane-” Katerina cleared her throat as she moved over to the sink to wash her hands. “Is he out?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just as she turned away from the table, Katerina saw the smile that seemed to be so permanently attached to Marnie’s face stutter and fall. “No,” the woman said, concern coloring her voice. “I believe he just needed to lie down for a bit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina shrugged, not pressing the matter further, but when she turned back around to grab the dish towel to dry her hands she saw Marnie looking at her with an apprehensive expression, and paused in place.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Being a father is a strain on him,” Marnie said. She spoke quietly enough that Jas, who was running her chubby hands through streaks of flour on the table, couldn’t hear. “It’s hard enough when you’re prepared for it, and he wasn’t. He needs breaks sometimes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eyebrows furrowing, Katerina nodded slowly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You don’t have to cover for him to me</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she wanted to say. Katerina knew all too well the strain that Shane felt - had witnessed it firsthand on a handful of occasions, which was more than most people in this town could attest for. She knew that the Shane he showed to the world was a sham, and that the real person beneath that mask was a troubled man struggling desperately to hold up the weight of his existence so he could be around to care for others. Katerina knew that he often felt more like Sisyphus than Hercules, but she also knew that Shane was far stronger than he thought himself to be.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” is what she said, forcing a smile. “I can’t imagine. Being a cat mom is tough as it is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marnie studied her for a moment longer before nodding and returning the smile. Katerina wasn’t surprised to see that hers looked just as forced.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What can I help with?” Katerina asked. The question felt blunt after what they had just been discussing, but she didn’t know of any way to change the subject smoother. Shane would come around when he wanted to, and there was nothing Katerina could do about it, so she might as well stop thinking about him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If</span>
  </em>
  <span> he decided to come around. That possibility lingered in the back of her mind like a looming storm. This was Shane’s home, Shane’s family, and Katerina had come into it without asking his permission. Marnie had let her in, of course, but Marnie wasn’t Shane. He had much more right to this space than Katerina did and she’d invaded it without a spare thought as to how she herself would feel if someone did the same to her. Suddenly Marnie’s emphasis that Shane was exhausted from parenting seemed a laughable oversimplification; despite the fact that Shane had opened up to Katerina, he still treated her like a feral dog, one second begging for food and the next threatening to rip your flesh apart. Their relationship was complicated, if a word had to be put to it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Only half-hearing as Marnie directed her, Katerina moved over to the fruit tray to finish chopping the last of the strawberries feeling like she was underwater. Marnie asked her a series of questions that she somehow responded to despite not actually processing the words, and what felt like a very short amount of time later Katerina found herself sitting at the cleared dining table with a plain white paper and a palette of watercolor paints spread out before her. Dinner, which came together as a green bean casserole, and the apple pie were sizzling in the oven. Her stomach grumbled at the tantalizing scents.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Could you pass the water, Jas?” Marnie’s voice asked. Jas nodded enthusiastically and pushed a tall glass of water towards her aunt, a few drops splashing over the sides, beaming with pride when Marnie thanked her. “What are you going to paint, sweetheart?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jas cocked her head to one side, her face scrunching up as she sat deep in thought. After a few moments she perked up, grinning, and practically leapt for the paints. Katerina smiled as she slid the palette closer for the girl to reach.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Miss Katerina!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jas dipped her brush into the brown paint and made two swirly lines on her paper that resembled female hair. Katerina smiled wider and leaned over to look.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re painting me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jas looked at her like she had asked the most obvious question in the world. “Yes!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina’s grin was rivalled only by Marnie’s, who was gazing at Jas with a look that could only be described as adoration.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She was so excited when I told her you’d be staying the night,” Marnie said. “She said it’s her first sleepover.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina was concerned that she might actually melt into a pile of mush and sink into the floor. She’d never been around children much and had thus never really seen the appeal, but spending even these small amounts of time with Jas made her understand. Children had no filters to their emotions, and that made it all the more rewarding when they liked you, because you knew they really meant it. They would grow out of it by adolescence and spend the rest of their lives making the people around them question if they had ulterior motives, but as a child the world was much too new and exciting to waste energy on things like that. For the time being, Jas was everything that her godfather wasn’t.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane stayed in seclusion for much of the night, well past when Jas had grown bored of the watercolors and their paintings had been set out on an empty counter to dry. Katerina’s stomach felt like an empty cavern by the time Marnie pulled the casserole from the oven and sent Jas to finally retrieve her godfather.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The second they reentered the room, Shane bending low and Jas up on her tiptoes to hold hands, his eyes shot to Katerina and locked onto hers. No matter how many times she looked into Shane’s eyes, Katerina never grew used to the intensity of them, and she didn’t think she ever would. He shielded the expression in them with a carefully-crafted mask, but under it all Katerina saw the warmth in them. The deep brown color, almost black, felt like a warm embrace after a day spent out in the cold.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Struck by the intimacy of that thought, which had jumped into her mind before she had the chance to really consider it, Katerina felt the air in her lungs thicken like the air of a hot summer day. She didn’t have the time to process it, however, before Shane dropped into the seat across from her and muttered a hello.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” Katerina said back quietly. She watched as Shane rose to lift Jas into her high chair, then take his seat again. She only managed to rip her gaze away when Marnie asked her to hold out her plate to serve her, and only then because Katerina thought it would be rude not to look at Marnie as she thanked her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So,” Marnie said as she settled into her own seat, everyone having been served. “You managed to tarp up all your crops?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It nearly took me all day, but yes.” Katerina shrugged as she shoveled a large bite of the casserole into her mouth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marnie hummed. “I still think Shane should have come up to help you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He scowled. “Says who?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Says me. It’d be good for you.” The way she spoke to him was like a mother speaking to a child, not an adult to another almost thirty year old man, and Katerina honestly couldn’t fault Shane for the way he bristled at Marnie’s words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well she didn’t ask me, anyway.” Shane aggressively stabbed his fork at his plate. Katerina noticed Jas watching him with wide eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just - I don’t want you to feel obligated, ever,” Katerina said uncertainly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina nodded slowly at him and fell silent. Marnie, frowning, steered the conversation away from what clearly had struck a nerve with Shane, and for the rest of the meal Katerina answered question after question about her farm and what she was planning for the winter and subsequent spring. She barely had time to chew for how much she talked, and was still finishing her dinner by the time Jas had had dessert and was rubbing her eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You tired, kiddo?” Shane asked. The tone in which he spoke was miles different from the one he had addressed Marnie and Katerina with. Love poured out of him, evident in just those three words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jas nodded and stretched her arms out towards Shane, who abandoned his own dessert in favor of scooping her up into his arms. He bent over to let Marnie kiss Jas on the forehead before he turned and retreated down the hallway and into the bathroom to clean Jas up for bed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would you like a slice of pie?” Marnie asked politely. Her own voice sounded strained, though she managed to maintain an air of homeliness.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please,” Katerina said, smiling. She ate her dessert in silence as Marnie sat beside her, looking deep in thought, only rising when Katerina had finished and pushed her plate away with a satisfied pat to her stomach.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That was the most delicious pie I’ve ever had, Marnie.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marnie flapped a hand in the air dismissively. “Oh, hush.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The floorboards creaked as Shane reentered the room. This time, Katerina was already halfway to the sink and was glad that her back was turned so she didn’t have to meet his eyes. With Jas now gone, the buffer removed, the energy in the room completely shifted. The air felt tense around Katerina as she helped Marnie clean up the dishes, and Shane’s presence where he leaned against the doorframe to the hallway only amplified it. It was like the instinctual, animal part of her brain had taken over and identified Shane as a predator. Marnie seemed to sense the shift as well, and after showing Katerina to her bed on the couch and the closet that had extra blankets, retreated into her own bedroom for the night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear just to give herself something to do, Katerina cleared her throat. Shane hadn’t moved his position, just turned so that he now faced the living room instead of the kitchen. His eyes traced the movement of her hand as it fell back to her side, then he uncrossed his arms and stood up fully.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can we talk outside?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina nodded without considering it. It wasn’t until they were standing out on the porch and her thick sweater suddenly felt more like mesh that she remembered the freezing temperatures.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know, the only reason I came over was to </span>
  <em>
    <span>avoid</span>
  </em>
  <span> freezing to death.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane snorted. “You’re always cold.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry I don’t have the internal temperature of a furnace.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Somehow I think that apology isn’t real.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina smirked, but something about Shane’s energy stopped her from feeling real amusement from the jest. He had been standoffish all night, even bordering on snappy at moments, and especially combative towards nearly everything Katerina had said. Whatever it was he’d asked Katerina outside to discuss, she couldn’t imagine it was butterflies and sunshine.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked at him expectantly for a few moments, signalling that she wasn’t going to begin the conversation, and only looked away when Shane glanced over at her. He seemed unsure of himself, of what he wanted to say, as he so often did around her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t say that I’m happy you’re here tonight.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina’s stomach sank, despite her already knowing it to be true. “I know,” she said. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I tried not to be angry, because you didn’t really have a choice, but I’m not exactly the best at managing my emotions.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have the right to be angry at me,” Katerina said quietly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane paused for a painfully long period of time before laughing bitterly. “You’re fucking everywhere, Katerina. I can’t get away from you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina crossed her arms tighter in front of herself, not against the cold but for the desire to make herself smaller.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think about you all the time,” Shane said. His voice was so cold against the words it formed, the confession it formed, that it could almost be funny.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina didn’t find it funny. She didn’t find it much of anything, really, except that she was suddenly much more aware of the blood rushing through her veins in tune with the rythmic thumping of her heart in her chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do too,” she whispered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Shane groaned. Her head whipped around to look at him, only to find both his hands pulling at his hair, eyes shut, face set in a frustrated expression.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re so fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>confusing</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he snapped.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s confusing?” Katerina asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Shane opened his eyes then, they had a wild look in them. “You barged into my life and ruined this stupid small town life I’d painted for myself, and then you act so fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>innocent</span>
  </em>
  <span> doing it all. You can’t do this, Katerina. My family, my </span>
  <em>
    <span>life</span>
  </em>
  <span>, aren’t something for you to play with until you get bored and then toss aside.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina’s eyes narrowed. “What are you saying?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jas isn’t just a cute kid to play with when it’s convenient, is what I’m saying. Everyone that she’s ever had has left her, and I’m not going to let it happen again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shane, what are you talking about?” Katerina asked, voice twisting with confusion. “I’m just your neighbor.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina watched as Shane’s jaw clenched, the already-sharp line hardening. “It’s my job to protect her.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And what exactly are you protecting her from? I’ve done nothing but be friendly.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It feels like more, okay?” Shane snapped. “You won’t leave me alone, even when you’re not actually around me. I’m scared that Jas is going to get attached and have her heart broken when you get tired of us.” Shane met her gaze, eyes ablaze, and the unexpected fire sent a shiver through Katerina’s body that had nothing to do with the cold. “I know what it feels like to grow up expecting yet another abandonment, and I will do anything to keep that away from her.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Slowly, Katerina shut her mouth from where it had fallen open in shock. An army of emotions waged a war inside of her, each side begging for her attention, begging to be let out, and anger almost won. Katerina didn’t know a thing about Jas’ past, or her parents, but she knew that it wasn’t fair of Shane to accuse her of wanting to replace Jas’ mother and then abandon her. Katerina was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>friend</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She was a neighbor. And if for whatever reason Jas did grow attached, Katerina had no intentions of throwing her to the side like she was a once-loved doll and not a person. Bristling under the accusation, spiteful words jumped to her mouth, ready to lash Shane with her tongue as he had to her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then sympathy crawled its way to the forefront and, however difficult it was, pushed her anger down into submission. However baseless Shane’s fear of Katerina’s abandonment was, he had told her pieces of his story. Shane grew up without a father and a mother who was so absent that she might well have not been around, either. He grew up in a world where it was more normal to either be strung out or going through intense withdrawal than it was to sit down and have dinner together every night. From what Katerina knew, Shane didn’t have a family to protect him, and all these years later he was fighting tooth and nail to protect his own child from that life.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Perhaps Jas cried at night because she missed her mother, or perhaps she had been too young to even remember her parents when Shane took her in. But however she felt, the things Shane was saying came not from her but from his own broken past. And Katerina couldn’t find it in herself to blame him for it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Anger dissipating quickly and being swept away in the wind, Katerina nearly sagged under the weight of the sympathy she felt for him. She uncrossed her arms and turned so her body faced him completely.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shane,” she said. The word, spoken quietly, ricocheted off his hardened exterior and sent shockwaves through his body. Katerina saw him tense in preparation for what she would say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I understand that you’re scared,” Katerina said. “I don’t know what it’s like to be you, and I’m not going to pretend that I do. But I think you know as well as I do that what you’re saying is ridiculous.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina had expected him to fight back, to deny it, but Shane’s mouth stayed firmly shut. She paused to allow him time to gather his thoughts, but when he still didn’t speak, she went on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jas is a beautiful little girl and you’re doing a wonderful job of raising her to be a good person. She’s your kid, Shane. I’m not trying to replace anyone, and I’m not going to, but I’m bound to be around her, because her dad is my friend.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not her dad,” Shane muttered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina’s chest clenched at the miserable tone he spoke in. Moving slowly, she reached a hand out and ran it down his forearm to his hand, where she linked their index fingers together. She almost smiled when she found Shane’s skin to be even colder than hers; he could tease her about being cold all he liked, but he wasn’t immune to it, either.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how you feel about me,” Katerina said. “But you’re my friend, and I care about you. And I think you’re starting to care about me, too, and I think it scares you. Because friendship isn’t your thing.” Katerina extended a second finger and linked those together, too. “I don’t know if anything I could say would convince you that I’m not here just to get my amusement and then leave when I’m bored. But that’s not how normal people operate, Shane. If it takes me having to be a stubborn bitch and refuse to leave you alone until you realize it, then I’ll do it. You deserve someone to fight for you, for once.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane gave her an incredulous look, though his fingers tightened around hers. Katerina fought back a smile as the movement pulled her hand closer and their skin brushed together, freezing cold and fiery hot at the same time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What makes you think I deserve it?” Shane asked. The implication that he didn’t believe himself worthy of much of anything hung heavy in the air.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because everyone deserves it,” Katerina said simply. “Because that person you hide from people, the real you? I know that’s a good person. Because I may hardly know anything about you but I can still tell that you’re one of the most selfless people I’ve ever met.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane shook his head. “That’s not true.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> true, Shane. Maybe you can’t see it, but I see the way Jas looks at you with nothing but adoration and love. You took her in and fathered her when she needed you. And more important than that, you show her the love a child needs growing up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Adopting her doesn’t make me a good person. You would have done the same.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And what about it? It wasn’t me - it was you. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You’re</span>
  </em>
  <span> her father, Shane, not me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane's face hardened as he pulled their hands apart. Missing his touch instantaneously, Katerina’s hand fell limply back to her side. “Stop saying that,” he muttered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Saying what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That I’m her dad. It’s not true.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina frowned. She knew it wasn’t true in the biological sense, but as the man raising Jas, she thought Shane deserved more than such a formal title of godfather. It wasn’t fair to either of them that whatever had happened to Jas’ parents happened, but the world made it so, and now they had to live with the cards that had been dealt to them. Katerina thought Shane might have liked being called dad, to make as much normalcy out of their situation as possible, but she also knew - clearly - that he was sensitive to even the suggestion that someone might replace Jas’ biological parents.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Her father is dead,” said Shane’s voice in a whisper. “Overdose. He was my cousin - my friend. My </span>
  <em>
    <span>only</span>
  </em>
  <span> friend.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fighting back the consuming urge to reach out to Shane again and comfort him with her touch, Katerina squeezed her eyes shut. A physical ache squeezed the air from her lungs, the pain for such a tiny child losing her father in such a horrific way. She wouldn’t have had to know Jas to feel the sorrow, and knowing her made it even worse.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Forcing her eyes back open, Katerina tried to speak with as much stability in her voice as she could manage. “Her mother?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I truly don’t know.” Shane huffed bitterly. “Probably dead, too. She was no better than he was - worse, even, to abandon her daughter. She’s disgusting,” Shane snapped, his voice rising in anger. Katerina almost expected him to spit on the ground in distaste.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry,” she said, after a moment of struggling to find the right words and failing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You see, now? Why I’m scared of you being around her? She’s lost everything and she’s hardly two years old. I would sacrifice everything for Jas to live her life not knowing what it’s like to experience the things I have. We have too much in common, already.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I understand,” Katerina said. “But it doesn’t change anything. You’re still my friend, and I’m still going to make you see it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silent, Shane lifted his head from where it had been tilted towards the ground to meet her eyes. He had a look on his face like he wasn’t sure whether to be curious or suspicious. “You’re a strange woman,” is what he said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re a strange man.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So I am,” Shane yielded. “We’re a match made in hell.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina smiled. “I guess we are,” she said. “Good thing I don’t believe in hell.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Strange,” Shane said again, the quizzical look on his face unrelenting. He stared at her for a moment longer before shaking his head and making a gesture towards the door. “We should-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Katerina said, sudden embarrassment creeping up around her. She stepped through quickly once Shane opened the door for her, and was instantly glad for the reprieve from the cold. The house was almost too warm, in fact, but for the time being Katerina reveled in it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marnie had left only the lamp next to the couch on for light. Katerina stepped carefully as she made her way through the kitchen in the dim, and was distinctly aware of Shane walking behind her with ten degrees more of confidence of where to place his feet. She was glad for the lack of light to hide the flush that had settled onto the skin of her face, though she wasn’t facing him for him to be able to see, anyway. When they reached the entrance to the living room Katerina continued onward towards her overnight bag, and the footsteps behind her stopped. Hands moving with delicate precision born from the acute awareness she had of Shane’s eyes on her, Katerina pulled her spare clothes from the bag. She straightened and turned, finding Shane not having moved an inch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be gone first thing in the morning, before you wake up,” Katerina said quickly. “Just - Don’t be afraid to visit, okay? I get lonely up there by myself.” The last part had been added on as a quip, but it came out sounding much sadder than had been intended. Katerina tried for a smile to soften the blow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane didn’t seem to notice one way or the other. He returned the smile with a small one of his own; when Katerina searched his face, she couldn’t make sense of the emotions lying there, but she could tell that smile was genuine. However tiny it was, when Shane smiled at her in that moment, he meant it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight, Katerina Hann,” he said in a low voice, then turned and retreated down the hallway and into his bedroom. Katerina, glued to where she stood, heard the door close softly behind him. His words clattered through her like a metal pan finding every little surface to hit on its way to the ground after a fall, his voice a tiny flame that simmered </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span> deep in her stomach. Katerina couldn’t put her finger on it. She couldn’t - for the life of her, after thinking she was in tune with her emotions - decipher what it was that Shane made her feel.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Katerina changed into her pajamas, worn clothes dumped into a pile on the floor to be collected tomorrow morning, she tried unsuccessfully to tame the growing sensation of heat that was spreading throughout her body, burning with the rage of a grease fire. She flicked the lamp off then crawled under the blanket Marnie had set out for her and stared up through the darkness at the ceiling. Despite willing her mind towards emptiness, it clawed its way back with a ferocity to the man lying not two rooms away from her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was what Katerina’s mind fixated on that night. Not something Shane had told her, not the way that he usually ran through her mind as she wondered desperately how to make him accept her friendship. It was the way he had said her name, and the way that he laid not two rooms away from her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stupid,” Katerina whispered aloud, catching herself in the thought. She turned onto her side, pulling the blanket up towards her chin, and squeezed her eyes shut. She willed her mind away from Shane and forced it towards thinking about everything she had to do tomorrow. It worked in the sense that she was filled with a pit of anxiety and dread instead, but through it all Shane remained a tiny pinprick of light in the back of her head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a miracle she slept at all that night. It was a restless sleep, to be sure, one induced by sleeping in a place that wasn’t her bed. Katerina wouldn’t have thought she slept at all had she not jerked awake in the morning to her alarm and panicked for a few seconds before realizing where she was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Groggily, she sat up and swung her feet over the side of the couch, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Luckily the house was still warm, or else she might not have had it in her to crawl out from under the blanket. As quietly as she could Katerina crept down the hallway on her tiptoes into the bathroom. She hurriedly used the bathroom and brushed her teeth, eager to be out in the open air of her farm. Marnie kept a beautiful home, and while Katerina usually found it comforting at the moment the confines of the narrow walls felt more like a prison.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After folding the blanket and leaving it neatly on the back of the couch, Katerina shoved her belongings into her bag, hastily pulled her shoes on, and made her way out into the kitchen. She fumbled through the drawers to find a pad of paper and a pen, and upon finding one jotted down a hasty note. She felt guilty leaving only that, but pushed it down with a promise to herself to bring the family some cookies as a thanks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marnie,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Thank you again for dinner and letting me stay the night. I had a wonderful time.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Katerina</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She signed her name with a smiley face and a heart, ripped the paper off, and threw the rest back in the drawer it had come from. For a few seconds she stared at it, biting her lip, then tore the drawer back open forcefully and ripped off another piece.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shane</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she scribbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t be a stranger.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Katerina</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This time her name went without a heart. The paper looked empty, barren, somehow more obvious that Katerina was struggling to voice what she wanted to say to him than not leaving a note at all. A million things floated around her brain that she might voice aloud if Shane was standing next to her at that very moment, if the sight of his face imbued her with a bout of confidence. But Shane wasn’t there. Shane was sleeping in his bedroom mere steps down the hall. Katerina’s eyes pointedly avoided flicking in that direction. She slammed the paper down on the counter then turned and quietly hurried outside before she could second-guess herself again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The air was crisp, achingly cold, and burned Katerina’s nose as she breathed it in. She hardly noticed, however, on the entire walk back to the farm. Her mind was fixated on the note she’d left behind, imagining all the dozens of possible scenarios that could occur when Shane found it. In the worst of them, he ripped it in half and laughed at the very possibility that he would ever visit Katerina willfully; in the best, he ran barefoot out the front door all the way until he reached Katerina’s own door, then burst in and made some long-winded declaration that even Katerina couldn’t dream up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stupid</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Katerina said to herself. That thought was becoming a regular occurrence, these days.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With great difficulty, she pushed those images from her head and pulled her imaginary to-do list to the forefront instead. Katerina wasn’t a starry-eyed, bumbling fool. She was a farmer, single-handedly running her operation, and however preoccupied she might have been with the Shane situation, she had work to do.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Before Katerina moved to the valley, her life had been one of monotony. Wake early to go for a run before work, suffer in a concrete building at her desk until five o’clock when she could finally clock out, go home and scarf something down, lay in bed watching reruns of shitty sitcoms until she fell asleep. And then she woke up to do it all over again. In those days, the most exciting thing in her life had been the times when she felt too lazy to cook and got takeout from the Thai restaurant a block down from her apartment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For a small time, learning a new trade and adapting to her new schedule as a farmer had broken that monotony. There had been so many things to do, things to fix, that no two days had been alike. Now, though, as Katerina nursed her crops to harvest and prepared the rest of the land for winter, the monotony had returned. It wasn’t nearly as draining as office life had been, of course - at least she got to spend her days outdoors in the fresh air beneath the warm embrace of the sun - but it was still there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The breaking of that monotony was precisely why Katerina’s heart leapt into her throat when she glanced up, wiping sweat from her forehead, and saw someone beelining for her from the south. That’s what she told herself, at least.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina pushed the shovel she was using deep into the dirt and leaned on it. “Well, looky here,” she drawled through her disbelieving smile. “Shane Anderson? On my farm?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane scoffed at her as he approached, though she saw the look of amusement on his face. “What kind of accent is that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What, you don’t like it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane rolled his eyes and came to a halt standing a few feet away from her. “No comment?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Smart answer,” Katerina said in her normal voice. She noticed that she had tilted forwards towards Shane from where she was leaning on the shovel and righted herself with a small jolt. “But really, to what can I attribute the honor of your visit?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A small smile from Shane accompanied his shrug - small enough that Katerina could have missed it, though she didn’t. Something like ecstasy bubbled in her chest at the sight, and while she was aware that the feeling was unwarranted given how tiny the catalyst had been, she didn’t do anything to fight it. Strange was an understatement to describe Shane visiting Katerina on the farm unannounced, and she felt she had a right to be excited.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let me guess, Marnie sent you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane snorted. “How’d you figure?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lucky guess.” Katerina smiled, ignoring the flash disappointment that jolted through her. “Any particular reason?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane’s eyes flickered away from hers, towards some undisclosed point behind her, and he kicked a shoe through the dirt. “Do I need a reason?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For a few long moments, Katerina was silent as she considered him. The poorly concealed hopeful look on his face, the beanie he had pulled low on his ears to protect them from the cold, the way his hands were shoved awkwardly in the front pockets on his jeans. For once he looked like the bumbling idiot that Katerina frequently felt herself to be around him. Despite that his good mood radiated off of him like a furnace in the chilled air.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane had a habit of doing that - of radiating emotion - for all he tried not to. He was intoxicating. Katerina thought if she stepped forward and breathed him in that she could drown in him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t step forward, but she did tilt her head and smile wide at him. His eyes travelled back to rest on her face and, satisfied that she had his full attention, Katerina tried to muster all the sincerity she could find in herself and display it on her face for Shane to see.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course not. I said you could visit any time - I meant it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane held her gaze as he considered her, then finally made a small nod, and shifted on his feet. “Is there anything I can help with?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that a real offer, or are you just being polite?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane laughed, and the sound of it rushed through Katerina’s body with electrifying speed. “A real offer.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then yes. Are you kidding me? I always have shit to do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina bit her bottom lip as she turned and inspected the surrounding land, trying to decide what to set Shane to work on. Briefly she considered sending him for a garden trowel to dig up the most stubborn of weeds that had survived Katerina’s abuse thus far, but decided against it. That was too tedious a job to wish upon even her worst enemy and besides, if Shane had decided to drag his sorry ass up to the farm to talk to Katerina, then she wasn’t going to send him away from her. By the time the day was over Katerina would force so much damn conversation out of him that he would regret ever coming.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You wanna help me fix up that old shed? I’ve been meaning to do it for ages.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane agreed, and the pair made their way to the sorry-looking toolshed that probably predated her father’s birth. It had done its job well enough throughout the past few months, but with winter approaching Katerina wanted a dry place to protect her tools from the damp coldness that was winter. Come spring in the current toolshed and they would all be rusted beyond use.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why haven’t you hired Robin to do this for you?” Shane asked, taking the hammer from Katerina as she handed it to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t want to.” Katerina ducked in through the flimsy door to grab her toolbox and the pile of wooden planks that she had purchased. “I wanted to do it myself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Does enlisting my help count as doing it yourself?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina laughed and shook her own hammer at him threateningly. “Watch it, smartass.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After showing him what she wanted done - ripping out the old nails and removing the rotting boards - they worked in relative silence, Katerina’s resolve to drag conversation out of him forgone. The silence felt too natural, too comfortable, for her to want to disturb it. She liked the way that she could hear Shane’s breath hitch when he found a particularly stubborn nail, and the way that occasionally their eyes would meet and they would exchange a small smile before going back to work. Twice Katerina caught Shane looking at her before she noticed and his eyes darted away. She could have sworn that those times she saw a faint blush settle in on his cheeks, but it was so subtle that she convinced herself it was wishful thinking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wishful thinking, that Shane was embarrassed to be caught watching Katerina. She almost blushed herself when she caught herself in the thought. Shane was handsome in a rugged sort of way, one of those people who seemed to get better with age, and he’d admitted from his own two lips that he thought Katerina to be pretty. It wasn’t odd for two friends to find each other attractive, even more so inclined to it during physical labor. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> odd - or so Katerina had convinced herself of.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The midday sun had crept up into its zenith, beating down with unrelenting rays despite the chill in the air, by the time either of them said anything again. Katerina, who was kneeling to pull the bottommost row of nails out, flopped back to sit on her butt and let out a loud groan. Shane looked over at her with a look that was half intrigued and half irritated at being disturbed from his work.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m hungry,” Katerina declared.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abandoning the shed, Shane came over and squatted next to Katerina. He took the hammer from her hand and set it alongside his on the ground beside them. “Then let’s go get something to eat,” he said. His voice sounded almost gentle, and that combined with the way his hand felt around hers when he stood and helped her climb to her feet made Katerina shiver, though she attributed it to the breeze that whipped by in that moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure I have much,” Katerina said as they walked back towards the farmhouse. “Peanut butter and jelly?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane shrugged. “That’s fine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He waited outside, taking a seat on the porch steps, while Katerina headed inside to make the sandwiches. When she reappeared with a sliced apple and two sandwiches each, she had to push down embarrassment at presenting such a meager meal. She handed Shane’s food off to him and took a seat beside him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This looks like something Jas would eat,” Katerina said pathetically, looking down at her food, a sandwich resting on each of her thighs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane snorted but took a few seconds to reply, already having taken a bite. “Who says an adult can’t enjoy a PB&amp;J? They’re universally one of the best foods ever created.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Katerina said dryly. When she took a bite, however, she did have to admit that it tasted delicious. Whether that was her empty stomach talking or not, though, she couldn’t quite figure out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve tasted your real cooking, anyway, so I know you have it in you.” He glanced over at her with a smirk. “That minestrone soup you made the other week? Trophy wife material.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina slapped a hand over her mouth as she laughed to avoid food from spraying everywhere, then reached over and shoved Shane’s shoulder. “Asshole,” she muttered, though she was smiling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just call it like I see it, sweetheart.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina felt her metaphorical haunches raise at that and, defensively, looked over at Shane to judge the expression on his face. He’d called her that word before, mockingly, when he was however many bottles deep and grasping to find whatever words he could use to anger her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was before, however. Right now Shane, as far as she could tell, was sober, and in an uncharacteristically bright mood. The tone he’d used just then didn’t seem mocking or degrading. If anything it seemed </span>
  <em>
    <span>flirty</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but the possibility of him flirting with Katerina was so outlandish that she immediately attributed it to the natural charm of his personality. She’d seen firsthand Shane use it on other people, man or woman, young or elderly, and knew there was nothing special about him bringing the charm out for a spin with Katerina. But that knowledge also didn’t stop her from wanting to preen under the attention.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey now, I’m a goddamn business owner. If anything, I’d be the one with the trophy wife.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane raised an eyebrow, turning to meet her look. “Or a trophy husband? Maybe break some gender roles?”</span>
  <span></span>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not both?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina didn’t think she’d said anything to cause it, but Shane suddenly looked embarrassed and hurriedly looked away from her, shifting his position on the steps just to have something to do with his body. “Really, do you-? I didn’t realize.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do what?” Katerina asked, slightly amused by his sudden discomfort, though she still didn’t know what had caused it. “Men and women?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane nodded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I suppose so. Does that bother you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” he said hurriedly. “Not at all. I just - I didn’t realize.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina shrugged and fell silent as she took another few bites of her lunch, not hurrying to reply. “To be honest, sex doesn’t interest me all that much. Or relationships, for that matter.” She didn’t know why she was telling Shane this. It was personal, something she’d never said even to her closest friends, but it seemed so natural with him. Shane was at the same time an open book and a well-kept secret.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I used to chase after it when I was younger, and then I guess something just clicked, and now I feel so much happier on my own than I do having to worry about someone else.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane nodded, a look on his face like he knew exactly what she meant. “I’ve never been with anyone,” he admitted, almost sheepishly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina’s head whipped around to look at him, and she barely stopped her jaw from dropping open. “No kidding? You’re a virgin?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No!” Shane exclaimed with a shocked laugh. “No, I meant I’ve never...</span>
  <em>
    <span>dated</span>
  </em>
  <span> anyone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Katerina said. She continued to look at him despite him not turning to look back at her. It was well fine with her - Shane had a nice profile to look at, a square jaw, full enough lips, an aquiline nose that sloped ever so slightly downwards. He straddled the line between conventionally attractive and unique-looking so evenly that it was hard to imagine he hadn’t had women throwing themselves at him since he was old enough to know what a woman was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Twenty-nine years old and never had a girlfriend? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Huh</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she thought. There were so many things she didn’t know about him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead of voicing her surprise, sure that that certainly </span>
  <em>
    <span>would</span>
  </em>
  <span> embarrass him, Katerina reached for the most nonchalant tone she could find and tacked on a half-hearted shrug for good measure. “Never wanted one?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane huffed and pulled his legs up onto a higher step so that he could lean down and rest his chin on his knees. The upbeat, playful Shane that had walked onto her farm that morning was replaced by a man that suddenly looked defeated and weary.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You could say that,” he said. “Not interested, but not really for my sake.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina’s stomach clenched. “What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know me well enough by now, Katerina. I drag everyone I love down with me. It was hard enough to be twenty or whatever and disappoint my random flings when I never gave them a call back.” He frowned, the lines that appeared on his face when he furrowed his eyebrows making him appear much older than he actually was. “I never really intended to live as long as I have.” He left the rest unsaid, the words too blunt to be spoken aloud. Katerina understood even without them. She didn’t know if he wanted her pity, wanted her to reassure him, but all Katerina felt was complete understanding. She knew what Shane felt, because she had felt it herself before. He never wanted to bring someone into his life like that because he didn’t want to pain them when he eventually killed himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It made sense - Shane kept everyone around him at a safe distance, even those who might consider themselves friends. It was only through sheer stubbornness that Katerina had wormed her way into his life and staked out her territory, and even then she had barely broken through the fortresses. Shane was well-practiced at making people feel close to him without actually letting them in, and she knew it. She knew it, and it made her want all the more, almost painfully, to break inside. She wanted to be that special person that made it through. It was a destructive desire, for the both of them, yet she had no desite to stop it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” is all she said. The word sounded pathetic on its own, but Katerina’s thoughts were racing by too quickly for her lips to grab ahold of one. Instead she reached over and placed her hand on Shane’s forearm. He had stripped from his outer jacket earlier as the manual labor had warmed them against the chill, and her fingers touched bare skin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane immediately cringed, and Katerina pulled her hand back quickly like she’d touched a hot burner on the stove. She opened her mouth to apologize, but closed it again when Shane brought his own hand to where Katerina’s had been and wiped off a bit of peanut butter that she hadn’t realized she’d smeared on him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instantly her face began to burn with embarrassment. Again she opened her mouth, this time to apologize, and again she snapped it back shut. Shane wiped the peanut butter off his arm and, to Katerina’s complete shock, licked it off his finger.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god,” she said in disbelief. “You’re gross.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane smirked at her, the somberness of the preceding minutes fleeing as quickly as it had come. Katerina froze under his gaze, a grin plastered on her face. She watched as Shane attacked what was left of his own sandwich, gathering a large dollop of peanut butter on his finger. She broke out of her trance as Shane lunged for her and, half screaming half laughing, tried to twist away from his reach. Despite her best efforts, Shane was larger, stronger, and faster, and Katerina came away with peanut butter smeared across her left cheek.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Shane</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she exclaimed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Katerina,” he said back to her, in a tone that would have put Pierre’s professionalism to shame.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hate you. You’re disgusting.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane raised his eyebrows at her. “You should’ve heard the way you squealed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I did not </span>
  <em>
    <span>squeal</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Katerina muttered as she wiped her face clean with the palm of her hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You so did.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I did not!” Katerina set her face into an angry expression and fixed it on Shane. It lacked conviction, however, and after a moment of looking at her Shane burst into amused laughter. Katerina wanted to be angry at him for it, or annoyed at the very least, but something about his laugh made her want to laugh along. And so she did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It devolved into a fit of laughter for the both of them, each spurred on by the other’s amusement. Every time Shane would quiet Katerina would fill the space with her own giggles, making him laugh again, and vice versa. By the time they wrested control of themselves back from the other, Katerina had a stitch in her side from laughing so hard and tears in her eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even with the laughter pushed down Katerina found her grin impossible to swallow, and as she and Shane stared at one another it only grew wider.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s got you in such a good mood today?” she asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane lifted his eyebrows. “Am I not allowed to be?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course you are,” Katerina said. “Am I not allowed to wonder the reason why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane made a vague gesture that seemed to say </span>
  <em>
    <span>fair enough</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and turned from her, facing out towards the farm. Katerina followed suit and noticed with a small jolt of shock that the sun had fallen far lower in the sky than she had anticipated. It didn’t feel like they had spent so long talking and wasting time on her front porch, but the sun was the sun. It didn’t lie.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She also noticed that during Shane’s attack with the peanut butter they had come to sit much closer to each other than before. Shane had to be as aware of it as she was, but neither moved to pull away. Katerina was perfectly content to sit with one half of her body pressed against his and so, it seemed, was he.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We should get back to work,” Shane said eventually.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina nodded. “Sadly.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sudden loss of contact when Shane stood reminded Katerina of the feeling of pulling off her covers on a cold winter morning. She barely concealed a shiver.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they returned back to the shed a new atmosphere had settled in around them. It was a good change, if slightly peculiar, and Katerina accepted it readily. Where before they had looked away quickly upon their eyes meeting, now the looks lingered, something exchanged between them that neither could have identified if pressed. Shane smiled at her, now. Smiles that reached his eyes, that she had only ever seen Jas or Marnie draw out of him. That was what Katerina noticed most of all, with a small sense of satisfaction and a large rush of what felt like elation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She found herself wishing as the sun dropped lower and lower in the sky that she had the power to freeze it right in place. The shed was nowhere near complete - after lunch, the pair seemed to be too focused on one another’s movements to settle into a real rhythm and get work done, but that wasn’t what had Katerina wishing for the sun to never set. The real reason never formed into a comprehensible thought in her mind, but some part of her, deep inside, knew exactly what it was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That part of her sighed with displeasure when Shane stood from where he had been holding a board in place for Katerina to nail in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I need to get back home,” he said. The only thing that stopped Katerina from begging him not to leave, besides her own shame, was the reluctance that she heard in Shane’s voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” she said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jas and Marnie both seem to have caught a bad cold.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina deflated even further. That night had been planned for their weekly dinner together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” she said again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane blinked a few times, eyebrows furrowed. Katerina couldn’t imagine for the life of her why he looked so confused.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you want, I can…” He trailed off, eyes flickering away from hers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can what?” Katerina asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can come myself?” Shane asked hurriedly. “I just - I know you probably already prepared stuff, and I don’t want it to go to waste.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina’s mind went to her empty fridge and the shopping list on her kitchen table of ingredients she’d intended to pick up after the work day before her guests arrived. “Yeah, I have,” she said anyway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane nodded aggressively, like he’d made his mind up about something, and gave her another smile. It wasn’t one of his charming ones, intended to wrap the recipient right around his finger. Katerina had been on the receiving end of one of those smiles. She knew what it was like to be the object of Shane’s attention as he desperately tried to win her over with artificial allure, but none of those smiles had ever been as charming as the hesitant one he gave her in that moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be back in a few hours, then,” Shane said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” Katerina smiled back, and watched with intrigue as Shane’s eyes flickered down to her lips. “Make sure you shower. You smell.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane’s timid smile gave way to a larger grin. “Same goes for you, Curly.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rolling her eyes at him, Katerina made a dismissive gesture. “Get out of my sight,” she teased.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Happy to oblige,” Shane said. “I’ll send you an invoice for my time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He gathered the small amount of his belongings he’d brought, which was really just his phone and wallet, and began the walk back towards the ranch. Katerina unabashedly watched as his figure slowly inched away and grew smaller until eventually he was out of sight.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still she felt like she hadn’t wanted him to go, but that feeling was dwarfed by the knowledge that he would be back again not long later. Katerina forced herself not to hurry as she gathered up her tools and stuffed them away in the now-deconstructed shed, then went back inside to retrieve her shopping list. She forced herself so hard not to wish the time to pass faster that she even decided to walk down to town instead of driving.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the time she made it to Pierre’s she’d made up her mind about what to cook for dinner that night - minestrone soup, because Shane had apparently liked it so much - and was so absorbed in her thoughts that she didn’t notice Abigail when she strolled into the shop.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oi!” Abigail said, snapping Katerina from her thoughts and prompting her to spin around and face her friend.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina smiled wide. “Abigail. Hey.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, hey.” Abigail put her hands on her hips, imitating an adult who was displeased with a child. Katerina felt like she should feel guilty for something. “Long time, no see.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And there it was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been busy,” Katerina said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail gave her an unimpressed eyebrow raise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Listen, I know. But I really have been busy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail fixed Katerina with her stare for a moment longer, then laughed as her face broke into a smile and she reached forward to slap Katerina’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just being an asshole. I can’t imagine all the shit you have to do before winter.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina deflated with an inward sigh of relief. “You have no idea.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, hey, I know you’re busy, but you should come by the saloon on Friday. We all miss seeing your ugly face.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina let out a short laugh, but her eyebrows drew inwards in a look of uncertainty.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come </span>
  <em>
    <span>on</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Abigail groaned. “It’ll be good for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina chewed on her lip. It really</span>
  <em>
    <span> had</span>
  </em>
  <span> been a long time since she’d seen her friends, and she did feel like a shitty person for blowing them off so regularly. She barely got enough sleep as it was going to bed by ten every night, but one late Friday night wouldn’t kill her. She could spare sleeping in a few hours Saturday morning, if it came to that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” Katerina agreed slowly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail either didn’t notice the reluctance or didn’t care to acknowledge it. She grinned and reached forward to clap Katerina on the shoulder again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cheers, sister.” Abigail, satisfied that her mission had been successful, turned back towards where she’d been restocking a row of canned soups. “What are you here for, anyway?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just some groceries.” Katerina cleared her throat and shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant but in reality feeling quite awkward.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> notice that - perhaps she was more perceptive than Katerina gave her credit for - and glanced over with an expression on her face that was halfway between mischievous and curious. “Yeah? Anything in particular?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina shrugged again. “I’m gonna try my hand at minestrone soup.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail grunted in acknowledgement, her expression turning thoughtful. She stacked a couple of cans on the shelf in silence before she spoke again. “You know, we haven’t seen him at the saloon in a few weeks.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know who,” Abigail said. “Shane.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you have anything to do with that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now it was Katerina’s turn to put her hands on her hips. She narrowed her eyes at Abigail, suspicious. “Why would you think that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s just that you both suddenly stop showing at a place you used to frequent at the exact same time. It’s not hard to put the pieces together.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Clenching her jaw, Katerina met Abigail’s gaze with a steeled look. “There’s nothing to put together. I’ve already told you why I haven’t been coming, and if he’s not there then I don’t really think that’s your or my business.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail raised her hands in surrender. “Alright, I just thought-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing,” Katerina snapped. “Really.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail shook her head in another gesture of surrender. “Okay, Katerina.” She gestured vaguely towards the deeper aisles of the small store. “You know where the groceries are. I’ll see you Friday.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail popped her earbud back in, clearly dismissing Katerina, who took the opportunity to beeline towards the produce and hurriedly pick out what she needed. Retroactively she felt bad about snapping at her friend, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Abigail had no business gossiping in the first place, let alone about something that she knew was so outlandish. The other townspeople could believe what they wanted to believe - if they had also noticed Katerina and Shane’s combined absences from the saloon, that was - but as her friend Abigail should have known better.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina paid for her groceries quickly, exchanging only a few cordial words with Pierre as he rang her up. If he had noticed the exchange between Katerina and his daughter, he didn’t bring it up. On her way out, the two women did exchange a smile, and Katerina waved goodbye. It was a small thing, but it did make her feel better that Abigail wasn’t truly mad at her, just frustrated. Katerina couldn’t blame her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>An hour ago, Katerina had never been more sure about wishing she could snap and flash forward in time to when Shane would come back to the farm. Now, though, as she chopped the vegetables in a rush and threw them in a pot to boil she wished she could snap and freeze it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Time progressed, anyway, and Katerina had managed to change from her dirty work clothes and finish dinner as speedily as was possible. She had just set the soup to simmer on the stove and was admiring it when Shane knocked on her front door, jumping when she heard the rhythmic thumping. She resisted the urge to run to the door and fling it open to let him in, instead smoothing out her shirt and only then walking towards the door at a perfectly acceptable pace.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Katerina opened the door, Shane stood in front of her wearing an expectant smile. He held out a plate of freshly-baked chocolate chip oatmeal cookies. “Marnie’s apology for not being able to make it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She didn’t have to do that,” Katerina said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane fixed her with a flat stare. “Please. You know my aunt.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Smiling, Katerina shrugged.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I-” Shane gestured vaguely towards the inside of her home, and Katerina nodded frantically and stepped aside to let him in. He’d driven the ranch truck, but that meant that he hadn’t worn an appropriate coat to shelter him whilst standing in the cold, which had turned blistering once the sun was gone. Katerina could barely believe that it was only October.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane lingered just inside the door as Katerina shut it behind him. He’d been inside her home enough now to know the layout, but he’d never been without his aunt and goddaughter as a buffer. The realization that they were completely alone seemed to settle upon the both of them at the same time - a hesitant look between them, Shane shifting on his feet, Katerina twisting her hands together in front of herself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Should I leave my shoes?” Shane asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina didn’t have to put two and two together to realize that the question had been asked only to break the tense silence. Shane knew well enough by now that Katerina didn’t mind one way or the other. She said as much, and Shane nodded as he slipped his feet out of the tan loafers he’d been wearing. Katerina noticed that his socks, thick winter ones, matched the hue of his deep green sweater. She spared a quick glance down at her own clothing - a thin grey sweater and jeans - and tried to decide if she should feel embarrassed to not be as put together as Shane was or simply impressed that he had a way of making whatever he wore look good.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane must have noticed the glance, not only because of his words but because when he spoke his tone reached for reassuring. “I like the sweater,” he said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina huffed and picked at the bottom hem. “This?” she asked flatly. “You flatter me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe it’s not the sweater so much as the woman wearing it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina ignored the way her heart did a series of backflips in her chest. “Shut up and come eat my food before it gets cold.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Happy to oblige,” Shane said, and followed her as she led him from the foyer into the kitchen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hurrying over to the pot of soup simmering on the stove to make sure it hadn’t burned, Katerina gestured towards an empty countertop. “You can set the cookies there.” She gave the soup a few hard stirs and was satisfied when the ladle didn’t stick on anything burned to the bottom of the pot.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Minestrone soup?” Shane said. He’d set the cookies where directed and had now come to stand behind Katerina at the stove to get a look at the soup.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Suddenly the idea seemed foolish, embarrassing even, and Katerina, feeling paranoid that Shane was judging her for her choice of dinner, immediately jumped to the defensive. “You said you liked-” Katerina cut off as she turned to face him and found that Shane was standing much closer to her than she thought he had been. Even with the backs of her legs pressed against the front of the oven door, barely a foot of empty space separated their bodies. The words she’d been trying to say died on her lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane blinked at her, looking startled, like he hadn’t realized himself how close he had moved either.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do,” he said slowly, not breaking eye contact. “I like it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina swallowed hard, then glanced beside her where she’d set two bowls on the counter. Somehow she wasn’t surprised when Shane reached over to grab them, then handed one to her without breaking eye contact. She took it and turned back around to serve herself, this time acutely aware of the proximity of Shane’s body behind her. After serving herself, she scooted away from the stove and went to sit at the table, trying not to let Shane see the blush that had settled onto her face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane took a notably long time to serve himself, and briefly Katerina wondered if he was doing the same thing. When he finally did turn back around, bowl filled with the steaming soup, he started for the seat he usually sat in - the one beside Katerina - before hesitating and instead opting for Marnie’s usual seat, which was across the table.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s good,” Shane said after taking the first bite.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina rolled her eyes. “Still trophy wife material?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely. I’ll pass your name along to my contacts.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Clamping down on a laugh, Katerina barely avoided spitting her mouthful out across the table. “And what makes you think I want that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Why wouldn’t you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because I have what I want right here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane gave her a suspicious look, appearing slightly startled, and Katerina realized that her words could be taken in two ways.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Here as in Pelican Town,” she added hurriedly. “A job I love, friends, what more could I want? I’m happy here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane took a quiet bite of soup and considered her as he swallowed. “Do you miss your family out here?” he asked. “Your brother?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes. I do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should visit them,” Shane said. “Appreciate them while you still have them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina frowned. “Honestly, something about going back to the city scares me. I grew up there, and most of my life was good, but all I can associate it with anymore is what a shitty place I was in the last few months there.” Katerina ran her spoon through the bowl absent-mindedly. “If that makes any sense.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It makes sense.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She heaved in a sigh. “But I promised my friends months ago to take them to see the nightlife, and Sebastian has been nagging me about it. So I guess I have to suck it up sooner or later.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane suddenly looked tense - knuckles clutching around the cutlery he held, jaw tightening. Katerina frowned as she looked at him, confused.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” he said tersely.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did I say something?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shane, obviously something I said bothered you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina’s frown deepened as she looked at him. Had something happened with one of Katerina’s friends and Shane? They’d never been anything but civil all the times Katerina had seen them interact, but she certainly didn’t know the extent of their relationships with him. He’d changed so much in the past few months; had other people noticed the change, too, and didn’t like it? She doubted that any of her friends would be cruel to him without cause, but she also knew that when Shane let down his guards he could be...disagreeable.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, it didn’t make sense to her. From what Katerina had observed from the times she’d been around Shane in public, he’d been his usual extroverted, alluring self. Whatever changes he’d undergone since the onset of summer, only Katerina was privy to. Perhaps they weren’t changes at all, just Shane letting Katerina get to know him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unable to piece together why Shane had bristled so much at the mention of her friends - or was it picking out Sebastian by name? - Katerina let it go and changed the subject.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was thinking,” she said. “I know you work down on the ranch, too, but I really need the help getting everything ready to make it through the winter. If you’re willing, I’d love the help. And I’d pay you, of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane snorted. “Why don’t you ask Sebastian?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina, dumbfounded, blinked at him, face blank and mouth slack.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane looked at her for only a moment before muttering “sorry,” and shook his head. Whatever place he’d been in that made him so irritable fled with the movement, and he gave a smile. It was halfway between a real smile and his convincing but fake ones. Katerina didn’t like it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll help, Katerina,” Shane said. “But I don’t need your money.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How many times do I have to tell you? I’m not a slave owner.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He gave her an unamused look. “Seriously. You need the money more than I do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well maybe I don’t like the implication that I’m struggling for money,” Katerina snapped. “If you won’t take it then I </span>
  <em>
    <span>will</span>
  </em>
  <span> hire someone else.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane’s expression morphed from unamused to surprised, eyebrows raised at her harsh tone. He didn’t seem offended, though, just surprised that Katerina had spoken to him like that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” he said slowly. “I’ll let you pay me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“On one condition.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You let me pick your brain.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina let out a surprised laugh. “What?” she repeated.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re the most fascinating person I’ve ever met, and I’m dying to figure you out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane said it so easily, like he hadn’t just dropped what felt like a bombshell on her. It was so akin to how Katerina felt about him that she was almost more shocked by that than the fact that he felt that way in the first place. They were similar in so many ways, ways that kept revealing themselves the more they got to know one another. So similar and so unalike at the same time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Katerina said, smiling. “But only if you let me do the same.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane returned her smile, and this time Katerina was relieved to see the lines around his eyes. It was a genuine smile. “Deal,” he said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Like that the tension between them was broken. As they finished the meal, they settled into whatever rhythm they’d created together that was coming to feel familiar to Katerina. It was just as much prodding and poking as had always been the nature of their conversations, but now it felt different. The teasing was done in jest now instead of malevolence and, to Katerina’s delight, Shane’s smile made much more frequent appearances.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they finished Katerina stood to wash their bowls. Shane made a show of groaning about how stuffed he was, but he couldn’t have been that full because he also stood and walked over to grab one of Marnie’s cookies. Katerina, watching from her periphery, bit down a smile. Shane must have seen it, because he walked over to Katerina holding one for her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just set it beside me,” Katerina said, as her hands were plunged into a lake of soapy water scrubbing the dishes clean.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After hesitating for a moment, Shane broke off a bite-sized portion of the cookie, then held it up to her. Katerina, surprised, looked between his hand and face before parting her lips to allow him to place the cookie between her teeth. She looked away hurriedly after his hand fell back to his side, apprehensive to let Shane see her expression.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That simple act had felt intimate - </span>
  <em>
    <span>far</span>
  </em>
  <span> more intimate than Katerina thought appropriate between two friends. But she also knew that things like that didn’t phase Shane in the slightest, and she didn’t want him to think that she had taken it as flirtation. She hadn’t, of course, not with knowing the nature of Shane’s personality, but it was hard for her to disassociate how that would have felt with anyone else versus how it should have felt with Shane.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After setting the bowls and cutlery on the dish rack to dry, Katerina shook the excess water from her hands and took the half-eaten cookie from Shane.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> to get the recipe for me,” she said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Done,” Shane said. Finished with his cookie and hands free from anything to fiddle with, he crossed his arms in front of him and looked hesitantly back towards the front door. “Should I...” He trailed off, but Katerina understood what he was asking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At this time, usually Jas was getting tired from her full stomach and begging Marnie and Shane to return home. At most they all shared a cup of tea together before obliging Jas, and Katerina was left alone for the night in her big empty farmhouse.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But now it was just Shane. Shane, with his thick sweater and lightwash jeans that he somehow made look like a suit. Shane, with his dark tousled hair that Katerina wished she could run her hands through just to see if it felt as soft as it looked. Shane, who was looking at her with the most unsure expression she had ever seen on his faces.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to sit?” Katerina asked, tilting her head towards the living room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane nodded, relief washing over his features, and followed as Katerina walked into the room and took a seat on the couch. Shane remained standing long enough to look at her guitar leaning against the wall and grab it, then came and sat beside her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You play?” Katerina asked. He would - because of course he would, Shane could do everything it seemed - but he shook his head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m assuming you do, though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina was sitting cross-legged on the couch facing him, and Shane placed the guitar in her lap with a mischievous grin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I would like to hear it,” he said. He spoke with that gratingly proper tone that used to irritate Katerina to the point of plotting the violent ways she could get him to shut up. Now, though, she just shook her head at him and laughed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not very good. I only just recently picked it up after not playing for years.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll never improve if you don’t practice.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina huffed, relenting, and settled the guitar into a playing position on her lap. “You know, I have never met a person that’s better at getting under my skin.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Funny,” Shane said. “I feel the same way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina made a face at him, which earned a laugh, and started to pluck random melodies on her guitar with no real idea in mind of what to play. Shane got bored quick enough - which was fair, given that Katerina wasn’t yet good enough for her playing to be exactly pleasurable to listen to - and demanded that Katerina teach him instead. He picked up the chords she showed him with remarkable ease, making Katerina think that he must be musically trained in some way even if not the guitar. He bored quickly of that too, however, and stood abruptly in the middle of Katerina showing him something to return the guitar to where it had been leaning against the wall. When he returned to the couch he sat in the same way Katerina was - legs crossed, facing one another.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When did you realize you were attracted to women?” Shane asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina blinked in surprise, blindsided by his bluntness. “I’m not sure,” she said slowly. “I don’t know if there was ever a moment where I suddenly realized. Why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane shrugged. “I’m just curious.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They should’ve called you George.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane furrowed his eyebrows at her, clearly not understanding the reference. He ignored it instead of inquiring further. “I’ve been with men and women too, but I still can’t figure out if I actually like it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sexuality is a confusing thing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know I find women attractive. You, for instance.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina cleared her throat and began picking at her nails just to have an excuse to break eye contact. She merely hummed in response. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It’s not flirting</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she had to remind herself. Shane was sometimes too charming for his own good, but it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> flirting. Not with her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But sometimes I think men are as well. Dr. Harvey? He’s a good-looking fella.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god,” Katerina deadpanned, snorting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t think so?” Shane asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Sure. He’s hot.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right. But the thing is, I’m not sure if I’d ever be willing to sleep with him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina glanced quickly up at him before returning to her nails. “So you’re saying you would with me? Given the chance?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A pause. Shane shifted on the couch. “No. I don’t think so.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina breathed out softly. She thought it was a sigh of relief - assumed so, at least, and didn’t dig any further.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have...issues, with sex,” Shane said. “When I was growing up I learned it as just a way to manipulate people into doing what you wanted. It’s the only way that I can feel-” He cut himself off with an aggressive shake of his head. “The only way I can feel emotionally close to people.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His voice wavered at the end, like the words had been hard for him to force out. Katerina finally looked up to meet his eyes and found an achingly vulnerable man looking back at her. She wanted to reach out and take his hands to reassure him, but given the topic that didn’t seem quite appropriate. She settled for giving him a gentle smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It all made too much sense. Shane had a skewed relationship with intimacy. Shane, who had had more father figures in and out of his life than Katerina could count on both her hands. Shane, who probably had drawn people’s attention more for who his mother was than who </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> was, however wrong those people had been. Shane, who believed that he had only ever had one true friend in his entire life. Whose friend was now dead, whose friend he was raising their child as his own.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane didn’t know the difference between sexual intimacy and friendship. He had never experienced the magic of being with someone who loved you, and barely knew the feeling of loving someone as deep as any lover, but only as a friend.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It clicked with Katerina in that moment, why Shane treated her the way he did. He was beginning to care for her, as a friend, and didn’t know that friends didn’t act like that with one another. The implications of his confession settled around her with a deep sense of responsibility. Katerina had to be the one to guide him through it, or else she would lead him ever deeper in that twisted sense of friendship that Shane believed in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not the only way,” Katerina said eventually. “You can let people in without sleeping with them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” Shane said quickly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stared at each other for a few long moments, which felt like minutes to Katerina, before the tension finally splintered. Shane smiled at her warmly, and Katerina returned it with ease.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tell me about your twin,” he said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina laughed at the abrupt shift in tone, but was happy to oblige. Shane was more interested in her life than she would have ever thought possible. He watched her with intense concentration as she spoke, answering all his questions, and relaying story after story.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The only indication that time was passing was the way that the sun had completely disappeared, leaving the outside world in complete blackness, and plunging them too into darkness. Neither moved to turn on the lamp sitting on the table behind the couch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually, Shane spared a glance away from Katerina to check the time on his watch, and groaned. Katerina nearly groaned herself, just from knowing that probably meant it was very late. Somehow, though, she didn’t really care. She might tomorrow morning when her alarm ripped her from sleep far before the sun had even risen, but right now, in this moment, she couldn’t for the life of her want anything else than for Shane to remain firmly on her couch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I need to get home,” he said reluctantly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina nodded with an equal amount of reluctance. She shifted her position, but Shane looked hesitant to stand and so Katerina remained sitting alongside him. Clearing his throat, he brought a hand up to rub at the back of his neck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Friday night Marnie is taking Jas to see a movie and get ice cream,” he said slowly. Katerina nodded again, confused. “I thought - if you wanted, of course - you could come over. I could make us something this time, or…” He trailed off with a shrug, like he was grasping desperately for nonchalance.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina’s chest clenched, then hollowed as she felt her heart sink. “Shane, that would be lovely, but I already promised Abigail to meet them at the saloon on Friday night.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane’s jaw tightened as he looked away from her. “Right. That’s alright, then.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should come,” Katerina said, leaning in towards him. “They’d be happy for you to join.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Snorting, Shane looked back at her. “I don’t think that’s a very good idea.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina bit her lip as she met his gaze. Part of her wanted to flake on her friends to spend the night with him, but the larger part of her knew that that wasn’t fair to any of them. Just because her and Shane’s friendship had progressed into whatever...</span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> was, didn’t mean Katerina could brush off the people that already cared about her. She’d done that far too much already.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” she said finally. “I’m really sorry, Shane. I would have loved to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright,” Shane repeated tersely.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He finally stood then, and this time it was Katerina who hesitated to move. She didn’t rise until Shane had made it over to the front door and was pulling his shoes back on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll text you about working,” Katerina said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane nodded without looking at her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you have my number now.” Katerina rubbed one hand up and down her opposite forearm in an anxious, subconscious gesture. “You can call whenever, you know. Or text. I’ve basically always got my phone on me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Again Shane nodded, though this time he looked up to meet her eyes. He offered her a small smile before turning and opening the front door. Katerina stepped after him to see him out, and for a second she thought he was going to rush out to his truck without saying anything else to her. Halfway across the front porch, however, Shane stopped, then spun back around and walked back to where Katerina was standing in the open door frame.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina expected him to say something, perhaps a goodbye, which is why she was all the more surprised when he remained silent and moved closer instead. Shane’s hand, with calculating precision, reached up towards Katerina and brushed the hair from her face. It lingered, his skin against hers, as slowly he pushed her hair back and tucked it behind her ear.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In that moment, a memory rushed to the surface of Katerina’s mind. A trip she’d taken to the science museum with her parents and brother when they were young, when they had been led up to a clear glass globe on display and told to touch it. Katerina had, and she remembered gasping as the sizzling ball of energy in the center of the globe had rushed forward to meet her fingertips in a flash of neon light.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In that moment, that’s what Shane’s hand against the side of her face felt like. Gentle, despite the tough skin of his fingers roughened by work on the ranch. Electrifying, despite the way that Katerina had never felt more grounded to a point in time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She almost leaned her head into it, desperate for a firmer touch, but something about the way his fingers had brushed against her, and something about the mystified look on his face, stopped her. She felt completely frozen to the spot. Shane’s lips parted, and for a split second Katerina wondered how they would feel against hers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then Shane jerked away from her and spun back around, hurrying across the porch, down the steps, and into his truck. He was gone in what felt like an instant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina felt like her feet had grown roots, anchoring her to the spot where she stood, and she could do nothing but watch as Shane backed the truck up and drove off on the road towards town. It wasn’t until the distant shimmer of the rear lights disappeared that she pulled herself together enough to step back into her house and slam the door shut. She twisted the deadbolt shut with a fury, like she was desperately trying to keep out whatever had just happened not five feet away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Caramel had reappeared from wherever she’d spent the evening dozing, and Katerina rushed forward to pick the cat up, burying her face in the fur. Caramel mewed in surprise but quickly began purring aggressively.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi baby,” Katerina said in an adoring tone, holding the cat up so they could see each other’s faces. Caramel blinked back at her with drowsy eyes. “You’re so much better than other humans, you know that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With a deep sigh Katerina walked back over to the couch and flopped down onto it, willfully ignoring the divet in the center cushion where Shane had spent most of the night sitting. Despite only walking several feet, she felt her heart racing in her chest like she had just finished a run. The ghost of Shane’s fingers lingered on her cheek, the sensation seared onto her skin, and her hair remained behind her ear where he had tucked it. She shook it loose just to distance herself from whatever had just happened.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> happen? Katerina had only just had the epiphany of why Shane struggled to divorce sexual intimacy with platonic intimacy, and yet what he had done just then still sent her reeling. She swallowed hard and felt tears prick at her eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina didn’t know what she felt for him. She didn’t know if somewhere along the way of befriending him she had developed what felt like a juvenile crush, or if perhaps, like Shane, she was confusing physical attraction for emotional. What she did know, though, was that those feelings - if they even existed - were temporary. They could be overcome. What she would never be able to forgive herself for, however, was if she allowed Shane to continue down this path and let herself become just another name on his list of unhealthy attachments. Another reason for him to distrust the world and everyone in it. Katerina refused, if nothing else, to be that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her phone buzzed on the table. Katerina snatched it up with shocking speed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Thank you</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t have to read the contact name to know who had sent it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina groaned so loud it almost became a yell, then, without caring if she cracked it, threw the phone, pulled Caramel back up to her face, and cried.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Katerina felt restless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe it was the prolonged changing of the season, or the uneasy transition that had come from having to break her summer routine. Maybe it was that despite promising to stay in contact, Shane hadn’t sent her a single text after the </span>
  <em>
    <span>thank you</span>
  </em>
  <span> he’d sent nearly a week ago.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whatever it was, Katerina didn’t like it. It made her feel itchy, made her skin crawl, like something was slipping away from her and she was powerless to stop it. It was an odd feeling, concerningly powerful, for her not to know where it had come from.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was glad when Friday rolled around to have let Abigail pressure her into spending a night at the saloon. For once, Katerina found her friends circled not around the pool table but sitting at a table in the main room. They all turned to look when the bell above the door rang out as she entered. Sam grinned and stood to greet her with a friendly fistbump.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Speak of the devil,” he said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina smiled. “Here I am.” She nodded at Abigail and Sebastian as she took a seat at their table. “Hey, guys.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Sebastian replied. Abigail merely gave her a polite smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam flung himself back down onto his chair then leaned forward towards her, rocking the table. Their drinks all teetered precariously, miraculously not spilling, though Abigail glared at Sam nonetheless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve heard you’ve been busy,” he said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Extremely. But I don’t really wanna talk about that,” Katerina said. Sam nodded in understanding. “You know what, I’ll be right back. I’m gonna grab a drink.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pushing her chair back, Katerina rose and walked over to the bar. Gus and Emily were both there that night, probably expecting to be busy with a weekend crowd, and gave her warm smiles as she approached. Gus was chatting with Penny’s mother at the far end of the bar, but Emily set down the glass she’d been wiping clean and walked over to Katerina.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s been a while,” she greeted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Good god, had everyone noticed her absence? Was it really such a big deal, or just a symptom of a small town?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina shrugged. “I suppose it has. Been busy with the farm and all that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure. Haley and I made a stew with one of your pumpkins from Pierre’s the other night and it was delicious.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pride swelled in Katerina, but she brushed it off with a simple smile. “I’m glad to hear it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure thing,” Emily said. She reached up to tuck a lock of her cobalt blue hair behind her ear. It was cut so short, in a bob that barely reached her chin, that it only stayed a few seconds before falling free into her face again. Emily didn’t seem to notice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I get you anything? A hard-working girl like you must be thirsty.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina laughed. She had the feeling that despite only being a few years older than her, Emily thought of Katerina as something of a little sister. Someone to protect, and maybe to coddle. Katerina didn’t mind it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll have a pint of your strongest.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Emily gave her a satisfied nod and turned to fill a glass at one of the kegs. She placed the glass on the counter in front of Katerina, somehow not spilling despite the froth having climbed well above the top of the glass. Katerina began to reach for her wallet, but Emily caught her hand in a flash of movement and brought it back down to rest on the counter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s on the house,” Emily said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to do that. I can pay, really.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Emily gave her hand a firm squeeze before releasing it. “You don’t know how good it is for the valley to have that farm of yours back up and running. It’s the least I can do for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Reluctantly, Katerina nodded. If Marnie was the kindest person she’d ever met, she thought, then Emily came in a close second. They both had the same gentle nature to their personalities.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Katerina said sincerely. She lifted the glass carefully to her lips and took a large drink, partly because she knew she would spill it carrying it back and partly because Emily had been right - she </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> thirsty.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Emily smiled again. Her expression turned serious, and she swivelled her head to make sure no one was in earshot before leaning in towards Katerina across the bar. “Hey, can I ask you something?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina nodded, eyebrows knitting in confusion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure if you’d know, but I figured I’d ask - Have you heard from Shane lately?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course. So it seemed others besides Abigail </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> noticed their joint absence and thought something of significance about it. Something that wasn’t there, of course.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not really. Why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Emily chewed her lip for a moment, looking troubled. “It’s just that he hasn’t responded to any of my texts, and I haven’t seen him in the saloon for a while. I’m worried about him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Something in Katerina’s stomach clenched. Hadn’t responded to her texts, huh? Katerina hadn’t known that Emily and Shane’s relationship went any further than bartender and patron. He hadn’t told her, and Katerina wasn’t exactly privy to what he did the rest of his time when he wasn’t with her. They spent such a miniscule amount of time together in the grand scheme of things that in retrospect, she really shouldn’t have been surprised. Shane was allowed to have people in his life besides Marnie and Jas. It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span> for him. That’s what Katerina wanted, wasn’t it?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The knot in her stomach didn’t relent, though, and Katerina had to take a deep breath before replying. “The last I saw of him he was fine. You know how he is.” Apparently she did, anyway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Emily nodded and rose from where she was leaning on the counter. “Sure. Of course.” She gestured towards the partially-drinken pint. “Let me know how you like it.” With that she turned and headed over to serve another customer who had just approached the bar.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina took another deep breath before grabbing her drink and walking back to the table. From what she gathered, Sam and Sebastian were in the middle of a conversation about some television show they’d binged together a few nights ago. Abigail was silently watching the exchange, and seemed happy for a distraction when Katerina took her place back at the table.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That took a while,” Abigail said, nodding at Katerina’s glass.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” Katerina asked absentmindedly. She ripped her eyes away from where she’d been watching Emily chat with Dr. Harvey. “Oh. Yeah, just catching up. I guess it has been a while.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail gave her a smug look. “Told you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Katerina sighed. She twisted in her seat to face Abigail better. “You remember how I was thinking about setting up my own stand to sell some produce?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail nodded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would I be able to entice my oh-so-lovely purple-haired beauty of a friend to help me out with it this weekend?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Smirking, Abigail tilted her head. “Depends on what the enticement is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Literally whatever you want.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll do it for a beer and two free pumpkins at the end of the day.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Done,” Katerina said. “What for?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail, suddenly looking sheepish, ducked her head and raised a hand to fiddle with her hair. “My mom and I like to carve them. It’s a tradition, I guess.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina smiled. “Sounds fun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam and Sebastian must have cut their own conversation off and begun listening to Abigail and Katerina’s, because Sebastian interjected after finishing his sip of beer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Abigail has been in charge of the Spirit’s Eve decorations since we were, what, in middle school?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seventh grade,” Abigail confirmed. “But it’s nothing. I just like it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing?” Sam asked, sounding affronted. “Katerina, you’ve got to see it. A couple years ago she convinced old Marlon up in the mountains to bring some of his displays down, and I swear those things are so </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span>-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They are not real,” Sebastian interrupted with an eyeroll. “It is sick, though. You’ll be there, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina nodded. “Of course. I’m not </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> boring to miss it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes I wonder,” Abigail muttered beside her. Laughing, Katerina retaliated by kicking her in the shin. Not hard enough to leave a bruise, but hard enough to make Abigail wince.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Somehow one of them must have communicated to Emily that the table wanted another round while Katerina wasn’t looking, because she walked up to them then with four pints balancing on her round serving tray. As she set the drinks down in front of them, Katerina polished off her first.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Katerina said to Emily, who was collecting the empty glasses.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So what was this I heard about a produce stand?” Sam asked. He’d already managed to dust off a solid third of his glass and Emily wasn’t even back behind the bar yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Katerina stared at him amazement for a few silent moments before responding. “Just something I’ve been wanting to do. It’s my last harvest until spring, so I figured why not?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should help,” Abigail said. “It’d get you out of the house for once.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam glowered at her. “I leave my house.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was more talking to him,” Abigail said, nodding towards Sebastian. She flicked a rolled-up napkin at his face and, miraculously, hit her target square on. Sebastian mimicked the scowl Sam had had, only his looked much more genuine.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You say that as if I’m lazy and not because I have a job that </span>
  <em>
    <span>requires</span>
  </em>
  <span> me to stare at my computer all day long.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just saying, your corneas are probably gonna melt out of your head by the time you’re thirty.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sebastian rolled his eyes. The gesture seemed as natural to him as a smile. “Saturday or Sunday?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina shrugged. “Saturday?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you make it Sunday I can help too,” Sam said. “I’ve got to work tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sunday it is,” Katerina said with a small laugh. “Bright and early.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail shifted as she uncrossed her legs, and took the opportunity to speak without looking Katerina in the eyes. “Will Shane be there?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The silence at the table suddenly seemed deafening. Abigail still refused to meet her eyes, but Sam and Sebastian fixed Katerina in their gazes without an issue. She felt like a specimen lying out beneath a microscope for inspection.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know what,” Katerina said. “I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll ask him to help.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She noticed Sam’s eyes leave her to glance at Sebastian, but was too focused on Abigail finally looking up to make any meaning out of it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They had another round after that, and this time Katerina noticed Sam getting Emily’s attention with a wave and a toothy grin. He downed his refill with alarming speed and sat fidgeting with the empty glass while the other three finished. The conversation drifted from topic to topic without any real direction, and despite the lack of substance to it Katerina caught herself in an emotion resembling relief. Perhaps it </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> been a long time since she’d been able to do this - sit at the saloon and shoot the shit with her friends. She’d always considered herself an introvert, but for once she felt energized just by being around them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Another round?” Abigail asked when she polished her glass off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sebastian shrugged, apparently agreeing, but Sam pushed his chair back with a loud groan and a shake of his head. “I need to get to bed. I’ve got the opening shift tomorrow.” He made a gagging gesture.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll walk home with you,” Katerina said. “Also got the opening shift. And the closing, now that I think about it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail booed. “Fine then, Seb and I will have fun without you losers.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You do that,” Sam said. Now that he’d announced his departure he suddenly looked exhausted, and let out a monstrous yawn without even trying to cover his mouth. Katerina caught the scent of alcohol from his breath across the table as she stood and began to pull her jacket on. They said their goodbyes, then headed for the exit. The cold air outside bit even harder now that Katerina had spent the entire evening in an almost-too warm saloon.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You sure you wanna walk this way?” Sam asked. “It’s out of your way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina nodded. “I like to walk at night usually, anyway. Clears my head before bed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam accepted the answer with a shrug and set off down the road. Katerina followed at nearly a run - where she was slightly below average in height, Sam was a giraffe. When they reached his house, which was only about a five minute walk from the saloon, he gave her another fistbump. Katerina found the outdatedness of it endearing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“See you Sunday, then,” Sam said. He waited only long enough for Katerina to mumble a goodbye back before retreating through the front door, and then she was alone in the night. She hesitated for a few moments, glancing back at the road that led up through town, glancing forward at the road that led towards the ranch. She walked forward.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the ranch appeared in the distance and eventually loomed just in front of her, Katerina’s legs carried her onwards. Somehow they knew something she didn’t - that she might find what she was looking for at the pond.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Twigs and dry leaves crunched beneath her. It was death, a sign of the wilderness preparing itself for the assault of winter, but in a way the noises felt peaceful. Comforting, even. They made Katerina feel less alone in the night, even if they were made by her own feet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The noises also served as a beacon to her location, and when Katerina finally made it to the edge of the pond, the figure sitting at the edge of the pier was already aware of her presence. Katerina wasn’t surprised when she saw him. It was like the universe had led her there, knew what she wanted and pulled the threads to make it happen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then again, maybe that was just her drunken brain convincing her that a coincidence was proof of fate.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Katerina Hann,” murmured Shane as she took a seat beside him. He brought a cigarette to his lips and inhaled a lengthy drag. Katerina stared at it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Since when do you smoke?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right,” she said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane glanced over at her. Expecting to see a haggard face looking back at her, Katerina was doubly surprised when the expression on his face looked amused. Her brain struggled to make sense of what it was seeing - lavender circles lined the skin under his eyes and his cheekbones looked more prominent, like he hadn’t been eating enough, though it’d only been a week since she’d seen him last. But the look in his eyes, which were open wide enough to be slightly unsettling, seemed almost crazed. It was like Shane’s brain had sucked his body of all its energy and steamed onward while his body struggled to drag itself forward to follow. Katerina had never seen anything like it. She couldn’t understand how he could have undertaken such a drastic change in so little time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You haven’t answered my texts,” Katerina said. She looked down at the water lapping at the support beams of the pier so she didn’t have to look at him any longer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Shane said. “Yes, that’s right.” If Katerina had been looking, she would have seen the recollection dawn on him, followed by confusion. Like he was wondering how something so large had slipped from his memory.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve just been busy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just then Katerina understood the frustration of her friends. It was painfully aggravating to be blown off and given such a meager excuse.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“With what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane must have been expecting her to pry, because Katerina had barely gotten the words out before he launched into his explanation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Marnie’s coop,” he said excitedly. “There’s nothing broken with it per se, but the hens have had such a productive summer that I wanted to do something special for them. They deserve it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You wanted to do something special...for hens?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane nodded vigorously. “Yes. I’ve been redoing their nesting area - giving them more room to turn around and such while they’re sleeping or roosting. And so it’s easier for us to get in there when it needs to be cleaned. I made them wide enough that the rooster can take his pick of where he wants to sleep for the night. He had to sleep alone in a separate area before.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina tried not to let her jaw gape open. “How romantic,” she said flatly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I suppose so, if you want to look at it that way.” Shane shrugged and made a dismissive gesture. “It’s nothing really, but I’ve been spending all of my time on it. I thought I could have it finished by this weekend, but I keep thinking of more and more things to do, so it’s taking a bit longer than expected.” Taking a deep breath, as if to calm himself after the rush of words that had poured from his mouth, Shane shook his head and snuffed the cigarette out before shoving it in his front pocket.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What I mean to say is, I’ve been busy with this project. Time got away from me, and I’m sorry if you thought I was ignoring you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina ran her palm up and down the length of her thigh, nails digging into the denim covering it. “It’s okay. I was just worried about you,” she admitted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane reached out and, with the very tips of her fingers, touched Katerina’s hand that was fidgeting with her pants. She froze and balled her hand into a fist, knuckles turning white. Perhaps the sound had been irritating, or perhaps Shane was beginning to feed off her nervous energy and wanted her to stop.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s really nothing to worry about. I feel great.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eyebrows knitting together, Katerina bit her lip. “Do you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” he said. “I do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Beside her, Shane leaned back until his back was flat against the wooden planks. Katerina tried to ignore the movement, focused on her own thoughts, but after a few moments the animalistic predator-prey part of her brain compelled her to turn, and so she did. Shane’s eyes had been boring into the back of her head and, now that she had turned, were now boring into her face. It felt like he was trying to drill a hole through her skull with just a look. Katerina laid down beside him just to make it stop. But where Shane had laid flat on his back, Katerina opted for her side. Facing him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thoughts raced through her head like they were in competition with one another, each vying to jump to the front. The result was that she couldn’t focus on one long enough to flesh out its implications, but they were all related enough that Katerina could piece together why she felt so troubled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Shane fell into one of his moods, for as much as Katerina hated it, it felt familiar. It pained her to watch him like that, don’t get that wrong, but she had some semblance of an idea of how to help. She knew herself what it was like to be in that place. That cavern had been her home for years.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But this? This felt wrong. She had yet to learn the ins and outs of Shane like she knew her closest friends, but something told her that this wasn’t just a temporary reprieve from his depression. It was something else, something terrifying, and Katerina had no idea what to do about it. She couldn’t even put a name to it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane felt good. Perhaps not happy, but good. It was easy to tell him when he was depressed that she wanted to help, but how could she look him in the eye now and say the same thing? How could she tell him she wanted to take this away from him? Katerina was powerless, and that feeling alone made her sympathize with the rocks stuck at the deepest pools in the pond. At that moment, she was lying beside them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>While Katerina was still grasping desperately at her thoughts as they raced by, Shane twisted so that he too was lying on his side. Like that, their faces were only a foot apart.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you ever take pity on all the other women that live in this town?” Shane asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina frowned. “Why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because you are more beautiful than all of them combined.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In an instant, tears climbed their way to the surface and threatened to spill from her eyes. Katerina blinked rapidly to dispel them. “Don’t say that,” she whispered. Her words sounded strained, pleading.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As if to mimic her expression, Shane too frowned. “Why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because friends don’t say that shit to each other,” Katerina said. She turned onto her back. She was dangerously close to falling off the side of the pier, but didn’t move away. “It’s weird and I don’t like it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina had closed her eyes, but the rustle of clothing and a dull thud against wood told her that Shane had also turned away from her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, then,” Shane said. His words were unbelievably simple, spoken in such a calm tone that Katerina knew he didn’t fully understand what he was apologizing for. He knew that she was upset, as she had said as much, but he didn’t understand </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You need to stop with all that, Shane,” Katerina said. “I know other people let you, but please don’t. Not with me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Shane agreed quietly after a slight pause. “Not with you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silence for a moment. The sound of wind ruffling clothing, the slow inhale of Shane’s breath.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I should go,” Katerina said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane sat up alongside Katerina, but as she stood he remained firmly planted in a seated position.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to walk back towards the ranch with me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane shook his head. “I’m going to stay out here for a while longer.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s late, Shane. You’re not tired?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m tired, but I have too many things to think about to sleep. I know I’d just lie there awake if I tried to.” Like he had already resigned himself to that fate, Shane let out a heavy sigh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” Katerina said. She turned to leave, but the action felt wrong. There were things left unsaid between them. Things that needed to find their way out in the open. Spinning back around to face him, Katerina squatted down so their faces were level with one another. “What are you thinking about?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The look Shane gave her was surprised, like he hadn’t been expecting her to realize something was troubling him. The truth was that it was so obvious that the fish swimming at his feet could have sensed it, but Katerina would never say that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have I made you angry?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” Katerina said. Immediately, without pausing to think about it, but even if she had she would have reached the same conclusion. “No, of course not.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane, when his enigmatic persona failed, tried to portray himself as a man hardened against the world. But the tender look he gave Katerina at that moment - lips curled up in a doubtful smile, eyebrows slightly raised - was anything but hard. It sent something in her chest fluttering, and Katerina wondered if Shane knew that he didn’t have to act to be charming. All he had to do was smile like that, and he would have every knee in the room bending to his will.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good,” he said. And just like that they were past it. “I forgot to say that Marnie told me to invite you to dinner at the ranch, now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Instead of my place?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Instead of your place.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina deflated a little, disappointed. “Oh. I mean, that’s kind of her, but I liked cooking for everyone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Smile widening, Shane beckoned her closer. Katerina leaned in on her toes as much as she could without falling forward.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s why it’s good you’re not angry. Between you and me, Katerina, I’m not a very good cook.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Laughing, Katerina revelled in the mischievous squint his eyes had taken on. “Oh?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And as much as I hate to admit it, you’re quite a good cook.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like something is working out in your favor.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane raised his hands in an innocent gesture. “All I’m saying is I’ll be there if you’d have me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course I’ll have you, idiot,” Katerina said. Her calves were screaming for release at that point, and Katerina rocked back on heels away from him. “But only if you respond to my fucking texts.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Deal.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For a second Katerina considered asking Shane to help out with her pumpkin stand, like she’d told Abigail she would. But then the memory of Shane bristling at even the mention of her friends crossed her mind, and she decided against it. There would be plenty of opportunities for Katerina to assuage whatever tensions had arisen there. She didn’t need to take it upon herself on a day that she would already be stressed beyond her wits.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if I’ll have anything for you until after Spirit’s Eve.” She waited until Shane nodded. “I’ll see you there?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe,” Shane said, breaking eye contact to turn her head out towards the pond. “Maybe not. I really can’t say.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” Katerina said. “But around. I’ll see you around.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At Shane’s lack of a response, Katerina stood and brushed her hands on the front of her legs compulsively. “Goodnight, then.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight, Katerina Hann,” Shane recited.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina walked back to the farm in something of a daze. Time had an interesting way of progressing when a person was drunk, and for her it was no different. She felt immune to the cold, immune to the usual aching desire to just want to be back already and in bed. When she finally walked through the front door and had chugged down two full glasses of water standing at the sink like a prisoner facing deprivation torture, it simultaneously felt like only ten minutes had passed and a thousand. Shane’s goodbye still rang in her ears.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the walk back Katerina had had time to think about not asking him along to help tomorrow, but now that the event was looming closer and closer every second, she couldn’t say she regretted it. What was she, after all? A pining teenager infatuated with the mysterious loner who’d captured her attention? Life wasn’t a fucking movie - Katerina was a grown women with a business to run. She didn’t need to see him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She picked up her phone to send a quick message to her friends telling them when she’d pick them up on Sunday morning and found a message already waiting for her. So alike that night about a week ago, and somehow so different.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Get home safe?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yes</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she sent back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the time she’d pulled up the group chat and typed up her message, Shane had responded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Cheers</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Go to bed</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina sent that last message without really thinking about it, without stopping to consider that Shane was more likely to transform into a chicken than he was to take her advice. She didn’t care. She’d just wanted to say it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a few moments of lying on the couch, head still spinning, Katerina dragged her unwilling body into the bathroom to take her own advice. She hated getting ready for bed when she was drunk, but even worse was waking up the next morning without doing so. The taste of alcohol that had been given all night to settle in sometimes felt like cause for a declaration of a state of emergency due to fatal levels of radioactivity. And Katerina had a big weekend ahead of her, anyway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When she finally slumped back to the bedroom and flopped onto the mattress, she thought she could sleep for a week. Before drifting off, Katerina used the last of her energy to press the home button on her phone and read the texts that had come in. Three from her friends confirming the plans, none from Shane. She swallowed her disappointment, and slept.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>For better or for worse (but mostly better), the pumpkin stand was a killing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the end of the day, Katerina’s muscles ached from lugging pumpkins to and from people’s cars and her throat was scratchy from the combination of talking all day and not drinking enough water. She thought the redness on her nose and cheeks was from the cold, but that turned out to be sunburn, and after several hours of shilling her wares her bed started to sound like the one place on earth that Katerina would give anything to return to. Her friends looked no better, although they weren’t nearly as frazzled as Katerina had been.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All their hard work showed, however. The pumpkins had flown off the metaphorical shelves, leaving behind only the small bruised ones that Katerina had been unsure of bringing in the first place. Her lockbox, having started the day off with only a fistful of change, was now several pounds heavy with cash, even after forcing fifty dollars each into the back pockets of her unsuspecting friends.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s a wrap,” Abigail said, dusting her hands off. They’d just finished loading the handful of unsold pumpkins back into the bed of the truck, and she was beaming at Katerina like a mother whose child had just finished grade school at the top of their class. Katerina wasn’t one for compliments, but even she had to submit to the pride. Dozens of families all around the valley would be celebrating Spirit’s Eve that Monday with </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span> pumpkins. Yes, Katerina felt proud. It even bordered on being a bit full of herself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Indeed,” Katerina said, grinning back. She turned to face Sam as he clapped a congratulatory hand on her shoulder, and also noticed Sebastian’s smile from where he had planted himself next to Abigail. “I can’t thank you guys enough. I think I would have had a nervous breakdown without your help.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was fun!” Abigail exclaimed, just as Sebastian said “Don’t mention it,” beside her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina took a cursory glance around the small field they’d set up in and, satisfied they weren’t leaving anything behind, nodded towards the truck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Everyone ready to head back?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They piled into the truck quickly and were back on the road towards Pelican Town before another minute had elapsed. It was a testament to how tiring the day was that no one, not even Sam, who was usually so talkative, tried to start conversation. The drive back was silent except for the crooning of folk artists that Katerina mostly didn’t recognize from the radio.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It only took them about twenty minutes on the highway before Katerina was pulling off the exit that led towards town, but by the time she stopped in the square for Abigail and Sam to hop out she was yawning and rubbing her eyes. They departed after another round of praising Katerina far too much for her ego to handle, and she pulled off again to drop Sebastian off. She was tempted to speed through the tiny streets, wanting to get him and thus herself back home as soon as possible.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Quite the day,” Sebastian said in the passenger’s seat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina nearly jumped at his voice, so accustomed to the silence she was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure was. I’m beat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Same,” he agreed. A moment of silence, then he spoke again. “You’re coming to the Spirit’s Eve, celebration, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” Katerina said. “I said I would be.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sebastian nodded, looking like he wanted to say something more, but he didn’t. Katerina parked the car momentarily in front of his family home, smiling and waving at Maru, who was reading a book on the front stoop. It had been a quick ride, after all; Katerina hadn’t speeded, exactly, but she didn’t strictly follow suggested limits, either.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cool. Well I’ll see you on Monday night, then.” Sebastian smiled awkwardly, fumbling to shove his phone in his pocket and retrieve his set of keys, and Katerina realized then that the two of them had never been alone together. Sebastian wasn’t an antisocial person, but he definitely relied on being able to blend into the background of his more outgoing friends. He probably still didn’t feel comfortable around Katerina enough to get past that, and was feeling the absence of Abigail and Sam in the car. Katerina understood the way he felt, although she had gotten past that awkwardness of her own years ago, and gave him a smile that was perhaps a bit wider than usual to ease his anxiety.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure thing. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sebastian nodded and exited the truck. Katerina only watched for a few seconds as he walked towards Maru and said something to her, then damn near peeled off the property back towards the farm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had every intention of spending the rest of the day mulling over her costume and digging through her closet to put something acceptable together, but the truth was that after Sebastian mentioned it the thought had slipped completely from her mind. Shower, fridge, then couch had been her main priorities after falling through the front door and peeling her muddy socks from her feet. After that she somehow found herself flopped in bed on her stomach, half asleep, with a purring Caramel perched on her back. She woke up Monday morning worried mostly about her daily chores, and before she knew it the celebration was only a few hours away, and Katerina had nothing to show for it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She ended up hopping back in the truck and dashing into the first costume store that had been advertised on a billboard on the side of the highway. They were mostly sold out, however, given that most people had a little more foresight than Katerina had, and the best she could come up with was a cheap witch’s hat and a black slip dress from her closet. She threw on a black turtleneck under it for good measure, knowing herself and knowing that she would be an ice cube in mere minutes outside even with it on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She hoped her lack of enthusiasm would go more or less unnoticed by her friends, which of course meant that as soon as she walked into town that night and caught Sam’s eye, he swiped at her hat and guffawed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A witch!” he cried, turning towards Abigail to see her reaction.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina felt inadequate next to them. Sam was decked out in a sparkly one-suit, platform shoes on to boot, hair spiked up at an even more aggressive angle than it usually was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She dipped her head away from his hand, blushing. “Is it that bad?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not at all,” Sam said, retracting his initial reaction, maybe feeling like he hurt her feelings. “You look like how Abigail dresses on a daily basis, if that’s what you were going for.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He made a noise like a grunt when Abigail punched his bicep, making Katerina laugh even harder than she had begun to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s take a look around,” Sebastian suggested, wholly ignoring the fisticuffs now being exchanged between Sam and Abigail. Katerina nodded her assent and the four of them began to wander around the town square.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam had been right when he’d said that Abigail spared no expense (from the town’s bank account) on Spirit’s Eve decorations. Similar to the Egg Festival earlier in the year, bright strands of festive garland were strung between lampposts and the eaves of buildings, though this time in the shape of bright orange pumpkins and ghosts. A few jack-o-lanterns were nestled away in out-of-the-way spots on the path, and the tables that were set up to hold drinks and food were draped with spiderwebs. It was the perfect time of day to see everything, too, with the sun sinking beneath the horizon and casting a gloomy orange light on the town.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How’d you manage to do all this, Abigail?” asked Katerina. She came to a halt next to one of the tables as Sebastian poured four glasses of an off-putting murky black punch. “It’s incredible.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, it’s nothing,” Abigail said. She made a dismissive gesture with her hand. “Just wait till you see the haunted maze.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina’s eyebrows raised in interest. “That sounds fun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Skeletons first,” Sam said. Katerina’s eyes followed where his finger was pointing to find a large metal cage containing two shockingly real-looking skeletons stomping around in what seemed like anger. She had never talked to the man guarding the cage, who looked quite on edge, but she recognized him from a few times at the saloon.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail, however, seemed to have spotted something else, and despite Sam’s protests led the small group in the opposite direction of the skeletons towards the western edge of the town square. Katerina’s stomach did a somersault when she realized what - </span>
  <em>
    <span>who</span>
  </em>
  <span> - they were walking towards, and couldn’t help but smile as she took in Shane and Jas’ costumes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were matching, no doubt at Jas’ insistence, in a prince and princess costume. Jas’ dress was a poofy little purple number, and she had a gold tiara nestled in her mass of dark wavy hair. Beneath her dress she wore a pink turtleneck and leggings and her darker purple winter coat was firmly pulled up around her arms. Katerina’s smile widened as she remembered the arguments she used to have with her parents on bundling up on Spirit’s Eve, certain that it would ruin her costume, and imagined that the same argument had taken place between the pair earlier that evening.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane himself didn’t look too far from how he usually dressed in a midnight blue suit and a pearly white button-up, though Katerina noticed that he had let his stubble grow into something closer to a beard. He looked good, because of course he did, and Katerina felt the urge to tug her witch’s hat over her face so he wouldn’t see her. When he stepped forward to greet the group and raised Abigail’s hand to his lips to kiss, it could have been taken as him method acting as his costume, but they all knew that that was just how Shane acted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stunning as ever, darling,” Shane purred. Abigail simply smiled back at him, and Shane turned his attention towards Katerina. For a second he began to sweep forward as if to kiss her hand as well, but then he caught himself in the act and held out his own hand for a shake. Katerina took it, awkwardly, and let him lead the handshake.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Katerina Hann,” he said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shane Anderson,” she said back, letting her hand fall to her side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What the fuck was this? Katerina knew she’d staked out some boundaries the other night, but this felt a step further. It felt weird between them. Was it because they weren’t alone? Was Shane embarrassed at the prospect of other people seeing him, </span>
  <em>
    <span>gasp</span>
  </em>
  <span>, in a friendship? Was it the concept in general, or the fact that it was Katerina specifically?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane proceeded to shake both Sam and Sebastian’s hands as well, though neither looked particularly into it and Sebastian especially looked uncomfortable.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t it such a lovely evening for a party?” Shane asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Spoken like a man after my heart,” Sam said. He raised his cup in Shane’s direction as if to toast him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cute costumes,” Abigail said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Amazing</span>
  </em>
  <span> costumes,” Katerina emphasized, a bit too emphatically but wanting to close the imaginary distance that Shane had put between them. She reached up to tickle at Jas’ stomach, making the girl squeal and squirm away from her fingers. Shane had to take hold of her with both arms to keep her from tumbling to the ground, and he shot an annoyed look at Katerina. When she stuck her tongue at him in response, though, his face finally softened and he held Jas out towards her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think she wants to see your costume,” Shane said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina took a hold of the little girl, whose hands immediately began to grab at the lengths of the deep purple ribbon that Katerina had tied in her hair. She cringed when she saw the sticky remnants of candy corn on Jas’ palms, and knew that she would have to wash her hair when she got home that night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You look beautiful,” Katerina said to her. “Are you a princess or a queen?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jas pulled her sticky hands away so she could look at Katerina as she spoke. “Princess. Shane is the prince. We’re married.”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that so?” Katerina asked with a grin. “Well, you look perfect together.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jas gave a satisfied nod and returned to grabbing at Katerina’s costume, though this time it was the hat she was interested in. Katerina barely managed to keep her at bay as she listened to the conversation being exchanged between Abigail and Shane. Sam was too absorbed in downing his drink to participate, and Sebastian was standing at the very outskirts - voluntarily - and was watching Katerina play with Jas.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should come do the haunted maze with us. It’s the best part of the night every year.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t quite think Jas would like that,” Shane replied.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, go have Marnie look after her,” Abigail said. “I saw her off talking with Mayor Lewis just a minute ago.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane shrugged, apparently agreeing, and turned back towards Katerina. He held up his hands to take Jas back from her, but Katerina responded by holding Jas even closer to herself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can take her. I want to say hello, anyway.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane nodded, smiling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll be back in a minute,” Katerina said to her friends before following Shane.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The costumes really are cute,” she said as soon as they were out of earshot.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you. Yours as well.” Shane’s eyebrows raised ever so slightly as he glanced over and gave Katerina a look up and down her entire body. Any other time she would have scolded him for it, but it was Spirit’s Eve and she was in costume, so she gave it a pass assuming that he was simply taking in her costume as she had his.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Katerina!” Marnie greeted as they got close enough for her to notice them. “How lovely to see you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At Marnie’s side Lewis gave Katerina a small nod of acknowledgement, and Katerina returned it. “You too. I just wanted to say hi before we jet off.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marnie’s eyebrows raised with intrigue as she took Jas from Katerina’s arms. “Oh? Where to?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The maze,” Shane answered for her. “Her friends invited us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Something about the way Shane had phrased the reply made Katerina uncomfortable, and she forced a smile at Marnie while she nodded her confirmation. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Her</span>
  </em>
  <span> friends. Invited </span>
  <em>
    <span>us</span>
  </em>
  <span>. As if Shane was only coming along because Katerina was there, and Abigail had felt obligated to bring him along on her behalf. As if they came as an inseparable pair. Maybe it was true, but did he have to draw attention to it?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sounds fun,” Marnie said. Lewis, still standing wordless at her side, made a disapproving noise. Shane’s expression instantly turned fiery and he glared at the man like Lewis had just insulted him personally.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lewis caught the glare - it was impossible not to catch, after all - and crossed his arms in front of his body as he met Shane’s eyes with his own steeled expression. “It makes such a mess, is all. It takes days to clean up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This place is a mess anyway,” Shane practically spat. It was Marnie’s turn to glare at him now, and as the trio entered a staring match, each rising in anger, Katerina watched in bewilderment. She had no idea the dynamic between the three of them to cause such high tensions, if there even was anything there. Perhaps the mayor had just caught Shane in one of his irritable moods and Shane had jumped on him as an excuse to release some anger. Katerina had to sympathize with Lewis, if that was the case.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We should get going,” she said slowly, reaching out to touch Shane’s forearm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her voice and touch snapped Shane out of whatever wave of emotion he had been caught in, and he ripped his eyes away from Lewis to look at Katerina. It didn’t take long for the anger in them to fade into a mild gentleness. He twisted his arm in an awkward movement so that his fingers brushed against her own forearm, then pulled away. He turned towards Marnie and Jas and leaned in to kiss the girl on the cheek, followed by a swift kiss on his aunt’s cheek as well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Behave,” he told Jas. If the girl understood him, which she probably did, she merely blinked back at him with a look of complete innocence as if to say </span>
  <em>
    <span>who, me</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bye, Princess Jas,” Katerina said, giving the girl a wave. She nodded at the two adults in farewell. “Marnie, Mayor Lewis.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They both echoed the goodbyes - Lewis’ sounding rather curt, even towards Katerina for whatever reason - and she and Shane turned and headed back towards where the group was waiting for them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Finally!” Abigail said when they rejoined. She clapped her hands together, eyes looking manically excited. “You’re gonna shit yourself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hope I won't,” Shane said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Snorting, Sam clapped his hand on Shane’s bicep. “Don’t worry, coming from her. She’s a pussy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Says you!” Abigail retorted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>The two of them squabbled as they all walked towards the entrance to the maze, where Pierre was manning a small booth. Katerina and Sebastian gave him a small greeting as they walked past, though Abigail seemed to completely ignore her father. She didn’t know if it was intentional or just to be chalked up to Abigail’s lack of awareness, but Katerina looked between them with interest. There was so much tension and drama, especially family drama, in this town that it was a miracle they hadn’t all wiped each other out through excessive bloodshed long ago.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Somehow this feels childish,” Shane said, mostly under his breath. Abigail heard it anyway and whipped around to face him, looking affronted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re never too old for a good scare.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Argument apparently put behind them, Sam murmured his agreement.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They had filed down into a thinner arrangement to fit as they entered, Abigail taking the solo lead with Sam and Sebastian behind her and Shane and Katerina bringing up the rear. The hedgerows almost instantly enveloped them in their bowels, the spindly branches sticking out at odds to scratch them. Briefly Katerina’s mind was more blown away by how the hedges had sprung up overnight than it was focused on being frightened, but she quickly suppressed the wonder. There were too many things she didn’t understand about this town, and she was slowly beginning not to question them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Recording players must have been hidden at intervals in the overgrowth, because as they plunged deeper and deeper into the maze they were overtaken by unsettling noises that boomed eerily through the night air. They filled Katerina with a sense of dread, which, she supposed, meant they were doing their intended job.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the front Abigail had adopted the method of taking only left turns, but on two occasions they encountered a dead end and had to turn around. It was on those occasions that Katerina caught a glimpse of her friends’ faces, and had to stifle her laughter so as not to embarrass them. Despite an appearance and an obsession with the occult that would suggest otherwise, Abigail’s eyes were wide with adrenaline-induced fear. She hid it well, blazing on ahead through the maze, but the look had been unmistakable. Sam seemed to be in the same boat, though he was much less adept at hiding it, and openly cried out when they walked past a particularly loud groan or hiss from the innards of the hedges. The only of the three who truly looked unperturbed was Sebastian. His amusement was coming mostly from the way Abigail and Sam were jumping at every little spook.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“See, it’s not so bad,” Sam said, turning his head back towards Shane and Katerina. She thought she heard a slight tremor in his voice, and barely bit down on a laugh as she looked sideways to exchange a glance with Shane. He had noticed it too and gave her a knowing, amused look.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not bad at all,” Shane agreed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So of course it was that moment that a dog-sized spider burst from the hedges right between her and Sebastian, and Katerina screamed as loud as the day she’d been born. The thing had to have been an animatronic - because what else would it have been? - but it looked so realistic that Katerina was instantly launched into flight or fight mode, and she chose to jump to the closest method of protection that her mind had recognized. That happened, because of course it did, to be Shane’s arm, though Katerina didn’t realize she was clinging, both arms wrapped around his, until the shock of the moment had worn off several beats later.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Holy shit,” Katerina said with a shaky laugh. Her friends, who had had their backs turned to the outburst, had been startled by Katerina’s piercing shriek but had now devolved into a fit of laughter. Sam, bolstered by someone besides himself having the shit scared out of them, was wiping tears from his eyes and between laughs was yelling about the look on her face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After composing herself, Katerina looked hesitantly up at Shane, to whom she still hadn’t let go off. He also looked frightened, though it was overshadowed by a look of pure perplexion as he gazed back down at her. Namely, gazed down at where Katerina was hanging off of him like a child. It finally registered to her then what she was doing, and her arms sprung open as she took a few shuffling steps away from him. His eyes followed her as she moved away, though Katerina’s swung wildly between her friends to see if they had noticed what he had. Consumed by their laughter, Sam and Sebastian looked none the wiser, but Abigail caught her eye and winked before turning back around and trudging forward once more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After the spider incident Katerina had steeled herself not to scream out loud again, though on a few occasions she came close. She didn’t know whose creation this maze was - not Abigail, they’d said, but they also hadn’t told her another name - but whoever it was must have perfected their craft over the years. In her youth Katerina and her brother had been big fans of Spirit’s Eve, and this surely was one of the best spooks she’d ever been to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It came as both a disappointment and a relief, then, when Abigail’s attentive sense of direction finally led them out the exit. It’d been impossible to tell in the maze since the overgrowth had blocked so much light already, but the sun had sunken much lower in the sky, making the atmosphere even more haunting. The town square had cleared out a bit, the younger children and older adults both having gone home. But Pierre was still dutifully posted up at his stand, which meant there remained enough people around for a profit to be made.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s grab some more punch,” Sam suggested. He tugged on the straps of his backpack in a way he probably considered inconspicuous, giving Katerina a conspiratorial wink when she caught his eye.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail and Sebastian happily agreed and Katerina almost did herself before she remembered the man standing beside her. Shane hadn’t told her specifically that he’d been trying to lay off the drinking, but between him not showing up at the saloon and his lack of intoxication when she’d been around him alone, she could infer. She didn’t even know if it was an official effort to sober up, but whatever it was Katerina didn’t want her and her friends to be the reason for its failure.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane was standing as nonchalantly as he could manage, but Katerina saw the tension in his body by the way he held his shoulders. His jaw was clenching and unclenching, too, probably caught halfway between craving a drink and wanting to resist the pull. It only took one look at him for Katerina to dig up an excuse not to go along with her friends.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We actually have an early day tomorrow, so I think we’ll pass,” Katerina said. “You guys go ahead, though. We’ll wait here for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail’s eyebrows flew up her forehead. “We?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina fought hard to fend off a bashful smile, though Shane’s face remained neutral. “Shane’s been helping me on the farm when he has time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Been? Well, not really. Shane had only helped her once, twice if you counted the Great Pumpkin Escapade that she now regretted with every ounce of her body, but it wasn’t necessarily a lie. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> agreed to come work on the farm, for payment, and she had intended to ask him about working tomorrow that night. So, no, not a whole truth, but not a whole lie either. It’s not like Shane would call her out on it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So </span>
  <em>
    <span>that’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> why Jas had been coming over so often,” Sam said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane’s eyebrows furrowed defensively. “If it’s too much, I’ll-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was just kidding, man,” Sam interjected. “She’s the most well-behaved kid I’ve ever seen. She makes Vincent seem like a little terrorist.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still looking troubled, Shane opened his mouth to speak, but Abigail jumped in before he could, cutting him off without realizing it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on then, you two. We’ll be right back,” she directed at Shane and Katerina.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane raised his hand in a half-wave as Abigail led the group in a charge towards the beverage table. He let it fall, then turned his head towards Katerina.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not to repeat what she said, but ‘we’?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina shrugged and linked her hands in front of herself, twirling from side to side slightly in an attempt to make herself look innocent. It was almost subconscious, but she was all too aware of the way Shane’s eyebrows raised slightly as he looked at her for it to truly be unintentional.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Would he be offended if she told him the reason why she’d offered up the excuse? Hurt by the implication that he couldn’t resist a drink if he wanted to? Better to play it safe than sorry, she decided.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was going to ask, but it got forced out of me before I could get you alone for a minute.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And what if I was busy?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll feed you at the end of the day,” Katerina offered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane smiled. “Alright, you convinced me.” He hesitated. “I can’t stay late, though. I’m afraid that I have been neglecting Jas.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina nodded, understanding, though she felt a twinge of disappointment. “Of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A moment of silence lapsed between them in which Shane’s gaze left her face and went someplace beyond her shoulder, though what he was looking at she couldn’t tell. She figured it out when he spoke.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t have to cover for me, you know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ah. So Katerina hadn’t been as inconspicuous as she’d hoped. She tilted her head in a way that she hoped was a much more convincing display of innocence. “What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know. The alcohol.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t the faintest idea,” Katerina said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Frowning, Shane looked like he wanted to say more, but was forced into silence by the raucous return of Katerina’s friends. He fixed her with a look, however, that said </span>
  <em>
    <span>you didn’t get away with that</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Katerina merely smiled back at him before tuning herself into the ongoing conversation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You look like a fucking mess more than anything,” Sebastian said in jest, rolling his eyes at an affronted Sam. They were both holding cups filled to the brim with punch and whatever they’d spiked it with.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s exactly part of the costume!” Sam cried. He turned to Katerina. “Please tell Sebastian that my costume wipes the floor with his.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina looked between them with a wry smile. In all honesty she hadn’t noticed that Sebastian was even in costume, not with his signature black denim pants, though the shiny loafers, white button up, and blazer were a bit fancy for his usual liking. She supposed the mask in his hands was part of the ensemble as well, and when Sebastian noticed her looking he held up the twisted white mask that covered half his face. Katerina made a noise of recognition.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The Phantom!” she said, grinning. “I love it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me!” Sam said, drawing her attention back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina laughed and threw her hands up defensively. “I’m not going to lie, I have no idea who you are. But I love the vibe.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re fucking kidding me,” Sam moaned. “I hate all of you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I recognized you!” Abigail said, though Sam just waved a hand at her dismissively, raising his other hand to pinch at the bridge of his nose and shaking his head as if he had suddenly been stricken with a painful headache. Katerina heard him mutter “</span>
  <em>
    <span>doesn’t fucking recognize god damn Mick Jagger</span>
  </em>
  <span>” under his breath, and she had to bite down on her cheeks to stop from laughing out loud in his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam recovered quickly and turned the defense of his own costume into an attack on Katerina. Abigail simply laughed along, encouraging him, and even Shane broke into a smile as Sam’s rant went on and on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, alright, stop ragging on my costume,” Katerina huffed finally, tired of hearing him talk. She fixed her face in the angriest expression she could muster and crossed her arms. “Give me a break, won’t ya?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sebastian swirled his glass around, gazing down into the contents as he appeared to contemplate what he wanted to say. Eventually he settled on, “Hey, if you’re gonna be a boring witch, at least you’re a cute one.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina was glad for the dusk and the dim lighting, because she could feel the skin on her face instantly heat with a blush. She never had been good at accepting compliments, and especially those about her appearance caused her particular embarrassment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Awww, Sebby, how sweet,” Abigail cooed, obviously teasing, as she shoved his shoulder. Sebastian only returned a small glare.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Beside her, the only other occupant of the bench they had taken a seat on, Shane shifted. There was more than enough room for the both of them - even her three friends were sitting with ample personal space on the other bench together - but Katerina noticed that he had repositioned his body so that now only a few inches of open air separated them. For as slight and inconspicuous as he’d been Sebastian had noticed the movement as well, though, and his eyes twitched between Katerina and Shane before finally settling on Shane’s face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aren’t I right?” Sebastian asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail and Katerina furrowed their eyebrows in unison. It felt so wildly out of character for Sebastian - like he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>challenging</span>
  </em>
  <span> someone? - that they instantly recognized it as odd. He leaned back into the bench he was sitting on and crossed an ankle over his knee, most likely trying to look nonchalant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane glanced at Katerina before meeting Sebastian’s eyes. “Sure,” he agreed. “I suppose she makes a good witch.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sebastian blew out the smoke he’d inhaled on an especially long drag and dispersed it in the air with a wave of his hand. “Glad we agree.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a moment of awkward silence as the tension gripped each member of the group. Even Sam felt it, coughing into his fist just for something to do. Finally, Abigail spoke. Sweet, sweet Abigail. Katerina could kiss her. She always had something to say to shift the mood when Katerina was uncomfortable.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I think we’re going to head up to the lake for a bit. You’re welcome to join, if you want.” She paused. “That goes for the both of you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane didn’t waste a second turning down the invitation. “I need to get home. Don’t want Jas to fall asleep before telling her goodnight.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail smiled. “Of course.” She turned her attention to Katerina, tilting her head. “Kat?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I should get going, too. Early morning, like I said.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abigail seemed disappointed but nodded in understanding. “Alright, then. Sam, Sebastian, you two ready?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sebastian, who had smoked his cigarette down to the last few drags, leaned over and snuffed it out before tossing it in the ashtray to the side of the bench. Sitting back, he nodded. “Ready as ever.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With that the three of them rose, so Katerina did as well to bid them goodbye. Each accepted her hug, Sam’s being the tightest, though Abigail did press a kiss to her cheek, so that earned her some extra points. Katerina giggled as she pretended to be disgusted and wiped Abigail’s bright lipstick from her skin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“See you guys around. I swear I’ll start coming around the saloon again once things have settled down.” She held up her hand with the pinky extended to show her commitment to the promise. Sebastian returned the gesture, making Katerina laugh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Adieu!” Abigail called over her shoulder as the three of them departed, and then Shane and Katerina were alone. Alone together, as it always seemed to end up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” Katerina said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane, who had risen from the bench, nodded and offered only a smile in response. It felt not good enough. It felt like they shouldn’t part ways with just that between them. Something came over her, and Katerina jerked forward to throw herself against him in a hug that was closer than any of the three she’d just given her friends.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane opened his stance to accept the embrace, and they fit together like their bodies had been created just for the purpose of standing together. The steady thump of his heart drummed through her, the heat of his bodily warmth against her cold skin like wrapping up in a blanket that had just come out of the dryer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The moment lasted simultaneously too long and not long enough. When Shane pulled back, Katerina had half a mind to tug him back, but then over his shoulder she caught the interested eye of Dr. Harvey, and she let him go. The townsfolk had enough to gossip about, they did, thinking they knew Shane and Katerina’s friendship better than the two of them did. They didn’t understand shit, but Katerina wasn’t going to give more fodder to the rumor mill.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tomorrow morning,” she repeated, a bit breathlessly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane nodded. “Bright and early.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They hesitated a few seconds before finally going their own ways. Even on her own, feet carrying her on autopilot back to the farm, Katerina could barely bite down on the smile that was trying to consume her entire face. When she got back home she fell into bed after a hasty brushing of her teeth and stripping her clothes off, not bothering to remove her makeup or find pajamas to pull on. She fell asleep with a stomach full of sweets and punch and a chest aching for the morning to come faster.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter contains discussion of mental illness, suicide, and addiction/alcoholism. Please proceed with caution!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Katerina woke up on Tuesday morning more excited to start her day than she had been for weeks. It had long passed that time in the season where she awoke to complete darkness, and even the dreary sunrise didn’t give way to real light until after nearly two hours of being awake. Usually that made it almost impossible to force herself out from under the coziness of her duvet, but that morning the darkness had no effect on her. She wouldn’t say that she bounded awake, necessarily, but she rolled out of bed quickly and was in the kitchen shoving two slices of bread into the toaster not two minutes after her alarm went off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As it turned out, being a farmer was a lonely line of work. Her grandfather hadn’t mentioned that in his final letter to her, but Katerina had figured it out of her own. She wasn’t a particularly outgoing person, but spending days on end with no real company but a cat was another end of the extremes that she wasn’t comfortable with. That’s why she was so excited to spend the day working with Shane - because she could be at another’s side instead of all by her lonesome. She’d been just as giddy to socialize when she’d first seen her friends after a long while. Right?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It still came as a shock when several loud knocks boomed throughout the house, making Katerina jump. She hurriedly finished buttoning up her pants and pulled on her work boots, then ran to the front door. She flung it up with a grin plastered on her face, ready to invite Shane in for a cup of coffee before they set to work, but her words died before they could be spoken aloud when she took in the sight before her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was Shane, for sure, but not the same one she had wished a good night to just a handful of hours before. He was still garbed in the same outfit, the silly costume that he’d put together with Jas, but it was wrinkled severely as if he’d slept in it. From the way his face looked, though - red eyes, dark eye circles, pale skin - Katerina doubted if he had managed to sleep at all that night. He had one hand raised to clutch at the doorframe like he was in danger of falling over, and he was hiccuping at regular intervals. Katerina was scared he was going to throw up right on her feet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One look at him, and the toast she’d shoved down the hatch as breakfast turned in her stomach and threatened to come back up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know what to </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Katerina, despite thinking that she had been prepared for a situation like this, was at a complete and utter loss for words. She couldn’t even get past her shock well enough to register the sudden urge to cry that had consumed her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane was the first of the two to speak.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Katerina,” he groaned, and removed his hand from the doorframe as if to take a step forward. He only lasted a moment before grabbing back on, though, stumbling so hard that Katerina lurched forward, certain he was going to fall.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Shane,” she whispered. He had managed to steady himself, but Katerina stepped forward and clutched at his arms anyway, maybe convincing herself that she could take away everything he was feeling with just her touch. She couldn’t, of course, but Shane did melt into her arms easily, and Katerina was hit with another round of nausea as she realized just how </span>
  <em>
    <span>pliable</span>
  </em>
  <span> he was. She had a million things to worry about at that moment, first and foremost being making sure Shane didn’t succumb to alcohol poisoning on her front porch at six in the morning, but all her mind could think about was the offhand comments he’d made before about letting women convince him to do stupid things while drunk. They’d been meaningless little bits of information in the moment - everyone did stupid things while drunk - but Katerina’s stomach churned as she came to the realization that Shane hadn’t always had people like her in his life. People who wanted the best for him. People who didn’t just want to use him and then toss him to the side like a piece of trash.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tears pricked at her eyes, and Katerina had to fight hard to keep them from spilling over onto her cheeks. Not from sadness - the sadness would come later. Right now all she felt was anger, anger that the world had allowed for such a series of unfortunate events to occur that became Shane’s life. Anger, and complete helplessness.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come inside,” Katerina said, louder than a whisper this time, but only barely. She pulled him forward, but Shane resisted. She would have missed it had she not been so painfully in tune to his every little movement.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t want to,” he mumbled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina let go off him with one hand to wipe at her right cheek, where a pair of tears had found their way out. Her other hand clutched even tighter, and she resisted the urge to pull him inside anyway and lay him down on her couch to sleep the drink away. Perhaps if she did so, and sat dutifully at his side the whole while, forcing water and toast into him as she’d done for her own drunk self so many times before, then when he woke up he would be a changed man. He would denounce alcohol for good and set it behind him, and he and Katerina could forget this ever happened.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pulling herself back to reality, Katerina took a step back inside and hesitantly released her grip on him, still convinced that he might fall without her steady guidance.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just going to get water,” she said. She waited until she saw Shane nod slowly, eyes squeezed shut, before she dashed back inside and filled her water bottle at the kitchen tap. She was as quick as the water pressure would allow her to be, and when she ran back to the front door Shane hadn’t moved an inch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on,” Katerina said gently, maneuvering herself under his arm so he could lean on her. She didn’t know if he really needed it, but if anything it made her feel better that she could catch him if he stumbled. Attempt to, at least. Shane was much larger than her in both height and stature, and tucked under his arm like so Katerina was probably just as useless as she felt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where’re we going?” Shane mumbled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My favorite spot on the farm,” Katerina said. “I want you to see it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane nodded his assent and they started the very slow journey to the small pond on the property. The one with the decrepit old bench where she’d sat for so long on her very first day here. In reality she rarely ventured down that way, but that had been the first place her mind jumped to and so that was what she decided on. It wasn’t too far to be an impossibility, and being on her own property it was guaranteed to be quiet and private. Both things that Shane needed in that moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina didn’t let go of him until she had made sure he was firmly planted on the bench, and even then she sat not an inch away, ready to leap back to his aid if he needed her. Some part of her felt that maybe she should be angry with him, that he’d done this to himself and then forced the repercussions on her, especially on a day that they’d planned to work, but Katerina quickly shut that thought down. Shane hadn’t chosen to struggle with the things he did, to the excessive degree that he did, and it was wrong of Katerina to blame him for it. He couldn’t help it any more than he could help being born into the traumatic childhood that he had been.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In fact, as they sat there on the bench together in silence, Shane’s breathing slow but shallow beside her, Katerina’s swirling emotions began to settle onto one thing: guilt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It had been her that allowed her friends to drink around him the night before. She’d turned down their offers to join, sure, but should she have done more? Had even watching someone drink made Shane’s longing so bad that he’d relapsed? Had Katerina been the one to force his hand?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The weight of her realization crashed into Katerina with its full force, and then it was her who had to squeeze her eyes shut. She barely kept her emotions at bay, the guilt clawing at her flesh with razor-sharp talons that ripped into her with painful accuracy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve made you cry,” Shane said softly. It was the most coherent thing he’d said that morning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina blinked her eyes open to meet his, chest clenching yet again when she saw the distant look in them. Like he was only half there, the other half of him trapped in that dark place that caused him to drink like this in the first place.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” she said firmly. “Of course you haven’t, Shane.” As if to prove her a liar, a single tear rolled down her cheek. Luckily enough, </span>
  <em>
    <span>ironically</span>
  </em>
  <span> enough, Shane didn’t seem lucid enough to notice it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t believe you,” Shane said. He didn’t exactly slur the words, but it wasn’t far.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina took a deep, slow breath that was meant to calm herself but really did nothing but spread the guilt she felt throughout her whole body.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just worried,” she said slowly. “You show up wasted at my door at six am - am I supposed to not be worried?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane grimaced, face twisting with his own turn at feeling guilty, and Katerina immediately winced when she realized what she’d said. She hadn’t meant to be so harsh, but it had been said and now there was no taking it back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” he whispered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina took another breath, trying to compose herself, and took one of his hands between the two of hers. One of his monstrous, manly, calloused hands that had been the object of her fascination so many times before, without his knowing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ve nothing to be sorry for.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A moment of silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Promise?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I promise. God, Shane, I promise.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina lifted their hands and placed them against her lips - not to kiss his hand, just to hold it there. Somehow it felt like something she wanted to do, needed to do, and so she did it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just wanted to be alone,” Shane said. He was still watching her with those deep brown eyes of his, though they were so dazed that Katerina was unsure if he was really processing what he was seeing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” she said. She lowered their hands back down to rest atop his leg. “I can - I can leave you alone, but only if you come lay down in my bed. The couch, at the least. And drink some water. Then I’ll leave.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane’s lips twitched, though Katerina couldn’t imagine what he’d found to smile about. He rearranged the way she had a hold of him so that it was now Shane holding Katerina’s hands each with one of his, and squeezed them gently. As if he was the one who was supposed to be comforting her, not the other way around.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, Katerina. I want to be alone with you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina squeezed back, then pulled her hands away only to throw her arms around Shane’s shoulders and pull herself close to him in an embrace. It was awkward what with them sitting, but it was good enough.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then let’s be alone together,” she said against his neck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For several minutes they sat together in that position, silent and nearly motionless, before Katerina’s back started to ache. She didn’t want to pull away - wanted to be closer, in fact - but she did. When she opened her eyes to look at Shane she realized that he had been silently crying. Pulling the fabric of her jacket down over her hand, Katerina reached up to wipe his tears away. As she was dabbing at his cheeks, Shane spoke, and the miserable way that he dragged the words out broke Katerina’s heart all over again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s getting bad, again,” he said. “Like the flip of a fucking switch. Like it always does.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tell me about it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane shook his head. “I don’t know how.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The hand that Katerina had been using to wipe at his tears reached to the side of his head to stroke at his hair. She ignored the voice in her head that screeched at her how wrong it was, that she’d scolded Shane for doing the same thing to her not long ago. It didn’t matter now, because Shane let her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was doing so well, there, for a bit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina nodded. “I noticed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t real.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You faked it?” she asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane frowned. “No. Not intentionally, at least.” He shook his head again. “I don’t know how to explain it to someone who has never experienced it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina reluctantly pulled her hand away to rest in her own lap. “Just try.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If Shane noticed the absence of her touch, he didn’t show it. Despite now talking more or less fluently, his eyes still looked so painfully distant. Katerina had a sinking feeling that it wasn’t the alcohol making him look like that, but the way he distanced himself from his emotions to protect himself. He knew they were there, and he knew they were terrifying to acknowledge, and so he shut down completely.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When I was younger,” he began, “my..</span>
  <em>
    <span>.episodes</span>
  </em>
  <span> used to be so much more obvious. I would go days on end without sleeping, become convinced I was a child prodigy or the next fucking Mozart. Sometimes I thought I could actually talk to God, and that he was sending me signals through the words other people would say to me. I made a meaning out of everything.” He took a deep breath. “There was the paranoia, too, of course. Everyone in a red pick-up truck was a government agent sent to spy on me. There was a time that I actually used to run from them, every time I saw them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When I came down from it finally, the fall was so spectacular that it was easy to recognize it. As I’ve gotten older I don’t climb nearly as high anymore, and somehow that makes it worse. It’s like a tease of what I could have if I was normal. I get the sudden motivation to renovate the entire chicken coop, I stay up late writing music on the piano again. I actually have the energy to play with my goddaughter.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane took another deep, shaky breath. Katerina could see the tears swimming in his eyes that threatened to spill out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s so cruel. The highs get more manageable while the lows keep sinking lower.” He clenched one of his hands into a fist and slammed it angrily against his thigh. “Can’t I have </span>
  <em>
    <span>one fucking good thing</span>
  </em>
  <span> in my life?!” he bellowed. Katerina jumped at the sudden outburst, which seemed even louder than it was given that not even the birds had risen yet. It truly was silent around them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hit with a sudden burst of impassioned energy, Shane trucked onward. “I’ve tried to kill myself too, you know? Every single fucking time I drink. Every time I put a bottle to my lips I hope it fucking kills me. And wouldn’t that just suit me, huh? Emma Anderson’s boy gone just the same way however many of her husbands have gone, just the same way her sister offed herself and her son, too. My one fucking friend in this world.” He broke off with a shaky voice, head hanging miserably to stare down at his lap.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina almost wished he would go on, just because she was at a complete loss for what to say. How did you react to someone who just told you something of the magnitude that Shane had just lain on her? That was the exact reason Katerina had chosen all her life to suffer in silence, to open up to no one but her twin about the deeply troubling issues she had dealt with - because she pitied the person who had to listen to that and think of how to react.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That wasn’t to say that Katerina blamed Shane, of course, or was angry at him for opening up. She was glad that he trusted her enough to tell her these things - thankful, even - but that didn’t change the fact that Katerina felt like a newborn child flailing towards self-preservation in a body of water.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shane, I-” She snapped her jaw shut, feeling the shakiness in her voice verging on tears, and not wanting him to think that he’d made her cry again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Shane said, after a time. “I’m a miserable trainwreck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Only a little,” Katerina said weakly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane smiled to acknowledge her attempt at a joke. “Is it unfair of me, do you think?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“To blame my mother for the way I turned out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-I don’t know. Do you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Shane said immediately. “She neglected me, dangled her love like a carrot on a stick in front of me as a way to manipulate me. I don’t think she ever truly felt anything for me. I reminded her too much of herself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina swallowed hard, unsure of what Shane wanted her to say. Luckily for her, he went on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hate her for the way she raised me, but another part of me pities her. From what Marnie’s told me, they were raised the exact same way. We Andersons are a pathetic excuse of a family. Addicts and crazies as far back as the name goes. And I’m no different. I’m no fucking different, so how can I blame my mother? Maybe she didn’t know any better, you know?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Marnie escaped the cycle,” Katerina said slowly. “If she did it, your mother could have as well. You were her </span>
  <em>
    <span>child</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Shane. Her only duty was to protect you, and she failed. You can’t blame yourself for the inadequacy of another person, even if that person is the one who birthed you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane made a noise like a whimper and folded in on himself, elbows coming to rest on his knees, hand coming to either side of his head to clutch at his hair.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That makes it worse. If Marnie escaped it, then I should have been able to as well.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hush,” Katerina said, not in a reprimanding tone but in a comforting one, like the way one soothed a child after they scraped their knee. “You don’t give yourself enough credit. You’re raising Jas the best that you can, and from what I can see you’re doing a damn good job.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What if my best isn’t good enough?” Shane asked in nearly a whisper, sounding broken. “What if I’m just as inadequate a parent as my mother was, and her parents before her? What if Jas grows up to resent me for the way I raised her? What if she hates me, Katerina? I can’t lose her, I-” Shane broke off to compose himself with a deep breath. “I’ve never loved anyone like I love Jas,” he finished, then slid off the bench onto the ground. He folded his knees up towards his body, arms wrapped around them, and face buried to shield himself from his surroundings.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina lowered herself off the bench beside him, crouching on her knees facing him, and hesitantly reached out. When Shane didn’t react to her touch, she slowly pulled him towards her. He let her, and eventually Katerina pulled his head in towards her chest, arms wrapped around his shoulders, almost cradling him. In that moment a sob escaped from Shane, so violent that Katerina almost lost a hold of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Several months ago, Shane had told her that the persona he molded himself into was for the sake of other people. Circumstances in his life had led him to believe that he was too rough for the world, too broken for people to love without cutting themselves on his jagged edges.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Katerina knew better now. Now that she understood him. Now that he was crying in her arms. The world had been cruel beyond words to Shane, and over the years he’d learned to withdraw into himself, leaving only a protective shell behind, just to survive. Katerina was watching that shell shatter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane let out several more sobs over the next few minutes, each one splintering Katerina’s heart into tinier and tinier pieces that she would have thought impossible. When he finally quieted, either calming himself down or exhausting himself, Katerina began to stroke the hair at the back of his head again, eyes squeezed shut.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jas doesn’t hate you,” she said, hoping her words would comfort him instead of upset him further. “That kid fucking adores you. I see it every time I’m around you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane didn’t respond, and Katerina forced herself to count that as a win. As his breaths slowly stabilized into a normal pattern she began to loosen her grip on him, which had been tighter than she realized, and eventually Shane completely pulled away. He didn’t fold back in on himself, instead sitting straight up, and looked her in the eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The raw emotion on his face stunned her, the way that he laid himself bare for Katerina to witness. The redness that had intensified in his eyes compounded with the puffiness from crying, the splotches of red across his skin, the snot running from his nose. Arguably he had never looked worse, but Katerina felt her heart lurch with an intense affection that would have sent her reeling with terror in a more grounded moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” he said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Anger flashed through her - anger that was undeserved, but that was there anyway. Katerina heard all the things unspoken in those two words. Shane wished he could take it back. Shane wished he had never showed up to her farm. Shane wished he had never told her the things he did. He pitied her for listening to him, but she didn’t want his fucking pity.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” she said, almost snapping the words out. “Do you still refuse to see that I’m your friend? I’m not going to let you suffer alone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane frowned, looking unsure.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look,” Katerina said. “I’m not going to pretend I know what it feels like to be you. I don’t. I don’t know if it’s possible for me to take some of the weight off your shoulders and carry it myself. But god damn me if I’m not going to try, and god damn me if I’m not going to be beside you every step of the way even if I can’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her sudden declaration seemed to shock him, and he looked away from her down into his lap. Katerina longed to take him back into her arms.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come back and rest,” she said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She’d expected an argument, but Shane simply nodded. Perhaps he was exhausted from his outburst of emotion, or the entire night of not sleeping.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina pulled him to his feet with a little effort and they walked side by side back to the farmhouse, something unspoken floating between them, a newfound closeness tying them together. She led him through the door and into her bedroom without so much as a word, and pushed him to sit on the bed while she rifled through her clothes. She found the largest pair of sweatpants and largest t-shirt she owned, then brought it over to him. Shane took it from her and as Katerina turned to leave, he caught her wrist with his hand. She turned back to him, eyebrows knitting in a question.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Katerina?” he asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane took a deep breath. “How did you do it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>”Make me care for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina blinked, heart jumping into her throat. “I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Releasing his grip on her wrist, Shane frowned. “You terrify me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina took a sharp inhale, then smiled. “I’m just me, Shane. There’s nothing to be scared of.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That wasn’t an answer to the question he had asked and she knew it, but she’d spoken the truth. She didn’t have an answer. All Katerina knew was that of the billions of people on this Earth that existed or had ever existed, the two of them had made a series of unlikely decisions that led them to one another. And that couldn’t be a coincidence. For whatever else the purpose of her life was to be, one thing was clear: Katerina had been meant to find him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go to sleep,” she said softly, brushing the hair out of his face. The moment felt so tender that Katerina was scared even the sound of her voice would break it. “I’ll make you breakfast when you wake up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane smiled - however small it was, he smiled - and that was the last image Katerina had of him before she flipped the light switch and walked to the door, pulling it shut behind her. She walked immediately from her bedroom to the front door, then out it, then found a seat on the porch steps. Her fingers flicked through the contacts on her phone with almost a mind of their own, finding the name she sought with barely a conscious thought on her behalf.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was hardly seven in the morning, but he still picked up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Katerina?” Luca asked, voice tinged with worry. “What’s going on?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Katerina almost dissolved into a sobbing mess just at the sound of her brother’s voice. She composed herself, wiped the silent tears from her eyes, then spoke.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Luca,” she said. “I need to come home.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello my dear readers,<br/>I wanted to let you all know that I am going on a trip in which I will have zero access to my laptop (and don't want access, anyway), which means that I won't be able to start working on the next chapter until next week. All this means is that the next update may take a little longer than usual, but don't worry, I will finish it as soon as possible.<br/>Thank you all for reading and have a lovely day&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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